Happy April to all. I looked for this topic so hope I didn't miss it. Still cool in Middle Tenn. I hope spring doesn't forget us and summer just come barging in too soon. Grass needs mowing already!
Had our grass mowed yesterday, first time, here in KY. The grass is so green and pretty. Still pretty cool - actually downright cold in the mornings, but sunny in the afternoon. I don't want summer coming too quickly either!
It is still snowy and frozen in Minneapolis. If I don't get the chance to get outside and dig in the dirt soon, I'm going to lose my mind. My DH is exhibiting new behaviors lately. He does not know me as his wife and does not like me much. He is starting to pace/sundown again, does not want his caregiver here, does not want to eat much, and is trying to get out (we're locked in, so unless he goes through the glass, we're ok for now). He still likes going to daycare 3 days a week, but is not peaceful or content at home - or anywhere else, for that matter. I've got a call in to the Dr. to see if we should change up his meds a bit. I feel like all I do is walk around on tiptoes trying to stay out of his way while managing his behaviors. My blood pressure is getting higher and I've got to take sleeping pills to sleep. This is no way to live! I've got him on waiting lists at 2 ALFs and am going to accelerate that process now.
Not mowing yet in northwest Ohio.It is still very cool here.We are looking forward to warm weather,not hot. I don't know about any you but I can do without the 90's.I want it to always be in the 80's and only rain after we've gone to bed.I think it's okay to dream big.
It is also still pretty cool here in SE PA. I need to get out and pick up all the sticks that fell out of the trees over the winter. Today was in the mid 50.s but windy so I wasn't inspired to go out. I am also worried that it will stay cold and then suddenly be too hot. We had hardly any days last summer when It was nice to be outside.
Atlanta is beautiful - forsythia is blooming, dogwoods and azaleas will be blooming within a week. I so miss getting out to dig in the yard - if I could get hb to just agree to come out and sit in the sunshine it would be good therapy for both of us, but apparently we are getting to the place where he needs to know where I am all the time. I am definitely not looking forward to this phase. About to check on daycare. Our church offers it three days a week from 10-3. I think I will need to make him think he works there and leave an envelope with some cash each day for the director to give him to make it work. I play piano and have told them I would come and play for the people at daycare and hope I can "trick" him into going - otherwise it won't work.
Happy April everyone. You all are such blessings to my sanity in this journey.
I too feel bad about the lying but otherwise I don't know how to hang on to my sanity.Somehow I feel like I'm betraying him.And I don't even feel like I should.Guess I'm talking double talk.
George's caregiver, how wonderful that your church offers this! I hope it will work for you. Mine started daycare as a 'volunteer", then decided he needed a job, so I told him he could work there. So far, he hasn't mentioned being paid! LOL But I would do the same thing as you said if he wants to be paid. We have to do what we have to do.
Snowed heavily in the morning covering everything in white but it was completely gone by the end of the day. The light is up much longer now and we're pushing 50 degrees which is balmy. I love the seasons changing and I like being snug in the house with a thick blanket of snow out there.
We used to cross country ski years ago. Way up north in Algonquin Park. We'd leave our coats in the car because you build up body heat and you layer. We did 25 mile trails and we'd stop part way and drink a hot malted wine and have some sandwiches. Saw a Pileated Woodpecker once (woody woodpecker). Big as a chicken. Moose were common.
I live in a landscape of memories and I can't tell you how grateful I am that as time passes more of the good memories are coming out.
Wolf, the same thing is true with me. The good memories are coming out all the time. I even feel myself smiling sometimes when I am thinking of the good times. My crying 3 and 4 times a day has stopped except for a few times a week. Life does go on and we must be a part of it or at least give it a try.
Beautiful weather here. It's been two months since I have had to turn on the heater and I haven't cranked up the a/c yet. It's great to skate along with electrical bill and hope I can get by with turning the air on just one month more.
Though my yard is still half covered with snow, there are finally songs of spring. There is evidence of a nest ibeing built in the pine cone wreath by the front door. And outside my dining room window, the birds are squabbling over who gets ownership of the birdhouse this month.
George's caregiver--when my husband reached the stage where he had to be able to see me all the time (called shadowing), I rearranged the furniture so that there was a chair in the master bathroom. He would sit there contentedly with me and I'd be able to do what I wanted. I also moved the furniture in the master bedroom so the chair there gave him a view of the hallway, as well as the guest bedroom. Can you put a chair outside, near where you garden, so that your husband can see you? I bet if you can get him to sit there in the sun, he'll be dozing in no time and you'll have some peace. Worth a try!
Well, 16 more days here in Nevada - not certain where we will head. I have to stop mentioning possibilities to hb cause then he thinks that is where we are going. He wants to go to Arizona where it won't get cold. Problem is too many places have horrible water and I am tired of buying water. We may go for a month or so, but then head north. Just don't know yet.
Yesterday I wanted to run away. Silly me - a simple project turned into a major problem. We went to the trouble of sanitizing the system in the MH. Then we bought a new hose got that odd taste from the heat tape on it all winter. I wanted to add the filter in-line which entailed running a piece of hose from the faucet to the filter, then the other hose from the filter to the MH. None of it made sense to him - he could not understand it.
I told him not to disconnect the hose from the MH but he did - never fails, they leak when you try to hook them back up. It did leak at the joint on the end so a washer would not help. Took the hose back today and got a refund. The filter is something he has had in-line for years - we just had to take it off during the winter.
I was so ticked at him - I wanted to just run away. I know it is the disease but I am tired of it all. That is why I need to get settled somewhere and wait for him to die. Sorry if my bluntness offends you but that basically is what I will be doing. I will miss working terribly but that is life. I am looking at a park in Richland, WA that is just outside of town with a pool, spa and exercise room that is open year round. Maybe I can get myself to start exercising to get healthier and loose weight. The month fee includes wi-fi and cable - not common in many parks. Will just have to pay electric.
Charlotte, I feel just as fed up and exhausted as you sound. You didn't offend. I just wish I could say something more helpful than " Sister, I hear you!"
Charlotte, if bad tasting water is the only thing keeping you from the sunny climes of Arizona, you should be able to solve that problem fairly easily and inexpensively by having an under-sink filter installed, with a special spigot for drinking/cooking water. And if you've had an in-line hose filter for years, it can't be doing any good unless you've been replacing cartridges or something.
Sometimes I am hesitant to comment on your present circumstances since I experienced them in the past. I don't think that I missed any of the problems all of you have expressed, but, (if it helps at all) you will get thru them. There is another side of the river. Doesn't mean that it will be easy and that all will be great when you get there. But, you will get there. So hang in there. Survive today.
Glad you posted Charlotte, I was thinking about you just last week and wondered where you were. Every spring I get the wanderlust and miss our camping days. Never thought I'd want to be a full-timer and now will never know. But I sure miss the 5th wheel and the guy who drove it, of course. We saw some great RV parks and some not so great. I used to say I could write a book about campground bathrooms I had known and used. Never got around to that one though. Dean has good advice - one day at a time. I need to heed that advice most of anyone though.
Gourdchipper - the only thing that will help with the water in Arizona, New Mexico and even southern Nevada is reverse osmosis. I know people with 5th wheels who have them. A regular filter process will not get rid of the 'salty' or 'rotten egg' taste of the water. We do have a filter by the sink and now that we have sanitized the system it may work better. Here in Fernley the water has a higher than safe level of arsenic and high levels of chemicals (within EPA limits) washed into the Truckee River from farmland, which is why I was avoiding drinking it.
April has not been the best month for me. DH fell onto the porch yesterday afternoon, ripped open palm of his RIGHT hand, had to have 22 stitches. Carpet burn on his forehead and face. I couldn't get him up. Called my mower who lives two doors down, and he and his wife, who is an RN, came. Got him up, to the doctor. It was a mess, blood everywhere. He did well with the stitches. But....now he won't keep the the bandage on. Up most of the night and even put an ace bandage around it too - but he manages to get it off. Doesn't understand it all. How do you tell a dementia patient not to take off a bandage??? Blood all over the bedclothes this morning. Lots of laundry! Broke his glasses, so have to get them fixed. Tried to get him to try to use his left hand to eat breakfast - he tried, but kept going back to the right hand. Not sure how I'm going to handle this for at least 10 days until the stitches come out - unless he pulls them out sooner, which he probably will.
Vickie, my heart goes out to you. I had the same problem with Eric, and it was unsolvable. (He had an underlying skin problem.) Finally infection set in, two courses of antibiotics and still the bandages came off. That was one time. Another time, a different site, a special bandage was applied that was adhesive and hard to pick off, but he often succeeded. In retrospect, maybe some sedation would have helped, but then you have the problem of losing balance and falling. Some bandages and certain kinds of tape are more irritating than others: look for the best on the market. Eventually, as the disease progressed and he became frailer, it became less of a problem.
Eric had it in his mind that the skin would heal faster exposed to the air, and that's why he removed the bandages. So whenever I could , I would leave the bandages off. It seemed better to change the bed linen than have him remove the bandage, plus the new scab that was forming.
Thanks, Mary75*, that's exactly what he thinks, too! And, I really don't disagree, I'm just afraid he may start pulling at the stitches. I just put a sock on it, so we'll see how long that stays on! His neurologist son just called and suggested I might up his Ativan to maybe calm him down more. But,,,,,sometimes it works and sometimes it agitates him more. So, I think I'll just roll with it. But I'm definitely going to leave the bandage off tonight, if he takes it off, and maybe we'll both get some sleep!
vickie. so sorry to hear of this new fiasco. poor dear and you. yes they have no sense of bandages. maybe tape the sock at the wrist so he cant unwind it and leave it on? i used one of those tight plastic gloves drs wear over a bandage on finger once it worked better than nothing. i worry he may pick the stitches and open the wound. hope he does better and you may try the ativan to see. best of luck.
Vickie I am so hoping for the best, you are so amazing, I would probably be freaking out but you seem so calm. I do know, that your life experiences have been beyond difficult, maybe that made you stronger. Love you friend.
I agree with Coco that you are amazing; but, just because you seem to handle everything with grace doesn't mean you don't have the same feelings as the rest of us. Here's hoping you both got some sleep.
Oh, I do have those feelings, Wolf! Just do what I have to do, when I have to do it. We slept afte midnight last night - I gave him another Ativan, but he was so sleepy this a.m., wasn't sure if he would go to DC, but he did. Told them to put him in a recliner if he wanted to sleep. Gearing up here at home for bad storms expected early in the morning - not good, for him, or Millie - or me - I have to stay awake! LOL
I sure do,Cassie. I've already put it on her for tonight - before the storms. I still wish they made one for us human people! it is amazing how much it calms her down.
vickie, i used the thundershirt on my chichuahua Bennie, 16yrs old for a long time too! its amazing it works so well. but now hes gone deaf in both ears and can barely hear so i dont have to use it anymore during storms. aww. getting old is hell even for our pets. divvi
We would love to be able to use the thundershirt on our Lab, but he weighs 90 pounds. No way could we get it on him so have to continue with the Rescue Remedy.
I went to my friend's house for dinner last night. She is recently widowed and I have known her most of my life. I offered her some friendship in the coming years and it sounds like in time she may take me up on it. Which means maybe go to the market together, or go swimming, or just hang out. I feel no attraction of any kind except a friend and to be honest the idea of doing something together here or there in the same way I do with my male friends is something to look forward to. As I explained to her, I wouldn't mind having some company here and there either and when I was just hanging on I didn't have any of those thoughts; but, any potential future things I could see were important to me.
And separately, my abused cat whom I've had for 6 years now has had a breakthrough. She finally speaks where she has such a soft little voice it's more like a squeak than my other cat who likes having conversations. This cat now jumps onto my table when I'm typing and is so clearly happier and less anxious for whatever reason. We don't know when we break through what our own experiences do to us.
wolf, the dog whisperer has always said the pets pick up on our human emotions. so it makes sense your breakthrough could also be the same for your shy cat. :) at any rate its good to see one less stressed living creature.
I want to thank everyone to the south for sending us some warmer weather and some rain. Hit 60F today. I think spring might finally be here. There is still ice on the lake, but it is melting quickly. Enough snow is gone from the yard that I was able to get to the shed to get the summer tires out and take them to the local mechanic to replace the winter tires. Having DH help get the summer tires out was a hoot. It was very muddy near the shed, so I decided we would move the tires to the car in the wheel barrow. Hubby loved running the wheelbarrow through the mud, but had difficulty with the request to "hold the wheelbarrow still" so that I could shift the tires to the car, but we managed in the end. This morning I moved the winter tires back to the shed myself - easier all round.
Now, I wish the warm weather could come without the wind. Just got DH nicely settled in front of the TV with his tea and cookies, so I could come to the computer, and the power went off, twice, just long enough to knock out the satellite, the internet, and mess up all the clocks in the house. Ah, the joys of living in MON (middle of nowhere)! :-) If it wasn't so beautiful here, I might consider moving!
Ok,that does make me feel a bit better - but i gotta confess, i'm just finishing my 2nd glass of cabernet ... and chocolate. Plus my DH went up to bed at 8:30p. A lithe "Friends" a little HGTV and I'm feeling fine.
Isn't life about the moments? And if we are older and our finest moments aren't in the past, then have we lived? And if we don't come to realize these things isn't that what Ferris Bueller warned us about?
I don't think flowers, or birds, or sunshine, or cabernet and chocolate mean a thing. I think it's entirely the appreciation of them. And when our turtle is in the shell because it's the only way to go on, there's nothing like being reminded of that.
You're a strong person Fiona68. I was incapable of thinking like that when I had my wife. The concept of putting some things together so I could have an hour to enjoy something was beyond my reach mentally. I hope it's a good moment for you.
It is a good moment, but whether I appreciate the wine, or it's a crutch is a tossup at this point. However, knowing that I only have to go to this website and find you, my friends, are here is my anchor nowadays. I am really struggling with my DH's stage 5/6 behaviors; agitation, delusions, paranoia, incomprehensible ramblings, constant attempts to escape the house. I hold on all day long, until after 6pm. Then I begin to count the moments until I can indulge in a glass of wine to blunt the pain somewhat. It's a small comfort, although transient. I'll take it until the ground finally thaws and i can release some of this stress by digging holes in my backyard - and call it gardening.
I'm considering placing my HB, because his behaviors are getting to be too much for me to manage. I'm beating myself up about it, of course, but even his caregiver agrees that he is unmanageable a majority of the time. When that transition happens and I have to live with that reality, I'm not sure what I'll do with myself. Sometimes I think the only thing that stops me from running away from all of this is that he is right here needing me. What will I do when he's in another location? I have fantasies of just getting in the car, turning off the phone, and driving. Because I cannot do that yet, I drink wine!
Wolf, regarding your statement "if we are older and our finest moments aren't in the past, then have we lived?", my honest answer is that I hope my finest moments are yet to come. I've led a fairly uninspired life. I'm making a new year's resolution to make a Bucket List. I'm 61; it's about time I put some effort into becoming the person I want to be when I grow up.
You never know. Your finest moments may well be ahead of you. It was a question. I'm content that my teen moments and my 20's moments and so forth are behind me and nothing anyone can imagine can touch those two decades for me. I lived an endless summer when I was a kid. It went on forever. Now it's a few months and while I love the summer nothing touches the endless ones when I was a kid, watched Andy of Mayberry and Oh Susannah, and the Lone Ranger, and Sky King, and then went out on my bike forever. And you know what? That was before I ever heard my future wife's name and thought girls were yucky.
I wouldn't worry about the crutch thing. All interesting people have them. And I know how hard it all is Fiona. I really do. I'm 62 now and I've gone through the truly horrible experience of placement even though I'm fortunate to be able to do it.
I hear you with the 'digging holes and calling it gardening'. Things you truly loved can come back when you look for them. It's going to be digging holes for a while though. It really is hard. It's ok to feel like it is. I'm starting to be engrossed in my hobbies again. It was a long time.
Wolf, we got our cat when she was about a year old (we think) that was 2000. She had been abandoned by neighbors. All she did was 'squeak' until after our dog died in 2008 she became a new cat. She started purring louder, started getting a meow out of her, and now she will talk to us, purring the minute you touch her, wakes me up any way she can when she is hungry. Amazing the way they will evolve.
You and I are the same age - 61. Like you, I want to believe that some of my best memories are yet to come. For now I live from day to day, coping with my dH's behavior, wishing spring would arrive (why has this winter been so long?) so I can do some digging in the dirt to get rid of some of my pent up frustrations, but worrying that I won't have time to look after hubby and the garden too. I KNOW I was using wine as a crutch last summer, before my dh was dx'd, and for now I have replaced it with exercise but once the warm weather arrives, I will be sharing a glass or two with you! I'm so tired of hearing "Bonnie, you are the strong one, you can do this!" I'd really rather just run away and let hubby be someone else's problem!
I am so sorry for those of you who are in your 50's and 60''s. I think my sixties were the best years of my life. DH retired and we started traveling. We went south every winter and went on a cruise every year until 2007. By that time I was 69. I will be 76 next week. I am lucky I have so many good memories.
As for digging in the dirt, we used to have a big garden and froze lots of vegetables. Now I'm just trying to get the 1 1/2 acres of lawn mowed. I don't bend as well as I did 10 years ago.
I know I use wine as a crutch. I have a glass with dinner almost every night.
I can tell you kids that are in your 50's & 60's and even early 70's....the "best is yet to be". My dh gave me the best years of my life when we met and got married after leaving an abusive relationship. I was in my 60's and thought life was over. We went dancing every Sat. night, traveled, ate at great places, etc. and had a ball. Gee...I do miss him so much. Excuse me while I go wipe the tears away.