My husband has had increasing episodes of urinary and fecal incontinence. This morning I could smell urine but I couldn't find it. I scrubbed the floor after I found dried up remains of urine. When my help got here today, we found it. He had pee'd in the garbage in the laundry room. Last Thursday he came downstairs after waking up and he smelled awful. When he turned around, he had poop all over his pajamas. I took him upstairs and got his clothes off (I threw some of them away) and put him in the shower. I had to scrub him down from the tip of his head to his toes. He had it everywhere. After that I had to scrub the bathroom down with bleach, it was on the counters, walls, etc. He has had increasing episodes. So my question, when do I introduce depends to him and any suggestions on how?
Just from what i have read of others, you are way past the time. As for how, others that have gone that route will follow. So sorry this time has come.
Diane, I agree with Charlotte. The time has PASSED to begin using disposable underwear. It's a health issue. The decision you need to make is whether or not to use the pull ups. Foster was only entering the urine incontinence stage and the pull ups were fine. I cannot see how they would help if you were trying to remove poopy pants without getting it all over him and everywhere else. Then, the tab types are better. Just try both. So sorry!
It's quite different to not have a bathroom that always smells of clorox anymore. Used to think my bathroom was so sanitized, one could perform surgery in there.
Nancy, what in the world were you doing up at 3:00 a.m.? Anyhow, not wishing to contradict Nancy, but my vote would be for pull ups -- for three reasons. First off, with tighter-fitting legs than "diaper" types, I expect they would do a better job of containing poop. Second, it's really no big problem removing them by either ripping or cutting them along the sides. And third, I think you'd have an easier time transitioning your husband into them -- you could try spinning them as just another brand of "briefs" or "jockey shorts" or whatever -- certainly less emotionally traumatic for him than "diapers". Diapers do have their place once your LO becomes bedridden -- putting pull ups on a bedridden person is near impossible.
My husband is still continent, but after he pooped on the garage floor, I put him in the Tena brand of pull-ups..suggested on the board. Even though he has never soiled with urine or poop, YET I knew it was time, just in case. I think the Tena brand look more like underwear & are softer than Depends.
I've been using the Walmarts Assurance pull-ups for a couple of years now - my husband became incontinent early, partly because his mobility is poor so he couldn't get to the toilet on time. GC's right that the pull-ups are made to be easily torn off. Since recently we've started having fecal incontinence after dinner (can't figure out what he's getting that makes him gassy then) I've found I can easily remove them without much mess once he has his trousers off.
The Tenas do look like striped boxer shorts. You really have to try the different kinds and sizes to see what works best for him. As it happens, my husband got a "diaper rash" on his groin after using the Tenas for a week or so. No idea why; Desetin worked to clear it up just like it did for our kids way back when. And we went back to the Assurances.
I call them whities. As in whitie-tighties. And my husband never objected; I simply disposed of all the jockey shorts.
But just you wait: Divvi will be along before too long!
Diane, we use pull-ups. We call them underwear and I hid all of his underwear in the basement, so he has no choice but to wear them. I put them in his drawer where his underwear went.
In addition, I keep them by the toilets in the bathroom, because that is where we change him now. And it doesn't create a mess if his slacks are already off of him. Only once have I had to tear the sides to remove them.
He also developed a rash when first wearing them, and the Desetin or any athlete's foot cream works to heal it. He hasn't had any since.
Good question, Diane. I tried switching DH to disposables a few months ago, hid the boxers, etc. Did not go well. I could not tolerate the begging and pleading for underwear so gave them back. Yesterday we had diarrhea all over the carpet and floor and a few hours later urine from bed to commode. He took it upon himself to throw away the jeans and boxers he was wearing with the first accident. I don't know when I will try the disposables again. Right now I plan to wait until it becomes more of a routine issue. Frequency is 1 or 2x monthly now.
definately- if you are asking diane the time is overdue. like the others have said, the pullups are easier and more like reg underwear and tend to fit around the legs better. getting agood fit is primary if you want 'containment'-esp around the legs. i also use tena brand with an overnite wider pad or the long thick pads made by tena in them every time i change. or the reg style depends pullups =- if on sale or i have coupons. the other brands cause rash on DH. skin can be particular around the groin areas so try some different types to see. they are easy to rip off at the seams and if you do it carefully you shouldnt have big messes while getting them off but it happens. less than solid BM will give you hell and get onto carpets, floors, walls, and them and you. so taking time to get them to the toilet during the day can save you extra pains. if hes using the trash cans he can no longer find the bathroom on his own or in time. that doesnt mean he wont try to pull it out EVEN with depends on. mine has peed on things with depends in place-- at bedtime be sure to check that the 'apparatus' is facing down in the depend or else if they go you will have wet everywhere. its a battle and takes time to find what works for your spouse. over time you will find its not so bad and you can deal with it and move on. divvi
I started Bill out with pull ups after a bout of diarreah. I approached it as a temporary thing to him knowing it would not change back. He was ok with it and didn't argue. I tried all brands and couldn't tell a big difference. Usually ended up with Wal Mart brand. The last year he wore the hospice depends and when he began having trouble standing I switched to diapers. He didn't even know the difference, depends or diapers made no difference to him.
Even with depends I did my share of cleaning poop and urine up. One time I swear he poop on his bedroom floor then peed and after that skated around the room. It was everywhere you could imagine, floor, walls, doors, bed bathroom and from head to toe on him, so bad I had to throw a sheet on the floor so I would have a place to start.
Not sure how I got through that, but thank goodness for latex gloves.
When I first started with the Depends (CVS Brand) I bought pull ups (they rip down the side for easy removal) and let Charlie wear his boxes over top of the pull ups. He didn't have a problem with this and over time, just quit putting the boxers over top. The only problem with the pull ups is that while they come off easy enough have to take pants and shoes off to put a new one on.
I have been using Depends for my wife for the past year or so. She has never complained about them. But, as ehamilton said, getting them off and on with pants is a real pain. As a result I have put her in only skirts so I can just lift it up to change. Right now I am using dresses which have no waist, so just drape over her. Loose BM's are a problem, but most of the time, if I get her sitting on the toilet I can get the Depend off without too much mess elsewhere.
Joyce43, I am soooooo very glad to see you back on our board. You have so much to offer, the way you got through this journey with Bill for 12 years is a lot of what keeps me trucking on. You have been so kind to me I can't thank you enough. Stay with us Joyce43, we NEED people like you.
Hi Jane, If it doesn't snow tomorrow I am going to try to get up enough energy to get to the post office. I'll let you know when I get there. Take care and give me a call if you feel like talking.
Thank you for all your comments, suggestions and caring. I bought some pull up depends today thinking the transition will be easier. I will see how it goes. He doesn't go into his underware drawer at all - he would wear the same close from now until the end of the world if I let him.
On another topic, I've had DPOA for financials in place since November 2008 when my husband was about stage 4. It gives me access to medical records but not to make decisions on medical. Today I took him to his doctor and got the letter I needed declaring him incompetent, in his doctors opinion, and unable to make any medical decisions on his behalf. His DPOA for medical is now in effect.
Well . . . I worried about a non-event. I purchased the pull up depends and when I got him ready for bed, I just handed them to him. He put them on and didn't know the difference. I feel better, I think, about his incontenance.
DianeT, I am glad he accepted the change smoothly. I was quite surprised when my husband also accepted the new underwear, without a fuss. He does not go into his underwear drawer, however, I still removed all his previous underwear.
Yesterday at Daycare, my husband had his first accident in his pull-ups. He has went twice on the floor, however, never in his pull-ups. I am so glad a few months ago my friends here, suggested after he pooped on the garage floor, to change to pull-ups. I am so glad I took their advice. By the time I got him home, was it a mess...yes, however, even though he didn't realize it. No one else did either. It would have been a different story had he been wearing regular underwear.
Today's the first day that mine's waked up - or gotten up - with a load in his Depends. What a mess. Then later in the morning, after dressing and going out with me for the first time since before Christmas (snow blocking paths; he did okay), another load. This time I went to the backup diaper style rather than deal with removing shoes and trousers. He's very compliant about it, but mess, ugh!
I'm beginning to think Sertraline is mine! I accidentally filled up all his 2-week little boxes with it, instead of just the morning ones, so he's on 50 instead of 25 (as I am). He's amazingly more relaxed about moving around.
My Daughter and I had been doing a good job of toileting Sharon (my wife) on a schedule so we avoided the Depends issue for quite a while. I would get her up at 6 am before I left for work to pee and she would go right back to bed. then it would be hourly for the rest of the day. Often we could skip a trip if she was tuned in enough to answer us when we asked if she had to go. Lately, however, she will sit for a very long time in the morning and not go no matter what I do to induce her to. A while beck she had so many accidents in a row... in bed... and we got so weary of stripping and washing the whole darned thing that we just made the emotional leap and routinely put her in them at night now.
What I would like to ask on the subject is... are there better brands than Depends out there? I cannot always find the smalls that we need for what little is left of Sharon and the next size up often fails to keep everything contained.
Thunder, try to find the Tena brand called Serenity. target and cvs/walgreens carry them. they have special ones made for womens bodies and for men as well. alot of us here find this brand a very comfy alternate to depends brand. they feel more like cotton and are softer. if they are a little big you may want to double up and put one over the other at nite to help with leakage. and also use their tena overnite booster pads in them at bedtime. it works well for me and we are in later stage now. all else fails, the tab sided ones that have tape sides can be adjusted for a tighter fit if you cant find a good fit with the pullups. hope this helps. divvi
For night-time use I have been putting my wife in Tranquility Premium Over Night Disposable Absorbent Underwear plus Tranquility Topliner Booster Pads. The Overnight holds 34 ounces of urine and the booster pads hold another 11 ounces, without leaking, even under pressure. With this she has gone through the night with no problems and only rarely exceeds the capacity and wets the pad I have over the sheet (usually when I have let her sleep late - over 10 hours). You can get these from The Alzheimer Store - see home page of TheAlzheimerSpouse.com. They are a bit more expensive that Depends, but since I don't have to change them several times during the night it pays off. Prior to using these I was getting her up every time I did - about every 2 hours - and still had to change the Depends 2 or 3 times. My understanding from the ladies on this site is that this plan does not work as well with the men.
Regarding having her sit on the toilet, but not pee, I solved this by turning on the water in the sink. It's interesting how quickly after this I hear her peeing.
I like the Tena brand also for my husband. I think they are softer than Depends. He is still continent most of the time, however, he still wears them all the time.
divvi... thank you for the advice. I have tried the ones that have the side tapes, the problem is that the tapes adjust the fit at the waist and, go figure... Sharon doesn't pee out of her waist. There is way too much diaper around her bottom. She is so tiny. I have seen the Tena brand at CVS and I will try them next time.
Marsh, Thank you too. My issue with Sharon isn't a particularly large volume of urine but the fact that the larger size cannot be made to seal properly around her bottom. sighhhhhhh I shouldn't drink wine when I post. All of this breaks my heart. Isn't it bad enough that I have to diaper my wife without having to be confounded by the diapers. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her... I just wish it didn't have to suck so much.
Thanks Kadee....... Sharon has windows where she will indicate that she has to go to the bathroom but there is little consistency to it. There have been times when she is sitting at the kitchen table and moved her bowels without saying a word.
After dh came home twice in a row from daycare wearing depends and spare clothing, I vanished his jockeys and filled the drawer wih Teena Pants. Not that he ever looks in the drawer anymore anyway. But he seemed to accept the Teenas. One morning early on I did see that he wasn't wearing anything when he got up and I found the depends kicked way to the bottom of the bed. Now, the problem is ever to take them off. The only way is at his bathtime, and even then I have to watch to make sure he doesn't step into the tub with them on. They seem to be a new security blanket. (He is still also wearing his jacket to daycare although it is 80 degrees out. Love that jacket.) Fortunately the depends almost always stay dry; if he does have an accident it tends to be late in the afternoon. So for now, it's working out. It sure makes for less panic and emergency runs to the bathroom when we're out. I think he feels safer.
I guess I am doing this way too late. I see the above post are about using depends when they can still stand and walk. How do you do this when they can no longer stand and are in bed? I think DW is now bed bound, I could not get her out of bed this morning.
moorsb - Now you go to depends that are made to go on like diapers with tabs at the sides. Maybe she is just havin a bad day and will be albe to get out of bed tomorrow. Good-luck and hugs to you both.
Diane T, I hear and feel ya! Lloyd gets a shower and that is when he changes his clothes. He wears them until his next shower. I got tired of the nightly battles trying to get him in jammies so I quit. We are to the point where I choose my battles carefully and wearing jammies to bed is NOT one of them. I will take off his belt, shoes, and socks; but that is it. I told the doctor that I felt so guilty letting him sleep in his clothes and he said not to sweat the small stuff. God bless him. We are fortunate that he has been around since he delivered my 41 yr old daughter. He is also the one who prescribed Marinol when the neurologist refused.