Take heart, dear friends --I think Carol really had it right when she said
<<when we finally win--get our LOs through the Dementia tunnel we will have our AFTER. Right now our AFTERs don't look real promising, probably because we haven't been doing that good a job of taking care of ourselves. This we need to do better--we MUST do better. Our AFTER will be as good and full as we make it. How full and good it will be, is in our hands.>>
I was so fortunate (some might say blessed) in having our son move back in with us for Frances's final year, affording me the opportunity (and encouragement) to begin moving forward toward my AFTER. Now, only two months after she finally slipped away, I'm doing really well -- going out for lunch or movie/dinner with my second best sweetheart (Frances will always remain number one best) a couple of times a week and beginning to "build new memories" -- we already have "our place" -- Carrabbas Italian restaurant, where we had our first "candlelight lunch" alone together while Frances was at adult day care almost a year ago. And we're trying out someplace new almost every week -- I guess you'd call it "courting" -- and we've even had serious discussions of a possible future together "unless I get a better offer". Sure, I still shed tears every day or so -- yesterday it was when I drank the last bottle of Frances's Boost nutritional drink that had been in the back of the fridge -- poignant because that seemed to be severing yet another bond. And I've still got tears in store when we finally get around to cleaning out Frances's closets and drawers -- which we've been putting off until Frances's favorite niece gets emotionally ready to help me. But on balance, so far my AFTER is proving to be far more happy times than sad times.
So good to hear your life is going forward. You were/are blessed that you have a son that was there to give the support so many do not have. You raised him well.
Thank you Gourdchipper for that post. Everyone should read it - there is life after AD. As I wrote about in Monday's blog - caregiving is "a time in our lives". It is not our WHOLE lives. There was life to be lived before AD and there is life to be lived after AD.
So happy for you, Gourdchipper*. Best wishes to you and your second best lady --for whatever the future may bring. Please keep in touch with us - you are our friend and we still need you.
How wonderful to hear how well your are doing!!! Best wishes on all of your new adventures and do keep us posted on how you are doing. We care about you here.
GC: What a beautiful post just when I needed it. I have not been able to make myself think about the future and when I do, it seems like there is a curtain in front of my face. I don't think that I like it, but, I haven't been able to do anything about it. I need to make some plans for the immediate future and I can't even do that.
I find your post, along with the others, uplifting.
GC, glad you are doing well "on the other side". I still have a few years to go, but I do think about it. While you're enjoying the company of your "second-best lady" don't forget to get in some exercise.
Not to worry, marsh -- my "second best lady" is a bigger exercise buff than either you or I -- up at 5:00 a.m. every day to do stretching exercises, followed by walking two or three miles briskly six days a week -- all aimed at trying to help manage chronic back pain that she's had for many years. It probably all started with undiagnosed scoliosis as a teenager, and has troubled her to some extent for most of the fifty plus years I've known her. Partly at my urging, she had "anterior cervical discectomy and fusion" of four cervical vertebrae a year ago, which gave her some relief from upper back pain, and has recently gone through all manner of injections and procedures on her lumbar spine short of surgery -- which she's understandably reluctant to risk. She recently graduated from hydrocodone to oxycodone every six hours for pain relief, which allows her to lead a pretty much normal lifestyle; but there's some concern on both our parts about her dependence on opioid drugs, and also honestly discussed concern that she might not be up to long duration RV travel, which could potentially become a "sticking point" in our relationship later on -- thus the caveat "unless I get a better offer". (Which I don't expect to get....)
Has she tried acupuncture or other alternative treatments for the pain? I have a sway back which is always in pain. When I could afford it, acupuncture was helping with the pain. (being overweight is what makes it worse. )
GC, I am so happy you are doing well. Keeep up the good work. I think you have earned it.
Marsh, I think that my Kathryn nd your Wife are at about the same stage. I will look forward to talking with you more in the future. I believe we may be a help to one another as time goes by.
Charlotte, I think I've about got her convinced to try acupuncture -- I showed her a very interesting article (http://nccam.nih.gov/news/2009/051109.htm) about a National Institute of Health sponsored study of 650 odd lower back pain sufferers that concluded that those receiving acupuncture (even simulated acupuncture) showed markedly greater pain relief than those receiving "standard" treatment.
GC, I have 4 damaged discs, two herinated, two bulging. Acupuncture and aquatic therapy make all the difference for me. I now have a managable level of daily discomfort. Please encourage her to try this combo, I went from being bedridden to much for comfortable. Hugs, Susan