I was Left Holding the bag, but finally, today the sun came out as I went to the NH I had always preferred and did the bulk ofthe paperwork. He was headed for a Temporary Placement about an hour away until my choice hadan opening. They called me at 10:25 a.m. Monday and said "We have an opening and can take him today. Srambled the transfer paperwork and he went. I also had a shortvisit with DH. Right now he is not happy. I don't expect him to be yet. He's not the only one, either.
I had good discussions with the Social Worker and Unit Manager regarding DH's sisters and nephew. The NH will be vigilant regaring the sister an d nephewwho were involved in smuggling DH cigarettes in the hospital. If caught they'll be asked to leave and be ba n ned from returning--pthe N's doing --not mine. Also, after morevitriolicattacks aimmed at me regarding is care, if their vistsnegatively affect his care and attitude, they will reccommmendthe visits b e curtailed for a whileso nhe can settlein. If the negative acti vity continues, the NH will reccommend I seek Restraining Orders. Contrary to their wishes, he is in the locked unit where he is safe and cared for by wonderful, caring staff. Their attitude will not be allowed to change this. We already have our first Care Conference scheduled, by phone, Thursday at noon. Once the weather is reliable I'll use those days as a visiting dayqs well. He is now in his new home. (No I am not "happy" to place him, but am glad to have gotten a good place).
Next up is getting the Medicaid paperwork done so I'll know what I'll have to be able to get an apartment, before the house sells. Also, sorting and packing 29 years of household, and clearing out Dh's left over meds. The NH can't take them. Hate to toss latest fills. Geodon, some Seroquel; Lamictal;Buspar; Finasteride (Proscar);Primidone;Propranolol; and Welbutrin. e-mail's in my file.
Of course it cannot be without significant stress, but I am so happy to learn you have come through this. In dementia land, what is happiness? Maybe it is relief which I say intentionally without the "just".
I am only one of many sending you support and good wishes.
So happy you got him in your first choice. That will make it so much easier on you - no long trips. Now you can concentrate on keeping yourself as healthy as possible so you can make sure he gets the best care. Take it easy girl. A suggestion: since you will be downsizing, move what you want into one room and see if you can get someone to come haul the rest of the stuff away. When we worked in an Rv park with a lot of retirees a few years ago, they told me that is how they do it. They find a thrift store/second hand store that will come in, give them a price and haul it away.
Just 5 days after I did after talking about it for over a year. What a life. And just as in my life some people who should be close and helping are instead hurting because they can't find their way out of a wet paper bag.
Start calling those two Broomhilde and Grezelda and whenever you read their emails make sure you cackle like those witches bent over the cauldron in MacBeth.
"Everything's her fault isn't it Broomhilde?" "Oh yes my sweetie everything everything is HER fault." "Ha ha ha ha ha...cough cough." I've seen this movie. This is awful so we hate you is the plot line.
Instead of consoling one another that Ron had to go into a residence for 24 hour care. Instead of crediting you with the decades you've been helping him. They're running around wondering what adults would do.
Thank goodness the hardest part (actual placement) is over. You have had much more on your shoulders than most of us; hoping your own move goes smoothly.
Good move. It is amazing that your choice came avail just in the nick of time. Hope they stick to their rules about the visitors. Get some rest before you tackle the left-overs. I am willing to bet that there is a free health clinic nearby that can use the left over meds. Ditto to the thrift store coming to get what you cannot use. They are usually really good about this. Especially if it is a non-profit store.
carosi, I am so happy for you on many levels-you deserve the good news, placement in the facility of your choice. I admire you so much and frankly have no idea how you've accomplished so much for so many years and have been a wonderful caregiver no matter what the challenge. Give yourself a bit of time to recoup; when you do, the advice about thrift shops and free clinics is good.
The witches will always be withces...nothing you can do about them. I too hope the facility is vigilant and will do what they say.
Great news, Carol -- if anyone deserved something good to happen, it was you! I can sympathize with you as you tackle the downsizing business -- new wife Joyce and I faced a similar problem in trying to combine two households (and two octogenarians' lifetimes worth) of furniture and "stuff" into a single home after we married, and I ended up having to do just about all the hard decision making because she was laid low by shingles for two or three months. So now when she goes looking for a favorite sauce pan or hairbrush or whatever and can't find it, I have to fess up about giving it to the thrift shop or whatever......
Great news Carol....Now, take deep breaths and look toward a lifestyle change of your life as well as Ron's being safe while you do it. You have done a unbelievable job of taking care of him and yourself.
Things have changed at my house also. Ten days ago my DH was having a good day and that night could not walk and fell in the floor. I called 911 to get him up and in his recliner where he stayed for 5 days. I had to have help standing him up to change his depends but Hospice cannot legally come to your house for that purpose. So Saturday he was admitted to a NH about 2 miles from my house. He is fighting and hitting anyone who tries to help him. They are trying to find something that works to calm him down. I am having trouble relaxing and know it will take time. Youngest daughter is on her way for a few days which will help. I'm having trouble knowing how I feel about this situation and I was not expecting it this soon. So a few prayers would be appreciated.
carol great news he is closer to you so you can stay on top of things.
aww.( bama)), it does happen sometimes like this doesnt it? when we are least prepared. i know it is difficult seeing him in a defensive state but they will get him calmed down and now its time to turn over to the professionals. it wont be easy to relax after a lifetime of being with another person, but know we are here and you have a place to turn for comfort and support. best wishes both your DH and carols settle into the placement soon. divvi
Bama you are definetily in my prayers today. SO sorry you are suffering, and please keep in touch and let us know. Glad your daughter is coming to help, God bless all of you.
Carol, so happy to hear the good news! Now, keep working on taking care of YOU!
Bama, I am so very sorry. You have been such a wonderful CG. Sometimes, these things happen at a certain time - for a reason. You need some rest! Praying he will calm down quickly. My love to you all and....((((((HUGS))))))
Bama-- I am convinced Placement the hard way 101 is not the route we want to take, but sometimes it is what happens. Stepping back and letting the NH take over is very hard to do when we've caregiven a long time, but we have to do it. My crash course began Jan 15th. It does get easier. With the NH close and Hospice aboard you are set up well. Now, as I've been advised and am trying to do, take time to breathe. He is safe and cared for. Take care of Bama. You still have a job to do--just differently.
Carosi, this is great news for you, now is your time to chill a little bit,,,, the things that you need to go thru will still be there even after you, eat, sleep, and feel refreshed. It will all be fine.
Bama, I am praying for you as I type..... May you have peace, comfort, and understanding in your life as things change. The changes will be good. Please take care and relax. Hugs, hugs and more hugs
Carol, glad to hear your good news. Now like everyone else said….take care of YOU so that you can make sure he is taken care of.
Bama, so sorry that you are going through this. We know that placement is an option, but when it happens like it has with your DH it can be overwhelming. Praying that they find the right meds & that you find some peace in all of this.
Bama, I'm going through this too and it's very powerful. Pull in and get through some days. He's in their hands and they are professionals. Nothing prepared me for how bad this feels. My thoughts are with you.
Bama: Just caught up with your post. So sorry to hear the bad news. Even tho we know it is coming, we are never ready for it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear husband at this time.
carosi, I'm so glad your DH is getting the help he needs. I hope your house sells soon and you can get comfy in a nice apartment. You've been through so much.
Bama, do you think your DH had a stroke or does AD suddenly make them incapable of walking? Had he been combative before or did this happen after he couldn't walk? Bless your heart. I can imagine that your feelings are all over the place right now. {{{HUGS}}}