Thanks all for taking the time to comment, wow, did I need the hand holding today.
No, the document is not notarized. But now a new twist, he brought it up, said he wasn't going to give me 12k when the house sold unless I agreed to file jointly with the IRS. (Has he been on this site?) Kidding. So that's what's bugging him. He said he would have to pay capital gains tax on anything over 250k unless we filed jointly. I've been filing married filing separately for 2 years, afraid of what he would mess up. O.K., now we're down to business. I told him I would agree to that, only if he gave me the 12k AT CLOSING, have a professional tax preparer do the taxes, and show proof that he had paid the taxes he still owes from last year, $1,400. And that I would only be responsible for paying the taxes I would pay as married filing separately. This sort of evolved as I did a few revisions in the typed agreement. He did say, how do I know you'll be around then. I said, o.k., don't sign & pay the taxes on 50k. Well, he said he would sign it, seemed happy to not have to pay the taxes, but said he wanted to pay 1/2 at closing, 1/2 when I signed the return. I told him no deal. So it seems it is turning into a mutually beneficial business arrangement. I guess I'm safe here as long as it's done by a tax professional. I even put in the agreement that we would split the cost of the preparation.
So, since he won't call the realtor about staying past the closing date, (I mean, you HAVE to agree on a rental fee) I told him I was going to put stuff at my friend's house before the closing. (He claims he can stay as long as he wants, it would take a court order to get him out!) And that he can find an apartment in a day anyhow, once he has the cash from the closing. The poor reasoning is evident here! He's going to find a place that doesn't do credit checks (not any place I would want to live, how about you?)
I've booked a mover for July 11 @ 9:30. I don't have to worry about him finding out in the event it rains & he can't play tennis, since I have told him in advance. Will leave some stuff that I can later get into my station wagon & stay here until the closing. My plans have really changed. I'm just taking my chances that this will go through, and that he is that eager for me to file jointly. He is really worried about that tax bill. If it doesn't work out, then I won't be any worse off than before when I was just going to cut my losses & forget about the 12k. Plus, I was feeling really pressured to have all done by next weekend. With only one useful arm, I am so slow. If it goes as planned, I will have to send divvi a nice thank you gift! She's the one who got me going.
I haven't done anything today except THIS. But I don't feel too bad about that, I've bought some time & things are (for the most part) out in the open. I will contact the sheriff's office when I get the remainder of my stuff out should I feel any concern what so ever. Either way, I will be out of this marriage July 15th.
No way is he going to sign a separation agreement for the 6 months now. That would be before tax time. :-)
Gee, I was formerly known for my one or two sentence comments.
kitty if you do the filing jointly and 'ya'll' agree among yourselves who will pay what proportions. that maybe ok by you, but you better get the money for ALL the taxes that will be due from you AND him and put into a bank acct to hold BY YOU til taxes are due . if you go this route and he fails at the next 4/15 tax due date to pay the irs will come for YOU to pay whats due regardless of who owes what. filing jointly makes you both liable for full amounts, they wont mess around if he doesnt pay they will come after you both. so if you want to go this route just make sure you have 'enough' money set aside for next yrs taxes. if you dont do this he may not have it next april. with regards to the 12k not sure the buyers atty would try to get your 12k in. YOUR atty would need to do that in representation of your interests i think. you may want to call your divorce atty asap and ask this and see if she would need to be involved. its iffy just asking the closing title company to get that in. they would probably just say thats personal between you and spouse. i dont know if that would work. i am of course hoping you do collect any way possible! but you at the very least coud have your husband tell the title company that will cut the checks to make two checks one for him and your 12k at closing for you. ? if he as seller asks that it may fly. without the attys involved. just ideas. hope it works out. divvi
Kitty, I'll dito all that Divvi said...and have one more suggestion. As a licensed Real Estate Broker in Texas, I can tell you that there is a clause in every sales contract that is entitled POSSESSION. There IS a line where it can be checked "Possession at Closing", or "Other"...and that is where the two parties agree on a possession date. Usually it is a week or so after closing and a per diem amount will be deducted from the proceeds.
Just so you would be prepared,...if everyone goes to closing (imaginary scenario) and the buyers show up in a U-Haul Van, they will expect to go over to their new home after signing and paying their money. If they find that they won't get the house right away, they can get up and leave. This has been said by everyone else on this site. Don't you know who the listing agent was...so you can talk about his move-out date with them? I see another sale about to blow if this isn't addressed ahead of time.
Kitty, mmm, yea, don't think you want to do the joint taxes thing. Spouses have been caught in those lies when the other spouse doesn't have cognitive problems. How would you know if he tells who ever does the taxes the whole truth? Or even knows what the truth is?
As usual, I don't know how this tax due conversation got started, but won't the IRS give him 2 years or so to reinvest his profit from the sale of this homestead into a new home...and in doing so, not look for payment on the gains until that time has passed?
Was this house his separate property? I agree with Divvi, that Kitty probably should NOT postpone her plans. If its not one thing, it will be another. He could get sick, be injured, and then she'll be trapped caring for him. There is never a "perfect time" to jump. It's really hard. But, sometimes we've gotta do what we've gotta do. I fear he will always be "in her life", married or divorced, unless she moves away. That's the hardest thing of all to do!!!!
Just got home from house sitting. What a great thing to wake up to, people looking out for my best interests. Thank you so much.
Yes, my friend is a realtor, and she said in this state unless otherwise agreed upon, the seller must be out of the house by midnight the night before the closing. Husband said he would call around the 1st of July. Don't know why he's waiting. At least he agreed to contact the realtor (as of yesterday, who knows?)
I am going to call my friend's closing attorney on Monday & discuss the matter with him. He does all of her closings. I think he will be able to guide me through this & represent me at closing if that is an option.
divvi, Pat, you raised issues I had not thought of. Will check into your information. Good thinking!
Nancy, as far as I've been told (by him) if you buy a house of lesser value within 2 years (his plans) then you have to pay capital gains tax on the balance. Yes, his house is in HIS name, my house is in MY name. Early in our marriage I suggested that we both be put on the title to our houses, but he said no, his house was worth 100k more than mine. Thank God he was that stingy. Makes it easier now. Same with no joint checking. Same with no joint credit cards.
I will be moving away, regardless. I'm not turning back & I feel better each day with my decision.
It was nice staying at my friend's last night. So peaceful. I measured the room. She has so much storage space I could put everything that's in this house in there. Of course, I'm only taking some....
I am going to start taking small fragile things this week each evening when I go over. It's a beautiful house, 4 full baths, 2 half. I have to buy a shower curtain for my bath, don't think it's ever been used. My friend called from the beach yesterday & told me how glad she was that I was moving in, she didn't like leaving her 14 yr old son alone at night when she was showing houses. Which is what she's been doing since her separation. (Not that he NEEDS a baby sitter, he'll be 15 in November.) Next year I'll be moving from this 6,000 sq. ft. house into my rental, just over 1,000 sq. ft. Hope I don't get too used to this life style.
Thanks again for all the tips. I am going to fill the car now with stuff while my husband is playing tennis & make another trip out there.
Kitty, what the IRS looks to is the "basis" which is a figure that represents a cumulative profit/loss from all the homes he has sold in his lifetime. The taxable amount on the profit earned also changes when a person reaches a certain age. I do not believe he will be taxed on the entire amount he profits from the sale of the house, but it's a topic that can only be determined by his tax accountant.
He's only 56 and has only owned this one house. He says he's putting a call into his real estate attorney on Monday, because he doesn't believe what my friend says about having to be out on the date of the closing. He's looked it up, and settlement doesn't happen until their attorney records the deed, which should happen in several days after the closing, according to him. He wanted to look at apartments, and I told him I wasn't going anywhere until he got it straight with his attorney & their realtor about staying past the closing date. I warned him if he didn't do it right, they could back out of the sale. (Glad I have a place to go, 12k or not.)
Kitty..when I bought my first house, the sellers had specified that possession would occur 30 days after closing. Little did I know that I would be making mortgage payments without being able to move in...Since then, I specify possession at closing. Each state may vary with what it is standard. Some allow possession at closing, at recording, or on a specified date. Your real estate contract usually will spell out when possession occurs..
phranque and others. I don't doubt your words. My question is, What if you move out before closing and the buyer changes his mind and doesn't complete the deal? Here in WV, I never heard of taking possession at closing. Standard is 30 days. Friends in Ohio just received an offer for their house and said the offer specified 14 days after closing. They are shell-shocked. In their 60's and wanting to downsize but just listed the house last week, not expecting anything this soon. They rented my large storage building for a hugh invetory of antique cars and other like stuff but have no idea of where to move while their new house is being built.
When we sold our first house in Ohio we couldn't move until our new house was built. The buyers agreed to wait. Little did I know I would be paying their mortgage which was triple what I had been paying. It griped my soul. :-O
It seems each state has sort of a "standard" date of possession. However, it is whatever the buyer and seller agree to. Whether you are buying or selling, just make sure the contract states what you want.
We've bought and sold houses in Wisconsin and Indiana, and bought one in Illinois and possession was always date of closing. We just assumed that was standard.
here in tx when i sold an investment house- keys were delivered at closing after everything went thru. . i think payments or monetary arrangements have to be considered if prorating like the others said if you stay in it longer after closing. didnt the buyers give your husband a potential buyers agreement with earnest money down when they made the offer? thats usually done as well and would spell out their demands and offers. then if buyers back out or dont get financing the 'earnest money' is for the seller who is out of luck to cover small costs taking the house off the market for the potential sale.. at least that is how we have always done potential contracts. and there have been many -personal and commercial-divvi
Possession of the home is one of the negotiable items on the contract. I bought a house in Boca Raton Fl with a possession at closing, but I moved in the day after I signed the purchase agreement. I specified that I was to live there until closing, and if it fell through, then I would owe rent. There are all different options available, and most of the time, it is the seller who dictates the possession date. The normal date will vary by state and county. If the deal falls through, then the sellers usually will keep the good faith deposit to defray expenses. The key is communication with the real estate agent, so that you are aware of any snags that will prevent the closing date. It can be disappointing at times, and very frustrating.
I've bought 8 houses in 5 states. Only the current one was new. In almost all cases I also sold a house. Normal in Massachusetts, New York (3 houses), Arizona, New Jersey and California was either the day of closing or the day after. In one or two cases we had a 3 day stipulation.
Basically what phranque says is true, but unless it is stipulated otherwise in the contract you are supposed to be out on the day of closing.
We have had 3 very different closings. The first, in NJ, was for a house we were already renting, so were already moved in. The closing involved 4 attorneys and 3 hours. The next was in Maine. The seller said we had to have the closing 1 month before we moved in, so we made a special trip to Maine from NJ. That closing involved the seller, my wife and me, and the bank officer. It took 1/2 hour, most of which involved discussing what birds had come to the feeders. The final closing was so complicated that it took all day. We stopped in the bank in mid-afternoon, signed the papers and got our money. We then lived in the house, rent free, for the next 3 months, while the new owners did some remodelling on parts. I hope that's the end. I plan to give our present house to our kids.
In TEXAS, where I am a licensed Real Estate Broker, the Seller USUALLY has to give possession of the house to the Buyers at Closing UNLESS it is stipulated otherwise in the contract. If possession is later, the Seller agrees to pay per diem (daily rent) for every day up to the possession takes place. It's not at all unusual for this per diem rent to be 1/30th of the new owner's mortgage payment. Since they have to begin paying a mortgage from the day of the closing,...why would they be willing to let the former owner live there rent free? Kitty, I don't know where your husband got the idea he could stay there till the 'sheriff moved him out. (Isn't that one of the comments he made??) Geez! Poor Kitty!!!! He MUST be driving you nuts! I'd hate to buy a car from him. Wonder how long he would want to keep driving that after the sale???? :-)
We sold our house 2 years ago, purchased a Condo. When the purchase agreement was written, it stated that we were to be completely out of our old house at 12:00 A.M. 14 days after closing. If not, we had to pay a penalty for each day after. It was the same regarding the former owners of the Condo. In the past when we sold or bought houses it was normally 30 days, however, I think times have changed.
I think the most important thing is that both the Buyer and Seller agree on when possession is to take place. I fear Kitty's husband doesn't think that information is any of the Buyer's business. Pooooor Kitty.
Kitty, we sold our house in VA in 2007 and also bought one in 2005 which we're still stuck with. We had to be out upon closing with a walk through immediately before to determine everything is still working. They'll walk through checking air conditioning, heat, water, etc. and that whatever is conveying is there like window treatments. It is spelled out in the sales contract. You have a final contract when all contingencies have been removed. Those are generally the home inspection, appraisal, termite, and financing. Your DH will be informed with a copy of the release of the contingencies. The only way to stay in the house after closing is if the buyers agree to a RENT BACK from the sellers and that would have been in the sales contract. It was exactly the same here in AR on the two separate houses we've purchased here. Your DH isn't sounding logical. A few days before closing all parties should be delivered a settlement statement spelling out all the closing charges and how much the seller will receive at closing, how much the buyer needs to bring. LOOK THAT OVER CAREFULLY FOR ANY ERRORS) There are a lot of little things like you must keep the utilities connected through the closing date - this is especially important so that systems can be checked in the walk through. The house is usually expected to be at least "broom clean" with all your stuff gone and he will turn over his keys to them at closing. Maybe the realtor could come by or call with you both on the phone telling you exactly what to expect and what you are expected to do between now and closing. Buyers typically have a lot invested in moving in on agreed date, have their movers arranged, and could be left stranded if that falls through, and it would certainly be grounds for nullifying the contract.
Thinking about you a lot Kitty. Soon, soon, things are going to start looking a lot brighter for you.
Below is the exclusion for capital gains. Since this is the only home he owned, then there is no looking back. If there is a gains of more than $250,000, then you can still file separately if he gives you a share. Personally, if you can get your $12,000, then I would go for the divorce. The gains would be the sales price deducting what he paid for the house, improvements (certain) and cost for selling the house.I don't remember what it is selling for (I think around $300,000) or what he paid for it, but he probably will not have more than $250,000 to worry about.
Maximum Exclusion
You can exclude up to $250,000 of the gain on the sale of your main home if all of the following are true.
*
You meet the ownership test. *
You meet the use test. *
During the 2-year period ending on the date of the sale, you did not exclude gain from the sale of another home.
If you and another person owned the home jointly but file separate returns, each of you can exclude up to $250,000 of gain from the sale of your interest in the home if each of you meets the three conditions just listed.
You may be able to exclude up to $500,000 of the gain on the sale of your main home if you are married and file a joint return and meet the requirements listed in the discussion of the special rules for joint returns, later, under Married Persons .
He paid $29,000 for the house - sold for $303,000. Deduct the $29,000 form that, any closing cost that are deductible, any capital improvements if any, and that is your basis for capital gains. He should be really close to only seeing $250,000 or most likely less.
What an Investment that was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's an incredible appreciation. woo woo!!! Rarely hear of that these days. If I was him, I'd be such a dutiful Seller and would be doing everything possible to see this sale goes through slick and easy!
I'm in the midst of trying to get my car loaded up again. I've taken over a bunch of clothes (can try them on over there) and anything else I can carry with my one good arm. I've actually made 5 trips with the station wagon loaded. I'll have to reread all above carefully.
Finally figured out how to get the dog's collar on properly, (have to put his legs through in the front) & took him for a walk this a.m. It will be interesting to see if he & my cat get along. Better a dog than another cat, which I know she wouldn't like.
Took me an hour this a.m. to water all the container plants with the watering can, as instructed. (With a house like this were IS the hose?) Also noticed that the indoor plants were dying, did those too.
Yesterday when my husband insisted the buyers would have to get a court order to get him out of the house, that NOBODY moves before closing, he was in bed watching TV (afternoon) & my arm was aching. He got upset because I kept walking away, I needed to sit down & rest my arm. I told him if he wanted to talk to me, to get up out of bed & sit down in my office, my arm hurt. Well, has anyone seen the look of what I would call a wild animal? That's what he looked like to me, an angry wild animal. I swear he was snarling. I told him I would be happy to discuss anything once he had calmed down. He didn't come into my office, and no words have been exchanged since.
I really hope for his sake the sale goes through for him, I hope he doesn't mess it up. He would have money to live on. I have a funny feeling that I'll not see a dime of the 12k, but still glad I postponed my moving date. I could never have gotten all this organized in that short of a time. My energy level is not what it used to be, but slowly coming back. Lots of green tea.
I believe someone asked about earnest money. Yes, that is being held for him. I don't know of any agreement, except the contract, because as usual I've been kept out of the loop.
Kitty I am going to say it again, GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! yes there is greed involved, HIS GREED. You are messing up his plans!!!! He is likely to do anything now. He may have even beat you to the divorce button. He is not acting or reacting like a man who is planning on sharing any part of his life with you. His only concern right now is his financial status ie. his tax return and the sale of the home. I fear for you, you are in a much more dangerous situation than you can imagine. We are on the outside looking in the window and our view is pretty clear. We all care about you and your best interest. Please, Please, Please, cut your losses. You are more valuable than some furniture and 12K!!!!!!!
Kitty, I have been reading your postings here and have kept quiet as I have nothing to add to the good advise above. However, your last post has me thinking that I need to speak up. IMHO, your statement that he looked like an angry wild animal, snarling; this means that things are more unstable than you realize. You are thinking he has never hurt you. Please play it safe. Shellseeker is correct. You are more, much more valuable than what you are seeking. DUMP THIS THING AND GET OUT NOW. This is really concerning....M
Kitty, I agree with shellseeker. I would consult my lawyer and tell him what you plan to do and leave quietly, while he is not around and leave him a note. I would not tell him where I was staying. You could be in serious danger. It would also be good to notify his brother or someone.
Thanks so much for your concern. Just got back from house sitting, computer withdrawal, & errands. I called the real estate attorney my friend recommended this a.m. & he said my case was not at all unusual. I have to write a letter to the buyer's attorney, my husband, and my husband's attorney letting them know I want this payment to be included in the settlement agreement. If there is an issue with that, then I can file a lis pendens & the buyer's closing attorney will be notified of this.
Discussed this with my husband when I got home. Yesterday he was going to give me the money at settlement. I told him I wanted it in the settlement agreement. He said no, & I said, o.k., you give me no choice but to file a lis pendens & wrote the word down for him. I told him to ask his real estate attorney about THAT. So after further discussion, he said he would ask his attorney to put it in the settlement agreement. (That's today.)
I now have the name of his attorney, the realtor's name, still waiting on their closing attorney's name. Husband said it would be less expensive to pay me the 12k than the capital gains tax. I'm not sure about that, but as time moves on, he might check on it. He now knows I have a legal option & is seems fearful that it might mess up his closing if he doesn't comply.
Called the moving company, and asked if they had July 4th available. That would be bumping it up a week. I have the option of the 4th or the 11th. Really thinking I'll go with the 4th. I just want to put an end to this. He asked me again this morning if I was going to live in an apartment with him or not, and I said, not with the way you are handling things. All of this was done in a business like manner.
If I feel that my safety is threatened, I will just leave & stay at my friend's house. If he won't do this in an agreeable manner, then I AM going to cut my losses & not press for anything.
I read the contract this morning. It states that the buyer will show that he/she is able to pay (pre-approval letter) within 7 days of executing the agreement. Well, the woman is on the contract as the only buyer, but the woman & man are on the approval letter. He hasn't even asked the realtor about that. It will go through or not, I will get my 12k peacefully or drop it, and I will be out of here soon. I kind of like July 4th, Independence day.
The agent representing your husband is the one to ask the agent of the buyers if the lender has issued a final loan approval. The pre-approval letter is based on their ability to pay (income) and a down payment that has been verified. I had a buyer for one of my rent houses who was under contract to buy it with a pre approval letter in hand. Then, after we agreed on a purchase contract, the lender dug deeper and found she had defaulted on a student loan 20 years ago, and denied her the loan. Lucky for us, we had a back up contract and just went with that Buyer..and didn't lose much time in closing on the house. Actually, the back up contract was for $2000 more!!!! :-)
Communication is key when a home sale is in escrow. I spoke to my Realtor every day or so as final loan approval, inspections, etc. were underway. (I'm a Realtor, too, but prefer not to sell my OWN properties... I just split the "listing half" of the commission with the Agent. )
kitty thats wonderful you have a legal way to collect this money. by all means do what the atty suggested, and dont throw it away. if you need to leave so be it, but do that letter and get it in the closing settlement. you dont have to be present to get that check disbursed. they can mail it to your new address or you can pickit up at the title company after. you will need the money to start fresh. isay do what you have to do to stay safe but dont let him get away without paying you that money in consolation fees! you can have your cake and eat it too:) just be persistent you are holding the aces now. divvi
...and don't count on him to "call the title company or attorney and tell them to write that check out to you" ..the order has to be written, and in their hands. In real estate, all agreements MUST be in writing. That's a law. Just wondering what the agent said about his moving out..and when. You alludied to that, but I missed the answer . Will check back.
He doesn't have a selling agent Nancy, For Sale by Owner, which has caused many of the problems. He has a hard time with comprehension these days. My friend offered to list it for 1%, a friendship fee, she is one of the top 25 real estate agents in the state. Nopey Dopey. He didn't need her. He won't listen to any advice offered, which is how we ended up needlessly in an apartment for 6 months with the house empty when the 1st closing fell through 2 years ago. (Feels longer.) I had staged the house beautifully, and there it sat empty. Oh well.
As I've shared with a few people, can't wait to start a new thread, "I'VE LEFT!" :-) If he screws this one up, it would be really pitiful.
Kitty, I sincerely hope everything goes through without a hitch. I don't know how you have been able to go through all that you have and still keep your sanity. I hope and pray you have many better and happier days ahead. I know you aren't religious but I am <Grin> Good Luck!
Kitty, you are skirting the real issue. The real issue is YOU and YOUR safety, not what is on the agreement or who has called whom. July 4 is still 2 weeks away. be careful, lock all doors behind you. Do not turn your back on him for even a brief moment. DO NOT drink anything that he has fixed or has been open in the refridge. I am very concerned about you and your well being, you would not the first to be offed before the closing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please GET OUT. Stay with your friend, tell him that she has had a major surgery and you need to STAY AT THE HOSP with her. Do not tell him where she lives. you might even want to make up a fake name for her. Please Do not make us read about you in the newspapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shellseeker, Kitty's husband has never been violent, nor has she had cause to be afraid of him physically. She has told us this time and again. A lot of the husbands get that "look" in their eyes without violent tendencies. Kitty is smart and knows her husband, and if she should think for one minute that he would try to harm her, she will be out of there. You are a good friend to be so concerned about her. Her safety isn't on the line, but her money is. He just wants things to go his way, and his way isn't in her best interests. She's trying to protect her interests and get out from under the stress and financial burden.
Jean, thank you. I'm not religious, but very spiritual! I take my actions very seriously, because I believe in karma, past lives, future lives. Each of my actions, if not considered carefully, would mean I would (by my belief system) that I would have to learn those lessons again in a future life. I aspire to grow forward. It's o.k. with me for you to pray! <grin>
Shellseeker, I've been married to this man for 10 years, 4 of which have involved some serious dementia. Thankfully he was quite a gentleman & for the most part still is. He DOES raise his voice frequently, which has become more & more frequent over the past year. It's like he doesn't know how to say anything with emphasis, except for raising his voice. I appreciate your concern. Trust me, I will not put myself in harm's way. I worked as a counselor at a crisis intervention center for a year, and there was a hole in the floor where one of the client's had "gone off" with a gun. I have dealt with many situations & know when to call for back up & when to back down & out.
Thanks Mary, you're on target.
Got home from house/dog sitting today & he was very calm. His real estate attorney had told him exactly what I had TRIED to tell him, that he had to be out by closing. He was actually sheepish. (I tried not to gloat, and was glad that he UNDERSTOOD what she was telling him.) She instructed him to ask the buyer's realtor for an extension past the closing date & to put it in letter form as well. He is doing that as I type. He's going to ask to pay to stay until the 18th (closing on the 15th), so he will have money in hand to leave. I said he should ask for a week, but the buyer has to be out of an apartment end of July, so now he feels lucky if she will accept the 18th.
He told me he had told his attorney to include my 12k in the settlement agreement. I told him MY attorney told me I would have to send a letter to his attorney & her attorney with the agreement enclosed. So, he gave me her fax #. He doesn't know who the buyer's closing attorney is. I noticed that he had signed the agreement that's been sitting on his desk for 3 ? days that states if he gives me the 12k, I will file jointly. I had asked for it back yesterday, telling him he was being uncooperative. Today it must have seemed to have some value to him. I have a feeling he will not need me to file jointly to save on capital gains. But if the taxes are prepared by a professional, and he shows me proof that he is current with the IRS, I don't think I will have to worry. But of course, I'll consult with a tax expert to determine if there is any possible exposure for me, and to see if he actually would save any money.
I am proud of my dog sitting efforts. Being a cat person, this is all new to me. I had to figure out how to get this weird collar on where Felix puts his legs through. My friend didn't ask me to, but I have been taking Felix on a walk in the a.m & p.m. He's so little & cute. We've started to bond. He curled up next to me for the 1st time last night & put his head in my lap & gave me a kiss! (Yikes, on the mouth.) I love watching the Westminster dog show, but mostly for the toy dogs. A chiwawa would be my last pick, I like those long haired cuties, pocket book kind. But Felix is a really nice dog. I wish there were a doggie park here like in NY City. I visit those each time I go up.
Kitty I have read back to the first post on this thread. I truly believe that by being on the outside looking in, we see a broader picture. I spent over 20 years in law enforcement, I know that when someone is on the edge of losing everything, dementia or not, they can explode and destroy everything and everyone in their path. Many women and children are dead and buried from "the first time". He is on the verge of losing everything that is important to him. Please BE CAREFUL!!! He is not the man you fell in love and married. Now that being said and at the risk of getting scolded, I will say it again. You are worth far more than 14K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I will not type another word about this, but you and he will be in my prayers. Phyllis
Oh, I came back to post something I forgot to ask...
I think the way he sees it, he is gaining something! He has so wanted to sell this house. When he thought it was sold the 1st time 2 years ago, he did a happy tap dance as he was leaving the house. I truly think it is more important to him to salvage the sale of the house than to salvage our relationship. And I agree, he certainly is no longer the man I married. No one is going to scold you for presenting your view of things. Share anytime. I may need the reminder.
Now, to my question. What does anyone think about my telling him that I am not going to move into an apartment with him unless he demonstrates he can earn a living. That I don't want to be in the same position I've been in again, with bill collectors calling all day. That I am staying elsewhere & when he finds steady employment we can revisit this. The man told me (after we were married, before dementia) that he was never going to work another day in his life. That at 46 years old! So he really, dementia aside, has no ambition. He has not had a JOB since I've been with him. He has been a "stock trader" since we've been married, since we've been together. He had always worked his own hours/days before his inheritance as a contractor. I have found some old tax returns, and let's say, had I found them prior to marriage, that would have been a BIG RED FLAG. With dementia, I can see him going down the same path again. Money in hands, doing much of nothing, maybe looking for houses to buy, that's it. Any residual funds will go for living on, and he will have false expectations of making money by flipping houses. He wouldn't get a job, even if he could, even if it meant losing me.
Kitty-do you really think after all these years that he's going to change. Once you move out keep going. Don't let him know where you are and enjoy your freedom. Shellseeker may be right based on her experience. He's not a danger until he is. We want you to be safe.
Kitty, I don't see any harm in your telling him what you've suggested, if you think it may reduce tensions and sort of grease the way so things will go smoother for the next few weeks. Just don't buy into the idea yourself!
Kitty, I agree with the others, tell him whatever you need to in order to smooth your path until you get $$ in hand. Then get the he-- out of Dodge! You don't want to be married to this person, do you?
NO! I know he's not going to change, that's the point. He'll never make an effort to work, he's not even trying to look. He's been watching tennis on TV for days. I know he won't even try to have a steady income. But I think it makes sense (I THINK) to suggest that, base on the notion that you have to have money coming in from somewhere in order to live. It's not saying, I don't like you, etc. it's saying I don't want to live in a situation again with creditors calling. I have no intentions of going back, are you guys kidding me?