JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, JANUARY 14, 2012 – THE IMPORTANCE OF SUPPORT

On Saturday, while I was at the pool ( Yes, folks, I live in South Florida where it is pool weather in January), something occurred that made me realize how vital caregiving support is. I saw a neighbor whom I have not seen in months. She was part of our Mahjong group that has since disbanded. I asked her to sit with me so we could talk. I knew this woman’s husband used a motorized cart due to his diabetes, but lately I had seen him walking with a cane. He does NOT suffer from dementia, and is perfectly intact mentally. Why did it not occur to me how difficult this woman’s life must be? She weighs 120 pounds; he weighs twice as much. Since he suffered a bathroom fall a few months ago, she told me that his back is in constant pain; he is unsteady on his feet; he has lost his appetite; and sleeps most of the day. None of the doctors seem to be able to find anything specifically wrong with him. She is his lone caregiver. She was depressed almost to the point of being suicidal.

I asked her if she had any support, and she said she had none. No family close by; no support group; no sources of information; a pile of Veteran Benefit papers too overwhelming for her to fill out. Although my network of support is strictly related to Alzheimer’s Disease, I do know of various agencies she can contact to start the process of getting her some help with her husband’s physical care and emotional support for herself.

I am in the process of  making a list of names and phone numbers of those agencies to give to her. For immediate assistance, I will ask the CNA who showers Sid if he will take them on as private clients. I know the physical and emotional relief I felt the first time the CNA came to the house, and took over Sid’s showering duties.

Talking to her and thinking about her life, made me realize how vitally important caregiver support is. No one can care for a mentally or physically disabled loved one alone. Trying to do an impossible job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no help breeds feelings of isolation and hopelessness in the caregiver. It made me realize how lucky I was to have found the Alzheimer Support Group that served my needs for almost 5 years.

Besides emotional support and help with the physical aspects of caregiving, caregivers need information. They need to know what to expect from the disease that has affected their loved one; they need to know what agencies can assist with the type of help needed for their particular ailment. I am fortunate enough to have my own website for which I do research, so most information I need is at my fingertips, but there are many caregivers, such as my neighbor, who do not use computers.

Now the question becomes – how do we bring resources and information to those who are isolated in their misery? How do we find them to offer help? I have no answer to that question. Perhaps you do. If I had not seen my neighbor by chance, and talked with her, I never would have known what dire straights she was in. How many more like her are out there?

What can be done for those who do not seek out support? Those who suffer in silence? Do not be hesitant to strike up a conversation with someone you know who is a caregiver. Tell them of your experiences finding support, and give them a phone number or web address you think will benefit them. If they do not want your help, they will tell you so, but it is possible that you may have provided someone with lifesaving help with the simple gesture of giving them a phone number.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - The Importance of Caregiver Support

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©Copyright 2012 Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
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