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    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    Good Morning Everyone - whoops, clock just turned - it's noon time.

    I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog - Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if AD had not intruded? There is a bit of a twist to my take on it. I would like to hear your opinions - please post here after you have read the blog. Thank you.

    joang
    • CommentAuthorRk
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    Problem being, I haven't found my way in this new life! I loved my old life for all the adventure, excitement, friends, wonders, I/ we as a couple have experienced. We were on top of financial goals and Thankfully were ahead of most. But now, well lets see, ummmmmmm I guess I don't wonder, I Long for my/our life before! Not that I don't understand what your saying, and I am of the thought that I am on this journey for some reason I don't understand yet. But I am not with you on this one as of yet! Rk
  1.  
    This is painful but soul searching for me. FTD was showing for far longer than I can conciously remember. Husband's bad behavior was coming between us and my very dear family. I now realize that I spent most of our life together walking on egg shells. I was always afraid of something setting him off. He was a good father and husband-or so I thought. My adult children now tell me how he treated them with verbal abuse when I was not around. Makes me feel like I didn't protect my kids-but I truly didn't know what was going on. Now I am free to persue whatever I can dream. I feel more confident about my self than I ever dreamed I could. I used to hope I would die before my husband because he did everything for me and I didn't know how to do these things. Wow-this is really a catharsis for me. Don't get me wrong-I'm not happy that husband had to develop this monster of a disease so I could be set free to grow.
  2.  
    We would still be in our dream country home near Claude's hometown in southern Oklahoma, living a quiet life after working in stressful jobs most of our lives. We would be starting about now to plant our spring garden. He would help me can and/or freeze what we couldn't eat fresh. We would take bumper crops of tomatoes and okra and sell to the local grocery store.

    I was involved in a couple of women's groups. Several times a week, Claude would go into the local cafe and drink coffee and tell stories with his friends. We would frequently pack a lunch, get in the car and take a day trip somewhere. Every couple of years, we would fly up to Seattle to visit our son and family. I would have loved to take a cruise, but he didn't want to.

    Mainly though, we would just enjoy our marriage and home. Nothing very exciting or glamerous, but it suited us.
    • CommentAuthordagma3
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    The question sure stirs up my mind. To think of what we would be doing rather than going to doctors, tests, taking care of Rxs, etc. We had traveled when we were younger and had lived abroad twice. I am so glad that we were able to do that then because we sure couldn't do it now. At this stage of our lives we thought we would be touring the sights in America. Had hopes of that even after his diagnosis several years ago, but have since found that his temper outbursts just won't allow that to happen - he wants to jump out of the car, looses things, locks us out - is irritible the whole time we are away from home, bosses everyone around. He is happiest hanging around here and I can take that as that plan seems to keep him in a better mood. To be honest, I think this has made me a better person, more patient, easier to say "Yes, dear" and always be wrong, more independent. But we have lost a big part of our "Golden Years" - I guess we had them and I didn't know it at the time. Thank you for the thought provoking question.
  3.  
    We would still be in our home on the coast, rather than this "retirement" home. We would still have our sailboat and be sailing whenever the wind was right. We would continue our travel around the country and around the world. My wife would be planting her garden (not yet, in another couple of months) and I would look forward to enjoying the produce. And, most important of all, we would be having wonderful conversations about all sorts of things as we enjoyed each other's company.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009 edited
     
    I was laying in bed last night reading the book 'The Leisure Seeker'. It is a fictional story of a couple in their 80s that go on one last trip. He has AD (4 years into diagnosis) and has breast cancer (refuses any treatment). They escape from their kids and doctors to head to Disneyland one last time in their motor home. Their family and doctor are against it believing they should stay home and wait to die. But, she wants one last trip with the love of her life. One last memory.

    That has been our dream - to travel and work our way around the country. We will try this summer to see if he can retain the skills to work again. See, where in a job you have done for years doesn't require total relearning, Workamping requires learning a new job every time. For this couple they had had a long life. For us (and many others here) we are still young - over 20 years of living to catch up with the couple in the story. Once he gets SSDI or SS, we can look for jobs where I just work and still travel some. But, will that be possible?

    There is so much to process and plan for. Do we keep trying or stop and wait? Right now there are more people than jobs, therefore workamping seems to be the only income we can find, so we must try. He is not bad enough to be deemed unable to work for SSDI and will not qualify for early SS until September. So we must do something until then. Or else face loosing our MH and living in our car.

    This is what I wonder and the reality check that must be done. Since we are basically at the beginning we don't know how long he will still be functioning. Could be 6 years or 6 months! Our life together has been hard and challenging and I thought maybe our later years would have some good, easy years. Oh well - such is life.
  4.  
    Yes. We were so in love, all should have been good, but it seemed we were too often at cross-purposes and never knew why. Now I know it was because we were operating on different cognitive planes. Sometimes I felt like I was clawing my way up a cliff w/his holding my ankle and a locomotive attached to him. Sometimes I was disappointed because he seemed unable to support certain things I wanted to do while being very supportive in others. I didn't realize how much of the 'couple' life I was carrying for a long time. Little things like reminding him who was who if we were going out or big things like his refusal to do the finances (which I'm glad now that I always did). At the same time, he ran his business successfully without any input from me, always knew accts payable/receivable, the electrical & mechanical specs, lots of math stuff--it would amaze me because he didn't go to university, it was all natural. I feel bad that my daughter sensed the "he's not really here when he's here" thing and altho he was a good & loving father, something never quite clicked btwn them. But what could I have done, I didn't know. My son, it was different, male bonding stuff. My natural writing skills came to the fore. Two AD books & a monthly AD column for a senior magazine. Never would have written otherwise. I feel good about helping others that way. I always knew I was strong, but I got even stronger & learned patience--never before my strong suit. I never doubted we'd grow old together, walking hand in fragile hand toward the sunset--I have a good life, but now I'm here alone. I live in the same house, children & g'children close by, a gentleman friend who visits. Still, DH is in my life--gently, never intrusive and it's all OK. AD leaves the CG vulnerable and I am protective of myself. I don't see people w/difficult personalities, don't do what I don't want to do--it's liberating. AD was an adventure I really didn't want to take. I think we would have continued our rather low-key middle class life, not terribly exciting, but it fit us. There's nothing I really wish we had done but didn't. My only big regret is that I didn't know what was happening, that I let him go thru years of anguish alone when I would have been a comfort and nicer. He was so brave, would have fought lions & tigers to protect me & the children, and yet I so often saw sadness & terror in his eyes, never could find out why. Maybe it's better I hadn't known.
  5.  
    Bettyhere, beautifully written. Is your DH in a CF or still at home? ..I don't recall. You're helping so many understand through your writing. I admire you for sharing with others - your first hand experience. I
    •  
      CommentAuthorSusan L*
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    Too soon, too painful, emotions still to raw, maybe later I can express all that is in my heart and head.
    • CommentAuthorMissB
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    I never think about wouda, coulda, shoulda. Long ago I learned deep in my soul that those thoughts only bring sadness and wasted longings. I have always believed in living in the moment, going for the “gusto”. I believe that at each fork in the roads we are on we have a choice and once the choice has been made I have learned and grown and benefited from the experiences whether it has been positive or negative. Some of those choices are made for us such as this journey of AD but how we choose to live each day and appreciate each other for what we have is precious. I can never guess what life would have been like had I chosen the other road at each fork, for I might have been hit by a Mack truck and those thoughts are not important today for this road experience. I will continue to enjoy each day we have together, even the bad days, the rough days, the angry outbursts because we still have each other. We have only 1 life to live and I intend to focus on the positive instead of wallowing around in the “woulda, coulda, shoulda”.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    Nancy,

    Bettyhere's husband passed away about 5 years ago. (Sorry, Betty, if I have the date wrong). If you go to my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and look on the left side, you will see "Book Corner by Amazon". Click on that and the 4th and 5th books on that page are by Bettyhere.

    joang
    • CommentAuthorbriegull*
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    I am trying, really I am, to clean out a few things in the attic. Today a box of toys (almost threw out a Fisher Price circus until I checked Ebay; it's a collectible, being offered at $75, so I won't give it to goodwill..). A checkbook register had somehow fallen in there. 1980-81. I was about to throw it out and then noticed that the first part of it was made out in his handwriting for the monthly checks. By the latter part, I had taken over doing the monthlies. I have been remembering that I took them over when he had problems keeping track of them. What I didn't realize was how long ago that was.. He retired, at 60, at the end of '84, and was always going to DO something to bring in income, but never did. He had been stressed by his job and had had some serious health problems then - almost died of acidocis from taking too many aspirin when his leg infection flared up (not at once, just two every 3 hours day and night for 3 days). Looking back, I think that was the beginning of it. 1984!!

    It happened that at the same time, I was beginning to take over the computer implementation in my office at Brown. My pay went up, my interest in my job went up.. and we became more and more separated. I made my own life in many ways, eventually travelling, etc - and becoming more and more confident of my abilities. When his problems became too great to ignore, it was just about 3 years ago, although I still could leave him for days at a time. Strangely, since then, we're in some ways closer than we have been in years.

    But plans for a joint future, we never had them. Sad.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009 edited
     
    Miss B,

    I like your attitude! (But you already know that.)

    From that day in May 05, when I got the letter from my school system telling me that new rules said I either go back to school for 2 more years to get the right certification or retire, I have gone where the doors in front of me led me. They led me here on this new mission, new business, new life. I don't often dwell on what could have been - we're here now, and we have to deal with it the best we can, but the "what if" thought just popped into my head yesterday, and I thought I would write about it, and see what everyone else had to say about it.

    joang
  6.  
    Joan and Bettyhere (I want to type BettyTHERE), Just went to your site and ordered both of Betty's books. Can't wait to get them...read the 'glimpse' of what it is. - Thanks for the lead, Joan. Not knowing who Bettyhere/there was, I knew she was a gifted writer from her words on this page.
    • CommentAuthorMissB
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    Joan,
    Thanks-If you hadn't gone down that path............I wouldn't have had the pleasure of knowing you and Sid! And I wouldn't have the opportunity to be on this website and be able to learn about this road we are on. It is this website that has given all of us so much and has enriched our lives. For that I can't thank you enough!
    • CommentAuthormaryd
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009 edited
     
    I don't know what would have happened without AD. I think we would have grown old together, traveling more, having fun, enjoying our children and grandchildren more. We would have volunteered in the community, stayed in our home , had more fun. Financially, we would be in a better place. Reading Briegull's post, I realized how this thing creeps us on us. My DH retired at 53, too much stress. Things went downhill from there. He never looked for another job. That was 17 years ago. I think this disease starts way before we recognize it.
    • CommentAuthorPatB
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2009
     
    In the year after my DH "retired" (and we got a diagnosis), my DS had a host of medical problems and I spent a lot of time traveling to help him. It quickly became apparent that I couldn't be in two places at once, yet I was needed in both. We had moved so DH could take the job he no longer had and that was our only tie (other than the house we bought) to that area.
    We put the house on the market and moved where my DS was attending grad school. I could help him full time and he could help me as needed. It was a win for both of us.

    In my case, the disease allowed me to help my son, who had some major medical problems. I am thankful for that, if nothing else. His life, if not his quality of life was a result of the "retirement" this disease "caused". And, I also have adult conversation, emotional support, (and computer support) right in my house.

    PatB
  7.  
    There are actually many couples that are growing old and happy in my community. Dementia has been such a huge part of our lives that sometimes I forget that there is a normal world out there.
  8.  
    2:30 a.m. -- my favorite time of the day (night) for being reflective (after having dozed in my recliner for several hours with my DW's baby monitor on my shoulder.)

    IF ALZHEIMER'S HADN'T BEGUN SLOWLY INTRUDING INTO OUR LIVES TEN YEARS AGO:

    This is about the time of the year when we'd have just planted gourd seeds into the ground for a new crop and maybe started working on a loose itinerary for another of our beloved summer Western RV trips -- probably just re-visiting favorite sites from previous years, because we'd already pretty much worn out all the good new destinations in previous summers. About the only "dream RV trips" we really never got around to making would have been driving the Alcan highway to Alaska and ferrying back, and maybe the piggyback train ride on a railroad flat car through Mexico's Sierra Madre Mountains and Copper Canyon -- and if we hadn't already done those trips by now, it's not likely that we'd be up to the challenges at age 80 plus. Sort of the same thing with hiking down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and out again -- something we'd always intended to do, but time had probably already passed us by for that before Alzheimer's ever entered the picture. So, actually, no huge regrets on these accounts.

    Maybe I’d have done a term or two as president of our national gourd society, and still be active in committee work and writing articles for the quarterly gourd magazine, but the likelihood is that our gourd passion would have waned considerably by now anyhow – probably we’d still be attending a few out-of-state gourd shows and I’d still be teaching a few carving classes, and my DW would still be logging Master Gardener credit hours by doing occasional gourd programs for garden clubs or libraries or whatever. But again, no big regrets here either.

    We’d probably be taking a more active role in helping family and friends who are dealing with health issues. We’ve been blessed with good health, unlike many of our shrinking circle of family and friends who are dealing with serious illnesses or pain or who have already passed on, so no big regrets here either. A few years back I wrote in one of our Christmas letters to family and friends that, “being a little forgetful sure beats cancer!” and that’s about all our AD amounted to up until only the past year or two – just being a little forgetful.

    So, on balance, I don’t guess I have too many complaints, and I don’t find myself railing at life for treating us unfairly – we’ve had a good ride, and it’s just an unfortunate roll of the dice that my DW happened to have the wrong genes or drink the wrong water or catch the wrong germs or whatever it is that brought on her AD. She’s been a real trooper through it all, and perhaps it’s humbled me some and made me a stronger person, having to deal with it. And I don’t consider that my life is over yet.
  9.  
    What an interesting thread. I have often thought that Steve's illness has pushed me in directions I never would have taken on my own. Although I always thought I'd do volunteer work when I retired, I would have never imagined that I'd do public speaking and interviews on something so emotional and personal. I try not to dwell on the negative--things we've missed out on because of the dx. It helps me deal with the day-to-day by reminding myself of how much more self-reliant I've become, fixing things around the house, doing taxes, etc. I think I'm finally a "grownup"--hard way to become one, though.
  10.  
    A reoccurring theme on this post is the positiveness about having to grow up and become self reliant. Men have learned to cook and clean-and even apply make-up, women have learned car care and home repairs. Hurray for us-we make a mean lemonade out of lemons.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2009
     
    I’m ashamed to say that if dementia hadn’t reared its ugly head in our home, I’d probably still be as oblivious as I was before, regarding what this disease does to families. Instead, I got an up close and personal education on it. (If I spent as many years in college as I’ve spent learning about dementia, I’d be into my doctorate by now.)

    As for where we would be without this disease, five years from now DH would be getting ready to retire. We would have taken a couple of those trips we always wanted to take. We would have fixed this house up just like we wanted it for our retirement years. I would have been able to go to all the big family events that have happened.

    On the other hand, DH had a high-pressure job with a long commute and a lot of travel. Who knows but what the stress of that job would have killed him by now, or if he would have had an accident out on the road? With the economy the way it is right now, maybe he wouldn’t still have a job.

    When DH was working, I hardly ever saw him. Sometimes he would be gone for two or three weeks at a time. After he could no longer work, before the disease got too bad, we spent all our time together and got to say all those things we needed to say to each other. We grieved together. I’ll always be grateful for that little bit of “us” time, even though it led to so many worse things.

    I feel like this disease has made me much stronger, more patient, and more understanding. And would I give that up to have my DH back like he used to be? In a heartbeat. I always had a picture of us in our rocking chairs years from now. Instead, in our early fifties we learned that those times were never to be.
    • CommentAuthorcarosi*
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2009
     
    When I think of the might have, could have, would have beens, if Vasular Dementia hadn't intervened, I see them as chapters to unwritten novels--fiction. Sometimes they make me a little wistful but generally not. I see this a lot like Gourdchipper--we are where we're at.
    It could be worse. I think dealing with our disabilities matured us (me) earlier and so I learned to take what came and did the best we could with it. He's 66 and from the time we married, any time I'd say, "Just wait until your 50." He'd respond, "I'll never make it. Don't plan on it." He was so aware of how hard things were for him, he really couldn't fathom being older. I am starting to accept that I probably won't pull a George Burns, but I'm not folding my tent and crawling away.
    Dementia is changing us and what our life will be, but I'm still game for it. Just as way back when, when I was told "You'll never do this or you can't do that," I'd sit back and think about it. Basically, I'd decide if it was something I had enough intrest in doing. Then, if I did, I'd figure out a way. I've never driven a motorcycle, but I
    've ridden one. Never start your horseback riding endeavors with a 2 hour ride--bouncing off twice. The ride was great--walking the next day was a PAIN <lol> There's lot's more I'd like to try, and when this road ends, I'm going to do some of those things.
    Every experience we have makes us more... It's what we chose to do after that which matters.
    • CommentAuthorbrookhvn1
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2009
     
    If my husband had not been diagnosed about two years ago I would likely be getting ready to sit for the CPA exam and starting a new career that i was convinced I loved. That has been put on hold. On the other hand, if we were back in our old lives I would likely be way too self obsorbed with the exam and school to pay attention to what's going on around me. I would still be putting of things like going to Alaska with the family. I wouldn't be fully engaged in what my kids were doing from day to day. I would still be living in that low grade fear of what would happen to my DH's business if he were to suddenly become disabled or die. I would be obsessed with our losses in the stock market over the past year.

    Instead, I am now focusing on caring for my DH. I am now caring for my children and trying to keep thier lives as normal as they can be for 8 and 13. He was always the one who did the pediatrician appointments and drove to soccer practice. He was the soccer mom. We did take the trip to Alaska last summer that we have talked about for 15 years and now we are looking to do on to Israel as a family. I no longer wonder what I would do about his business if he couldn't do his job. I am doing it. It's my signature on the payroll checks now and my name on the corporate charter and I"m the one who gets the screaming phone calls and the sick calls and the whatever calls. It's no longer an unknown. It's not fun but it's not something to fear anymore. And lastly, I don't get crazy over our paper losses anymore. To think I used to get upset about some stock market losses back in the 80's and that was only 10% of what has evaporated in the past year. It's not worth it. Worry is a worthless use of my energy. I would gladly have given that money away to any dr. on the planet who could give me my husband back.....who could give my children back the father they knew. Money & material stuff no longer matters in the way it used to.

    So in a way, I too, have been forced to become a grownup for the first time at age 46. But I have also been given the gift of putting my priorities in the right place and not missing the joys of everday life. I now know more than ever that if I do what I"m supposed to do every day that it will all be ok in the end, so I worry alot less now, ironically. It seems quite unfair, however, that he had to get this dreaded death sentence for me to be given the gift I was given.

    PS: after four years of our mailbox falling apart practically every time the wind blew I took matters into my own hands and went to Lowe's and they showed me how to fix it. DH lost his use of math & tools pretty early. It has now stayed in place for over 6 mos and several ice storms. YEH! I am learning to ask others for help....a valued life skill that I never leared. I'm getting the crash course in it now and it doesn't mean I'm weak.....it means I'm smart.
  11.  
    brookhvn1

    YOU GO GIRL!!! This is making all of us stronger...and you're proving it!
  12.  
    brookhvn1,

    Did you, your husband and daughter attend a younger onset support group in Timonium? I think I recognized your story above--Steve and I attended the group a couple of times. How are your husband and the girls doing? You sound like you are coming to grips with this emotionally--that's really the hardest part.
    • CommentAuthordagma3
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    OK - I never should have said that this process has made me a better person and having more patience."I" did the biggest meltdown I have ever done yesterday. I am so disgusted with myself, him and maybe AD right now. I just wish I would evaporate into thin air. I know this isn't nice, Christian whatever to say - but I don't care about him right now in any way except he is a big pain period. There are so many of you out there that have been so kind to me and that have and are going through so much more than what is going on here. I don't know how you do it. I just had to let you all know that when I wrote the answer way up there, it was a sunny day in our process. Please forgive my arrogance.
  13.  
    dagma you weren't arrogant-just having a rare good day. Sometimes I collectively hate all our poor demented spouses for what we have to put up with and try to cope with.
  14.  
    dagma - I doesn't matter what triggered your meltdown, it happened because you're HUMAN. Be grateful that you're NORMAL. I'll wait like a pillar of salt until some saint writes in and says it has never happened to her.
    • CommentAuthorbriegull*
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    I AM a "saint" (it's part of my name) and I will say OF COURSE IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!
  15.  
    I stand corrected, dagma, even saints have meltdowns--no one is immune.
  16.  
    No, you are human, dagma. You have true feelings and are entitled to have them. Frankly, I wonder about those who say, "Oh well, our Love will see us through, this is what God intended for me to do, nothing will ever change the way we care about one another." Horse Poopy. I had such a melt down last Monday, I still cannot write about it, much less think about it. (and NO!, I didn't cut him up into tiny pieces and put him in the freezer..He's fine!)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    Dagma - you have to let it out sometime. If you just let the anger, frustration, and pain build-up - you have two choices of what to do with it. We can choose to let it out or choose to let it build up affecting our health which can eventually lead to an early death for you. There are the rare people who can let it 'roll off their back' and not need to vent, but they are far and few between. I for one am not one of those rare people.
  17.  
    Nancy-not sure you'll be asked to bring anything to eat at our next cyber party :-)
  18.  
    whyyy not? I was the one with the chocolate covered strawberry martinis.

    Regarding my melt down: Suffice to say we were at a gas station on a busy "Y" intersection. DH was holding to our little white Havanese dog. He lowered the car window..and dog jumped out. He's a little 13 pound dog. He ran toward the busy highway with me right behind him. (Did I mention 5:00 PM- 45-55 mph traffic on a 4 lane highway?) DH managed to get out of the car, and with his shuffling side step walk, followed .. I didn't notice him behind me. Suddenly dog changed directions and runs toward the other 4 lane highway. I'm still behind him...Looked back and DH was in the middle of the first intersection, horns honking cars swerving...and little white dog was in the other highway, horns honking...cars swerving.." I was screaming my lungs out to him, DH can't hear (he's lost his hearing aids again, and the traffic roar was LOUD. I'm waving my arms at the traffic, pointing back to my husband, running toward the dog, who was playing "keep away". Cars were stopping - it was chaos.. EIGHT TOTAL LANES OF TRAFFIC WERE INVOLVED.

    With help, I retrieved them both, intact, although I was called every name in the book for being so stupid, typing up traffic, almost causing a major accident, and on and on...by the drivers.

    I have a heart condition (CHF) and for two days, I had angina pains and my headache felt just like my head was close to bursting open.

    Can you picture that scene, Ms.Bluedaze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, Alzheimer's can kill the caregivers, but in more ways than one.
  19.  
    Not in my worst nightmares. Sorry if I offended
  20.  
    awww Bluedaze....I was grinning when I wrote that last paragraph. You had shared earlier in a comment to me that I could share anything at anytime...and at the time, I couldn't even organize my thoughts around the event. I am so hard to offend,....especially now. I love you and all of the others.. YOU NEVER offend me....I love your comments. (Hug)
  21.  
    Oh, Nancy B, how awful! I just can't imagine! Can you not lock his window and door and control it from the driver side? On ours, we can and I do, although he has never tried to get out of the car when he isn't supposed to. But he has our Shih Tzu on his lap all the time, so I keep the window locked. Hope you are feeling better!
  22.  
    I can do that and will in the future. Just one of those things that you never dreamed would happen, and it happened at the worst time, in the worst place one could ever imagine. He insists on having his little dog in his lap every waking minute. I now have a leash on Tigger..that is wrapped around the head rest...to slow him down. Need to figure out how to put a key lock on DH's seat belt and I'll be all fixed up. OR, leave them home.

    Who would EVER have thought that would have happened. He's never opened the window before, Tigger has NEVER jumped out of the window before, and I never bought gas at that horrible gas station before in the middle of all of those highways. FYI, DH was harping on the fact that the fuel light had come on and I stopped at that out of the way station just to quiet him. A freak moment in life.
    •  
      CommentAuthorBama* 2/12
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    Just reading your comments made cold chills go up and down my spine. We never know what is going to happen in this journey we are on. I know how you feel because after one of my frequent melt downs I feel so bad. I have stopped praying for patience because every night I have to ask for forgiveness. I think I am going to start giving myself a grade every night on my calendar and see if I can pull my grade up from F. Heck, I may even give myself a star on a really good day.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    Nancy - how horrifying. I just imagine the adrenaline flowing and that is dangerous with CHF or any medical conditions. On our car you can only lock the back doors so they can't open from the inside. The windows the driver can control it.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2009
     
    thank your lucky stars you the dog or DH were not hurt....broken record?? i keep harping on seating them in the BACK seat behind passenger seat,with seat belts and child locks on doors/windows..sigh......
    :((( divvi
  23.  
    Oh Nancy, my heart started racing just reading about what happened to you. It's a miracle all three of you made it back to the car safely! We just never know what our spouses are going to do next, do we? Have to keep watch over them constantly. No wonder we're all so tired.
  24.  
    NancyB I just got back from dinner out with friends and I just had to reread your highway experience. It almost sounds like something from Keystone Kops (I'm a bit too young to really remember them). Your experience was too awful to contemplate. Don't know how you kept your sanity an didn't have a heart attack. Since I'm back in your good graces can we share a chocolate strawberry Margarita? That sounded so good I shared the recipe with my daughter.
  25.  
    Actually, there is more to the story. It was like Keystone Kops. Tigger ran across the road and into a cluster of little run down houses sitting up on concrete blocks. Beat up pick ups were parked all around them (maybe laborers/landscape workers from Mexico) I pounded on the outside wall of one of them,..and the door opened a crack and a man peeped out. Pounding isn't good! I pointed to my dog and asked him to "Ayúdeme con mi perro pequeño" (Help me with my little dog) roughly speaking. I might as well have shouted "IMMIGRATION"........because Mexicans literally poured out of the house, running, front and back!doors! (Back to the pounding on the door bit...a sure sign Immigraton is near)....The first guy shouted to them and they were able to catch the dog.

    Looking back, that part of my nightmare was a little funny and I'm very grateful to them. I'm sure their hearts were pounding as well though.
  26.  
    Perhaps that part of the story will only be understood fully by other Texans and people who live near the Mexico border.
  27.  
    Nancy--Your story was the kind of stuff I dream about sometimes!!! What gets me is that as impaired as your husband is, he noticed the fuel light on and was bugging you to get gas. Things like that continue to amaze me. Our "check airbag" light on the dashboard has been lit for a few days and DH keeps noticing it and asking me what I plan to do about it. I have an appointment to take it in on Thurs. and let's hope they can turn it off!
  28.  
    Nancy, what you went through!! Oh, my!! Please take Divvi's advice and put him in the back seat (he won't be able to see the gauges as well), plus next time he might grab the wheel! You are so fortunate that the dog wasn't hurt when it leaped out of the car, and that none of the three of you were ht by cars!!!! This calls for a glass of wine!!!
  29.  
    As to did I ever wonder, yes I have. Many times. I have dreamed of myself in other situations, and wonder if they would have come true if AD hadn't come along. I will honestly say that we have been blessed with 47 years of marriage, four great kids, five good grandkids, and three exceptional great-grandkids. We have travelled to many wonderful places together, and our best friends of 41 years are standing with us through this as well. I am content with our past, and after == I'll then do the things I've put on hold.