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      CommentAuthordeb112958
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2012
     
    Welcome Andres but sorry you have a need. Come back often and vent, ask questions, whatever you need.

    My husband is 62 and was diagnosed with FTD in 2008 when he was 58. I'm 53.
  1.  
    Welcome to a place where we really do understand crazy emotions.
  2.  
    Vickie, some of those small scissors are so sharp. I have visions of piercing his nostril. I suppose I could put a nose ring in. NOT!
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      CommentAuthordeb112958
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2012
     
    I use a battery operated nose hair trimmer for both his nose and ears. My husband also has a full beard which I trim with a battery operated beard trimmer. He is a hairy guy. I do take him to the barber every couple of months or so. His barber has cut his hair for over 25 years and I know it bothers him when he sees Bruce. The last time I took him in the barber said it looked like he didn't recognize him...I don't know if Bruce did or didn't.
  3.  
    Welcome, Andres,

    Neither H or I are yet 55 but his troubles began in 1999 and along with an initial dx of MCI followed by a dx of FTD he is now "gerneralized cerebral atrophy".

    I am only newly here, having joined a few months ago but posting only as of two weeks ago. I'm very close to Deb, above, in age.

    Regarding this thread, H loves to shave and does so at least three times a day. IMO, he likes looking at his face. Really.

    He used to be into haircuts/trims every four weeks. No longer; now it is a clipper from Target, Done by moi. He won't even go to Supercuts. So it goes, and it is not even on my long list.....

    I hope you continue to post- I was hesitant, not because of anyone here, who have turned out to be more than comforting; just my own hesitation to share anything about myself, and I am glad I did.
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      CommentAuthorBama* 2/12
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2012
     
    Welcome to the family Andres.. I will be 84 next month and DH is 88. All I know about this disease I learned here. There is nothing you can't ask or say and we understand. We are going into our 6th year with this terrible disease.
  4.  
    Linda, I wasn't talking about regular scissors. There is a special "nose hair" scissor that is not sharp. Can also be used for eyebrows and ears.
  5.  
    Alrighty then. That should work. Lloyd hasn't been to a barber for about 6 months. I guess I need to update the tools I use. I have the nose trimmer and hair trimmers, and barber scissors. There is only one attachment for my hair trimmers. If I had more attachments, I could probably do his hair all the time. I just don't want to buzz it or have it half an inch long all over his head, ya know? Lord knows, you can look at him and know there is a problem. I certainly don't want to draw any more attention. I may just take him to the barber today and get it done right and then start again myself from there.
    Welcome to our loony bin, Andres. Really we are not crazy...we are each others sanity!
    Lloys is 61 and I am 60. We have been on our "adventure" since 2008, but it started about 5 years before that and was misdiagnosed as strokes. Come to find out, he has never had one stroke.
    • CommentAuthorcarosi*
    • CommentTimeJan 8th 2012
     
    My DH still decides when he wantshis hair cut, ditto bear. There's a Hair salon at out store(Like a Walmart, but developed first). H always want a butch cut, though the hairs are farther apart now lol. Sometimes he has them add the next attachment longer and do his beard. hy ask abou ear, eyuebrow, and nose hair-he usually says no. On rare occasions he'll let them trim the edge of his mustache. He maygo a couple months or ore between cuts. This works for me because: I don't have to do it. I don't have to wear it how it turns out. He's always had a mustache, and looks odd without it. The mustache hides the fact he has no teeth. About $15 covers the whole job and we only do it about 6 times a year.

    ******************
    Andres ---Welcome. I'm sorry you need to be here, but it is the smartest placeto be when faced with any of the Dementias. Drs. can diagnose andcan prescribe meds, but when you face Sundowning, or anger; halucinations or incontinence; come here and talk about it. We have been there, and everywhere else these diseases go. We will share what we know; how we cope; throw you a rope. We have good info to help guys taking care of their wives.

    My Dh has a triple whammy situation. First, multiply Learning disabled, then Mental Illness-Schizo-Affective Disorder (a receivinbg and processing problem); and then Vascular Dementia. My Caregiving days started in March 1988 when his mental Illness was Dxd, but those early years weren't so hard because he was still able to function, go places, and do things. Dxd with the VaD in Aug-Sept 2006 at the end of Stage 4, he is now well into Stage 6 and I'm working to arrange placement.
    • CommentAuthorandres
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2012
     
    Thank you for your kind welcome all. It isn't easy of course, but, I am FOR NOW happy to be able to care for my DH at home. I worry about problems to come that might prevent me from being able to continue to handle her at home.

    Right now she is in a super modest phase. Even seeing someone scantily dressed on TV gets her disapproval.
    She has developed yeast dermatitis under the breasts and in the groins and refuses to let me inspect, clean or apply medication. It looks awful and is quite smelly. I do not think it is because of any discomfort that she refuses care, infact she hates being cleaned up (shower or even just a washcloth). Any suggestions would be welcome. Maybe she will just outgrow this phase, there have been so many changes along the way.
  6.  
    andres-if you can afford it your wife might allow a female aide to assist with bathing.
    • CommentAuthorandres
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2012
     
    Thank you bluedaze. My DW goes to a daycare place twice a week. The staff there are all female and in the past my Dw cheerfully accepted the showers. Now she doesn't and the staff said they can't keep trying to clean her up because she raises such a disturbance and ruckus that it disturbs the other clients. They are lovely caretakers and if they can't do it maybe no one can. Maybe its just another AZ stage. As an aside, It feels very good to read and participate in these messageboards.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2012
     
    hi andres. a late welcome.! that yeast infection can become nasty if not treated. you may want to ask her dr about something to 'calm' her a bit at night prior to bed so you can clean/apply the medications. if the skin becomes compromised they can develop nasty lesions that can surely become infected then it becomes major to deal with. my DH had these modesty issues earlier on and it was a wrestling match to apply the meds as he also had yeast infections . finding something that may releive the stress a bit may also allow you or the daycare to bath her easier. we can take them smelly only so long then we have to find a way. there are many choices of medications your dr may try to help you with her demeanor. i would ask him for his help and see what he prescribes.
    divvi
    • CommentAuthorandres
    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2012
     
    Thank you divvi.
    • CommentAuthorJoy
    • CommentTimeMar 21st 2014 edited
     
    Right now, the bathroom is one of our greatest problems. My husband (69....diagnosed at 65) usually gets to the toilet in time to urinate, but has forgotten what to do for the urge for a bowel movement. He usually stands and strains and delivers it either into his pants or onto the floor. I have gotten all the advice about softly explaining to him that everything is all right and gently turning him to sit on the toilet. He hasn't read the same advisories, however, and explodes in anger at my interference. He's pushed me, hit me, scratched me with his nails (only lets me trim them on occasion) and I usually lose it, too. I'm just tired of cleaning feces off him, the floor, the fixtures, and all the places he tracks it. He has refused to shower for about six months now and my attempts at sponge baths are random. I can't take the physical battles and just let him reek, changing him whenever I can. I hired home health care to come out and work with him one evening a week, but the young man has had the same resistance from my husband. It's a lot of money for a babysitter. I love him....or at least the "him" I was married to for the first 40 years of our 43 years of marriage, but I'm not sure what to do next. I can't really afford to put him in a good memory care home....I'm still working to pay for the daily adult day care facility (wonderful!) and the home health care (adequate.) Our financial situation is not comfortable and I have to have something left for my own future....if I have one! We have two wonderful sons who help me by taking their dad for hours on the evenings and weekends. I'd have given up long ago if not for them. OK....I'm ranting. But at least I got to say it to people who do not think I'm awful. Or maybe you do....who knows?
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 21st 2014
     
    No Joy, non of us think you awful. If we have not already been there we know any of us could be next. I have no suggestions except the obvious - either more in home help or placement. You have to protect yourself from his violent behavior. Is there any chance your sons will battle the bathing with him?
    • CommentAuthorJoy
    • CommentTimeMar 22nd 2014
     
    I asked our sons to help with the bathing, but they are too tentative and he's their dad, so when he says "no" they say "ok." My best bet is the young man with home health care. I'm also going to talk to the neurologist about his meds. I've been told that this is a phase that will go away as the disease progresses. That's not exactly comforting, is it? Last night when I wrote the above, I was at wit's end. This morning he's back to being the sweet fellow who is just happy to be here as long as I don't go near him with a wash cloth, toothbrush, or hair brush. I will take your suggestions under thoughtful consideration. Perhaps the home health care needs to come more often. It's all just so expensive!
    • CommentAuthorLFL
    • CommentTimeMar 22nd 2014
     
    Joy maybe additional home health care will help, but yes, it's expensive. I don't want to discourage you but my husband was dx'd 6 years ago now and even though he's entering the late stage, at age 63 he's still very strong and every day it's a battle to wash, shave him and do any other personal care. And cleaning him after he poops...well that's the major battle the aide faces (and he's been with him for 5.5 years!) So our experience has been that it's been a 6 year phase with no end in sight!
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMar 22nd 2014
     
    hi joy. sorry you are dealing with the physical and mental issues of the personal hygiene issues. 6 mos is way to long to not have been bathed. you should discuss with his dr that you are at wits end and hes non compliant with personal hygiene. the nails should be cut as well and his general overall wellbeing has to be addressed if hes gone so long without any help. its hard yes, but as their advocates we must do what we must to ensure they are cared for the best we can. we cant just turn a blind eye and hope for the best. his dr should help get him medications that may help you address these concerns and make him more docile and easier to deal with. it may take more than one try to find the right meds. most of us here have gone thru what you are and had to address the medication issue to ensure we are able to care for them at home. if you cant get this done and home health isn't an option placement sounds like the only recourse. if your funds are sparse you may need and want to speak with a certified elder care attorney in your area to advise how to proceed. you will have some options as the spouse for financial support. its very difficult to address these issues but its always better soon than later to tackle them, as they will only get worse. we as the spouse are responsible for their care and well being now with the disease taking their reasoning for all that affects them. hoping you have some luck with this soon.
    divvi
  7.  
    I have found that having three bathrooms is not the blessing you think it would be.
    Also wish I could design a commode without all the little curves and crevices for pee to get in.
    • CommentAuthorJoy
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2014
     
    Ky caregiver, amen to the multiple bathrooms! I finally locked one of them. Also, I went commode shopping last weekend for one that is higher and an all-in-one....for the reasons you named.

    LFL, does your husband get physically violent when the aide cleans him up? The young man helping with my husband assures me that if I talk gently and explain over and over, he will come around. That's hard advice to follow at 2 a.m. when you wake up to a soiled bed.

    Divvi, at your suggestion, I contacted the neurologist and he's prescribed an additional med to give my husband about half an hour before trying to work with him on clean up. I hope it will work. After 43 years (make that 40 good ones) of lovingly sleeping together, I can barely stand to have him touch me because I know that his hands are filthy and the rest of him not much better! I still love him, but it's a heartbroken love.
  8.  
    Joy, we ought to make a wall hanging out of your statement "I still love him, but it's a heartbroken love."
    • CommentAuthorLFL
    • CommentTimeMar 28th 2014
     
    Joy, yes my husband can get "violent" when anyone tries to help him get clean, but he usually warns you with "I'm gonna smack you!". Some tricks we've employed to get him compliant with cleaning is singing crazy songs that he can follow (like give a dog a bone, old macdonald, etc), always smiling softly urging him to let us clean him (no harsh looks, words or voices), lots of praise that he's helping us, etc. Think of toilet training a 2 year old...it's very similar. And yes, it makes what should be a 5-10 min job into a20-30 min job. It's either that or get punched.

    Oh, and he's on a fair amount of meds to control the agitation he gets with toileting and personal care. and yes he's hit an aide who did not heed the warnings and decided to take control and clean him without his consent.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMar 28th 2014 edited
     
    ok I am going to put this here, as it has helped us during those stressful years of non compliant cleaning. if you can find those Velcro hand restraints, like the ones they use in hospital, where I got mine years ago. they use them when the dr deems necessary so patients wont pull out iv's or catheters etc. mine always tried so yes my dr did let us use them. I found after when we had a hospital bed or even the sit down shower chair, it worked wonders to put the velcros on and yes I know.. restrain the hands while the aides and I cleaned him up. lots of protest but if they want to hit and punch what other recourses can there be on top of meds. my drs had no issues with me using on occasion for desperate times. and it was a very temporary short restraint. if you can or order via dr or medical supply it may be a way to get thru this til they are more compliant. good luck!!! its for their protection as well as the person helping!!! oh and the Ativan 30min prior will surely help:) we do what we must.