After several months of trying to figure out how to keep DW's money from running out before she does, I have decided to move her to a private home where she will get one-on-one care around the clock. The cost of this will be less than half of what I am paying now for the memory unit in the retirement home. The reviews I have received from the families of other patients she has had have been very enthusiastic about the care their loved-ones received. One, a lawyer who was guardian of a patient, described the care as "extraordinary". The only down side is that she will be an hour's drive from where I now live, so I will be moving back to the first retirement home we were in which will be only a one-half hour drive.
Marsh, so sorry that you and your wife have to move, but it truly underscores how financially draining this illness is on the entire family. Praying for a good transition for you both.
Sorry that it has to come to this, but it sounds like the right thing to do. I didn't know there were private homes for Alz. patients - sounds like a rather interesting idea.
Marsh, quite some years ago (twenty years, actually) my former DW and I had assisted in placing an elderly former across-the-street neighbor in the sort of private home you're evidently considering. The place was licensed by the state and I just Googled and find that the lady who ran it is still in business, so she must be doing something right. She was set up to care for a maximum of four residents needing more care than that available from a typical assisted living facility, and this proved to be a good solution for our friend when the ALF she was in was no longer able to deal with her roaming the halls at all hours, entering other peoples' rooms, etc. She received excellent care in the private home, and in a more home-like environment than at the former ALF. I hope your experience proves as good. And I'm sorry you're going to have to be uprooted from your own familiar surroundings and routines in order to be closer.
I hope you're holding up your end of the exercise challenge you and I agreed on some years ago -- how are you doing? New wife Joyce and I got in our usual mile walk this afternoon -- not the two or three miles we were doing a few years back, but maybe still OK for the two of us with a combined age of 175 years....
Gourdchipper, good to hear from you. I think about our exercise challenge frequently. I must admit I haven't been doing as much as I should. When the weather is good several of us from this home have been walking the trails of Acadia National Park. Unfortunately, we can't do that now due to 6 feet of snow on the trails, so I walk around here and do the stairs as often as possible. The place DW is going can take 3 residents, but she will be the only one for a while. Other than being closer to my wife when I move, I will also be in the same facility as my sister, so I can keep an eye on her.
As I remember, you are in Florida. My daughter lives in Palmetto and I visit her every year. Maybe we can get together sometime. My e-mail should be in my profile.
Yes, marsh, Florida is right -- across the state from your daughter there in Palmetto, but I'd like to try to get together on your next trip down here. I'll give you an email update on what's been going on with us.
For a brief time I had DH in a 'six-pack' (no more than 6 patients), private home licensed by the State. Since his room had twin beds, I could also stay there on occasion. This was in the early-to-mid term and it worked out well, he was easy to care for at that time. I felt he was safe and well cared for. All the good stuff. Hope it works out for you both.
Marsh it's hard when changes become necessary . I am sure you will find a good adjustment at the new place so you can be near yor wife. Best of luck divvi*
Tomorrow is the big day when I move DW to her new home. To add to my worries she developed a cold and fever, which has messed up her diabetes. I hope it goes well.
I am sorry it has come to this, but you must do what you feel is best for both of you. Hopefully it will all go smoothly, and you won't have to move her again. Good luck to you tomorrow (and always, of course).
As my daughter has said "Life is what happens when you have other plans". Rather than move DW to her new home, she was admitted to the hospital with a respiratory infection (not the flu) and diabetes out of control. I hope we'll be able to move her in a couple of days.
I hope it will be a smooth transition for you and your DW after her ailments are under control. Seems like we try to take a step forward but often are forced to take two backwards in dealing with this disease. All the best, marsh.
The "move" was anything but smooth. After 2 days in the hospital they decided to discharge her, with the blood sugars still over 300. BUT her doctors did not want her to go to the new home she was scheduled for. SO, she is now back in the memory unit and, since I had already paid for a month at the new place, and since Marlene (the owner) has no other clients, I have asked Marlene to come here and work with her and get to know her. Tomorrow I have an appointment with someone from hospice and my "plan" for Tuesday it to move her to the new home. As some sage once said "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". I''m still "planning" to go on a cruise through the Panama Canal with our daughter leaving this coming Sunday from San Diego. And, to make matters worse, I have come down with the bug that put DW in the hospital. I think I'm getting better.
So sorry the "smooth move" turned so rough. I'll keep good thoughts for you to get it all together with your wife, so you can go on the cruise. Feel better soon.
I hope this all works out. You should go on that cruise, Marsh--you need it, and I'm sure your daughter does, too. Just get as much rest as you can, and try and get enough fluids. Have your DW in one place or the other, and tell wherever she is that they can't transfer her (if they want to) until you are back from the cruise. Let the professionals do their jobs. I'm mentally sending you good thoughts of healing, relaxation, and encouragement.
I haven't been on this site for a while. A lot has happened. I did get my wife moved to the new facility, but she soon showed worsening of the symptoms that put her in the hospital. I took her to her new PCP (a Family Nurse Practitioner) who found UTI and diabetes out of control. She said we could put her in the hospital, but she didn't think it would make any difference. I decided to take her back to the new facility and keep her comfortable. My younger daughter and her husband came from Massachusetts to be with me. After another 2 days, with my daughter with me and us both at my wife's side, she quietly breathed her last. It was very peaceful. The timing was such that I could take care of the immediate needs with the funeral home and still go on the cruise. I just got back from 2 weeks of rest and relaxation with my older daughter and her husband, my cousin and her husband, and 3 friends. The service for my wife is this coming Sunday. I think she timed her passing so I could go on the cruise.
Marsh, I am so sorry for your loss. What a nice story about the cruise…I agree…I think she did it that way on purpose because she wanted you to go…and was probably smiling down on you and the family the whole time.
It does take so much from you. I am happy you went on the cruise! It's been a long journey for you, Marsh, and you took such wonderful care of her. Peace to you during the coming days.
I ditto what Vickie said - you have been a wonderful husband and caregiver to your wife. Peace and comfort for the days ahead. Glad you were able to go on the cruise and enjoy yourself.
Marsh, Your compassion has always shone through in your postings. You did a wonderful caregiving job. Sorry for your loss of your dear wife and all that you had to go through. Keep in touch here if you can. Dorie
Marsh, My sincere sympathy to you and your family. Hope the weeks and months will become brighter as you work through the grief of losing your dear wife.
Thanks for all your comments. It means a lot to know that I am not alone. I will be thinking a lot about the better days. During the visitation and memorial service I will be playing, on a TV set, the slide show I put together for our 50th anniversary (11 years ago) with a few additions. She had just been diagnosed at our 50th. It highlights major activities of our 50 years of marriage, but also goes back to our first dates in highschool.
Dear Marsh, you were already here when I made my first posting in 2008, and you have been faithful ever since. It has meant a lot to all of us to have your wisdom and kindness. I hope you will continue to keep in touch. It was good that you got on the cruise with your family. My sincere condolences on your great loss. Your memorial slide show will be appreciated by everyone. Warm wishes to you all.
Feel my warm handshake and arm around your shoulder, marsh. You've been a good soldier and I admire your calm acceptance of the inevitable end to this awful campaign.
Marsh, you've been a loving husband and great caregiver to your wife for those 11 years. She was lucky to have you. I agree with the others, your compassion, kindness and wisdom have always shone through in your caregiving and your postings here. I am glad you were able to get some R&R on the cruise. May the days ahead be kind to you and your family.
Marsh, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your wife, but glad you were there with her. As others have said, you have been a great partner and caregiver for all these years. I was happy that you were able to take the cruise with your family. I think the slide show will be a way for you and your family to celebrate all those happy years before the dreadful disease struck. Take care of yourself.
My deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your wife. You have been a loving, dedicated husband and caregiver. May you find peace and comfort in the months ahead.
Marsh, you were here when I first found this site and I've followed your journey. You took such good care of your wife, moved when you needed to for her benefit and were truly a devoted husband. I'm sure you will have no regrets now. I'm still trying to find my way after losing my DH just a few days ago. Enjoy the cruise and, like many before us, we will survive and be a better person after going through this. I really believe that.
Marsh, I'm really sorry. This has been a very long time and a very hard road and just because you don't ever complain doesn't mean it wasn't. I hope very much that you can be one of the ones that is strong afterwards and that can move back into life. My deepest condolences and thank you for all the times you 'spoke' to me. I wish you well. Go on the cruise.
I'm very sorry for your loss, Marsh....It sounds like the cruise with your family will be good for all of you. May your good memories of your wife sustain you and bring you peace.
First date with my husband was our high school prom. I knew when he brought me home that night I'd spend my life with him. Oh, those pictures, how could we have been so young. Of course, I understand your loss, but so happy that you had the extra special bond. Betty