Talking with some of the other caregivers on this site, whose LO's have been placed or passed on, I've been encouraged to start rebuilding my life now, instead of waiting for after. I'm the one who initiated the discussion; it's something I want to do, but not quite sure how to do it. Fortunately, I've never cut myself off completely from the outside world, and have been able to continue to some of the things I always have done, i.e., exercise class. I guess it is the social life that is the biggest challenge, shifting from a couple to single (but not single) person. My husband and I did everything together, so I really don't have leisure activities that were done without him. Is anyone else in this situation and how are you handling it?
DH has been in the Alzheimers ALF for eight months and I feel exactly the same as you do about the social life, as if I don't really fit in with either group, marrieds or singles. As a result I spend a lot of time alone.
No idea Marilyn. But I'm interested in comments. Apart from writing from home (isolating,) I cannot imagine what elements might form a life for "after," and how I might begin to initiate them now. I am going to continue language classes two mornings/week this Fall, and take my writing work away from home so I at least am in the presence of other humans. But seriously...I gave up a potential new career 8 years ago because of ominous things with Jeff (I had started nursing school,) and I don't believe I want to return to that level of commitment at this point, but I'm just sort of hoping the cosmos is forthcoming with ideas since the future looks shrouded in an impenetrable mist from where I stand.
I don't love my wife anymore. I love the memory of my wife. She's sitting on the floor working up and moving around little tufts of cat hair or moves pillows and sheets and what not between bedrooms.
I fully respect the validity of her person, her condition, and the vows that I took. It's inane though to assign any of the words or definitions that include two people because we are late stage.
We speak of not letting the disease destroy both of us and AD is pushing us to that inevitable moment. Part of that experience is that somewhere we face ourselves and ask "now what?" In normal convention we would be faced with that comparably suddenly and in the state of already being 'single'. In AD there are years to contemplate it.
I think a sizeable group will either not think about this or decide it is wrong to think about this beforehand. That's a personal choice. I agree with you and am looking at everything beforehand.
Within a year I will be writing that I have placed my wife in a nursing home. I want her to have the experience of being here with me as long as there are shreds left and I have the fortitude which at this point is all I have left in the tank.
It's been soul wrenching thinking about this. Placing myself in restaurants alone. Thinking about cooking for one. Forcing myself to imagine 'single' in every aspect. Forcing myself to go through a wide variety of implications. I've come a long way down that road.
I'm going to handle it this way.
I have 6 months to a year to keep figuring this out. When I place her and things settle down a bit I will give myself permission to live again. So I will go swimming this year alone at our favourite lake and also take her and help her enjoy the water as much as I can. Next year I will go swimming and strike up any conversation I choose.
I have no agenda and won't be wondering if I could live with someone in the first few minutes I'm talking. That's a person with a heavy agenda. I know the key is in how I'm looking at people and how I sound. When I'm willing to engage in life, that's how I look and that's how I sound. So the first question for me is do I want to do that? And the answer is yes.
The second question is what does that mean? What will I do? And the answer there is that I will not meet new people sitting in my kitchen. I have to get out into the world and engage with it. To do that I have to understand me now in how I really am. What will I actually do versus convincing myself I might do but won't. What might actually work?
If I don't come at this I will be sitting in my kitchen or going through some motions. I need to be very real about this because as you said the social life is the biggest challenge and I agree. Not those things we continue such as your excercise class - the new things.
I believe the core of that challenge is the full entitlement to ourselves to live again if that's what we choose. You gotta believe and you have to live it. And that to me means opening my heart and my spirit to living fully again open to possibilities and adventures. Not something done by most in one leap.
I'm not likely to remarry in any event. My wife and I didn't have children and I'm unlikely to take them on fully grown or not. As I explained to friends, if I were to meet someone they wouldn't meet her for a long time. I said I've come a long way down this road and I'm serious. I understand that I'm not looking to plug into someone else's life or to plug someone into mine. If others are I wish them success. I'm not.
I'm contemplating a bus trip through europe with a group even older than me. I can then immerse myself into vicariously experiencing what was taken from me which is growing old together (I'm 60) and forcing myself into social situations that are safe while seeing new things with no chance of changing my mind because I'm actually on that bus.
None of this is going to be easy but all of this is going to be done. I know enough about life to know that it will get easier and by making myself do these things I'm going to learn how to live again which to me means being interested and invested in my life.
At this point I think the simplest, boiled down answer is go out there into things we're willing to try without expectation and with as much willingness to be in the moment as we can muster. By nature or by god we are being offered a second life along with the loss. Whatever happens we will end up having gone down a path. Unlike when we were young (sigh), on this round it's all up to us. And being older, one skill we've certainly honed to a fine art is resistance. We can talk ourselves out of talking ourselves out of something. That's not helping.
That sounds reasonable Wolf. I think Marilyn's question pertains to things she might start to do now, before she feels she needs to place her husband. Things that will lead into a fuller life "after." I think she and I are on a similar wavelength there.
But yes, sounds like you've got reasonable goals and priorities. I also have the thought that one of the first things I'll do, when I'm no longer a full-time caregiver, is take a trip, probably by myself. Something like a sailing cruise with an educational focus.
When I read Marilyn's question, I knew I had written a blog about it, but it wasn't until I looked it up that I was surprised to find that it was FOUR years ago. I was thinking about this topic that long ago. http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/getalife.htm
There is little doubt that when you begin to forge a new life for yourself, even though your spouse is still "living", it will be as a "single" person. Women will join clubs, make friends, and travel with widows and single women. It may not be what you envisioned or what you want, but it is the way it has to be. You don't fit it with married partners. You will have to begin living the "single" life.
From what I have observed, it's different with men. This is not meant to offend any men at all, it's just an observation. Men seem more likely to be "looking" for a woman companion, whereas most women are okay traveling, attending concerts, going out to dinner with single women friends. With Alzheimer Spouses, this transistion to socializing from "couplehood" to "singlehood" begins long before our spouses actually die.
Funny you are talking about this. Yesterday after work I took the car to the car wash. Then wanted a drink from Starbucks and then went for a drive in the country. Wanted to car to dry off. I thought about getting DH. Then thought, some day it will be just me. So I tried doing something with just me. And I did enjoy my little get away. I find myself thinking more and more about how it will be later. But as Joan says she has too. How can you not think of it. Baby steps, is the only way I know of.
Emily, I think you and I are on the same page on this one. Everyone seems to agree that developing a new life is a good thing to do asap (Joan, your blog reinforced that); the dilemma is how to find the time and mental energy to do it while my husband is still living at home. I'm not sure if it is even really possible. I retired from my career shortly before his diagnosis and never had the chance to join any activities that people usually do in retirement. I guess that's the catch here, trying to emulate a retired/single lifestyle when I am neither.
I'm "there" now, and already feel lost. I wasn't a joiner and didn't do normal gal group things. As with Marilyn and her husband, we were a couple and did everything together. In hind sight, that's not a good road to take for later years. So I'm going to try and feel my way..still one day at a time!
for us it has been the same - 40 years of doing everything together. The only time I went to something without him was church women's retreats. After reading this thread I guess that is why I wanted to get back into workamping even if it was me - to find out the possibilities of finding places that will hire a single. It has worked out for me and he voluntarily helps out to around the park.
I think the difference is perhaps the women define themself by the man they share their life with. I do not think men are so defined by the woman in their life. The male perspective is how do I move forward with my life after I have fulfilled my commitments. It sounds like most of the women are struggling with who they are one their own 2 feet.
Well, the question for me is whether it is possible to start to move forward with my life while I am still fulfilling my commitments. I have no problem standing on my own two feet--virtually been doing that for all the years since dx.
Yes to what Marilyn said. It's not really a matter of wondering who I am without a partner, or being accustomed to using him for definition. (I'm kind of opposed to that in principle and always have been, for women.) It's more about how will I use my time in a meaningful way once it's not primarily given over to caregiving, and how will I forge connections in a society that seems easiest to slide into as a "pair?" And, depending on the answer to question #2, how can I begin to create those threads of connection now, before I really have full use of my time?
I know how to stand on my own two feet. I didn't get married until I was 28 and had been living and supporting myself for 10 years. I'll find an interesting project and I'll be okay. It couldn't be more lonesome around here than it is now. Hey, Grace, what happened to being cheerful and up beat???
I never thought I could do what I do alone. I married young, went from my parents to my first husband, divorced and lived with my parents again and married again. I always thought I needed a man to help me in life. Well this last year and a half I have learned I can do things by myself. In a way I have grown more than I ever thought possible. Now don't get me wrong, I still don't like it, but I can do it.
I use to show dogs years ago and still have dogs, just don't show them anymore. But have kept my friends from those days. Most are single women. I am starting to take note on how they do things in their lives.
DH and I never did much together. He was not one to want to get together with other people so I did most of my things with my friends. Often went away for the weekend with girlfriends. Still have them, just unable to do much right now with DH at home.
I think one of the logjams is the idea that anyone I meet should be viewed as a propective friend or mate. I say that looms large because that's what I hear and sense around so many of these discussions.
Nobody has to point out the things we've all been through to anyone. We already know all that and it isn't going to go away lightly. But if I feel guilty that I'm going out or discovering new places or things to do when I'm not visiting her or watching out for her - well I just can't follow that thinking.
It is a stark insight into our minds when we can't say that we're going to go out and hunt up some fun and adventure without also considering whether we would remarry or make new friends. I say there's a lot more bound up than a discussion of living our single life. Single doesn't mean ovulating, altars, or viagara falls. It means one. That's all the meaning it has.
If you ARE 'shopping' here's my rule of thumb:
10% of people who meet you hate you on sight 20% of them don't care for you that much but don't have a real problem 20% of the people you meet have no thoughts about you whatsoever 20% of them think you're an ok sort 20% of them like something about you and think well of you 10% of the people you meet are quite taken by you
And if we're just going out we should always check to see if we need an umbrella. I don't. But then I like the rain. (the sound of 400 pencils crossing you off their lists). Like that Bach piece "Where Sheep May Safely Graze" and that Radar scene with "Ahhh Bach!" life just happens. Bach was a bit of a card you know. No Lewis Carroll, but fun for a potato with a wig on it. I first noticed him sitting in a kitchen listening to him strangle a church organ to death. Life can happen even sitting in a kitchen. Not right now because I'm watching over someone right now and it's a lot of effort. Once it's time though and she's settled. Then most of my reality will be in the new world and as Christopher said in 1492 "it's time to come around". Too bad Amerigo Vespucci got to name it; but, life's like that.
Thanks Marilyn for starting this thread as it is something I have been working toward and then backwards from for at least a year now. Haven't been around much because I have been on an extended road trip began June 1 with DH. We are in a motel in Williams, AZ now after a day at the Grand Canyon.
The road trip was in part so that I could check out some ALFs in the SF Bay area where his son lives so that I could explore all possible options for getting more "Me" time so as to hang on to my little bit of remaining sanity and also to begin thinking outside the box in reinventing my/our lives.
For me my UU church community before we moved after DX was a big part of my personal identity and the various programs, leadership conferences and adult classes contributed tremendously to my intellectual as well as spiritual life. For those of you who have a UU church or a Jewish Community Center of substantial size nearby, I recommend checking out their community programs. Whether your interests are global affairs, yoga, Buddhist meditation, cooking, eating, Spanish immersion classes, quilting....you get the picture....there is a lot out there in organizations such as these which don't require major commitment and can allow you together your feet wet in forging a new life even NOW. I miss these opportunities and when we return I am going to force myself to travel outside my community to get more involved like I was before DX.
Also this trip with DH has started me thinking of a trip with Gutsy Women or Elder Hostel if I can find someone to stay with DH since that will be paid for with his LTC ins.
I look forward to reading comments on this topic. And posting a trip report soon.
"Well, the question for me is whether it is possible to start to move forward with my life while I am still fulfilling my commitments. I have no problem standing on my own two feet--virtually been doing that for all the years since dx."
The answer Marilyn is YES absolutely YES.
will it be easy, maybe not maybe yes. it may require determination and some creative thinking,but as my position is also similar to yours right now, if It wasn't possible I Do not think I could continue being an effective caregiver.
Before my hb retired he sometimes worked 17 hr days and was away often for his work. One year he was away over six months,dispersed throughout that yr. I had a life and did what I wanted. I don't think we have to reinvent ourselves, just remind yourself who you were before the caregiving started and what you found meaningful and go with it. Think of this as a detour on the road of life and let it make you stronger and more appreciative of the little things. Don't over think it!
Andy,, I like that "Don't over think it".... You are correct... I try, but don't always succeed, to see light moments and look toward positive thoughts.. One thing I know, If we think negative , we will get negative... We all have a place in life right now and doing darn well at it, but we still need to reflect on what WAS and go forward with thoughts of returning to the things that delight us... That word "delight" might be a bit too strong for this point in our lives..Think survival and being a whole person again...In whatever form, I believe it will happen.... One thing is sure, I'll be selective and more aware of what's important,,, when that time comes.... Bless you all.
Isn't it strange? Here it is the 4th of July commemmorating the declaration of Independence and we are trying to forge some sort of independence for ourselves. We are committed to what we are doing but somehow we are losing our sense of independence. We are being yanked and pulled from all directions. Some days we aren't sure we are doing a good job but an okay job. Other days, spouse actually seems to appreciate us and for that I know it is all worth it. We are independent, probably more so than we have ever been.
Compare alzheimer's like any "unnatural disaster". You cannot start to rebuild until the disaster has ended. After all the devastation is complete, you will be sifting through rubble, searching for friends and loved ones, and making plans to rebuild. The process cannot start until the disaster has stuck. Common sense should tell you that you cannot build anything while the earthquake is happening, because there is so much uncertainty and destruction. Once it is over, then you have to assess the damage, and slowly make plans to attempt to restore life as you know it. Things will never be the same, but they can still be wonderful and great. Many of us who are going through this disaster cannot see through the rubble, and realize that changes will happen, even despite our reluctance to accept them. We are looking at now, watching it like a CNN coverage, and try to change channels, only to discover that Fox news is showing the same storyline, and it goes on and on and on, like the movie "Groundhog Day. I sometimes wish I could start to rebuild my life now, but realize that I have nothing to offer to anyone, other than an irrevocable commitment to my present situation. I am still undergoing the devastation of my unnatural disaster, and any plans I have for the future must remain as hopes and dreams, not anything that I can build on, while my world is falling apart. I envy those who can find some kind of relation ship, but in my case, Jerry Springer said it all....Phranque, you have too much baggage.
Interesting discussion. I have NO idea what I will do "after", which may not be for several more years. My wife may outlive me just because her health, other than AD, is much better than mine. Also, as I have mentioned before, she has been in my life since I was 14 years old (I am now 80). I can't imagine life without her.
phrangue,,, Trust me,, there is someone out there that will love and accept you even with your excess baggage... I KNOW what of I speak.. Hope this makes your day a little easier... Keeping in touch with all of you is , indeed, my lifeline and I treasure sharing, indeed, advise, when I need it most... Sometimes that rainbow is hard to see but it's there....
You know, to be truthful, I really don’t think too much of the “after” & now I know why. Phranque explained it to a T. I am in the earthquake & now I am thinking of saving myself right now. I must admit that I do have a disaster plan (Plan B as I call it) so maybe that is why I don’t think about very much. Parts of my life I won’t have to rebuild (say if I lose my house my kids have already told me that I can live with them & I will!) I have no doubt that I would probably have something to offer someone, BUT it won’t be offered because, (I have said this here before & I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record) I DON’T EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN! (& at my age it’s very possible!)
Well, it would be sort of a pre-relationshipal agreement. Which would, of course, swing both ways. Perhaps you could both select the ALF of your choice in advance and agree to use it.
I guess we have to take a page from the insurance companies--I just heard that anyone over 60 has to take cognitive testing before they can buy a long-term care policy these days. Can you imagine meeting someone interesting and saying "Before we take this any farther, would you mind visiting this nice neuropsychiatrist? It won't hurt a bit, and I'll pay for the appointment, of course :)
Terry--good to hear from you, girl!!! Looking forward to that trip report--I bet you've had some interesting experiences. What's up with the sale of your house?
emily-you are a very naughty girl. Seriously-when out with other people I really do think I spot some with early AD. Does anyone else find themselves doing the same thing?
Marilyn, I wasn't able to do this while he lived with me, and two and a half years after placement I still have no desire. I think the major reason is because I am still deeply in love with Lynn... not just the ghost of who he use to be, but even who he is now. I know not many people understand that, but it is how I feel. Therefore, I have no desire to "move on". I don't think about a life "after" as I know I can’t possibly know what the future holds. Not to say I didn't think about it a long time ago, I did. But I finally figured out I was wasting too many of my "todays" with these kind of thoughts. So now I just live in today. I find it a much more peaceful place for me to be.
Marilyn, took house off the market for several reasons. spent some time walking around the land and the gardens which after so much work on my part are finally showing promise. Some people have actually stopped their cars to get out and take pictures of the garden! A big thrill for me. And tenants made me an offer I couldn't refuse increasing rent plus my son sunk to such a new low that all the joy of moving there evaporated. And the DH was starting to decline more rapidly and I just couldn't see how he could handle this move. Thus started my thinking outside the box big time and putting all options on the table. So we boarded the dogs and headed for SF Bay area, our original home and where DH's son lives.
And when I took the home off the market someone said it's never good to make major decisions when you are overwhelmed. duh!
As for reinventing ourselves. May not be for everyone but I can't and don't even want to step back into my old life. Too much has changed, moved, friends and family relationships not what they were, and mostly I am very different. DH and I always had our own lives and then there were places where they intersected, but our life decisions had to take the other into consideration. I have no desire for another romantic relationship in the future. For right now though as with Marilyn's original post, DH is at home and if I could freeze things as they are now I would. This trip has made our bond stronger and with help I would be content to continue like this. I am not ready to lose him but do want to start figuring out what kind of life I can have WITH a husband with AD. People warned me not to give up so much of me nearly 5 years ago and I always assured them it was only temporary. My work has been on hold for 4+ years and I know I want to try to get back to it at some point. I dunno.....hoping we keep getting comments and that this topic stays alive for some time.
Goodnight from Gallup, NM....on the way very slowly to Northwest AR.
Perhaps rebuilding while still caregiving isn't what we really mean. Even in the midst of a catastrophic event, we try to be prepared--stock up on supplies,gather tools and anything we think we 'll need for survival. Immediately after the earhtquake,huirricane, whatever,we set to cleaning up and gleaning everything salvagable to start over with. We need to treat our lives as Alz Caregivers the same way. We need to preserve as much of our connection with the non-Alz world as we can and if opportunity arises to expand those connections we need to try doing that. Generally speaking we can't rebuild our lives until this one is spent, but we can collect inormation, build connections (or at least preserve them), and deveop or at least list ideas we might want to incorporate in our new life.
No one wants to repeat Caregiving, but isn't it awfully drastic to refuse the chance for any new relationship, because it could happen? Having been through it, haven't we learned enough to know we enlist help and don't do it alone. Besides, what makes you think you'd be the Caregiver? Surely, by now we know marriage vows do not mean we have to do it all, alone. They mean we promise to see the job done in the best way possible. Besides, many of usare or will be retirement age when faced with this. Doesn't it make sense to have some help aboard? I for onedon't want to spend much time on laudry, mopping and dishes,when I can be doing fun stuff.
Carol--About your point on what makes us think we'd be the Caregiver--while it is true that is an unknown, the way most couples in our society are structured, the male is usually somewhat older. (Not every couple, but still most.) And in many cases, as people age, this gap can widen in new relationships. Thus, since all the posters on this thread so far who expressed concern about that issue were female, I have to assume that it is the age factor and it is still the norm for women to become involved with older men. And we all know that age is a big risk factor for dementia.
Nikki--I completely understand what you are saying about still being in love with Lynn, as he is now. I feel the same way about my husband. I need to clarify, when I speak about rebuilding my life now, I'm not talking about another romantic relationship at this point. I am simply talking about maintaining/increasing social contact with other people and pursuing new interests. I recognize from the posts on this thread that others may intepret the concept differently.
As for carosi's question about who might, hypothetically, be the caregiver in a new relationship—Yes, that absolutely has occurred to me. All talk of clock-drawing dates aside, I seriously feel that I would approach this topic in any relationship that seemed to have long-term potential. Hard to guess how that might go over with someone who hasn't lived in Alz-land before, but I'd try. I think I would just be honest that I would not do it again, nor would I have anyone do it for me, and we must, therefore, agree that ALFs would be employed sooner rather than later. Maybe even pick one tentatively. Come to that, I think I will extract a similar reassurance from my children, that they will assist me in finding such a site early, should it become necessary.
This would be quite different from what I am doing now, with Jeff at home, and no long-term plans to change that.
Still, the idea of me in a future romantic entanglement is conjectural in the extreme, as I consider myself rather "hard to match," meaning, metaphorically speaking, that if I were an atom I would be something like Xenon, which forms bonds in only rare conditions, as opposed to Hydrogen or something which finds many compatible elements.
Hence, I am, like Marilyn, more serious about contemplating a single future and wondering what I might do with it.
I agree the different ages come into play with how we are thinking and everyone gets to decide what they will and won't do.
Marylin's comments were about living - not remarrying or looking at everything through an AD prism and we don't have to define whether we'll remarry or not just to go out and talk to people or have an ice cream.
My earlier posts were trying to point out that the majority of spouse survivors need to overcome mental things in order to help themselves have a full life as an individual (staying clear of the word single which clearly carries heavy baggage).
I'm not waiting to start learning how to be a self entertained individual until she passes. When she's in a NH even visiting and caring for her will leave me with many hours and some days a week on my own. There is zero difference to me that I am learning to run everything in a household and learning how to go out into the world again - which is not going to be a piece of cake. It's going to be hard.
Jumping immediately to the horizontal mambo, remarriage, and taking a chance this non-existant person would then also get AD - are enormous mental blocks that keep us from re-engaging with people. And that's all they are.
carosi, I appreciate the fact that you might be open to another relationship, but like I said before, I’m not. You wrote, “Having been through it, haven't we learned enough to know we enlist help and don't do it alone.” Some of us here ARE doing it alone, & it would probably be alone if we had to do it again. Not worth the gamble to me. I actually am looking forward to being alone. I’m sure I will be lonely at times, but I plan on keeping busy doing things I never had the chance to do while I was raising a family, working & now taking care of DH.
Good thread going here so I guess I should add my comment.
It's been one year since placing my husband in assisted living two hours drive from home. Since I live in a very isolated area I was concerned about getting out and doing things, not just living here alone. I made the rule that whenever anyone called and invited me to do anything, I had to say yes. I'll say I have done a lot of things I normally would have declined, but also had a lot of fun. After a year it's easier to walk into an event alone, easier to accept doing things alone, and easier just being alone.
I like people and talking and initially thought I had to have a partner in order to enjoy the social life but it's not necessary. Now I wonder if I could get myself back into a situation where I had to agree with someone else what we were going to do for the evening, or even what we could eat for breakfast. Yesterday I had a baked chicken breast which I thought to have later in the day for lunch but it smelled and tasted great so I ate it for breakfast.
I still go to visit my husband twice a week and make sure he is being cared for properly. I hug him and snuggle and kiss his face and tell him I love him. That love hasn't diminished in a year of being "single" so I don't feel guilty about continuing to live.
I very much enjoy all your comments and perspectives.
With no intent to hurt anyone's feelings or ruffle any feathers, I just can't hold my tongue any longer. In an earlier post, someone said something about "over-thinking things", and I really feel like there's too much of that going on here -- conjecturing and trying to cross hypothetical bridges that will probably never be encountered in the real world. My advice, for whatever it's worth, would be to just get out of the house and go where some potential action is at -- interact with other people and be open to whatever seemingly interesting opportunities may present themselves and then see what develops from there. All this worry about "baggage" being a deterrent to possible future relationships, or that a future partner might also develop AD and thrust us back into a caregiver role is self defeating and confidence robbing. That's trying to look too far into the future -- let's deal with today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
I used to work with a very good systems marketeer whose 'first law of motion' was, "If you need data, go where the data is at -- don't sit at your desk and wonder!" So if we were trying, for instance, to formulate a winning strategy for bidding a pipeline job in Egypt, we'd get on an airplane and go there and start talking to people -- the cab driver, the hotel doorman, embassy officials, the customer himself, etc. -- just turning over rocks, with no clear idea of exactly what we were looking for, but confident that we'd recognize it when we saw it. It really worked -- we'd return home with the beginning of a plan of action, and then modify it as new information was subsequently developed -- but the important thing was that we had made a start, and had momentum, and a conviction that we were on a winning path.
I think about my tomorrows sometimes and I wish I knew when they will get here. But I don't. The only thing I do know is as long as Kathryn is here my days consist of two things. Taking care of Kathryn and going to work. That is what I do. My commitment to her is something I cannot put aside any more than I could stop breathing. And I have no desire to. She is so deeply in my heart that there is no way I could even consider seeing another woman. It isn’t that I wouldn't enjoy the interaction. I would. I really do miss holding a woman and being held by one. I miss the touching between a woman and a man. I miss having a woman in my life to hold and talk to every day.
Like most on here I do think about my tomorrows after Kathryn is gone. I feel really quity when I do.
I do agree with many on here that I will never remarry. I have taken care of two wives and will never put myself into the position of taking care of another one. I would be happy to just meet a woman someday that enjoys the same things I do and has no desire to get married. I do enjoy sex but I can live without it. It is fun just like playing golf. By the way it would be good if she could kick my butt in golf. How cool would that be?
I think I will just wait for Sheila1951 to get her new golf clubs and come to Jacksonville someday and play some golf with me. She’s willing to get a new golf bag and new clubs so she will look cute. I think I have a future date someday. Just kidding Sheila…lol. But I did get a kick out of your response. Now I just have to work on getting Peggy and Emily to buy some clubs also. That’s three dates. Buy the way, did I tell you I am Morman?
I also agree that men need women more than women need men. Why that is I have idea.
The only thing I know for sure will happen when Kathryn is gone is I will wake up every morning, and get out of bed, and somehow I will continue to live. I am just not sure how I will do that yet.
Hope what I said makes somekind of sense. I feel like I was just rattling.
LOL Emily. Some days I am not sure I could even do that! :)
GC, as always I like it when you speak your mind. :D I only live in today; there is plenty of time for fret about "after"....After!
As far as life, well hell, it just has a way of happening whether we want it to or not. No sense wasting it while making plans or worrying about things that may never happen!
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." ~Mark Twain