Well, slow and steady wins the race. So far, so good with the software. I have posted my second Widow's Journey Blog - The Fog. I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read it.
I encourage every widow/widower and anyone else who wishes, to post comments here. This is the safe place to express your emotions related to your own widow/widower's journey......to help each other cope and heal.
Does anyone relate to today's "Fog" blog? If so, tell us your story here. If not, tell us your different story here.
Joan, Your blog describes me. I have kept a journal for 9 years. When I placed my LO in memory care, I stopped writing. It was to hard. Then when he passed away I couldn't do it, I was in a fog. I am now what I call "stuck". I spent 11 days at hospice with DH. The day he passed, I came home and went into mechanical mode "foggy one". My girls and their husbands had been staying with me for the 11 days. That night I went to bed and my mind started writing my DHs eulogy. I didn't know if I could do it at the service. My daughter took it and changed it, so if I couldn't she would take it over. When I say change, she is an English major, so the pronouns and all. I did read the eulogy. I don't remember doing it. I know that everyone said that they didn't know how I could do that. The pastor asked me when I wrote it. I literally did the night before on paper in bed. I say I am stuck, I have foggy days. I can make decisions some days and others I cannot decide anything. It will be a year September 28th. I just celebrated my first wedding anniversary since he passed. I am finding that I am emotional days before "firsts" and then on that day not as emotional. The Alzheimers walk in my area is on the date of DHs service. I have walked for 9 years. Last year I walked in Washington DC with my daughter, because the one at my home was 3 days after his service. I have times where I am focused start projects and finish them, then I can't get motivated. Small steps. But I have to say life is good, I have a new grandson. He was born in July. We now have 7 grandchildren. I know DH would be such a great grandfather. He was even during this horrible illness. I miss him more than I could say. Thank you for your blog and all you do.
Your Fog story is so true for all of us. It brought back so many memories for me. Near the end of it you were telling about writing Sid's obituary and you gave us a link to it. (What I had written)
I clicked on the link and found a really great love story that you had written about the happiest time of your life. It brought back to me the memories of the happiest time of my life which I wrote a story about and shared here a few years ago.
Happy stories are what we are left with, Joan, and I'm sure you enjoy yours as I enjoy mine.
So good to see a post from you Joan. I can totally relate to the "fog." Watching people's mouths moving and not hearing words, trying to move and being so exhausted. My husband died in March and I made all the arrangements (no family to help) and although I know he is buried I still have many moments of thinking, "Is he actually gone?" "Did he actually get buried?"
I feel like I am existing only. I too lost all interest in my journal writing and abandoned the memoir I was writing. I keep wanting to write again but other than rare moments when I am able to grab paper and pen and write for a short time, that huge part of my life has gone. I am hoping only for now and it will return.
You sharing your story helps me every single post you offer. I am sorry we are all going through this and incredibly grateful we have each other.
My fog lasted about 4 months. I felt adrift in the ocean in the dark with no land in sight. I had always been a journal person for years but did not write during his illness. This summer I have started again to write and now I write every morning a couple pages. I have my good days and some not so good days. Today was the latter. No motivation, asking God what do I do now, and the deep awareness that I am really alone and that I cannot expect my children to take care of me. I have joined some new things and ventured in some new groups but the truth is I hate doing all this alone. The whole world is couple oriented.
Hello Joan So glad to see you have started a widows journey spot for those who are now on a new journey of life. One journey ends and a new one begins. One door closed and a new door opens. However I really don't feel the old journey will ever end it just blends into the new one for me
I went through the caregiving journey with you way back in 2007 and after almost 13 years with the disease another journey has started
I have so much trouble remembering my husband before Alzheimer. It seems my mind cannot pick up the good memories of before. That is the spot I am in at this time. It has been almost 4 years since my husband left me that day at the Hospice center.
We were married 53 years he and I both were only 1 week after our graduation from high school and we eloped. He is all I have ever known. I lost my sweetheart best friend and husband that day
On my widow journey the first year I would drive down the road, look over at the pass anger side of the car, start crying as he was not there. In Church I still look at the seat beside me and ache inside as he no longer sits there. Everything reminds me of him but yet I can't remember him before the disease
I have lost the memories of the happy years we had. He was a wonderful husband and father and all I see when I think of him is the awful disease that he went through
I pray that someday I can look back and remember the BEFORE the disease took place
New beginnings create new endings so I have read but so far it is taking its time happening
I think the more active you can be the better it is. I woke up one day looked in the mirror and was old and I wondered how it happened.
Jane, it took five years before good memories returned to me. Now it's about half and half, good and bad memories. I expect that in time the good will predominate. I think it's like pain. Thankfully, it's hard to remember pain, only that we had it. Anyway, it's good to see you back. I don't know how Divvi is. I think of her often. She sure saw me through some bad patches, as did so many.
mary-I understand what you are saying about good and bad memories. We just went through a hurricane. Brought back horrible memories of the last one. My husband was still home and totally uncontrollable.Coping with a damaged home and trying to keep him safe was just about all I could handle. Divvi sold her large house and is moving one.
Is Divvi still in Texas? Every time I read or hear about Texas, I think of her. She is really special. When you're next in touch with Divvi, please give her my love and thanks for all the help she gave me. It wasn't just practical; she gave lasting courage and faith in myself. Your memory of an uncontrollable husband in a storm is one of mine, too. Loss of power, loss of heat, and no one to help. How ever did we live through it? We had a big storm two nights ago, and the next day everyone was talking about the winds and the branches and trees coming down. I saw the damage on the ground in the morning, but I didn't hear the storm because I'm no longer listening for an erratic husband, who needs safeguarded by me.
Jane, I believe something that helped me reclaim memories of all the good years was writing a family memoir. Old photo albums, shoe boxes full of loose photos, forty slide carousels, saved Christmas letters, etc. were all lovingly reviewed in researching dates and reminding me of things I hadn't thought of in years. The front cover of the published memoir actually consists of an overprint of a collage of dozens of snapshots of a happy and active Frances, and that's the way I now remember her and our 60 years together.
I say this to you in all honesty - For no apparent reason, a couple of weeks ago,you popped into my mind, and I started thinking about you and wondering how you were doing, and then I got an email from our message board monitor telling me of your post.
There is so much material in my head and heart to write about regarding my widow's journey - it's just been a slow process, because it hurts so much, and is so difficult for me to "go there".
How interesting that our memory issues are completely opposite. As soon as Sid went to Hospice House, he became my Pre-Alzheimer Sid. The only memories I have had from that moment to this are of the husband I loved for 45 years.
For that reason, I don't have any advice of my own to give you about recapturing the old memories.
This window's grief is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's brutal, and I am hoping to be able to write more soon, as I find that my writing helps all of us.
Hi All I have not posted in a long time. I do check in now and then. Mostly, I have tried to focus on the now..
But, today I felt the need for this group of people who helped me so much during the tough and heartbreaking days in the depths of Alzheimer's.
I too, felt the fog. That first year after was indeed lived with a heavy fog. I could see through it sometimes and then I would seem to function pretty well. But then, as now, there were days I just had no energy or motivation.
I would say no to invitations to go out because I just preferred to stay home by myself. Other days, as now also, I enjoy the company of family and friends. I've been wondering if something was wrong with me that my mood and motivation is often very different. My therapist called it a rhythm. She encouraged me not to judge it but just to allow myself to embrace my feelings and do what I feel like doing.
As far as memories, I am fortunate that my husband , before Alzheimers, is the one whose memories have returned. In some ways that makes me miss him more. When he first died, there was that relief to have the ill husband in peace. But now. I find myself feeling deep sadness that he is not here to enjoy life with me and that he is missing so much!!
Thanks to all and Joan especially for all the support I found here.
Lorrie, Your posts sounds so much like a lady I met on this site from Virginia way back when we were all facing the new strange disease of Alzheimer together
I am wondering if you are the same one?
I Am still I touch with the lady from VA and also one from Texas that I met here
Joan, Your post that you thought of me touched me deeply.
I have not visited here in 4 years and I also all of a sudden thought of you and how you so much helped so many people
My daughter walked in as I was reading and ask why I was on this site, I told her this site was all that got me through those dark days of the Alzheimer journey
Thank you for your kind words. As more years go by since I started this site in 2007, it has become more and more clear to me that those of us who met on this site share a bond that will never be broken. We will inevitably experience many more changes in our lives. We will move, we will pursue other interests, we will lose touch. But in the end, we will always be able to return and feel like friends. It is because of the support we gave to each other during the worst time of our lives. It reminds me of my father's army buddies. After the war ( WWII), they all went home to different parts of the country, different religions, different jobs,different life experiences, but they never lost touch because when you go through war together, you share a unique bond that no one else understands. That's us Alzheimer Spouses. Everyone is always welcome to return here, and will be greeted with open arms and understanding.
Your words really spoke to me. I never really thought of us as being soldiers in a war, but of course we all are/were. I continue to visit every day to see what's happening with everyone, because I do feel that connection/bond. As always, thanks Joan.