Divvi, what do you think about Stuntgirl, or a friend, going to the media with her story? No one seems to be taking charge here: the media might. They have in the past got things done when all seemed hopeless.
unfortunately, it seems this could be the end of the line for stuntgirls issues trying to gain control for DH. it would appear from her last post a new atty told her that a new POA appointing her DH family member as POA was legally done and with backup from a doctor saying he was able to legally sign to the changes. he then advised her only chance was hopefull to get to a time where her DH could be able to RE-SIGN another POA reappointing her -that may not be possible this late in the game with all his cognitive issues that are surfacing. with her past personal issues, she admits to (alcoholism/drug use) i am not sure a court would consider appointing her as conservator for him without showing just cause that the new POA is abusing the power? plus if any of his /her family oppose her taking that position it could be very difficult to overcome. she 'allowed' them to take the DH from virginia to florida since he was violent to her and was in a psyche ward. (my understanding) and placed in in a facility there for over a yr? that all seems quite complicated to sort thru and the reasoning her family is not of any help to her..she posts that she owes 40k in back taxes an cant pay them. i dont know what recourse she has at this point to gain any monetary funding. she has had numerous attys on her behalf and none have been able to provide an relief. its my opinion bringing media coverage is not in her best interest but that would be her choice. her choices seem slim -but i think if it were me, i would consider the divorce options and take what i could get from that and move on with my life -after that , she may be allowed to visit DH and still be part of his life. i just dont know, her situation is quite unique and so many issues at hand that are full of loopholes. i do know IRS doesnt wait lon gto seize property on unpaid back tax issues. she may need to consult a tax cpa to discuss her options before they take action against her home. i really am at a loss on what her options are. stuntgirl, if you are reading, i do hope you can find a solution to all this! divvi
divvi, I'm not clear about the timeline on all this, but I believe her statement was that her DH owed about $40,000 taxes for 2007 -- which would lead me to believe that this could have been associated with his professional practice and possibly not a joint personal income tax filing (or not filing). In any event, what with all the convolutions, I agree that seeking help via media coverage would probably not be advisable or workable (or forthcoming). And I agree that the divorce option looks like her best bet -- from both financial and emotional detachment viewpoints.
either way personal or professional i dont think i'd wait for the IRS to come asking questions. they take and then you have to prove otherwise. stuntgirl if they arent your responsibility or associated with your name on the back taxes you should send that tax bill to his POA to pay on his behalf..divvi ps Stuntgirl, not sure if you have a chance at it or not, but you may ask your atty if you could file for conservatorship in Viginia for your DH..and try to overrule the poa or guandiaship in florida held by a family member.. using that as an excuse to try to bring him to a nursing home closer to you..just a thought.
divvi...I am amazed at your level of intelligence, and logical thinking...for the queen of poop, you have some formidable brainpower...Keep on giving advice, and big hugs for you..
And the IRS takes without warning. They don't care if they leave you with no money to pay bills or if you get hit with tons of overdraft fees. I do hope they are business taxes and the did not get mixed in with personal.
I worked for a guy who followed bad advice, took out a second mortgage to put capital into the business which nullified his incorporation. Now about once a year they find his new account number and grab all the money in it. To tell you how dumb they are - they had a lien on his house. When he filed bankruptcy they were not there and the judge awarded all the money to the bank. Of course, they try to blame him not themselves.
wow. flattery will get you everywhere! hahaah... i have to admit, when you see how a good honest and brillant lawyer handles business i guess it cant help but rub off sometimes..:) please, i am NOT A PROFESSIONAL for legal advice. i only say sometimes what personally i would do if i were in the same predicament! divvi
divvi and everyone else....thank you for trying to help. This has not been a very good day, except for the support my friends here have given me. The 40,000 is what John owes from 2007. We had filed married, but singly. I paid mine and he was to pay his. He hasn't done so. Don't know what to do about that, either, because the bank account is suppossed to be closed to both of us because of the still pending divorced issue. I spoke with him today. This time, he wasn't a madman. This time, he sounded alright. Just hollow toward me. Said I need to find another man to keep me company. Also told me I'm the love of his life, wants me to visit. But when I talk to him about coming home, he tells me that will never happen because they will never let him. Is convinced that they want to keep him and he'll never see me again. He seems to know something is awfully wrong, and is losing all hope.
Just curious...Jen...has your daughter been to see her Dad? Other than her and your late son, did you have other children with him?
I wish you could just let it all go, take the offense and counter-file for the divorce. Were you ever served divorce papers from him? File for the divorce and let the judge make the decisions and then look forward. You are remembering only the good times (which were far and few between) and that's not unusual for all of us when we're away from our spouses...whether they are in a facility (read Katheryn's recent post..) or if you are on a brief respite. Realty can hit you square between the eyes.
You are about 20 years younger than most of us..and I cannot see why you are so desperately fighting to have an 82 year old man who is obviously dillusional, to come home. Listen to me JEN, you will NEVER NEVER EVER have another romantic moment in bed with him. It ain't gonna happen, even if he talked to you about it. No little blue pill, as you mentioned, will make it happen. My priest has told me several times that the man you are caring for today is not the same man you married. He's gone. Only his shell remains. John is gone. Only his shell remains. Don't worry about his tax problems. Send all notices from the IRS to his son. Your house is in YOUR name only, you filed taxes separately, and unless I am very very wrong, you are OK. Perhaps you need to make one more phone call to a Tax Attorney. Another old Texas Expression....is to Cover Your Ass, Dahlin'. Work on doing that. And...now..you know, don't you, that we love you and care about you. I'm talking to you like a little Sister...and you can either heed our advice (such as it is) or NOT, but regardless, what we are saying is what we believe deep in our hearts is the best thing for your mental health. Who would feed all of your four legged friends if you got sick??? mmm????
Think about something else. I tried to get you and Phranque set up, but that didn't work... You need to think about something else. Since you love horses so much.... think about them. Any good dressage competitions in your area? On a terribly sad note....what do you think about the 24 Argentine polo ponies that died minutes before the polo game? just imagine how the Argentine Polo Team must be feeling today? I wonder if all of their polo ponies were poisoned since they were predicted to sweep the games and win the championship. ....and remember we love you. Nothing we say is ever intended to hurt you,... just trying to help you see the broader picture and help you move forward.
Thanks, Divvi and everyone. What you say makes good sense. Stuntgirl, take heart and follow your friends' advice. We all wish the best for you, and you have some brilliant advice here.
On Divvi's legal mind--it reminds me of when I first hired an accountant friend after Steve's dx to do our taxes. I was concerned, never having been involved much in the tax prep, that I would omit telling him something. The friend said to me "You've been married to a CPA for so long--you've absorbed it by osmosis." There's truth in that.
I made a similar comment 15 years ago when my wife and I were going on a medical mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I needed someone to run the pharmacy and suggested she do it. She said she was not a pharmacist and didn't know anything about it. My reply was "you've been married to me for 40 years. Something has rubbed off". She did a great job, and we continued going each year until she couldn't do it any more.