All is lost, lost. Gone. Can't enjoy what I have anymore. Feel like it's no longer mine. I want a friend to come over soon and help me get up on one of my horses and at least lead me around one more time. I haven't realized how SH__TY my life has been all these years until now. I just realized that with everything my parents have been doing for me (even buying my SUV for me, building my garden house and half of my barn, they've been buying my CLOTHING for the last three years. I'm outta here. Thanks for advice, friendship, humor, kind words. I'm in a hopeless world of my own with no good end in sight. It's all too much, too hard.
Jen, don't you DARE think that things are hopeless. All of life has it's ups and downs, and you have had plenty of downs in recent times, so just think of the ups that have been stored up for you in the future if you will just hang on and have faith. It will happen for you. I am down now for a while, but expect that eventually, maybe even as long as two years from now, things will look up for me...I'm just hanging on, and you need to do likewise. ((HUGS))
Good news from my elderlaw attorney moments ago. First of all, John will be qualified for Medicaid by the end of this month. He IS having Johns doctor declare him incompetant and unable to make decisions for himself, including his health care...I will be the person responsible for making health care choices because I AM HIS WIFE (hey, let them continue to "treat" him with all that stuff that they want). I will NOT loose my farm. Further more, DO NOT pay the recent bill they gave me for January because Medicaid will pay it. Ignore calls or letters from the nursing home. I will be given John's Social Security checks and Disability checks as long as he is alive and I will receive the rest of his assets that remain. And, on top of that, the nursing home must reimburse me for all of the monies I've paid to them, for all his care medically that insurance didnt pay, his laundry, transportation, etc. wow. I didn't expect to hear all of that. He told me that the home is trying to intimidate me, that the staff doesn't know what an Elder Law Attorney does and most people that they take in don't have one. He said to trust him, that he knows what he is doing, that's what he does all the time and not to worry. I'll have no more communication with the nursing home or John. That's it. Hope the problem IS solved. They can do what they want...Medicaid will pay what they will and the home will have to accept it and that is that.......PLEASE, get yourselves an ELDERLAW ATTORNEY! It's worth every penny. Trust me. INVEST to protect yourself even if you have to beg, borrow from a friend or relative, or take out a loan. Jen
Jen, all is not lost. The nursing home cannot make you sell the farm. They are hoping for a private pay patient, much more lucrative for them. It is my understanding from Jane that medicaid will consider all assets as joint, whether or not they are in your name alone or not. You are allowed to stay in the home for as long as you live, or live in it. I hope someone with better knowledge than I have will come along to tell you about their experience when moving their spouse to a nursing home. The one thing I am sure of is that they cannot make you sell the farm. I think if you die or sell, they have dibs on a portion of the estate to cover the bill at that time. The information I got from Jane (who used to post great financial information) was what made me understand that Medicaid would consider my house that was a rental property purchased prior to marriage, in my name only, a marital asset. Only if I were to divorce, would Medicaid not have access to it, nor would my husband. Otherwise, since it was not a primary residence, they would be able to use that to spend down assets. I had spent the last 15 years working to pay down my mortgage and it was my only asset. I had planned to use that income to finance my retirement, not give it to Medicaid.
Could you take in a boarder, student perhaps, to offset some of your expenses? It's not ideal, but everything you can do to bring in some money would help. Give private art/sculpting lessons?
Also, (and I live in Virginia), what is mine remains mine. Medicaid CAN NOT have access to any of my assets when I'm dead, for any purpose. So, it WILL all go to the ALZ association and The Heifer Project, a non-profit designed to give people in developing countries livestock that will feed them and help them make a living, farming, etc.
Strange....Adult Protective Services is again in my business, asking all kinds of questions ....even about my own accident. Maybe they're trying to figure out the status of my OWN mental well-being and ability to make rational choices!!!!! Yep. Just pointed them in the direction of my lawyer, like he said to do.
Oh, PHRANQUE!!!! It's SO healthy to find humor in all the crap I find being flung all around me!! (Okay ..... I know you'll find something to say about THAT!!) Jen
There is so much to be grateful for when you are sitting in a big pile of crap... 1. It is very soft 2. It is nice and warm 3. No one will come over and bother you. 4. No one will dare ask you for anything. 5. And finally, swatting flies can be entertaining if you try to do it with your eyes closed. 6. You have plenty of ammunition to throw at others!
As for Jen qualifying for SSDI, unless she has worked and paid into SS, and within the last 5 years, she does not qualify. What she may qualify is SSI which is for people who need income but do not qualify for other programs including SS and SSDI.
I agree that have a boarder or two may be a good option. I do not know how big your house is, but that would bring in income as would renting pasture. Those are something you can do now - you don't have to wait. Just keep referring everyone to your attorney, including the nursing home. It will drive them crazy when they find they can not keep intimidating you!
And one more thing, Phranque.........if you're really bored, you can make a sculpture out of it....and I've heard that there are some people that process it somehhow and make organic flower pots and other things out of the stuff! ( I saw that one on "Dirtiest Jobs" one time! See? There is something to be thankful for in every "mess" that gets dropped on us (no pun intended). Aren't we so lucky? Not normal, just "lucky".
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!! Two words......E HARMONY! Not really, or not yet (but thinking about it). Just SO LONELY! There's a show I want to go to tonight at a local pub....local bluegrass and I don't want to go alone. I have a girlfriend that would go with me, but she yells and squeals too much and looks like a gypsy (draws too much attention with her excentricity). Cool, but embarrasses me in public by the way she acts. *sigh* I feel better now. Jen
As bad as your life is going, Jen, you still have humor. That will save your life!
OMG!! EHARMONY??? Is that for REAL? I heard they were all 'made up' people. OF course, at my age, I wouldn't know anyone who met someone on a web site, ..but I'm curious if anyone "REAL" ever did? (meet a life mate on line..)
I've still not gone "out" to anything and I want to see a movie "It's Complicated" very much. Maybe this weekend I'll find a matinee and go by myself. I'm afraid to walk back to my car in the dark so I'll have to go early. I haven't been to a movie in five or more years. I watch "On Demand" movies at home frequently.
Jen, keep sparring with Phranque and you two will keep the rest of us entertained. and...let me know if you find a friend on EHARMONY.
YEP, Jim and I met on Match.Com! My son and nephew (both 16) were torturing me to "get a life". The threatened to do my profile for me if I didn't do it myself and if I didn't agree, they said they would stop trying their hardest in school. The little stinkers were responsible for me meeting the Love of My Life.
My son met his wife on a matchmaking site and they are a great pair (and have given us two granddaughters in the four years that they've been married. They are both incredibly thankful for the site. DS had a lot of fun contacting people and meeting them. It got him out of a dip, even before he met the love of his life. Go for it, Jen!
A little experimentation? Sort of like "testing the waters"? No harm.......I mean, I don't ever have to answer any of those people, do I? Hey, ummmm, the only "latest" picture I have of myself is me in a hospital bed with my IRON CAGE around my arm, and me asleep (drugged). I'll have to use another one....or one of yours. WATCH OUT!
I went to a wedding right after Thanksgiving last year, where the bride and groom met on Match.com. They went out for about three years before they finally married.
You guys.....I'm KIDDING! Who would want this old ragged farm girl, anyhow. Arthritic knees, ugly arthritis ravaged hands, rough from work. I need my eyes worked on......stress is taking its toll suddenly. AND, I come with three hound dogs that I won't part with.....and a naked cat that owns me. (a Sphynx named "RiP")
You're a riot, stunt girl! Get yourself back together - the guys will be standing in line! Seriously, you take care of yourself FIRST. It will all come together for you.
Because the Ulnar Nerve was so badly damaged in my right elbow and because of the injury to my left thumb, my hands are thinning out, loosing the musculature between the tendons.....EEEK! Rt. hand looks like a chicken hand (I think so). Hey, I've heard about this kind of surgery you can get for your hands, though. Really vain, older women do this, I guess. They take FAT from your own liposuction surgery, spin it down and get it all syrupy and INJECT IT INTO YOUR HANDS to fill out all the ugly spaces you think you have. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Think I'd just wear gloves and bring back an old tradition. Very Jackie Kennedy. Maybe I could be a trend-setter. You never know. (personally, I'd rather have my eyes, lips, mouth, neck done.........one day. Not THAT bad, yet, people)
My lil cousin met her husband on Classmates.com! Someone she'd gone to school with and got back in touch with because she remembered they went out a couple of times way back then.
What age people go to these sites? Is it primarily young 20-30 somethings? I have heard of the sites and I'm pleasantly surprised to hear your stories. I really thought they were a joke and not for real....
I know several people who were widowed or divorced in their 50s who have met people on the sites. One is very happily married and some others are dating.
I met an elderly couple (each widowed) who were checking out a Christian meeting site for some young friends to see if it was on the up and up. Met each other and are happily married. Don't know if the young folks they were trying to "help" met anyone or not :) This would definitely not be for me. If I'm widowed, I'm widowed and will enjoy whatever I want whenever I want, cook and clean if and when I want, too. Selfish me; happy me.
I dunno, you guys.....never had to live alone EVER in my life until lately. Sure would be nice to have a partner one day. I'm a romantic, maybe......always have this idea of wanting someone in my life that is special, lasting, one good man. Silly me. Yep. I think I'd go to a dating site. Or, pay an old fashioned Match Maker.
Ditto for me too. I've been a widow for nearly a year and have no desire to remarry. I was a wife for nearly 49 years of my life (10 and 38+) and have no desire to try again.
My daughter has had two friends find their mates thru a dating site. It's been 10 and 15 years and they all are very happy.
I went from childhood home, away to college and then on my own for 3 years before we met and married (35 yrs. agolast August). I enjoyed the single life, and I've enjoyed our married life. I'm not ruling anything out for my AFTER.
I went from my parents' home to marriage, been married for 51 years. I've had a good life but have never lived alone. After going through this part of my life, I think living alone would be heaven. No one to worry about but me. Pure heaven.
Yup. Me too. Parent's home - shared a bedroom with my sister; college - shared a room with a roommate; married. Never lived alone in my entire life. I am not looking forward to the loneliness, nor am I looking forward to being without my husband, but...............I don't want to be a caregiver again. Chances are pretty good that the only man who would be interested in me at that point would be old, infirm, and need caring for. My goal after AD is to be a Cougar and have a den of cubs to choose from. :)
joang.......getta a hold of yo'self!!!! Rouuuuurrrrr.....COUGAR! Seriously, I just got home from one of the best nights out I can remember....all by myself. Was going to take a friend, but she cancelled out on me. BUT, we're going out tomorrow night to the same place for dinner and musical fare! The music was incredible! Drinks, desserts...good lookin' fellas out there, talented and VIBRANT! I'm such a romantic fool! (I had a very good time all by myself!!) If you're ever in the Valley here, look up the website, mockingbird123.com You'll see where to go when you visit!
I also went from home to college and marriage (51 yrs). My husband has been in a facility-end stage on hospice for three years. Of course I am deeply saddened by this nasty turn of fate. I have found, much to my surprise, that I enjoy my own company and being on my own. The toilet seat is always down and I can eat peanut butter straight from the jar with a spoon. I come and go as I please and plan to keep it that way.
bluedaze! I do the very same thing! My favorite thing is a HUGE spoon full of peanut butter in one hand and an apple in the other! I also have no more trouble with the toilet seat (except that the cat likes to drink from the bowl) and I eat over the kitchen sink so that I don't have to clean up my nice neat kitchen table!!
I also went from home to college to marriage. We've been married for 42 years. After our sons left home, I took a job in a town far enough away from DH that we only saw each other about every 3 weeks except for school holidays. We did this for 6 years. Although given how things are now I sometimes regret doing that, it was really good for me to learn that I could live on my own, that I could handle things like the furnace quitting on a weekend and could deal with car problems on my own. I was never sure that I could. Maybe that's why I don't think I'd want to marry again. I learned that I don't need someone else to take care of me. However, I would like someone who cared about me to spend time with.
You ladies can certainly set me to thinking. Me personally- I just don't know. But, I have always heard that it is easier for a woman to be a widow that it is for a man to be a widower. Is that true?
I think all of you have made some intelligent comments and my advice (for what it's worth) is be careful. I recently knew a nice widow lady and her comment was that the man she was seeing was only interested in a 'Nurse and a Purse'.
Don't have the purse and I am a sorry nurse. Woe is me.......but I know how to live alone and take care of myself. Next time I just want to be the girlfriend. The only problem will be who would be interested in a soon to be 83 year old lady.