Stay strong Fayebay. It's an assault on the senses that's tough to go through. But it's poop no more and no less. And not unlike what every parent has gone through it's like dealing with a 2 year old.
My wife is sitting in the chair head slumped finally sleeping after 2 nights without. I've cleaned the bathtub she mistakenly used one night and have been through some of this. More is coming I have no doubt. I need to go out and get plastic sheets for what was once our bed. The one we spent so much time picking out together.
I see myself as a soldier in battle. The enemy is Alzheimer's and it's trying to destroy everything we had. I'm the only one that can fight for us. The carpets and the bathroom are taking heavy damage. Her ability to enjoy or comprehend anything is being shredded. Meaning and hope are being splattered on the floor. It's agony to watch her tortured mind trying to make sense out of deteriorating chaos.
I'm the only one who can fight for us. I hope and fear whether I'm strong enough. I would beat it but it can't be beaten and I would kill it but it can't be killed. I would save her but she can't be saved.
I have only one choice by choosing to stand by her. Help her as best I can and survive so that what we were is not lost. We all go down eventually and it is in this way that our story together is ending.
I have the choice to leave or stay. Having made that I have the choice of becoming harder inside and fighting or getting taken down with the horrors. No. It's me and you Alzheimer's. Take your best shot.
I'll take any sleeping pill. Have any fit. Scream until my lungs hurt. Cry in the corner. Whatever it takes. This is personal for me. And no amount of sh&t it throws at me will make a difference. This is already grotesque, it will become torture, and then she will finally die and the struggle will be over for us.
But I will go on. I will put her picture up. I will keep her cross stitch. I will use our dishes. And I will remember what we were blessed with even as I go on into other lives and other realities. Otherwise why did I fight? Stay strong. The battles are hard. And we need to try to keep some spirit safe inside and rekindle it in what ways we can.
We had the courage to say 'I do' in the first place whether we had a ceremony or not. The crucible of the truth is that we have the time that is given to us and what we do with it is up to us. Whether our spirits become beaten or not hopefully doesn't stop us from trying to live life as fully as we can. I don't see those as platitudes. I see those words as the crucible of reality in life.
However far we each go is irrelevant. The single hardest day anyway is the day we place them. All heros feel fear. Only psychopaths don''t. We are fighting the battles of our lives however we may sound and whatever stage we are at or whether it has ended.
I am trying to protect a sense of humor and love of life safely through this. Phranque, I think about you and hope for your well being. All of us. We're all in the same war and some battles are very hard.
I'm sorry if this sounds like a rant. It's how I see it.
Way to go Wolf! Thanks. Placement IS a huge step. We live with all sorts of feelings about it and there are days when I think I'd rather just go 'back' to dealing with this at home but it makes no real difference because we are still on the 'front lines' of this battle unless we just cut and RUN. Either way..we're IN and hopefully there will be something left of us AFTER. You ranted very well!
So sorry for what some of you are going through. Been there done that. Sometimes, someone would ask me how I could do the stuff I did....in my better moments I would say, "I can take it . . . I'm a Mom".
dear fayebay, from one Poop Queen to another believe me i feel your dilemma and send compassion your way. those of you who have been here long enough know of my plight with poo/pee duty for a very long time. nothing shocks me with regards to this anymore. while disgusting and shocking first timers will usually manage to get over the distaste and just cleanup the mess and try to move on. bad news is it will happen again but at least next time you will be more prepared and each time it shocks less. cleaning up after grown adults is not as easy as children. theres something endearing about the small ones when they are in this predicament, not so much a huge person. haha.. ok, now that its done lets say you managed the initiation with flying colors. good for you. remember while not fun its doable just cleanup and then forget it and move on. hugs hugs, i know its not easy. divvi /aka former title holder.. :)
Wolf, that was diffenetly not a rant. It was beautiful! We are in a battle and even though we know that we are not going to win the war maybe we can win some battles along the way.
Wolf, I couldn't have said it any better myself -- and that's quite an admission coming from wordy me....
I especially liked and related to your saying:
<<But I will go on. I will put her picture up. I will keep her cross stitch. I will use our dishes. And I will remember what we were blessed with even as I go on into other lives and other realities. Otherwise why did I fight? Stay strong. The battles are hard. And we need to try to keep some spirit safe inside and rekindle it in what ways we can.>>
I've traveled that same road to the end and then beyond to "other lives and other realities" -- with never any second thoughts about my decision and commitment, and can assure you that it was worth the struggle.
I had a real "Poop" experience yesterday. The friend I have sitting with my DH while I'm at work called to say he had pooped in his pull-up, taken it off in the den, and had gotten it all over the room. Jack is not a health aid person, just a friend and not really qualified to handle this type of problem. Yet, he asked where the cleaning supplies were. Of course I couldn't have him do that so I said to just close the door and I'd handle it when I got home. He did put clean lounging clothes on DH.
When I got home and opened the door to the den, it was like someone had gone on a rampage and smeared the room with poop. I have a three-cushioned, light-colored, sofa bed in the room and he had managed to sit on each cushion and leave a blazing trail of his BM. Uhg!
The first thing I did was to strip DH and clean him up. Then I headed for the den. Fortunately the cushion covers zipper off, so I was able to put them in the washing machine. I had to wash off the seat of the leather recliner and a sneaker and laces were covered too. What a mess. Naturally, DH had no recollection of this and didn't believe he had done it.
I never thought I would be able to do this. The first experience left me gagging for a half-hour, but last night I went at it like a pro. It's amazing how we grow when involved in the daily care and progression of this dreaded disease.
Looks like February will definitely be my retirement month. It's time for me to address this situation on a full time basis. I wonder if this was just an accident or if it's a preview of what will become routine. I just had to share this. I feel better now ... I think!
PatL= watch for the poop crown showing up at your door via UPS!! each time one of us buckles up the bigpanties and tackles the poop patrol you earn the title of poop queen for the day til someone else takes it for a while..:) believe it or not its quite an honor.. :)
good for you. its not fun for sure, but its not the worst thing that can happen either-ok, but its close! proud of you - divvi
Somehow I knew she would find a way to get rid of it again! <grin>
PatL, sometimes it happens, but not all the time - and for my husband, was related to stage 6, but not stage 7....I'm not having to buy vinegar by the gallon any more! <grin>
You said you were going to retire in February, and I wondered if you wanted to for YOU or just doing it to take care of him. I've been told by some of our widows that I'm lucky I'm working because the home adjustment AFTER is hard at first. Me, I am working to be able to furnish him with in-home care and to pay the bills.....retirement for me isn't an option.
Enjoy the crown! <grin> Hopefully you can pass it on quickly!
Thank you so much for passing me the poop crown. Really, I'm overwhelmed. Such an honor. (But I'll look forward to passing it on.)
Mary, I will be retiring to take care of him. I know the adjustment will be hard. But I need to be more in control of his care. Additionally, I've been working a long time. I'll be 74 this month and, although I'm quite capable of doing my job well ... I'm tired.
When I'm home, I'll be able to get home care to come in and help, and, if possible, I'll send him to a Day Care facility twice a week, which will allow me free time to shop or have lunch with a friend or just have some down-time to breathe. I have applied for Community Medicaid.
Mary - thanks for the Vicks tip. I never thought of that!
You know I have Andrew the CNA here daily bec. I can't get my husband in or out of bed by myself. Believe it or not, Andrew has pretty much trained him to sit on the commode in the morning and at night, and he hasn't pooped anywhere else in a number of weeks. He's also got him peeing standing up into a urinal. So there's hope, friends, maybe, just a little... If any of you are my facebook friends, look at the pictures of them and Andrew's dog, a Cavalier. Everyone is happy!
Just so you all know - I'm next in line for Andrew's services, but only when Clare and Lincoln no longer need him. I wonder how he'll feel about moving from Rhode Island to Illinois.
I am so lucky not to belong to this group!!! However, my dw tells me that the dog is now wetting her bed and her underwear...for some reason, Daisy has started peeing on her bed....but luckily, not all the time.
Andrew is a miracle hang on to himm or any like him!! I've been trying to come up with a creative way for my DH to be able to urinate more successfully IN the toilet..I've seen a red commod lid in another alz. assisted living place..but wondered..IF I wrap a RED or Burgandy towel around the base of the toilet...would that help him at all 'hit the target'??? I can't actually tell what he's doing but I'm doing a lot of mopping of puddles in front of the toilet..and asking the staff to check as well.. The urinal might be the best answer though. DH excuses his puddles by saying 'oh it just splashes out.. well maybe it does.. I'm just baffleddddd..Even if he sat down to urinate it would be better possibly..But he can't SEE the puddles and he steps into them and if he's in his socks.. well socks get wet but he doesn't realize they are wet..so puts on his shoes.. AND if he has on shoes..some of the urine is tracked back out into the room from his shoesss.. eyeieeee..He never noticessss .
maybe get those mats they use in restaurant kitchens that have holes in them. cut them and put around the toilet. Then only some may get on his socks. The only problem would be if he has trouble picking up his feet so he doesn't trip on it.
Okay..while I have already had the poop crown before and really don't need it again, I have to share my experience last night with SOMEONE!
Woke up at 4am because of really bad odor. My DH was shuffling around and asked what he was doing. He had an ENORMOUS poop in the entry between our bedroom and the bathroom. And had walked in it. All over. Some still on his legs.
This is his favorite place to poop. Don't know why. I am just grateful I had rounded up the money to pull our old urine soaked carpet out and put in a cheap wood laminate floor. So much easier cleanup. Took til 6am to clean up the house and him. Got a few more hours of sleep. Arrgh.