Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017 edited
     
    Seemed like every month took away one more thing DH knew how to do. For the last few months he was still able to mow the lawns he insisted we have and promised to take care of. This spring I learned how to start the mower. But he could go from there. I have been doing the edging since the spring. One sprinkler is set higher than the others, but is against a wall and very easy to see. Well he needed help to finish one side of the first lawn. Then had to be told to mow the other smaller one. Had difficulty getting the mower over there. Then he somehow managed to completely destroy that sprinkler!
    I spent all morning digging that up and rebuilding that section. That's how badly destroyed it was. Stupid me, I was muttering under my breath trying to find the tools I needed. Soooooo he thought he might beat the shit out of me. Sorry folks, I lost it completely. Made him come look at the damage he caused and told him he was not going to beat the shit out of me when he caused the damage. I suggested he find another county to live in. So, of course, he thought it might be a good idea to help me! GOOD GRIEF! For awhile I thought my head might just explode. Wonder how high my blood pressure went. Believe I fixed it with parts on hand.
    Guess I can't let him mow the lawn any more.
    This after yesterday's pooping adventure. I thought I had that under control. He hadn't had a problem for three weeks. Count em, three weeks! Wish I could figure out what caused this one. At least he let me help get the clothes off without spreading it further. But the whole time he is screaming about how he is going to beat the shit out of the guy who did this when he finds him. OMG.
  1.  
    Oh yes, I remember vividly the days when DH "DID" beat the shit out of me.. I finally had stop him from mowing the lawn at all. He drove the riding mower into a tree and smashed the hood of the mower. Of course it was all my fault. Up to that time he was mowing, but missing big areas of the lawn. I had to convince him that I really wanted to learn to mow the lawn!
    • CommentAuthorcassie*
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
     
    bhv, I for one understand and am often amazed at what you cope with, so very well.
    I hope that today will treat you more kindly.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
     
    BHv while you were fixing the sprinkler I was trying to fix the bathroom faucet. We had very little water coming through and thought I would have to replace it. We took the aerator off long time ago. Got the mirror out to see what was up the faucet and there was still a white aerator there. Tried to get it out with pliers but the little nob in the center just pulled off. But had more water! Found a screw that fit the hole, screwed it in and pulled - nope. Got my drill bits starting with the one that was just bigger than the whole until I got to the largest in my set. I know have a good stream of water but there is so much pressure if you turn it up too much it will splash every where. Tomorrow maybe I will look for his jigsaw blades to see if there is a small one that will fit in there and try to 'saw' it up to remove. Of course he was in bed 'sleeping' while I was doing all this.

    Our a/c's have been dripping for the last month. Finally looked up in there and it is filthy which explains the problem (I hope). I don't have a brush on my vacuum that will lay flat when I stick the hose up there so will have to end up calling our repair guy to see if he does.

    The repairs never end do they bhv?

    I would just not start the mower for him but then you will eventually have to start it to cut the grass. Do you have to cut during the winter or will winter be a time to get a break from the grass cutting and hopefully next spring he won't want to.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017
     
    Now that you have a stream of water what about putting an aerator back on so it doesn't splash everywhere?
    I am trying to imagine what this looks like. The problem I have with aerators is that it is upside down and I continually try turning it the wrong way.

    I have replaced faucets before. It isn't too tough. Worst part is the contortions to get under the sink. I used some lawn chair cushions the other day.when doing the garbage disposal. Why didn't I think of that years ago? DH always used a moving blanket. The chair cushion was WAY more comfortable. One time we got a fancy kitchen faucet for real cheap on ebay.
    I think I will just mow the grass and not ask him any more. If he comes to help I will have to supervise every stroke instead of doing the edging. Pretty soon I can decrease the watering and may not need to mow very much. You are right, next Spring he won't want to. He doesnt really want to now. He just does it when I ask. Would never notice it needs to be done.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017
     
    I looked for the aerator part we took off but can't find it. I pretty sure I stuck it somewhere because I rarely throw things away. To change the faucet we had to take the sink out - not enough room under the sink to get to everything. Even then it was hard to reach to the backside of the cabinet to undo the clips on the backside - the opening for the drawer is not that big. I will look at Home Depot to see if they might have the whole piece even if it is not gold colored. Don't really care if it doesn't match.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2017
     
    I had different problem 2 yeas ago. My wife volunteered to make a cake for church. Oh boy. I hAd to suddenly become an expert. I could see a break down if I did not help. (I do no like to cook), thAt was her last cake, DISH any thing for church.
    I am now learning makeup. Hard for this old Fist Sergeant. Thank goodness we are in an assisted living facility. I can do laundry and the other chores but, changing the car's oil would be more fun.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2017 edited
     
    I had different problem 2 yeas ago. My wife volunteered to make a cake for church. Oh boy. I hAd to suddenly become an expert. I could see a break down if I did not help. (I do no like to cook), thAt was her last cake, DISH any thing for church.
    I am now learning makeup. Hard for this old First Sergeant. Thank goodness we are in an assisted living facility. I can do laundry and the other chores but, changing the car's oil would be more fun.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2017
     
    A long time member whose wife has since died, asked us about makeup and putting panty hose on. I have never worn makeup but I admire you men trying to do it.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2017 edited
     
    Boy that s brave trying to do makeup. I have been learning to help him shave and take.care.of teeth and toenails. It is weird doing these things for an adult.

    So after the truly bad day mowing and sprinkler repair he thought I criticized him that night when going to bed and pushed me around. So I slept in my safe room and didnt speak to him exept when necessary the next.day. Of course, for him, the next day was a brand new.world.

    By that evening it seemed like an actual brand new world. He has.been saying things to me like he used to say -- before Al Z Heimer moved in. Things ,like "I got the best girl" "Yes, I love you" Even touching me like he used to. It is VERY strange. I am having a hard time responding "appropriately" cause I am still jumpy. A slight touch feels like cattle prod.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2017
     
    i would just take it with a grain of salt. Be pleasant, if you want enjoy the special time but don't read anything more into it than just a brief moment knowing it will change.

    Personally if hb ever says anything nice I just ignore it. Fortunately he rarely if ever does.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2017
     
    This world we have entered is so hard to get around in. One thing for sure-------you sure notice the nice things. My back door handle fell off. A fancy one thatis supposed to easier to open. I asked our son if super glue would work and he suggested it. So I ordered a tube from Walmart and waiting for it. I have no idea what section of the store it would be in. I hope it helps. We don't have a Walmart in our small town, and they now are delivering postage free if you spend $35----easy enough to do. So wish me luck.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    Another brand new world today. I thought he would be happy watching football, so I went outside to clear some brush. Then I was using the wheel barrow to move some rocks out where winter rains usually cut a path. I am hoping the rocks slow down the erosion. DH kept coming outside, but didn't want anything. The third time he said he wanted to ask me something. He wanted to know why I don't ask him to do some of that stuff. I am telling you he is behaving very differently this week.
    They say don't ever explain, but I tried. I talked about having difficulty communicating and that he has alz. Doesn't make him stupid and not his fault, but makes it difficult to communicate. One of the worst parts is that he is not aware.of the problem so if he doesn't understand me then I am stupid and it becomes dangerous for me. So I stopped asking. But, I said, you've been different this week, so perhaps we could try working together again.

    But, on the other hand, yesterday he came in the kitchen and wanted to ask me something. After a convoluted story he took me to the bathroom and showed me the poop in there and wanted to know who did that and was it for me or was it ok? I mean, seriously weird. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face and just flush.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    It's so hard when they can't admit something is wrong. My DH keeps asking me "exactly when did you stop loving me and wanting to be around me?" There isn't an answer.---

    He tells me he is "stupid", I have tried explaining alz also, but it doesn't sink in. They have put him on a new medicine, budispar???, and it has helped him mood so much. Even 1 day is good. I wish I wanted to go outside and do something constructive---but I don't. Mostly what I want to do is sit and live in guilt for not having him at home. I know I can't have him at home, my friends tell me that, the doctor tells me that, but my inner sense says ----it really that you don't want him here to have to take care of!!!
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    That's very honest and in itself is healing. Many of us have felt the same way from a basic need to survive. You might change your selftalk to, "I know I can't have him at home, my friends tell me that, the doctor tells me that, but my inner sense says ----it really that you don't want him here to have to take care of!!! And that is also true."
    I like Elizabeth's approach to life, to find and relish the small moments. In that way lies healing, which is the body's natural instinct.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    Exactly, Mary75, I keep trying to change my self talk. When I get into a bad funk I try to remember to.ask myself if this way of thinking is helpful. That sometimes makes me pause and try to find a more positive way to think about it.
    But Bobbie, it is so hard to figure out what to do. I keep feeling guilty for just setting him up in front of the tv. Then I resent him for not helping outside and for me having to stop what I am doing to go change his stupid channel.cause he can't figure out the remote control.But if I try getting him to work with me I get nothing done cause I have to tell him one minute step at a time and supervise to make sure he gets that and sticks with that 30 second job before we can move on to the next step. God forbid if I need to go get a tool. When I come back everything we did is undone.

    For a long time my excuse for not going anywhere was he refused to leave the dog. Now she's gone and I am not getting another one. I miss the kisses and cuddling and entertainment and the watchdog. (She.was a doberman warrior princess) But it is hard enough keeping track of him. And I had difficulty lifting her when she got sick.

    So now I could try to go places. Except things keep breaking here. Found another sprinkler leak. I did take him to the.Air Museum recently and am collecting some ideas.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTime7 days ago edited
     
    Bobbie, have you spoken to your doctor? Several of us are taking antidepressants. I take a low dose of Celexa (the generic). It keeps me more on an even keel and I feel more like the self I used to be. It doesn't make me happy. It took a bit of experimentation to find the right one. She put me on a very common one to start with. I started it right before I got called for jury duty. BIG mistake. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't keep my feelings to myself. The judge was a complete idiot. The lawyers.kept rolling their eyes, but their backs were to the judge. I was facing him. Good Lord, I was afraid of getting fined or arrested for contempt of court and still couldn't sit still. Jury selection went on for two.days. Finally the defense lawyer dismissed me. When I got home I finally realized it was the new drug and went back to my doctor. The next one caused diarrhea. Pharmacist said she had never heard of that as a side effect with that drug. Finally the celexa worked as advertised.

    Recently I asked her if there was anything else because I was not making it through supper time without getting really agitated. We tried Wellbutrin n the morning. It is supposed to perk you up a bit. And the celexa at night. The first two.weeks were great. I made it well past suppertime and felt more confident in my ability to do this. Unfortunately that did not last. The third week I started having complicated nightmares and then being dangerously suicidal during the day. I decided to fnish the month because sometimes they take that long to stabilize in your system, but I did not refill it. I told.her I am done experimenting with these.

    The other difficulty I have.with antidepressants is that he is the one who is sick. Why should I have to take drugs??? It really pisses me off.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    So he followed me outside and wanted to help. So I tried. Got him to.dig up a.rather small decomposed palm tree stump. He kept digging anywhere but near the stump. But together we got it out in short order with no fighting. Next job was to transplant an avocado tree that he planted in a terrible spot. I even got him to do some of the digging. The tree apparently agreed that it was a.bad spot. Hardly any roots. Got it out in pretty short order too. He even helped me pick the new spot and lift the tree into the wheel barrow. It all fell apart trying to dig a new hole. I know, I should have done that first. There was a.concrete footing for a fence post there. Real helpful. DH could not understand the concept of looking at the roots of the tree to get an idea of how big to dig the hole. He kept digging in the wrong spot. Got angry when I told him not there. Then big argument over the fencepost footing and he was going to hit me with a shovel full of mud. So I walked away.

    Yes, Charlotte, when I returned, the hole was filled in! And he had moved the.tree all the way to the front yard. Very helpful. But I got the hole dug and with a sledge hammer got out the fencepost footing. Then ordered him to come hold the damned tree upright while I filled in the hole. Extended the sprinkler and gave it a good shot of water.

    If it lives, that will be 7 trees I have saved this summer. He used to water them by hand and I didn't realize he wasn't doing that. I tried watering by hand but that was too time consuming. So I devised sprinkler systems to water 4-5 trees at once. If I can get them going and we start having winter rains, I wont have to water them.

    I am so excited to have that avocado tree out of there!
  2.  
    Ah, Jury Duty. So I moved four weeks ago and signed up to have my mail forwarded two weeks ago. Last week I was gone all week. Tonight I got an email from court saying that I am REQUIRED to report for jury duty on Tuesday (tomorrow) at 8:30. WHAT?!?! I am scheduled to have a minor surgical procedure that has been on the books for three months. So it looks as if I am going to be "in contempt of court" for not dropping everything with 12 hours of notice and showing up for jury duty. So this is just FYI, in case I go missing. LOL
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Marche, is there some way to dispute this? There must be some provision for medical emergencies. It's difficult to get an appt. for surgery anyway. If there isn't a proviso on your notice, then can you dig up an emergency number or email somewhere to contact. It sounds like you have 12 hours, depending on the time zone where you live. What a dilemma. Let us know what happpens when you can.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    My wife got a jury notice. Fortunately, I had an appointment with our neurologist the next day. At end of my session I told him about the jury notice. He said that is an easy one. He came back with a letter advising the court of wife's Alzheimer's. I still had to fill out forms and mail the paperwork in. I never herd from them again.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    I did that with my hb two years ago. Got a letter from the doctor and he is excused for life. I got one, told them I was a fulltime caregiver and husband could not be left alone - got excused until next time. I always wanted to serve on a jury but seemed to always get a notice when I have moved to a different county. I did report one time when I lived in Oregon. Marion County only requires 1 day. Was chosen, we sat and waited 2 hours for the interpreter then sent home. I got one a couple years ago too and couldn't go. :-(

    The ages at which seniors can be exempted or excused are 65 (Mississippi and South Carolina), 70 (Alabama, Alaska, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Nevada, Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, Virginia, and West Virginia), 72 (North Carolina and Wyoming), 75 (Arizona, Indiana, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, and Pennsylvania), and 80 (Hawaii and South Dakota).
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Thanks for the age info for exemption. 1year to go wopee!
  3.  
    I called the number for the Jury Duty office and spoke to a very nice man who said that since I called in and explained what happened, I should disregard the "Failure to Appear for Jury Duty" notice that was sent out. He cheerfully put me back in the pool for October. Sigh.

    The more I read about law the more it seems that it is a dueling match between attorneys with lots and lots of rules that all obscures the truth. In fact, I had a lawyer once tell me that the practice of law is NOT about truth, that is a misconception. The practice of law is all about which attorney wins and is a glorified board game.

    We humans complicate things until they become worthless. Thinking too much about things like this invites the dark clouds of "life is meaningless" to come hovering back.
  4.  
    Hey Marche ........
    ....... have to tell you of my recent experience with Jury duty. I received a summons for Jury service. Which was a four page document for me to read and fill out, and telling me that if I didn't respond, I could be fined or incarcerated or both. I can hardly believe that they would be after a 95 year old man who can barely see or hear or walk or do anything at all.
    ......I spent two hours reading the instructions but they were too complicated for me to understand so I just took a chance on being fined or incarcerated or both.
    .....Nine Months later, I got another notice from Juror Services Div. telling me that I'm in immanent danger of being fined or incarcerated or both for not responding to the jury summons. They gave me a website address and a phone number to call and I tried both of them, but after three hours of searching, I could not find any instructions pertaining to my case, and no live person to talk to. Well I figured that if I'm fined or incarcerated or both. It should be an interesting experience for me because I've never been in jail before.
    .......... P.S. ... When I moved into Hillcrest, I reregistered to vote. My son who is a dentist told me that he never registers to vote and he is never called for jury duty. His dentist and doctor friends do likewise They cannot afford to shut down their practice for jury duty. On the other hand, I know some retired or unemployed people who love jury duty....... And they even get paid for it.........Why don't they Just let those who enjoy it do it?
    .........(Another way to look at it) ...... When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
    ........Now ....... After giving this some deep thought, I really think they should do away with the jury system and let the judges handle it ........ I still remember the O.J. jury.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    George - are you in Florida? From the list above you are 'young' enough to be exempt or excuse forever.
  5.  
    No Charlotte ........ I'm happy to be in So. California and not Florida.
    .........................I don't think we've ever had a hurricane in California.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    I am sorry you live in California!!! For personal reasons dealing with my son, I hate that state with a passion - except for north of Redding where the state is beautiful.

    California is the same - can be exempt at 70.

    We have the Columbus Day 1962 storm in Oregon which was a typhoon category 3 if called a hurricane (called hurricanes in Atlantic). As a child it was fun riding our bikes home in the winds. Sad we lost two great tree houses/forts my brother and I had built.
  6.  
    Nor we an earthquake in Florida, George!
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Georgestreit, in CA, to be excused before age 70 you need a doctor's note. If you are over 70 you don't need a doctors note. There should be a place at the bottom of the summons to write why you should be excused. You could tell them you spent two hours trying to understand their questionnaire and was unable to complete it. You dont feel like you will be able to see.clearly enough or understand clearly enough to be fair to any defendent. Bet that works.
    If you threw the paperwork away you should be able to.get.a.form at their website.

    In CA they use driver license database in addition to voter registration. I have read to be sure you register to vote using the same exact name as on your license or you are likely to get summoned twice as often!

    Rodstar43, if you get a summons before the age limit just get a note from your doctor saying you are in constant pain and could not possibly sit in the jury box all.day, or something like that. Or that you can't leave your wife alone for that long.