How do you define the ‘chemistry’ that first attracts us to others? This is beyond the initial physical attraction involving no dialogue. Certainly it can’t be just common interests or values, because you can have these with many a person without that ‘magic’ of ‘chemistry’. So what is it? And why can you feel that chemistry with another, but it is not mutual? Or does the definition include the word ‘mutual’? I know that how someone is TREATED by another can foster or inhibit chemistry. How can you feel special about someone who treats you like dirt? I know I couldn’t. But someone who thinks I am really great, and who maybe shows real affection towards me makes me feel special and would provide fertile ground for chemistry to develop.
In my single dating years, I know it was that ‘chemistry’ that allowed more than just one or two dates with someone. What about the idea of ‘just good friends’ becoming more….is that a case of no chemistry at first, but then the development of it later? What was the catalyst? So many questions!
T-Joe......I don't remember. I hope one day to have that "Halleluhia" moment. But, I do agree that you have to begin as friends or some kind of acquaintance with a common interest in life. Yes, I think I remember a certain "spark" that I felt initially. I think that is probably what could be called the 'chemistry' in a relationship. I remember I could talk to John for hours. When I wasn't with him, I had a longing for his presence. We'll find out all about that again someday, be sure. I've PROMISED myself!
StuntGirl, that is the question...what was it about John that made you long for his presence? Why him and not anybody else who was possibly equally good-looking, interesting, or like-minded? That's what I don't get. How do you define that magic felt only for him? I guess its like that Mel Gibson movie "What Women Want"...I wish I could read minds if only for a little while.
We were introduced by friends. But only by phone.....I got his number and took the risk and called him. It was really a joke between a friend of mine and myself. Anyhow, we used to talk for hours at a time....once it was thunderstorming and my power went out....my little boy and I cowered in his closet and talked to John until we weren't frightened any longer and the power came back on. I really got to know him, I thought. We finally agreed to meet after two months of this, in a 'neutral zone', the lobby of a beautiful hotel near his home. I remember the moment I met him, the look on his face, exactly what he was wearing, the attitude of his body! We sat and had drinks and talked and talked about the most intimate details of our lives. We were already in love. Those blue eyes and Tennessee accent took me away and was the final stroke. Took me to his home to meet his three children that were living with him. Escorted me to the interstate on-ramp so I could go home at about one o'clock in the morning.......As I drove home on the interstate, I said out loud to myself, "How Nice!". I knew he was too old for me...he knew I was too young for him. It didn't matter. As a matter of fact, we discussed this and I remember saying that If we had at least fifteen good years of marriage, we were luckier than most people. It WAS love at first sight....after talking about EVERYTHING for a couple of months! We had no secrets and I considered him my best friend.
So I guess the answer to all this is to let the chips fall where they may...trust in God to lead us in the right direction, and don't be looking for something...just let it happen. What ever happened to 'seek and ye shall find'? Thanks for your beautiful story, StuntGirl. That tells me a lot about life and the uncertainty of it all. What happens, happens.
Exactly, T-Joe. It's a risk. Also, I wasn't looking for a partner that could offer me wealth or a lifestyle of importance. He lived a very modest lifestyle when I met him. I knew he was a doctor, but felt he'd probably been wiped out by his past two marriages and children from those relationships. I had no expectations, we just "clicked". He took a job with a large group in Orlando, Florida, we moved and that is when I began to live the life of a Princess....Rolls Royces and Bentley's, a home on the third tee in Bay Hill. I believe even then, now that I look back at things, he was beginning to fall ill.
My DW and wife and I met over thirty years we had instant chemistry, we met the night Elvis died which by coincidence was also my birthday. We talked, drank and danced the night away. We had a great time and things just sort of evolved from there. We could sit and talk for hours about many subjects and generally just enjoyed being together.
I was immediately attracted by her very good looks, great body and her wonderful smile, an unbeatable combination! We enjoyed a great life together.
Does anyone else remember where they were the night Elvis died?
Texas Joe, i'll take a stab at it too. scientists have believed for some time, that we could have a chemical communication thru odorless pheramones. these pheramones could affect how our human psyche behaves and functions in group behavour. and these emitted odorless pheramones can affect our sexuality, human compatibility, much like in the insect and animal world. my own opinion is i do believe this is the 'connection' you are talking about. some people produce a pheramone that attracts us others dont. plus on another level there is also the belief somewhere in reincarnation that we are attracted to someone we have known in another life? ie-soul mate. could be i am just putting it out there. i think the pheramone idea is very on target! divvi
divvi, did you know that there are some companies that sell pheromones that you can put on like perfume to attract the opposite sex? Needless to say you need to make sure that you order the right ones or you might get some very unexpected and inappropriate admirers ! ! ! LOL
yes shanteuse, thanks for that enlightenment! plus pregnant and 'monthly cycles' also emit very large amounts which attract!! think when lionesses go into estres )sp?) the males go nuts. hahah.. i think we are onto something here!! divvi
phranque, that is true, haha. the queen bee emits a pheramone and the workers get busy! :)
oh. and ps when we made perfumes when i had a cosmetics company, the pure base,essense used for the base perfumes were always very stinky=type pheramones.. ie-skunk! most of our perfumes today use urine of skunk and others ==haha. true!
Yes, divvi, I do remember hearing about the pheramones thing. I think it could be a combination of that plus the verbal input r.e. interests, conversational skills, values, maybe even the sound of one's voice. All I can say is 'viva la differance'. I look forward, withOUT any expectations, to meeting some new friends as I venture back out into the world of 'normal' people.
phranque, if you havent heard some like the french and some most euro nations,, think their stinky pheramone smells are super sexy..! (ie-lack of deodorant)
yes, i think i am much more enticing-attractive since my new title..:) divvi
divvi, yes, I can well recall that overpowering B.O. when a whole tour bus full of Germans would arrive at one of the scenic overlooks at the Grand Canyon, but that certainly never struck me as "sexy" -- we started avoiding the more popular tourist destinations in August for that very reason.
But back to the original chemistry question -- I'm inclined to think that the "spark" is more just a matter of time coincidence of receptive moods by the two parties, which might be signaled almost unconsciously by body language or tone of voice or whatever. I could easily have fallen in love today with a gal I passed in the beer aisle of the supermarket -- beautiful sparkly eyes and a ready smile, and something almost clicked as our eyes met then -- and again as I stood in one checkout line and she in another -- if I hadn't been anxious to get Frances's urine specimen back to the lab, I might have followed her into the parking lot and tried to strike up a conversation....
Gc, you know, that same kind of thing happened to me about a yr. ago at Braum's (dairy and ice cream store). This attractive young (I'd say no more than 21) girl opened the door for me as I was leaving, and for the longest time, stared into my eyes with an intense look and a semi-smile on her face. Maybe I reminded her of her departed grandfather or something, but it was really weird. I left with this strange warmth in my heart that was more than just horniness. I wish I could see her again and this time talk to her for a while.
Yes, those eyes that meet across the room--at the ice cream store--and one speculates--very pleasing events that rarely go anyplace--but very much appreciated. When I was in high school, a friend asked me to invite a certain boy to a party, she was too shy. I stopped him in the hall and as I did an unseen force hit my stomach--saying, 'pay attention, this is important.' Three years later we were married. My 'friend' never forgave me. I certainly had boyfriends, but his smell (it was natural, he was clean) always melted me, no other man ever smelled just that way, and I've often thought it was phenomes/hormones, whatever. Another theory is that we subconsciously size each other up to see if he'd make a good father or she'd produce healthy babies. Another lifetime.
Well.... haven't you ever had the experience of seeing someone and instantly getting a "gut feeling" that you disliked them (to put it mildly), before you even exchanged a word with them? And haven't you similarly met someone and known instantly that you were going to be friends? (I'm not necessarily speaking of romance here.) I have a friend who sometimes shorts out electronic equipment just by touching it. Don't you think it's possible that our bodies do emit their own distinct electrical field, and we pick up on that at an unconscious level? I know it sounds nuts but google kirlian photography.....
When I worked in safety, I worked with a guy who had that electrical energy in his body, he could screw up electronic devices just by touching them. In the safety department we had some meters that were used to detect the presence of electrical currents. We would touch the probes to this guy and he would light up the meter with his in body electrical current. So there, we have semi-scientific proof that such things do happen.
A very attractive saleslady in her 50's calls on me at work, she and I seem to have some kind of chemistry going between us. She just lights up like a Christmas when she is around me, I can feel the chemistry of mutual atrraction between us. She is single and is very aware of my situation with DW (who knows this may go somewhere). For those of you who may be wondering, I don't buy very much from her, mostly repair parts, but we have made major purchases of lab equipment from her company in the past.
You guys are right it does make a lonely old guy feel really great to be noticed by an attractive member of the opposite sex, I'm sure you ladies feel the same way.
It’s interesting to hear how everybody met their LOs. You never know when you will meet the one that will play such a great part in your life. In my case my wife Kathryn and I were introduced by a friend. The odd thing is that the friend that introduced us never saw us together until we had already been married for 8 years.
I do believe we were always meant to play a part in each others life because my friend Linda called me from Kathryn’s office and asked me if I would like to go out with a friend of her’s. Linda said that we had a lot in common. I had gotten tired of dating, it was to much trouble and too restricting, I liked my life and had decided to just have some friends that were ladies and not date any more so I told her I was too busy and didn’t really have the time or want to get involved with anyone at that time. Kathryn gets a kick out of telling people that I dumped her before I even met her but that she caught me forever.
The next day I saw there was a call on my ID box that I didn’t know so I called it back to let them know that they had called the wrong number and it was Kathryn that answered the phone (Linda had called me from Kathryn’s office). We talked for a while and she asked me if I would like to go out and I told her the same thing I had told Linda. Neither of us had made the connection. She told me that if I ever wanted to go out to give her a call that I sounded like a nice person. I said I would but truthfully didn’t plan to. I was going to school at night and repairing a house I owned in Key West at the time.
After about a month or so I finished the house and had spent so much time going back and forth to do that the school advised me to drop the class because I had missed too much to pass. On a Thursday evening I called Kathryn back, who I still had no idea was the lady my friend had tried to get me with, and asked her if she would like to go to dinner and a movie. She said yes and we went out with no pressure from anyone. I sent her some flowers the next day to just say thank you for a nice evening and note to let her know I would like to call on her gain.
That August I asked her to go to London with me. She accepted and we had a great time. On the last night we were there, while sitting a Hagendaze Ice Cream shop, I asked her if she would marry me. She said yes and we have had 8 great years. She asked me why, with all the great places in London, I asked her in a Hagendaze Ice Cream shop. I told her we may never go back to London but every time she saw a Hagendaze Ice Cream shop or ad she would remember this day.
After we had been married for a couple of years her sister told me that Kathryn had told she wasn’t going to date me anymore because I took her to Piccadilly and movie on our first date. When I asked her why she changed her mind she said the flowers showed that there was hope for me and when I took her to St. Augustine and asked her if it would be ok for me to hold her hand instead of just taking hold of it showed her that I had at least a little class and was considerate of her (she didn’t know I had read “Dating for Dummies”).
I can not imagine my life without her. She is the best part of me.
JimB
PS She asked me what I was looking for in a wife. I told her tall, blonde, big boobs and dumb as a post. She is average height, brown hair, pretty nice boobs and has three degrees. Make you wonder what she saw in me.
Jimmy, you asked what we were doing on the day Elvis died....I was at work and a co-worker's mother called her and told her. We were all in shock. On the way home from work, all the radio stations were playing Elvis songs non-stop, and it was a 40 minute drive home. I cried all the way home (my husband drove - we both worked in downtown Houston). August 16th is my younger daughter's birthday too! And we were taking the family out to dinner to celebrate. When my husband and I walked into the house to be greeted by four excited children who were ready to go out and eat, they saw their mother in tears. One asked why I was crying and another one said "Because Elvis died today" - My daughter has been angry at Elvis ever since for dying on her birthday! (She was 12 at the time!) We did go out to dinner and had a good time, but I was not my usual jubilent self! By the way, I am STILL a huge Elvis fan - we finally made it to Graceland two years ago. I enjoyed seeing the house, cars, planes and memorabilia.
Now as to the chemistry matter, I agree with Divvi - but the eye contact is what I relate to more...when meeting people, I always look them in the eye, and if something jives, I know we will hit it off, even if we seem to have nothing in common! My husband was a good friend before we started dating and it was far from a love at first sight. However, we fell in love and he became my best friend, lover and a part of me over the years. I do believe in instant attractions, and have had a couple of those meetings, and had to think "gosh, darnit - I'm married" <Grin>