DH has definitely regressed the past few weeks. He is living in the past and questioning me constantly about the house we are living in, even though we have been here going on seven years. I have stayed home 24/7 and given up all outside interests, which I have really enjoyed up to now, because he seems to be living in the past and uncertain about where he is and how I fit into his life. He is also having trouble remembering our two children. I would like to get a dog for companionship for myself but I am wondering how this will affect him. Would introducing an animal into the household that he is so uncertain about be a good thing or a bad thing. Of course, I would include him in the process of the adoption.
Bookworm, the only problem with getting a dog, that I can see, is that your DH will end up with it.... My little fuzzy dog was supposed to be MINE,...DH make it clear for years he didn't want a dog, I didn't need a dog, dogs were a nuisance and nothing but trouble. UNTIL the day we picked it up. Just so happened, we were in my car..(he was still driving locally then).. and he carried Tigger home in his lap. (I had a carrier with a towel, etc.... Big joke!) Since that moment, they have been inseparable. Tigger loves me when he is hungry, wants to go outside, or has a similar NEED. But the rest of the time, he is either in DH's chair, squeezed in between his hip and the arm of the recliner, or next to him in bed.
The very best thing we have is this little dog. I can't speak for a BIG dog, they may be different. Tigger is much like a Bichon (he's a Havanese) or a Shiz Tsu. He is the greatest joy in our lives.
Depending on the stage of your husband's disease, I'd think twice about asking him to "make decisions". Initially that's one of the hardest thing for them to do. Go 'looking' one day...and then make the actual decision yourself. I'd recommend a smaller dog. Their "poop" is easier to handle. (An Alzheimer's thing!)
Thanks, Nancy. You helped me make my decision. I will start looking next week. We once had a beagle/cocker spaniel mix and she was a delight. So I'm thinking beagle and I know the shelters are full right now so it should be easy to find the right one.
We have a terrier mix (given to us by a neighbor before we moved to the midwest who found it wandering the streets ). Anyway, my hb loves her, and she loves us. He holds her, pets her, whispers sweet nothings in her ear, etc. I'm glad he has her; seems to relax him. (Terriers bark too much.)
Bookworm, (!!), Look for a dog that's known for being a herder/caregiving/loving dog. Don't get a feisty, rambunctious terrier type, because their hyper-ness (is that a word?) might upset your hubby. Think of one he can hold easily and doesn't shed very much. I read about lots of breeds on line...which was almost as fun as actually picking out my little boy. I think you'll be so happy with a dog...and it will be so good for your DH. If you get one tooooo much like your old one, your DH may think it IS the old one, and that's confusing to them. I think the one thing everyone on this site agrees with is that pets are wonderful!!! We have our cat lovers and dog lovers...and most of us know which one each other has, often by name! I'm so happy you decided to get a new little dog. Keep us all posted on your search. Trust me, we'll all be excited with you. Nancy
OK, I was typing while Zibby was sending her comment. We both agree on the "hyperness" of Terriers. Ha Ha. Our Tigger is a HAVANESE..sometimes called a Havana Silk Dog. The breed comes from Cuba... Look them up. They are so cute. I do not let his hair hang long like a dust mop, though. I keep him scissor cut to a medium length. They are as soft as persian cats. On another post, Jane said she had to sign off for a while, because she was getting carried away on her legal/financial advice. I have to do the same thing when I begin to talk about the importance of having a pet in the home with an AD patient. They are priceless.
Our pup (1 1/2 years) is a labradoodle, and they are often used for service dogs. In fact, not long ago, G said he thought she knew something was wrong with him as she is so attentive and caring. A true love and huge plus in our lives now. We have had beagles and big macho labs in the past..all terrific, but Bailee is a step above..actually, too bloody smart for her own good sometimes.8-)
I have both a Havanese and a certified Havana Silk Dog. They are great companion dogs and very loyal to their people. They are toy dogs and should not exceed 13.5 lbs. I will be breeding my Havana Silk Dog her next heat which I expect in the fall. If you are interest in finding out more about these dogs, let me know bookworm. You can e-mail me at diane.tomasevich@comcast.net on what to look for if you are interested in this breed.
I think pets are great, 'specially dogs, but if you already have one, and are used to the routine of care and feeding and vet trips, etc., that is one thing. If you don't have one now, I'm a little surprised at this point that anyone would want that extra responsibility on their plate. I would love to have a small to medium sized dog, but I just am not ready to take on anything more on my plate. Maybe when DW has to go to a NH, it would be possible, and good to have a 'friend' at home.
As it happens, my AD column was just published about 'Sophie,' the yellow-lab mix we 'adopted' years ago. I felt my DH's life had become too empty and he needed a focus. We'd always had dogs so it was not a new experience for him. Not only was it good for him, but for me as well. I knew I'd likely be alone and Sophie would be a bridge between us, a living, loving creature that would comfort me in her way. She went to puppy heaven a few months ago, at age 14, but it was a very good decision. She was not yet two when we got her, already housebroken--I didn't want a new puppy. Yes, it was extra work, but we have a big yard and for all the extra work & expense, it was well worth it. I ended the column citing studies at the Univ of Nebraska & the VA showing what a positive effect dogs have on patients, especially those with AD. Dogs visiting hospitals, especially at sundown, calm people, make them more social, smiling, laughing and verbal. It certainly is your personal decision, and a small dog--not a big one like Soph at this point, but if you can handle it, I'd say 'go for it.'
The right dog can be a blessing. We have a Shih Tzu, weighs 13 lbs., is now 6- we got her when she was 1 yr. old, already housebroken. She is my DH's dog! Of course, she's mine when it comes to being fed or watered. LOL She is his constant companion, watches over him and he loves her to death. He can still take her on walks (I watch from a distance). I truly hope she outlives him, because he would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to her.
bookworm, yes do research and think about which dog breed would be a good companion to you and dh at this point. beagles are very laid back and loving but can become quite loud and overwhelming at times with howling. AD persons do not enjoy loudness i think i can safety say. maybe a smaller breed like most of us are recommending would be better to enjoy a lapdog type instead?? i have 2 chihuahuas and they dont leave my side and sleep next to DH in the bed. he still loves them and talks too them daily. they give us so much joy when there is so much sadness on this journey. by all means get a dog!! someone to love is a necessity-divvi
I vote for a dog as well. Last year, after DH's heart attack, we went online and found the Golden Retriever Rescue league in our area. The folks there interviewed us and then we were free to go online and select the dogs we were interested in. It was an interesting process. We went to only one foster home and found our dog the first time out. But when you visit the dog, the foster parent tells you all about the dog's abilities, preferences,etc. If you think you'd like the dog, you talk to the initial folks again and they tell the foster home. The foster home then tells them if they think the dog would be good for you. This has more to do with the personality of the dog and cats, kids, other dogs, etc.
Abby is a perfect match for DH. She was abused before her rescue and is so grateful for a good home that she has become DH's velcro dog. They walk every day and she stands patiently when he stops to pick dandilions in yards of anyone in our neighborhood. She came to us with absolutely no bad manners and is the perfect fit for us.
No matter what kind of dog you might be interested in, check out the rescue associations for that breed and see what may be out there. You'll get tons of information on the personality of the dog you are considering and knowledge that he/she is housetrained, good with children, animals, etc.
My husband will sit for hours with our 2 dogs. He just pets the and I think they know what's going on. Every once in awhile you can tell the need to get away but they basically sit with him for long periods of time. He seems to really enjoy them.
i find it strange that my male chihuahua doesnt lick DH hands anymore. dog whisperer says they can sense sickness, liver issues, and other forms of illness thru smell and licks. i believe it. now my male will sit with him but not touch him or lick any more and he used to be all over him. now hes always cleaning my hand instead . i feel dh is so 'toxic' the dog knows to stay away.. sad-divvi
My DH is sooooooo attached to the two kittens (a yr old this month). They sleep with him, groom him and when not with him, he's looking for them. Our 11 yr old mixed breed lies next to him, but he doesn't pay much attention.
I have been thinking of getting another cat (a kitten) or a small dog. We have a big cat that DW loves but he is not affectinate and never gets in her lap or on the bed with her. She likes to pet him on the floor and always talks to him. Do you think a small dog would get along with a 3 yr old black cat.?????
My daughter has a small short hair terrior that she brings with her when she comes over. Out cat keeps an eye on her and the dog on the cat. They don't meet in the middle. Her dog doesn't bark thankfully. You might do better with another cat unless you are accustomed to dogs.
When we adopted a couple kittens into our 2 cat/2 dog home we set DH's room up as a nursery--food, water and litter box. For the first week or so, we'd bring them out several times a day for cuddles and introduction time with the "big" cats and dogs. Everybody checked everybody out and sniffed under the door periodically. Then, we just started leaving the door open for spans of time and they were part of the family. I do believe younger ones are easier to integrate, because they haven't established any dominance and will accept more easily the dominance of the cat already there. Our dogs were used to cats and the main concern was actually that they were bigger than the kittens and pushy about getting acquainted. They wouldn't purposely hurt them, just be a little rough out of excitment. When the last addition came(accidentally), she was dropped off on a Sat. afternoon. Bag of kitten chow on porch, handed me the kitten and left, just as DH's uncle and cousin were arriving and our daughter and son-in-law were returning. They all trooped in and went to the dining room with the dogs going nuts greeting them. I started in off the porch clutching the kitten to my chest, but before I made it all the way in the dogs saw me--"What's Mom got/!" and raced to me. Kitten saw, "DOGS!!" and started climbing. I held on as she headed up onto/over? my shoulder, "I coulds use some help here." My son-in-law put her in DH"s room and shut the door. She was only supposed to stay until I could get the rescue to come get her Monday. DH kept leaving the door open and by Mon. she was part of the pet family. just a tiger kitty, but she's "Sweetie". If your older cat is a male, I'd reccommend a female kitten. A little boy shouldn't have spraying issues if neutered early, but an adult male might object to "competition". Anytime we've added kittens to the household over the years, the older ones have been fem ale and adapted easily--just let the new ones know who's boss and"don't bug me". Luna, our current Sr. has seen so many changes to the pet population over the years that she justs checks out what's new and walks away with a kind of "Oh, one of those." shrug to her walk.
Thank heavens the weather's gotten nice enough now that our eldest, Shadow, can be outside a lot. She HATES the boys to bug her, but they're not doing anything but sniffing. And she loves tucking into her little nest under the eaves, even when it's rainy. I agree with Carosi, get a little girl if you get a kitten. And introduce slowly. Ditto about slowly if you bring in a dog.
Hey, how did this discussion shift from dogs to cats (and even without Sunshyne here!)?
Well, we had been sort of hankering for a dog too, and the decision was seemingly made for us about three weeks ago when an adult female Doberman followed me home from my afternoon walk and has been here ever since. No collar, and nobody has reported her lost in the newspaper or on the humane shelter website, so we've seemingly got us a dog -- and just what we'd been looking for -- a short haired "outside" dog who would enjoy romping around our five acres and getting all muddy in the pond next door and chasing squirrels and accompanying me on my walks. We're guessing that she was a family pet that someone just decided to abandon down here on a country road for some reason -- that happens pretty frequently. She's very well mannered -- never tries to come in the house (but she's curious and sticks her nose in for a sniff), never jumps up on anyone, holds still for being bathed and toenails trimmed, and never leaves our unfenced property unless I go to the street to check the mail or something. I finally bought her a collar and leash a couple of days ago so she could walk with me on the street (she doesn't know anything about staying out of the way of cars) and it's evident that she's been walked before -- she walks at my pace if I hold her on a very short leash, but if I give her five feet of slack then we both trot along at her pace -- which is good exercise for me. Eats like a horse (she weighs 70 pounds) and spends most of her time sleeping on one of the porches if we're not out walking or something. Slobbers too much for my DW to really enjoy her, although she does seem to enjoy watching us feed and bathe her. If nobody claims her pretty soon, we'll take her to a vet for shots and maybe neutering (if she isn't pregnant already -- she was seemingly in heat when she adopted us). We're guessing she's around four or five years old, and has seemingly had litters of pups before. A pleasant distraction from 24/7 caregiving!
i am a sap sucker whatever for helpless animals. i applaud you GC for taking in the female stray. the abandoned ones show such loyalty and appreciate an adopted parent!! koodos to you! divvi
i took in a stray when i lived out of the country for yrs. we named him Cayman, like allligator in spanish. or like the island! hah he had yellow eyes and a mix shepard =but my was that dog loyal to my 8yrs old son at the time. he wouldnt let a human around him when he played outside. he was so appreciative of getting food and attention. your dobie will do the same for you i am sure.
We have two black and tan male Daschunds, they are great little people dogs. They enjoy lying on your lap and seem to be able to snuggle into just about any place big enough for them. The youngest one has been DW's constant companion and shadow. They both will snuggle up with her in her chair. When she is in the hospital or rehab, she misses them very much and worries about them constantly.
I enjoy both of them they spend a lot of lap time with me as well, both of them sleep with me. They make great pets and weigh about 17 to 20 lbs when grown.
The doberman sounds like a man's dog Gourdchipper, liking the outside, walking etc. I am glad for you that she found you. I am with your wife in that I am not fond of slobberers and I think dobermans do that. She will be great company for you for several years. Don't know what you will do when you start traveling again though. That is the trouble with pets, although now who can travel.
Ain't that the truth, Imohr? I think that's one reason my DH won't travel anymore. He goes into complete meltdown when the word "travel" is mentioned! LOL He won't leave the dog in a kennel and it's just way too much to deal with to take her with us.
We have always had cats and lost our affectionate femal last month. Bubba, the black mail likes us but he is very independe nt and not very lovy dovy. I thought a kitten would be best. Our family is suggesting that I ought to look at a small dog but I am worried about contenance. A kitty litter box works for a cat but what about a little dog. My small back yard has a decorative fence that would not contain a small dog. How do you house train a dog???????
You can train small dogs to paper or buy special pads that they pee on. I know a lot of people who do that with small dogs. Many RVers do that so they can leave them for an extended time without worrying about them peeing on the carpet. Personally we have avoided another dog after our beloved died after 16 years 2 years ago. Can't believe it has been that long!
By the way, being female does not guarantee they will not spray.. I had a female that sprayed all the way around our house we lived in at the time. We thought maybe UTI, but it was just her. Unfortunately she was killed by some neighbors dogs when she trespassed into their fenced yard.
CC, our current cat, wakes me up for food and water, but goes to Art for loving. She sits in his lap, not mine. She won't even stay in mine.
When we 'adopted her - she had been abandoned by neighbors who moved, was about a year old - our dog would have nothing to do with her. Over time they became 'tolerating friends' as I like to call it. They slept with us on the bed - the dog under the covers, cat on top. Would chase each other a little but Sheba was already 10 and slowing down when we got CC. So even older pets can adapt and even be friends with new ones - young or older.
There is now dog litter too. Best with smaller dogs, but works the same as a cat box. If you adopt a slightly older dog, you can often get one already trained to potty outdoors. Then you just have to take them to the same door consistently and regularly. And they'll let you know when they need to go. Main thing--you have to tune in and pay attention. If they tell you and you ignore them, the mess is your fault, but you still have to scold them because it isn't okay, and you feel bad 'cause it was your fault.<lol> Not a huge issue really. Consistent location and at first offer an "out" time every couple hours. Once settled in the pottying can be allowed to settle into an on-demand schedule.
I had no trouble at all training my little Havanese. I took him out regularly..always using the same door. It becomes the "potty door". I hung a bell on the end of a braided belt from the doorknob. Each time we went out, I rattled the bell, just a little.
One day, I heard the bell. Tigger was sitting at the back door. Waiting to go out. I was so proud of him.
I think we are the ones who are trained initially. Remember that puppy bladders are very small, so take them out after they eat and let them pee. At least once an hour when they are babies... Most dogs learn your routine rather easily.
my neice just lost her first baby in childbirth a few mos ago and they opted to get 2 labradoodles puppies. she is also training them doing the bell at the back door, but says shes running back and forth alot with the bell chiming-they are playing with the bell. awww. i am go get a pic of them soon via email. i luv puppies of any kind. divvi my 2 chihuahuas are paper trained on newspapers in the bathroom.
I wish that Tigger could be trained like the cat was in "Meet The Parents". Recall: It sat on the toilet! :-) I've heard of people training their dogs to go in the shower. They'd put paper in there, and it was easy to clean later. Tigger doesn't use the bell in this house, he has a way of "telling us" now. He stands on his hind legs beside our chairs and paws us on the leg ..till we ask if he has to go out. Then he runs to the door. Thank heavens! I'm glad the training days are over.
Yeah, Joe...beg our forgiveness. :-) Straighten up or I'll send my 15 lb. dog after you...and if that doesn't scare you enough, betcha Divvi will sic her big dogs after you as well. My dog is actually a caregiver, too. When my husband fell in the garage (and broke his hip) Tigger sat at the door to the garage from the kitchen and barked and barked. That's the alert I was given. Back then, he was quite capable and was actually taking the trash to the trash containers outside. When he was brought home from the hospital, Tigger would not leave the foot of his hospital bed. Watching over DH was his "job".
and.......by the way...you're forgiven. We love ya.
bluedaze, on that subject i think my doggies have been wondering why they dont get ' house' privileges like DH! my dogs esp the male 91yrs doggie yrs-awww. is very watchful of his 'daddy' too. he sits at the foot of his couch all day or stays in bed in the mornings til daddy is up. and i ask him 'wheres daddy?" during the day, and he gets big eyes and barks and tries to lead me to where DH is getting in to something! haha.. they ar little helpers:) and very good watchdogs even for little guys-i couldnt imagine being without them during this time where solitude is everywhere. divvi
Texas Joe, we love your comments! Sometimes in the rush to read all the discussions, if someone has responded or the thread has changed direction, we fail to go back up an respond to an earlier comment....Not meaning to ignore you or anyone! It has happened to me a lot...Heck, I END a lot of discussions! No one comments after me and the thread dies....it just happens. Please don't take it personally. Please continue to post like you have been!
I have two big dogs, and my husband is past the point of being able to do more that pet them on the head now. I don't know that I would recommend getting a dog where a family hasn't had one before. For the most part, cats can take care of themselves, but dogs need the petting, grooming, pottying, feeding, etc. - both give so much love back, that that love overcomes the "work" involved, and we caregivers need all the love we can get!!!! There is also an expense involved in getting a pet...shots, tags, food, possible medicine....so budget needs should be taken into consideration as well.
Thank you Mary, that really helps....I'm in the abyss today, and feeling like hell. We had a golden retriever many years back, that we finally had to give to a loving home because we just couldn't keep her locked up in the dog run while we went off to work. She needed to be around people all the time, she was so loving.
TexasJoe-sorry you are feeling in the abyss. grab the rope of hope and your cyber friends will pull you out to safety..:) are you having steak and potatoes for memorial weekend???????? we insist you know you cant fight ALL of us! ha. hoping you feel better soon. its normal we all go thru those 'days' of depressive thoughts. it wont last long.. good thoughts flying your way! divvi
And more good thoughts. I enjoy your comments when not too far into the abyss, and can identify with your feelings when your are in the abyss. Keep posting, either way {{{{HUGS}}}}
Thank you all for your comforting thoughts. To show you the state I am in, when we got back from doing some errands and I logged on and read your wonderful comments, immediately the tears began to flow. Weird, how fast that can happen. Also weird how normally I would not have that kind of reaction. Guess I'm pretty messed up right now. Thanks again for the rope....I'll be out of it by tomorrow for sure. Love you all. Oh, and divvi, no steak yet, but I'm trying to get to the right store to get one, along with a good salmon steak or fillet.
TJoe, AD does that to some like myself included. i never cried before and didnt have much sympathy for those who did and thought them weak. now i can cry over a commerical on TV or seeing an animal in pain or a song on the radio. i know how it feels. but remember the body knows better how to cope with stress than we do. the tears are a purge that cleanese the soul. its a good thing!
now, about that meat. get your butt outta the house and get that giant ribeye or porterhouse and salmon and get with the program! pity party can only last so long. we dont let anyone wallow in it too long around here:) we've got you pulled out of the abyss far enough you can hang on the edge a bit, but thats it. jump outta there quick, someone else may need to be underneath you and we need to haul them up later! hugs, hope you feel better ! divvi no baloney !