Hospice Dr. and Nurse were just here. The doctor has taken my darling Jim off all medications. Gave me a schedule of administering morphine and ativan.
He has a temp. (could be infection). He was in a state of agitation from 2:00 yesterday afternoon until 10:00 p.m. yesterday evening and hospice nurse was here and gave him medications (morphine and ativan) and couldn't get him under control for hours.... He was in constant motion in his bed for hours...was terrible.
My daughter and son are on there way here and will spend the night. I am doing better then I expected because I knew this was coming and have heard from all those that have gone before me and this wonderful site that has given me the strength to go this last mile. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart....
JudithKB, I will be praying for both you and Jim during this time you are going thru. Continue to take care of yourself during this and know that you have done all you could for Jim.
Judith, I just went through what you are experiencing now. DH died yesterday morning and, despite the tears and horrible sadness, I'm able to relax knowing that his terrible journey is over. Hang in there. You're going to get through this.
Judith, I am praying for peace for Jim and a quiet peaceful passing. Praying for peace and strenght for you and the children. You have done a great job, it is time to step back and let the angels do their job. Arms around you Phyllis
My deepest sympathy, Judith. I went through much the same thing three years ago, with morphine and ativan provided by Hospice during my DWs final days, and then peace for her and the beginning of an "after" for me. I wish the same for you.
Judith, I am reninded that Gord was like that a couple of days before he passed away. It is so hard to watch and you wish they could rest. Then comes the terrible stillness. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is such a terrible journey.
My heart goes out to you. I know you will have all the strength you need for what is in store. Your Jim is so lucky to have you as you were to have him these years.
Thank you all for your supportive comments. You have no idea how helpful this is. I have been reading the comments and it is like my friends have gathered and only you...you and you...all of you know that this is something you also will experience or have experience already.
My darling is very figgety because he was not incontinent and he just can't relax and pee in his diapers...with out getting very figgety. He now is sleeping or whatever and I am playing his favorite Elvis disk and this darling little smile of his comes on his face every once in awhile. It is worth a million dollars to me and I will always remember this special time we are sharing. Don't be afraid of this last adventure you will share with your spouse...it is very private, personal and very, very special.
Judith you have amazing strength. It's obvious you realize that this too is part of the journey & you are making the most of what time you have left with each other. May you both find peace when the time comes. ((HUGS))
Today my Jim is resting peacefully. I am playing Elvis again, but this time it is a tape of Elvis singing his sprituals...I love this tape..it brings Jim and me such peace. Also...Jim always wore a Docker ball cap..his hair was thinning...very thin...and he would have worn this cap to bed if I let him. I put it on him this morning and he gave me the biggest smile. Never thought I would ever see that big smile again and then out of the blue...there is was...Ohhh...How I love this wonderful man. How sweet it was. He has no pain and for that I am grateful
Friends have stopped by which is nice, but now I am alone with him and it is so quite and peaceful...What a blessing that I can have this time alone with him. I can't tell you how glad I am I didn't need to place him and he can take his last breath in his home with me.
If it happens for you tonight it seems like it will be much like it was for me. While they meant well, (and this was at the alf) people would come by to say goodbye and to bless him on his journey. Except for the hospice nurse who had control of the meds and who could apprise me of the significance of various clinical signs I got to the point that I just wanted to be alone with him.
Even after twelve hours of talking and talking and talking-me, not him, I was not yet ready to give up and say that final goodbye.
I brought a tablet and played music too. I guess you would call it music of the 80's; what we shared and knew together; our wedding song. All this took place while the full moon rose and set.
His temp would rise and fall as well.
Judith, you have been beyond wonderful. You are doing all anyone could possibly do. Med issues, home vs alf vs boarding home; respite, aides. You are inspiring, you are honest, and you have helped, me, for one, so very much.
Not having a magic wand I can only wish you both the best and to have the bittersweet end be as much full of peace and sweet as is possible.
We are still waiting for this to be over. The hospice nurse could not get any reading on her blood pressure machine and I have tried several times with my machine and I cannot get any reading either. It is so sad to see him linger in this state and hope it will be over soon. The nurse believes he had a stroke earlier today and I do too. Will keep you posted.
WE are all here sitting vigil with you, JudithKB....this is so hard on all of you...I think your LO is not in any pain....he is making a transition and perhaps he is just taking his time lingering a little longer with you here in this realm..I am sure he can hear your words of comfort...It must be such a tug of war, seeing what is on the other side and not wanting to leave this side...he will decide in his own time and I sense it will be gentle when he does...Arms around you all.