Lately DH has started screaming at me. Gets a little scary sometimes. Most of the time he can't remember anything five minutes later but the other evening after he finished with the screaming, I more or less completely ignored him for a couple of hours whie sitting in the same room with him. Finally he came over to me and kept telling me how sorry he was for screaming. I couldn't quite figure out how he could rermember that and forget everything else.
Carolyn, my husband was growling a lot with me, esp. in evenings when I was trying to get him to bed - sundowning, I assume. Two things helped: One, that when he yelled at me, I yelled back, sort of exaggerated growl, and then laughed. He did it back at me, laughing, and the tension was broken. Others here have said that if they'd done that their husband would have gotten violent and I think you have to judge your spouse - it worked for me. It STILL works, in fact he's very happy to stick his tongue out at me and then laugh!
The second thing is that I got the doctor to give him a med, Trazadone, I guess some kind of anti-depressant. It calmed him down in the evenings and what is more interesting, made him more alert during the day. He started it about 3-4 months ago, about the time that everyone was starting the coconut oil. I did NOT, but then realized the improvement in him which could only have been from that new drug.
Why they remember some things and not others is one of the mysteries of this miserable disease. My husband doesn't remember 90% of what I say, but you can be darn sure when I repeat something to him that I am sure he could not have remembered, he says, "I know. You told me that yesterday."
I do know that in Sid's case, his strength was always numbers. It still is. He is far more likely to remember a number than anything in a conversation. He has always been a visual learner, and that is still a strength. He will remember something he has seen far more than any verbal information.
I don't think I'll try that, Briegull. DH has alway been a pretty calm, easy going guy but when he starts screaming, I kind of figure I'd better keep my big mouth shut. LOL I'll ask the doctor about that Trazadone tho.
They are in there, even when Alz is at its worst. They are cut off by its damage, but occasionally bits and pieces find their way through the broken maze of neural connections and we'll see flashes of their old selves. What gets through and why one thing does and something else doesn't is unknown. Thank goodness the damage includes them not knowing what has happened to them. How devistating it would be to become trapped inside with ALL means of communication and physical action cut off and KNOW it.
i learned the hard way its the best thing to just stay mute til it blows over and if you can get a word in just AGREE and say, thats really nice or thats good or sorry i'll do better. and let it go! they are looking for a fight and someone who will respond. i screamed back a couple of times and things escalated alot and fists were drawn. just go with the flow. its very hard to accomplish but you just cant reason with them. even now stage 7 i just say . uh huh, your so smart to say that, or yes you really know what youre talking about, blah blah blah.. give them something back positive and they usually drop it.... divvi
There is a theory that things connected to emotion are remembered--it's because the emotion area of the brain is not as vulnerable to the disease. If Sunshyne was available, I'm sure she could give the scientific explanation. So, for example, today we went to the dentist--my husband was grouchy and didn't want to be there. When she gave him the Novocain shot, he bit her! Later on, after coming home, sleeping for several hours, he told me his mouth hurt. Had no recollection of being at the dentist, the whole thing. When I explained that his jaw ached where the shot was, and what he had done, he laughed about biting her. I said he should call her and apologize, and he wanted to send her flowers. He really felt sorry. I could tell after that he was contrite, trying to be really well behaved and helpful to me. I think he remembers that he did something wrong, feels badly about it, etc., but has forgotten the details. Only the emotion remains.
We had a long conversation earlier this evening with my DW's younger sister, whose husband is "just buying time" by unpleaasant chemo treatments for bladder cancer that has now spread, and this produced an unexpected emotional response in my DW -- she actually remembered it and shed tears afterwards, where most such conversation just goes right over her head.
My DW is in an "obsession stage" right now, earlier this week she was obsessed with her slacks, she said none of slacks she has fit her. Some were too big and some were too little. She has nine pair in two different sizes in her closet at rehab, a set of 14's and a set of 16's. We tried to explain to her that either one size or the other had to fit her. I had to send dear daughter down to negotiate with her. After some conservation she found out she wanted some new ones in spring colors, yellow, light green etc. So sent daughter on a shopping expedition to get her some new spring color clothes. I don't know how these are going to work with "poop breakthrough" but we will deal with that one when the time comes.
Now the pants obsession is over and now she is weekend obsession mode. She decided that since today was Good Friday that there would be no PT today and she would be able to go home and spend the entire Easter weekend. We were finally able to get her to understand that Friday was a PT "work day" and she would still have "classes" today. They won't let her leave rehab overnight, so we had to work our way through that conversation and get her to understand that overnight visits are out. We told her that we wanted her to have a good Easter weekend and that we would see to it that she had a good one. Daughter will go down tonight and lay out the plan for her, I hope it works. It seems like I now spend all of my visiting time negotiating with her about something or other. I'm really getting stressed out with constant negotitation.
I don't know why she goes through these obsessions, it just must be the stage of the disease she is in now.
I've tried diversion, redirection and all of the other stuff, but it really is difficult to move her off of the subject.
My dw has always been very emotional, and she has total recollection of any event where she had strong emotions. However, the rest is quickly forgotton, or not remembered properly. time seems distorted, and I often hear that she did a certain thing for 6 months, when in actuality it was only a few days..The truth is a bit exagerrated, and the time lapse seems to be recalled differently. I agree that emotions play a strong part on this disease. I observed that visual cues, body language, tone of voice, and hand gestures seem to aggravate the confusion and reactions. I also observed that reasoning or excusing is useless...it is far better to state a simple fact, then to try to explain it.... My dw's memories are always about the same memories, long in the past, totally never forgotten or forgiven, and seem to become more profound in time....
Trazadone works in AD with some but is Poison for FTD. As you will see in FTD Rage thread, and my VA Visit thread, Seroquel is already working for Jim. On a very small dose (he is 6'4 and up to 277 lbs) 50 mg (max is 1200!) he is already smiling more and yelling less. He has only had 4 doses! I brought the infor from this site to our Geriatric Psychiatrist regarding, the recommendations from here, on Seroquel and Exelon Patch. She was only aware of Abilify for mood stablization. She happilly listened to me and was thrilled with all I had to offer. My association with THIS group gave me plenty to share, lol.
PS: As someone her said to me, "Don't argue, the disease always wins" Oh how true.
My DH even in this late game (early-mid stage 7) still is able to walk, feed himself, and understand if you speak to him but gettingit back out without the 'salad'. (good analogy) is almost impossible unless its a yes or no which he does very well. but that being said, i hear him cussing alot mixed with the 'salad' when he tries to speak to another person. seems some of those cuss words just never leave the mind. i would have much preferred those to have been taken and the 'i love you's' left behind. like others, my DH plateaued around stage 5 for almost 5yrs and didnt decline much at all. then he started a slow decline thats ongoing. divvi
Divvi, I am like you, I agree and try to go with the flow. I try as best as possible not to point out DH has forgotten. This is totally out of my nature since I like to be right and prove my point. My DH has problems with complex reasoning now, so it is just a waste of breath.
I will never understand the things they remember. I mentioned the other day that my husband sometimes cannot remember my name, however, he remember Courtney B. Vance on a re-run of Criminal Intent. Then the other day while I was turning channels, "Days of Our Lives" was on which I haven't watched in 15 years & he said, "Look there is Bo Brady"
I remember someone who came on here some good while ago and said, I've just been told that since my husband has AZ I have to let him say whatever he wants and not argue with him. But I'm within my RIGHTS to stand up for myself!!
yeah, sure. As I recall she never came back after all us old feminists said, down is up and black is white and rights don't matter any more!
hmmm my LO can sit down at the piano an play Scott Joplin or Gaither hymms an then ask me what day it is or how many children I have.really puzzling to say the least
Well i just went to the lab to draw blood for some tests and had to take DH with me-i put him in the wheelchair and he usually is very good. not today! ooops. he was annoyed with a lady speaking loudly on her cell phone, and said in quite a loud voice. 'why doesnt she shut the ****up?" i was devastated..you know the scene- a small quiet room full of patients..i tried to shush him to no avail. i think alot of the persons there agreed with him..:) oh my...what they can do when you least expect it. the receptionist rushed me thru first for blood draw ahead of others and they 'smiled'...divvi
Divvi, I had to laugh out loud. Your DH said what I would like to say at times. If I would have been there, I know I would have laughed. (or applauded)
A question just occured to me with what briegull said above: Maybe a dumb question, but here goes: Do any of the men's DW's have hot flashes? Or, if they do, would either know what it is or what to do? I would think some would not realize what is happening?????
briegull is you suffer alot like i did, then see if you can find a bio-identical hormone doc in your area. i was cured in 2wks after first visit. its heaven!! i am still adjusting the estrogen levels some but the others are in the zone.
there are some natural things out there in whole foods etc but they didnt work for me. i did the rub on cremes and no dice either. the sub lingual lozenges i use now are awesome..
there are some young AD wives here. i hope that isnt something they will have to deal with -ugh!
Thank your husband for saying what most of us would like to. Why do people think we want to hear their conversations? Sometimes when they say things or ask the other person a question I want to answer - mostly say 'who cares'.