Lloyd passed away tonite a little after 9. My three kids and DIL were there in the room with us when he took his last breath. Kristina had been out of town and came in and had just finished talking to him and he was gone. The kids left the room and I laid and held him until Hospice came. The nurse and I washed him up and put clean clothes on him and we just stayed in the room with him until the funeral home came to get him. I've cried some, but not much. I am just numb.
Linda, I am very sorry for your loss. I don't want you to feel guilty about not crying much. You need to rest now you did a very very good thing! Lloyd is resting now.((hugs))
Please accept my condolences on your loss. You have been so strong and so loving to your husband - an inspiration to me as i learn what it is to be a caregiver. May you find peace and comfort in your memories.
LindaMc, I am praying for you for peace and comfort and healing for the rest of the family. You have fought a noble battle, it is now time to rest and refresh. LLoyd was oh so blessed to have you and you have taught your children how to love.
I followed your journey from your first post on. You were such a devoted and loving spouse and I hope and pray my journey will mirror yours in many ways. Please know that you did your very best for as long as you could. Now the rest of the journey will be for you.
Linda, I am sorry for all the pain you have had to endure over the years. I admire the way you handled Lloyd's struggles all the way to the end. May you find some comfort in knowing you did everything possible to make his days the best they could be. Please accept my sincere condolences.
Linda, Lloyd was blessed to have you and now that his journey is over, he is blessed again. Your posts have been inspiring -- God will give you the strength in the days ahead -- take care of yourself.
Linda, your previous post made me cry. Nobody should have to deal with the things you have on top of dealing with Alzheimer's. My heart goes out to you and yours. God bless all those who helped you and supported you.
I just read your entry on FB and how well you managed those pesky relatives who tried to give you such a hard time. I am glad your family was with you in these last hours and that you were with your dear Lloyd at the end and that his passing was peaceful, the way you promised him it would be. You have done such a wonderful job caring for him and standing guard and protecting him when he needed it most. Blessings on you. Your star is well deserved. Hugs to you...
Well, calling hours and the funeral is over. Everything went my way, but his family (mother and 2 brothers and their wives) were horrifying. I will NEVER have anything to do with them again unless they make the first move and that would be an apology. I know when Mom is out of the house so I will call Dad then. That man is a saint for putting up with her. Lloyd's oldest daughter came to calling hours and stood over his casket and spewed more filthy lies about him and how she forgave him. She did not come to the funeral. Day of the funeral, Lloyd's youngest brother stood at the door of the funeral home and invited "their" people to an alternate wake at another brother's house after I had rented the funeral home family center and my church had provided food. One of their friends had actually gone across the street and told the girl from my church that the food didn't belong there and wanted to give her directions to Wayne's. After the funeral, Dennis, the youngest went over and tried to clear out people he considered "theirs". But 2 aunts, 2 uncles, one brother and SIL, and about a dozen cousins would not go. Those people never cease to amaze me. His brother Bobby stayed and when he took the preacher to Wayne's (poor man), I sent the flower arrangements that were "theirs" and some roses from the spray that was on the casket for his mother and 2 brothers. I have not heard from Mom or his 2 brothers. Bobby calls me every day and I am calling Dad on Tuesdays when Mom is pillaging the clothing donations at the church. All of the aunts have called me and I have been to his cousin Carol's twice. Anything I want to give away will go to Bobby. I will try to find something for the 2 youngest of Lloyd's kids, but the oldest gets nada! After years of caring for Lloyd and them being nowhere around, I am done! I am so glad that I decided to have him cremated and bring him home with me. They will never get near him again!
I'm glad that's over for you and you can face in the other direction. What a scene from hell. As if it's not enough to grieve after a long stint of caregiving. I know that both Nancy B* and I had to cut ourselves off from such relatives because the abuse continues if you're in their firing line.
Oh, Mary, who could imagine his family could behave so wretchedly. Never in my craziest nightmares could I have imagined this. The shock of it hasn't even started to wear off.
Linda, as you know from the e-mail I sent you (fb addy), I had a tme with my in-laws during our years with VaD and it didn't stop until after his passing. He died at 2:10 a.m and I got the call at 2:20. After notifying a sister on each side, to pass the informaton on. I made arrangements for picking up his belongings the next day. My sisters knew what to leave (donating clothes to facility) and what to brng to me. That night, after 9, one of his sisters called. When I fnished a long distance call, I returned her call. She informed me that "they" had gone tot he NH and collected all his things and had them at her house. They'd bring them the next day. I reacted (forgot responding is the right way to handle) "Who authorized you to do that?" She chastized me for not being grateful for their help, and they had every right--they're family. Ruined the plans made; had to have one of my sisters retrieve the things they'd left; and had to dispose of the stuff that was supposed to have been left. Had an unhappy chat with the NH for allowing it--they weren't authorized by "next of kin" (me) and he NH had been told of my arrangements. They tried with Ron, and twice with me to change our funeral plans. That's why I had my Daughtr put Ron in the trunk of her car after the service (so they couldn't take him). Once the internment of his ashes was done (I reserved that Good-Bye for myself), I had nice statemnts sent to them letting them know where he is. One of them calld me a month afer the Memorial Sevice, to ask how I was--2 minute call-30 seconds about me. There has been no contact since. It took a while,but I'm no longer angry; no longer stressed over their crap. They have to live with and answer for their actions. I am busy recovering and beginning to build a new life. Linda, give yourself some time and then work on letting the anger and hurt from them go. How they are and what they do no longer has to be on your radar. Those wounds can now heal . Concentrate on dealing with your grief and moving into the future. Don't let them take anymore of your attention. You have better things to do.
I am picking up Lloyd's ashes tomorrow and bringing him home with me. They will never see him again. After their unspeakable atrocities, I never want them in my house again. When I find the right container, I will buy it. I am also buying a locket and having either ashes or his curls from when he was a baby put in it so I can wear it all the time. I believe that everything that comes around goes around. None of them have ever had what we had so they can just wallow in their jealousy, guilt, and regret. I hope they drown in it.
Wow....my heart goes out to you, Linda Mc. I will never understand what is wrong with people that makes them act the way they do (meaning his family). They will be carrying a heavy burden of guilt for the rest of their lives (suppose they'll even realize it?). You will be able to stand tall & move forward with dignity.
Well, I now envision his little short mother as a Nazi, ruling the 2 brothers and their wives with an iron fist. She didn't get the brother he was closest to. He calls me and I call him. She was always more concerned about her wants and needs more than she ever cared about Lloyd. She always said it was too far to drive the 15 minutes to our house, but she could drive anywhere else she WANTED to go. She rarely showed up unless his life was in peril. When he was in ICU in 2011, she was there every day. When I brought him home, I told her that the hospital was even farther away than our house. It didn't take long until she saw him once a month, if that, again. As long as I could, I would try to drive him over there once a week---hard as it was. If she has any conscience at all, she has guilt and regrets and I am not sure that is possible. I feel so sorry for Dad. His health is failing. Mom goes to church every Tuesday to help (pillage donations) so I call Dad on Tuesdays. It won't take long before he realizes why I am calling then, I don't complain or say anything about how she and the other boys hurt me when I needed them most. I just call to see how he is and tell him that I love him. I haven't even told him how Lloyd's best friend tried to hijack my church's food from the funeral home family center and have it taken to his brother's.