Sometimes in my own misery I forget that others have problems also. When I was going crazy with husband's out of control rages and being unable to find a place to take him friends' support kept me sane (I think). Now it is my turn to give back. Yesterday was bad news all around. The friend that kept me in her house when I was in panic mode was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Another who was always there to listen without judgment had a stroke and is being admitted to a SNF hopefully just for rehab. It's finally raining and I will be looking for the rainbow. Nora
Nora, support systems do tend to fail on us at times, and so glad you are there to offer support for the dear friends that saw you thru your own bad times. i hope both of your friends make a strong comeback pronto. divvi
Nora, I also hope that your friends make a strong comeback. They are fortunate to have you for a friend, and I know you will be there for them as they were there for you. That is what friends do for each other....we're family here...we passed from friendship to family last year!
I know what a good friend you are. Sorry to hear about your friends. It is tough when your support system sinks. Sending you a cyber rainbow. Hope they both come through o.k.
Nora, it is so sad that they have had their misfortunes. It is also an opportunity for you to give back a bit. Hopefully, this is just a minor set-back for both of them.
Nora, I agree we often do tend to get wrapped up in our own challenges with AD, and rightfully so, but I'm coming to realize that everyone has their own set of problems and are also dealing with sometimes devistating circumstances. (And in most cases I would not want to trade loads with them.) It is good that you are able to be there to help your friends now. They will truly appreciate your care and concern. (And, it does tend to take our minds off our own situation for a little bit.) Sometimes I wish I could do more for others, but keep thinking after....I'll be more empathetic and able to help others more. I also feel bad for other AD caregivers who haven't found this site. It is SO much help.
Oh Nora, so sorry for your friends. I'll keep you all in my prayers. You know you always have us here, even though we can't physically help you. I don't have much of a physical support system (you know, someone to drive Dave to the gorcery store, or just have a cup of coffee with) but I do cherish my friendships here. I know you'll find the rainbow soon!! Hang in there... :) ~DI
Dear Nora--I'm really sorry to learn of your friends. Sometimes it's harder for the friend (you) than it is for them. i knowhow bad you must feel about them. I know you must be a very good friend or you wouldn't feel so bad. My prayers are with all of you.
Thank you all for sharing my concern for my friends. The gal who had the stroke is making a good recovery in rehab. She had a terrible fall during the night before her hosp adm and remembers none of it. She may be coming home with home care the end of this week. Not sure about her mental status. Friend with lung ca is still in the testing stage. We have an excellent cancer program locally but her family is from the north and want her there. We'll see. What I find interesting is the fact that all her family is tearing her apart making decisions for her without asking her what she wants. Let you know how it goes. Nora
Thanks for the update. Looks very promising for the friend who had the stroke, that's good. As for the friend with lung cancer, that must be a powerless feeling for her, others trying to make the decisions. Hope in the end she has a say, & hope they caught the cancer early.
Where is divvi when you need her. I was talking to a neighbor when my friend with the lung cancer's dog comes strolling down the street. I get him into her house and there is poop all over every where. While walking the dog all hell broke loose for her. Got her in the shower, poopy clothes and shoes soaking , the dog fed and the floors mopped. Her color is gray and she is having a rough time breathing. Won't let me call her daughter and she is settling down. All this before a rigorous week of testing prior to her surgery. Needless to say I will be keeping a close watch over her today.
Nora, it is hard enough to clean up after our spouses, but to do so for a neighbor is going above and beyond! I award you another star on your panel of life. I hope that if that ever happens to me, that I have a friend who will go the extra mile like you did. I truly hope that she didn't suffer a stroke or something... It doesn't sound too good for her.
sounds like you have a great handle on the situation nora! no need for poop queen advice. you did a great job and by the way i am proud of you being the one to take charge! divvi
Nora, you reminded me of something kind of interesting about your friend whose family wants to make all her decisions. My mother had a stroke 6 years ago (before dh diagnosis) and I saw her in the hospital emergency room shortly afterwards and stayed with her until they brought her to her room. As the child, I did feel that I should be making decisions for her as she obviously couldn't at the time. My siblings acted the same way. It took a while for me to realize that it was still her choice what she wanted. When my dh was diagnosed, I saw his sons reacting the same way - they thought that they would have to make all the decisions for their father. This pissed me off for a couple of reasons. The first was I was his wife, it was not their place to make decisions for their father. The second was they were deciding what should be done for their father without having a clue what their father wante! They never even asked me or him what he wanted.
I did talk with the doctor about this and she explained that this is a common reaction. It is also more common for family members that live further away.
Hopefully as the dust settles, they will back off some and let her make the decisions or follow her choices.
I think I have to resign from this site. Bad luck must be catching. I just walked outside to check on my marigold seedlings and our property manager comes up to me asking about my OTHER neighbor. She was found wandering and a resident brought her home and notified the office. I had noticed that the woman was acting vague and neglecting her grooming. Used to have her hair done weekly and always out with friends. Lately papers stay in her drive and her hair looks terrible. She does not like being asked if she is OK. I asked how her good friend was and she gave me a real blank look that we all know so well. I know it's not my business or problem but---- Do you think that as we become caregivers we become supersensitive to the needs of others? Thanks for listening-think I'm on overload. On a high note=Bill was alert and color was good this morning. Showed him pictures of our grand daughter but of course that went no where.
Nora, I'm so glad something's going well. Even though he didn't recognize your granddaughter, Bill being alert and with good color sounds better than the last news I remember. I'm so sorry about your friend with lung cancer. Sounds like she was in pretty bad shape today. It's a good thing you spotted her dog outside without her.
Nora, what a week you are having !!!! (Or your support system, now plus.) I'm assuming your other neighbor lives alone. I wonder if anyone is going to contact her family. As to your question, I think having been close to AD or dementia certainly makes you notice things about others you wouldn't otherwise. As I've watched my husband's mental capacity decline, over the past several years my 89 year old neighbor's has too. She used to gobble up any book I'd give her after I had read it, and we had such interesting discussions afterwards on her front porch. (My husband hasn't read a book since we met, only National Geographic & Smithsonian Magazines.) It was always such a pleasure to be with her. Lately I've found myself avoiding her, too hard to have it at home & go out for more. I know I shouldn't but the last time I visited, she told me the same story 3 times. She no longer reads books, claiming poor eyesight, but her daughter who lives 2 doors down from her says it is a comprehension problem. Maybe when I'm done with all this at home, I will find a useful place in the community to use my first hand knowledge & experience. I'd like to give back some of what I've been given from this web site. It has saved my sanity.
Glad to hear about Bill. At least he isn't having problems at the moment as he was a while back.
Bluedaze...please do not resign from this site....I. among others here need you so much...and yes caregiving becomes contagious...seems like you can always find someone who needs help...I have 3..my dw with ad, my 87 yr old mom, and an 86 yr old gentlemen who has no friends or relatives....and I guess I will also take in stray puppies and kittens if I run across them....but stay here with us please...let us help you get thru these fun times......
Alot of you all know and understand what I've been through recently to get my husband out of the nursing home in Florida. WHEW! What an ordeal. Well, I have to tell you this one thing that amazes me. NOT ONE OF HIS CHILDREN OR SISTERS HAVE CALLED HERE EVEN ONCE to see if we made it home alright or to ask how their dad is doing or to tell him they love him. It's breaking his heart. It's a cold, cold world. I was thinking that I would have to change my telephone numbers to keep them from upsetting our household so much...now I'm getting paranoid. I'm wondering when the boot will drop and I'll be issued some sort of law suit for something or another.Therefore, the silence. Weird. And unkind.
Bluedaze.....I'm sorry about your friends around you having so many problems of their own. The other day, I was thinking to myself that I must live at the end of a lane called, "Death's Doorway"!! A nearby neighbor who helps me keep equipment in running order, stuff I can't handle, fell and broke his shoulder. Had to put his disabled wife in a nursing home. Got word the other day that she fell ill and was placed in the hospital. Decided to remove all the life support from her. They're just standing vigil, waiting for her to pass. My neighbor across the way had some kind of annurism burst in his stomach. Fortunately his wife was home. They ended up taking half his stomach out because they couldn't stop the bleeding. Miracle. He's home now recovering. Then, there's John (in the hospital getting his medications adjusted and (I think) being evaluated this week. SO FAR, I'm doing just fine except for the stress, worry and blisters I have right now from working in my garden, in an effort to comfort myself. I haven't had to face a lot of the extreme hardships that some of you have, but I'm sure it's coming. I know it doesn't get any easier. As for support, all I really have are you all, the visiting nurse, my mother and father who are far away and ill. But, they love me and check in dailly. They're the only one's who do. Wish my kids would at least leave a message or write.
StuntGirl, I love the way you have continued to fight for your and John's interests and well being. I worry some though about some of the things you say...you sound too much like me, and that is sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes very level-headed, etc. There are lots of folks that care about you that just don't happen to be there in person to help out. But that goes for all the rest of us, too. We would all love to have the doorbell ring and answer it to find about a dozen or so of our dear friends met here. Hold on, for there will be a better life coming for all of us.
I talk to myself in my garden, on a walk in the pastures, on my ponies.....today, I promised 'Jen' that this isn't forever. I promised I'd find partnership again one day if I wanted it. TJoe...yeah, sometimes I'm all over the place emotionally. And I CAN be very sarcastic, but USUALLLY just being playful. (gotta find 'playful' any way you can, I figure). Ii'm kind of an 'open book'. And easilly read. Thanks for everyone's support.
Hi family-time for a friend update-Kitty thanks for the concern. The friend who had a stroke is doing well. My other friend with the lung cancer is another story. She is in heart failure and is bleeding from somewhere in her GI system. This is delaying her lung surgery. Will know more next week.
Hang in there, here you are surrounded by friends who care about you who can and will help provide the encouragement and support you need. We need your encouragement and support as well.
I find my moods vary from day to day and sometimes from hour to hour.