Dean, when I worked at Brown U. in the dean's office, there were a number of kids we encountered who had just lost (or were in the process of losing) a parent (they needed exam excuses, etc, so they came in). They'd come back a year later. The fathers would have remarried or at least be on the lookout. The mothers were out having fun and damned if they were going to remarry any time soon!
Yes, Bama,to be a girlfriend would be nice, but I agree that when we are our age (I'll be 80 next month), there aren't a lot of pickings. The number of women available outweigh the number of men. I talked to my doctor about this once, and he said that women our age should be looking for men around 72; otherwise we could be setting ourselves up to be caretakers again. On balance, I'm not going to look - this long, painful journey has left me exhausted. Too bad, I've always enjoyed men's company . Maybe it's because I had four brothers and have two sons, and I think men are the greatest.
Bama, I know a soon-to-be-82 year old man (me) who is VERY interested in a soon-to-be-83 year old lady (my second best sweetheart, Joyce), and just yesterday the two of us drove across the state to attend the wedding of an 81 year old first cousin of mine who married his 81 year old lady friend -- and they were absolutely giddy about it -- might have even given Joyce some ideas, the way she was squeezing my hand during the ceremony....
My mother and father live in a retirememt community and they say that there is some foolin around there, all the time. Several girlfriend/boyfriend relationships they know of (even a few that have moved in together), and a few marriages. These are 70somethings and 80somethings. So, see?
Bama, I feel like I'm the lucky one -- lucky to be able to just slip into this relationship with Joyce without having to start all over again from square one, because I really don't like being alone. I continue to be shocked by the number of ladies on this forum who say they wouldn't want to remarry. My 60 year marriage to Frances was WONDERFUL, so I'm not a bit inclined to give up on the idea of being married -- even if it risked placing me in a caregiver role again.
And jen, about that "foolin around" by old folks -- well, when I visited my cousin and his bride-to-be a week or so ago, she kept referring to the bedroom of their trailer as the "activity room".....
Gourdchipper, I am happy for you....as I am happy for anyone who wants to find a new mate and marry or just "fool around".
I think maybe the reason a lot of women don't feel any desire to remarry is that most women are by nature the nurturers, the one who raised the children, took care of the household, many worked full time outside of the house, many of us put our dreams on hold in expectation that there was a future. Now, I am not saying that many men haven't done the same things, but women seem to take on the biggest role in a family usually.
So, when we find ourselves in a single situation some of us like the idea of having time just for us. No need to take care of anyone else, no one to pick up after, we can cook when we want or if we want......we can make decisions on our own and not have to consult someone else.....And, yes, I did have a wonderful marriage, was pampered and treated like a princess....so I don't have bad feelings about marriage....I just am happy being me....and being on my own.
Bama: We know that you are 'rotten to the bone' from previous threads and it now appears that you have a stubborn streak. Put those together and you have one very particular lady. I'll bet that your DH would say that he was lucky to get you to the altar.
I have a friend who is about four years younger than me. Her first husband died of leukemia at a very young age, her second husband died of lung cancer two years ago, and she married her third husband last year! Now she is taking care of him because of a spine problem! Three husbands to take care of. But, she said she does not like to live alone. I do not want to lose my husband. I love and care about him very much. But, if I live long enough to outlive him, I would never marry again. I think the women here who say they would must be much younger than I am, and I sure can understand not wanting to spend the rest of your life alone if you were young.
Well, I've been biting my tongue long enough. You women are crazy full of it! You know darn well, after a year or so of being totally alone at home, you would LOVE to have a studly guy around the house, but not necessarily married to him, catch my drift? "There is nothin' like a dame", but there is also nothin' like a guy, especially someone who is so modest, like me. :)
Add to that lots of other qualities like funloving, youthful in manner of thinking, etc., etc., etc. I want it all. Finally. Is that a fairytale to want that, really? I can dream.
Now, you can go sit in the corner with Phranque, Joe. I have some real 'grunt' work for each one of you fellas to do for me if you ever get BRAVE enough to come for a visit. Dirty, icky stuff. And so do my neighbors (their barn is WAY BIGGER than mine, filled with Holstien......which arrive needing your attention at 4am and 4pm....I'll tell them you're coming).
Stunt-girl, I would love to come and visit, but I want to do something different than what I do every day. I have my own grunt work, mounds of dirty icky stuff too, and often it does not wait until 4am or 4pm. As far as being brave, I think I qualify because I have to face strange and scary events every day, and I manage to find courage to face them. Everything is possible, especially with eoad. If it makes no sense, it must be ad.
Although it's always fun to visit people, I believe I've had enough s..t in my life, and so am probably allergic to it, so no shoveling s..t is in MY future! :)