just found that today 2 pm EST Talk of the Nation is having on NPR:
Talking Alzheimer's: Is Honesty Always Best? Ron Bel Bruno came out of the closet... twice. His dad suffered from Alzheimer's. TalkNOW: As memory fades, how much do you share, again and again? Is it ever best to lie? Email your stories now; we'll read some of your comments live on the air.
you can get it later as a podcast if you don't have it locally, through NPR.
If you understand what is happening to the brain of an AD patient, you will understand that lying to an AD patient is a kindness. Honestly may be the best policy re shoplifting, but it is not the best policy when dealing with AD. Your goal is to keep the patient as calm and happy as possible, if that means lying you'll do it.
I totally agree. I call it "fooling around with the facts". My DH is convinced ,most of the time that he is still just as clear as the day he was dx''d. Of course that is not true but I always agree with him.
The broadcast is worth listening to - the guy who wrote in Newsweek about his traumatic experience telling his father he was gay, and then being asked by him again 11 years later when he was in the depths of AZ, and at least he admits that THAT time when he told the truth it was for himself, not his father, who was apparently indifferent. And the woman who wrote "Speaking Alzheimers" who was also very good.
They both come down on the side of therapeutic fibbing, but someone who called in said it was a sin to lie. Period. uh-huh.
The url is http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104310422
God has catagories for lies. Little whites,fibs,telling tales,whoppers. What we do falls under "popcorn." It dosen't really hurt when you throw popcorn at someone. cs
There have been times when my husband was able to "understand" the facts. I like to be honest and above board. At those lucid times, I gave him feedback regarding his behavior. He became very depressed and devastated to what he was doing.
Instead of being able to talk equally to my partner, I mistakenly put an ugly burden on his sick mind. Now I just (try) to cheerfully pass things off , and most time I just admit to "having forgot" whatever the issue is.
He can't handle all of that baggage and it isn't fair for me to put that burden on him. It isn't a lie, we are giving them what they can handle. The "lies" that we have to tell are the things that stay in our hearts and put the sad distance between us and our loved ones. We have to carry it for them.