Have you ever fantasied about how things would be if you had taken that other road in life when you were younger, like a career or who you married? I every once in a while wonder what it would be like today if I had married the girl I was pinned to in college, instead of breaking up with her due to finding her making out with an old boyfriend. Man, that hurt. I grabbed back my fraternity pin and took off driving up toward the Russian River, where my family used to go camping near Guerneville. I wonder how it would be today if she had not 'cheated', and we were married. I (we) have 2 great kids, so I don't regret that at all, but sometimes I just wonder. Then there was a great gal that was stolen from me by a fraternity brother who didn't follow the unspoken rule that you don't try to date a girl another 'bro is dating. Oh well, we are where we are, and so we follow our destiny.
Mothers Day sucks. So, here I am alone. Not one of our kids (even my own) is going to call. We used to have such great family get-togethers....formal dinners, yard parties. I ALWAYS fantacize about the way things could have been, SHOULD have been. Opportunities not taken advantage of (like my education), friendships never pursued. Except, I just couldn't wait for the world to turn....nothing could happen fast enough for me. I DO regret most things. Especially not speaking up for my self and my own good. I'm so frightened of my future. Do I loose everything I have? Do I end up old and alone with no one to take care of me when my time comes? Hell, if no one can call on holidays, what better am I to expect for my future??? Trying to get used to the idea that I indeed HAVE no family but mom and dad, so far away and they're fading fast.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) from me, i am lucky i have my family here, i feel for you wish i could be there and give big hug and make it all better
I never regretted marrying Sid, but over the years, I came to realize that I probably should have waited and lived on my own for awhile. I got married two weeks after my college graduation. I have always wondered what my life would have been like if I had taken the time to live on my own and be independent for a period of time.
I agree with Joang. I have never regretted marrying my wife. We started dating when I was 14 and she was 15. We got married while I was in medical school, after she got her Masters in biochemistry. The one thing I don't look forward to is being alone. I have never been alone in my entire life - with parents through highschool, roommates in college and medical school, wife since then. We have 3 great kids, but they have their own lives and also live a long way from here. I don't really want to move in with any of them.
I sort of wonder what my life would have been like if I had taken some time and found myself before marrying at 19. I don't regret the 34 years I've been married to Dave, he really mellowed me. I was a pretty wild child, so I guess I needed the stability he provided. He had all his 'wildness' out of his system (he's 10 years older than me). I am looking forward to spending the afternoon with my kids and grandkids. Hope you all have a great day! ~Di
StuntGirl, My phone line went dead until now just after your post about Mothers Day. I wrote a really neat post for you, but don't recall exactly the words I used. I started with a great big ((((((HUG)))))). After that, I went on about each day being a new beginning...you never what it may bring - a good phone call or email, or something you see on a tv program. Something that could change your life in a good way forever. Sorry it is coming so late in the day. Hope you felt better and have a good night. Joe
TexasJoe, what a small world. I now live in south georgia but spent many many weekends camping on the Russian River near Guerneville!!!!!!!!! I do not think that your life would have been any better had to married the "cheater" you just would have been married to a "cheater" and not the wonderful woman who you married and who's side you are now standing by and taking care of.
shellseeker50, I am new to this site and am also from s. ga. Do you belong to any support groups etc. There seems to be so much more available in the Atlanta area. I am very excited to find this website. I am becoming very lonely for someone to talk to who is in my same situation of caring for a husband. He is 65 and in early stage and I am 51. I have supportive family and friends but, even those caring for a parent with AD do not truly understand the grief, sorrow, and sense of loss of all our future plans that make caring for a spouse unique. If you have any ideas for me i look forward to hearing from you
I am one who TOOK those roads! When there has been a choice I've tended to do what others wouldn't. I married one week after graduation, so I beat you Joan! Then, I met Hank one week after my spouse died when I attended the Hospice support group. I've lived a life so different than anything I've ever expected and now have been alone almost 9 months - the longest period of my entire life. It's a big adjustment, but it still seems to be my nature to pick the path less traveled, so who knows what I will do before I breathe my last breath!
SHELLSEEKER50, we actually camped in Armstrong Woods National Park. I assume you've done that as well. I loved the covered open boats that played "Cruising Down the River" that did in fact cruise down the river. Fun days! We walked the streets of Guerneville many times.
Thanks, Txjoe....for the encouragement. I had a pretty tearful and anxious Mother's Day, but got through it alright by cleaning my house and doing laundry. Went to bed early pretty exhausted.
(((HUGS))) to Stuntgirl and everyone else who needs a hug today!!!
I went from my parents, to a college dorm, to marriage to my husband, so I've never lived alone either. Other than two nights, I have not slept in a house by myself! Those two nights, two years apart, were when the kids were teenagers at sleepovers and my husband was out of town on business! In both cases, I enjoyed the heck out of the peace and quiet! <grin>
I have wondered what my life would have been like if I had chosen another path. And after my wonderful Mother's Day weekend, I'm very happy that I chose the road I'm on. Even though my husband is dying from AD, we have had a wonderful life together, we've been lovers, best friends, and enjoyed the same hobbies. We've seen a lot of the world and been blessed with a wonderful family. I wouldn't trade it for another road, even going through what I'm going through now. It's worse for him than me, even if he doesn't know it.
Janeb, Welcome. You will find a world of information and support here. I am in Lowndes county if that is near you. WHen I say south Ga, It is really SOUTH GA!! I am 54 and my DH is 64 so yes we do have alot in common. No I have not joined any local groups as I still work outside my home full time. I know the day is coming when I will have to cut back and then stay home full time but I am in the process now of getting all my financial ducks in a row for when that time comes.
I'm as predictable as CA sunshine. Married my childhood sweetheart, we had 2 kids, a dog, even a picket fence. I never wondered what it would be like to have done something different, but I have wondered endlessly about what my life would have been like if I'd married the boy I thought I'd married and not someone with a hidden self that neither of us knew about.
During the Korean 'police action' we lived in Augusta GA. Being from Los Angeles, I don't know who was more culturally surprised, me or the locals. But I learned to love grits and hush-puppies. But the bacon grease on the back of the stove was something I could never take to. OMG, Gurneyville! About 40 yrs ago our car broke down there and we were stuck all day waiting for parts. The people were very nice and tried to make up comfortable. The official town greeter gave us the official town tour. Aside from admitting it was a pot capitol, he showed us the chair carved out of wood in the local service club lodge. A lovely spot. And I've been in the Russian River. Thanx for the memories.
Pot capitol, huh? Boy, things must have changed after we quit going up there. We used to go there during the years before drugs were even heard of...the 40's and 50's. (Also the years of the best music in the world..before rock 'n roll).
shellseeker50 I am in Dooly Co. about 2 hours north of you on I-75. Interesting that you and your husband have a similar age difference. I guess we knew when we married our older men that we would most likely outlive them but I never dreamed of this. He had 2 kids when we married and we had 2 more so we have always, until the last couple of years, had kids at home and had so looked forward to all the traveling etc. that we could do when it was just us. I am still trying to get my head around the idea that all those dreams are gone.
janeb, you just have to make some new dreams -- I've got 30 years on you, but I still have travel dreams/plans when this AD journey is all over. At 51, you've still got lots of living and good years in front of you afterward.
gourdchipper, thanks for that encouragement - i do believe that there will be time for me on the other side of this, but it breaks my heart that i won't share those times with him. on a positive note, because it is early days still, we are making it a point to take short trips often. he is much more relaxed and seems happier when we are away. our sons have taken over most of his businesses and he becomes very frustrated and angry if they have to ask him any questions which explains his better moods on a trip. The comments of others on this site are helping me so much to understand things like that