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General: Anticipatory grief

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  1.  
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2013
     
    We all talk about what never will be. Newbies have shared having to accept their future will not be what they wanted. The veterans here have already talked about it. I survive by not dwelling on what will not be. When I do is a time when depression sets in.

    This article was in the latest email from caring.com. It starts with:

    ""Dementia caregivers naturally spend time thinking about the past and what's been lost. But there's another direction of such thoughts that can set you up for trouble -- and that's mourning future losses. Retirement. Planned vacations. Being grandparents. Other "golden years" plans.

    Hard as it can be, it's best to let go of images of what life was supposed to be like for you and your loved one. Dwelling on such losses causes you pain that can't be resolved. It's far better -- as hard as it might be -- to live in the moment.""

    The rest is at : http://www.caring.com/articles/anticipatory-grief-alzheimers?utm_source=stages&utm_campaign=alz:late_moderate_memory:47
    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2013
     
    Amen to that!!!!!
  3.  
    Agreed!
    • CommentAuthorButton
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2013
     
    Thanks, Charlotte - I needed that. At this early stage my biggest challenge is to stay in the day.
  5.  
    Charlotte, with an asterisk behind my name I'm beyond all that inclination to negative thinking already, but what I actually tried to focus on was what COULD BE in the future -- AFTER. And now I'm actually living what "could be", and enjoying life "after".
  6.  
    this has been on my heart too. Thinking that as we are now in a "coasting" phase, and yes it is not as "hard" as the hellish last few months of last year...that...how will I feel, (let alone him), as it gets worse and worse, and the thought that he may die just seems surreal.

    thanks for the link and the thoughts Charlotte. I am going to read that now.
  7.  
    I read the article Charlotte and it's very well written...so true, I'm grieving for him all the time.
    I'm stuggling to fight off depression, Dr want to put me on tablets, but I'm refusing so far....now if I could just get a decent nights sleep, that would help. I just sleep on and off for 2 hours at a time. I can't begin to think how I would have managed to still be home caring for Dh now...

    OT a bit , but had to share this, yesterday while visiting Dh , we sat out in the court yard, there in a corner was a pretend bus stop,just like our real ones #1234 and a chair to sit on....Grand daughter said " it's for the ones that want to go home Nana"

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