I answered Bluedaze's question on another site, and thought I'd ask you all the same question. A little diversion from our everyday life and troubles....
In my "last life", I was what was called a "real go-getter". I was an Interior Designer and had a real estate broker's license. I wore size 6- 8 pretty clothes, wore high heels with jeans, had great hair and long fingernails, I "did lunch", went to Church every Sunday, traveled to the Far East, Europe, Mexico and South America, laughed frequently, was an expert in multi-tasking, chaired committees and served on boards. and I danced. I had the occasion to wear cocktail dresses at least once a month and long formals at least twice or three times a year. I kept a leather planner in my handbag where I kept track of my schedule, plans and appointments, and was blessed with many, many friends. I was a single mother and my children were sweet, normal, fun-loving kids. I was witty and was it was said I was fairly attractive. That person doesn't live here anymore.
I went from high school to college and married in my senior year. Until now I was never alone. I wanted to be a nurse since I was five years old. My parents were always dead set against it. I got a full scholarship and off I went. First independant decision in my life. I loved every minute of it. Did everything from peds to geriatrics, pre op and home care. Nothing prepared me for FTD. Now I advocate-speak to anyone who will listen. I want woman to understand their finances and legal rights. Can I get off my soap box now?
Bluedaze, you made a difference. Just remember that! You still do.
I speak before groups about The Challenges of Being A Caregiver", ... I can talk the talk only because I walk the walk. I talk about the inner feelings of caregivers and the stages of grief we all face in the walk. I cannot talk to the medical side of the disease...but I hope I can at least bring a smile to their faces and let them know that what we experience is not limited to just one person. All of our charges seem to do many of the same things...and when they realize it, it's amazing! They cannot believe another man put 'toothpaste all over his face" or insists on putting one golf shirt on top of another one.
I wish I had more time to do that, and in time I know I will. Right now, it's pretty intense at home.
I wore crazy scrubs, worked for a crazed family practice doctor, ran three patient rooms, assisted in minor surgeries, updated charts, refilled prescriptions, returned patient calls, calmed nervous adults and hysterical children, all at a frantic pace for 10 hours a day and loved it all. I left to be home caring for Jim. None of that prepared me for this.
Kitty, I am a 12/14, depending on the fabric. If it won't give in the waist, I have to buy a 14 and alter the rest. As I said, though, that person disappeared. I used to say I was tired, and now know that I was never reeeely tired back then. I used to be able to sleep one night and wake up refreshed and new. I could wash and condition my hair and it would be shiny and bouncy.
Seems as if I'm recalling a movie I saw a long time ago.
When an former colleague of mine found out about my website, he wrote to me, telling me he was proud of my accomplishment, but had never imagined I would be a "crusader", as he put it. But what struck me was his view of how I used to be - this is a quote straight from his e-mail- "the joan g i remember had a quick smile, a quicker sense of humor and a dedication to her students, her husband and her son."
When I look at pictures of me from the last 35 years compared to the last 2 years, besides the obvious chocolate hip growth, I notice the smile. It used to come from the eyes. They lit up. Now, when I see pictures of me, the smile is on the lips. The eyes are sad.
If you think for one single minute, I am going to tell ANYONE what size I wear, you definitely have "caregiver's dementia". Let me put it this way - I was always a fat kid. When I got my acceptance letter to college, I decided I didn't want to go to college fat. Soooooo, I did what any desperate 17 year old would do. I went on a crash diet. It worked. For the entire 4 years of college, I starved, weighed 115 lbs., and wore a size 5 (which today would probably be a 2 - they have changed the sizes). The rest is history, and enough chocolate to fill a city block.
Oh, yeah, and back when I had a waist, my belt didn't sqeeze my breasts when I tightened it.
Joan I can relate to the 'smiles in the lips not the eyes" comment. its called the spark of life- how very true..the gusto is gone out of life these days and we can only hope it returns again -- after this journey is over and maybe we find ourselves again-divvi
I can sometimes feel that "sparkle in my eyes" again after going to granddaughters ballgame or my 4 hour trip to the mall or 4 hour scrapbooking workshop. Maybe some day we will regain more if that sparkle. I have not taken my xanax the last 3 days, so that is progress, isn't it?
I feel that twinkle in my eyes when I am at work. I am an extrovert. Have always loved talking to strangers. I can feel my joy coming through when I'm at work....then I come home & it all turns upside down.
I'm just pissed that all the staff is a 6/8 or smaller, and I am the only "big" one. I want to bring photos in to prove I used to be one of them. I have to search for "camouflage" clothes now. Ugh, and summer is coming, no cover ups.
My eyes still light up, as long as I am away from here.
I was a mother, a home maker and a secretary, but my most cherished role (especially after the children were grown and we got older) was that of wife and now that I'm not that anymore, I'm lost. And like the rest of you I'm not little any more. Weighted 125 nine months pregnant with my first child. Oh, for the good old days.
I heard on a health segment on the Today Show, women as they age can no longer metabolize carbs the way they used to. Minimize carbs. I am determined to be smaller for my son's wedding. Also, I used to walk 2 miles a day. Gave that up with depression. Hence the jello midriff.
My mother said to me today that the family just wants me back the way I used to be......happy, funny, optimistic. It sure is hard to feel all those things when someone you love and have loved for so long is slowly dying in front of you. I have never known such hate in my heart as I do for this demon called Alzheimers. But it is in our lives and we try to do the best we can like enjoying the good moments that do come along, remember what life used to be like and cope the best we can through the really bad times..........and there are sooooo many.
A sense of humor sure helps and I really enjoyed the discussion we shared about some things that are so insane that we have to laugh like LO's hanging on to their Depends for dear life when they must come off for showers or whatever. I agree with whoever said that we all should write a book about these funny and amusing things that happen. I remember Erma Brombeck (is that her name) wrote a book of funny experiences for children with cancer and it really was treasured by those kids.
Anyway....that's all I have to say except....back to the subject of this discussion.........thank God we still know we really did have pretty good lives before this........only we didn't know how good...at least I didn't.
Well, where do I start? I was a stay-at-home Mom until the 5th child was in school full time. I went to work for a temporary agency and never worked sumers, Christmas or Easter breaks, teachers' workshops, or when someone came down with a contagious disease like mumps, chicken poz, etc. When the kids graduated from HS, I started college--got my AA degree and then took a full time job. I loved it. I was an administrative assistant and had all the autonomy I could handle.
DH regired January 1989, I retired March 1993. The rest is history. We've traveled, done tons of volunteer work, went on cruises, had a boatload of fun. Then in August 2006, DH was dx with MCI and 15 mos later dx with moderate to severe AD.
I've never been small--weighed about 135 lbs until I was past 50 and quit smoking. I'm not about to tell you how much I curently weigh or what size I wear. Let's just say I'm what they used to call 'pleasingly plump' or "a healthy buxom woman." Howzat sound?? :)
When I started this thread, I did not say a word about size! It was tacky little KITTY that asked... I'd rather tell my age than my weight...and I even lie to myself about my weight. I know the reason I've develped this non-waist is that I sit most of the time and don't get out and run around. Blame the weight/what size do you wear question on her, squint your eyes in her direction.... and then let's drop that subject. (However, it absolutely thrills me to death to hear that my sisters in Dementia-land aren't all dainty tiny people.) OK, that statement proves I'm tacky too. (Do Northerners use that word?.."Tacky?")
Now Kitty..please know I'm just kidding you. This site is an 'escape' site... a site where we can be a bit silly while reminising. I love little Kitty's. Just dress like Rosalind Russell in Auntie Mame...lots of scarves you can flip back over your shoulder with arrogant abandon. Throw in a boa or two and you're all set. We designers can do that and get by with it.
Tacky? Oh, yes indeedey! Here in the Pacific Northwest, some of my best friends use that word. :)
Oh, Aunty Mame--I absolutely LOVED her. Remember when Patrick was suck a dork and tried to tell her how to act with his fance new fiance? He needed his 'totherend' kicked. But, he grew out of that! Thankfully.
As a matter of fact, I was trying to sing "You can put the blame on Mame, boys, put the blame on Mame...." to my grandkids the other week. I was surprised I could remember the lyrics. They were surprised I would try and sing. Ungrateful urchins!
Oh yes, I remember having a former life before AD. I was a legal secretary then a stay-at-home Mom (while my children were little.) Then I was an Administrative Assistant for a regional airline for lots of years. The high heels, sharp business suits, etc. were part of my life too. I think the reason we associate our smaller size with our former lives is because we remember looking in the mirror and knowing we looked really good. No, that woman doesn't live here anymore.
Ah yes, how well I remember the look of those legs glistening with the panty hose and the foot bent so gracefully into those wonderful high heels. A foot slips so easily into those. In my world nowadays, the heels are much lower, the legs are not anywhere near as sleek and you hope the dressy shoes you wear don't kill you before the evening or day is out.
Hey ladies, I found a great and comfortable dress heel. Actually, Oprah told about it sometime back and what she had to say about the great comfort is true. The brand name is Sofft and I think I heard that they are made by the Born shoe company. Many of you I am sure have heard of them and maybe even have them, but if you haven't or don't, be sure and check them out.......they are very fashionable and soooooo comfortable.
ok, I'll put my two cents in. Some of the changes you all are lamenting really have to do with growing older--we all are--and not being a dementia caregiver. I think most women get thicker in the waist as they grow older; when people retire, they don't dress up as much anymore, and our whole society has gone pretty casual in terms of dress all around. Looking back on how I dressed for work for years--suits and dresses with coordinated shoes and bags--I don't think that mode of dress for business is what's in now. For several years after I retired from the government I worked in furniture stores and an art gallery (about 10 yrs ago) and the younger generations were much more casual. About all they ever wore was a nice pair of black pants and varied the tops--much simpler. And in terms of social events--here in Baltimore most people wear "smart casual" just about everywhere to dinner and the theater, symphony. Especially the younger people. I think if you get too decked out these days, it just ages you. But Nancy, I know Texas has it's own culture--my SIL lives there and still does the big hair, lots of jewelry, high heels and dressy clothes for everyday.
My closet is still filled with the designer clothes I wore during my career in my "other life". they are all classics and I still can wear them - just don't have anywhere to wear them to! I did go to a fancy wedding last summer and ...voila...found the perfect outfit to wear. Always loved the high heels - can't stand to wear them now. I did wear panty hose to the wedding and couldn't wait to get home to take them off.
Marilyn-some things just never change. I wear panty hose all the time. Always did...guess I always will. I do not have BIG hair, I accuse Sarah Palin of copying my hair...when she wore it "up". I have medium long hair and I pin it up in the back and sides, and have the curls-or sometimes a loose bun up in the back with side bangs. I wore suits and heels every day to work and if I was going to be in windy downtown Houston, I always wore a hat to hold my hair down. My dress now is usually good jeans and shirts, don't own a pair of sweat pants. Most of my retired friends dress the same as I do.. and we never leave the house without makeup. Guess that's a Texas woman thing. I will say that I don't know of anyone (even at church) that has the old "big hair". Tht's more of an East Texas or Ft. Worth area look, I'd think. Need Sharan's opinion of that, she's from that part of our state.
You know, Texas is so big, we have regions. East Texas, West Texas, North Texas, South Texas etc.,...and in each region, their style is unique,(its own "look") and the people who grow up there even have a different ACCENT!! I can usually tell which part of Texas a person is from as soon as they begin talking.
I noticed all the young people at my job wear no socks, no knee highs, nothing, with their pants. It doesn't matter if it is 20 degrees outside. I guess that's "hip", but my feet sweat, and I have VEINS. On my last job, I wore suits, etc. but I am getting into this casual thing fast. I can wear my shirt tail out, that's "cool." Thank goodness, I am short waisted & have gained weight, so it hides everything. I like the new casual. SO much easier to get ready for work. Maybe in the Spring I'll do some self tanning & go without the knee highs.
I wear pantyhose to church on Sunday..if I wear a dress...but if I had to wear them all day, I think I would get diaper rash too. Hard to believe I did this every day when I was working.
I agree, Dazed. NO pantyhose anymore, though I do have one unworn pair waiting for some big event.
Believe it or not, there are accents in different parts of RHODE ISLAND! There's the CRAYNSTON accent which is very different from the waspish East Side of Providence accent, and in Woonsocket there's a French accent, and in other areas Portuguese; you can really tell the differences!
Believe it or not-I store my pantyhose in the freezer. In the Florida heat they disintegrate. I remember walking accross a parking lot and feeling the waistband give. By the time I got inside the foolish things were down around my knees. I was doing marketing calls at the time and needed no one to see this not pretty sight.
I must say I am amused by all this discussion of panty hose, after you all suggested that I not try to get panty hose on my wife, but get "knee Highs". I have done this with very good results. They are easy to get on.
Bluedaze, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard. We have a son in Miramar, and vacationed in Naples and Longboat Key several times. I would wear "Hanes Barely There" panty hose with shorts because my legs weren't tanned enough. Mine didn't dissolve!! Too wierd!
I know I am certifiable. I'm just so accustomed to wearing them, I guess. I don't notice I have them on.
I was 125 lb after delivering twins, I gain 13 lb. with my 4th child. I went back to school to get a masters degree when he was in the 2nd grade. I worked 21 years as a math teacher and guidance counselor. Now I sit with my husband and watch TV or take him with me to errands. i do everything in the house, manage financial accounts, do taxes maintain the cars, and whatever else there is. Our weekly outing is church, maybe going out with friends. This website keeps me sane. Thank you. Now I weigh more than I ever did in my life.
I was a math teacher too. I taught junior and senior high school for four years and then spent ten years at home with our two sons. After that I started teaching developmental math classes part-time at the university where my husband taught. After a few years, I got a doctorate in math education and taught math classes for students preparing to be elementary teachers. I thought those were the most important math classes taught at the university. I loved doing that, and I also loved being in elementary schools doing research on how children learn math. My husband retired in 2002 and I retired in August 2007. He was diagnosed with MCI in January 2008. Not what I had planned! We've done some traveling since I retired, but I don't think we'll be doing much more.
Folly--Boy, am I in trouble! The chocolate gene runs in my family (well, it's better than the AD gene)--I'm the 3rd generation that I know of. I've always needed it in large quantities and frequent doses (since birth, I think). Didn't know it also went with dementia caregiving!
Nancy--Funny you should mention Sarah Palin's hair. My SIL, who lives in Dallas, has gorgeous silver hair that she always wears in an updo--has it done once a week, sprayed alot, never moves a hair--she could be in a tornado. When Sarah was campaigning, I was going to suggest to my SIL that it would be a nice look for her--not as lacquered down, more up to date. Maybe I still will mention it, tactfully.
I saw on the news yesterday that a doctor in England is suggesting a special tax on chocolate, like the taxes on cigarettes and liquor. He said that chocolate helps to cause health problems due to overweight, so they should tax it to help pay for their health system.
I’d like to see this doctor get through being a caregiver without the assistance of chocolate! Some days I could either scream at my husband, or I could eat a piece of chocolate. I know which one DH would vote for!
You guys are all a riot. Thank God there are no more needs for "girdles" and pantyhose. I have 1 pair of dressy heels (2") and everything is casual. No sweat pants for me either. I did the gastric bypass 2 1/2 years ago and I know if I don't wear a waistband, it's too easy for me to get back to the old me. I needed to feel better and knew I could never help my husband physically with all that weight. I lost a person (yes, about 155 lbs) and feel much better. We do have to take care of ourselves the best we can but I too am addicted to chocolate!! What is it about the stuff? It literally makes me sick before I stop but I think I feel so "confined" caring for my husband at home that it gives me a bit of a "high". Anyway, that's how I rationalize it. I stopped wearing makeup in 1993 when I developed Fibromyalgia. It was too painful to put mascare on my lashes. Since then I can wear it but I'm so blind without my glasses. How do the rest of you put on makeup without glasses? I've tried a super magnified mirror but- no good. Any suggestions?
Kathryn, wow, that is amazing! You go girl. I'm struggling to take off just a few extra pounds. Menopause did me in.
Girdles, ugh, hadn't thought of those in a long time. Wearing a girdle and hose in Iowa in the humid heat of summer, such joy. When I was about 18 or so, I rebelled and refused to wear a girdle any more. My mother was absolutely appalled ... Fortunately, my father thought I was sensible.
I did a bunch of things. I was an Insurance Agent for 5 years. Did a couple of other sales jobs as well until I burned out. I became a legal secretary and then an executive legal secretary and then just an executive secretary. Convinced my boss that there were things that needed fixing in our office and that either he would give me the authority to fix them or I was going back to typing other people's letters. I think the threat that I wasn't going to be writing any more letters myself scared him. I'd gotten to the point where I was signing my own name to half of them, and his name to the rest. So I became the office manager and a VP.
That job ended when the Company disbanded and I ended my working career as a database programmer in the mortgage industry. I'm sort of glad I was retired when the mortgage industry went belly up.
There is one skirt in my closet. I bought it so I'd have something festive to wear to parties at night in the summer. Dancing on the deck of the clubhouse kind of parties. I have NEVER worn it. And I no longer buy dressy clothes. I've got no place to wear them or the last piece of jewelry I bought two years ago.
Chocolate is good for you, especially the dark kind. It makes you happy. I love, love, love chocolate fudge but have found that M&M's dark chocolate lasts much longer eating one at a time and letting it dissolve in your mouth. Ummmmmm.
Jan K, if they put a tax on chocolate, it wouldn't stop me from buying it. :-)
MarilyninMD, I rarely use hairspray, unless my hair is too soft and won't stay back. My girls used to say Sarah P. copied my hair...It's just so easy to do after all these years. Beats the h*** out of being a 70 yr old with a swinging pony tail! LOL. My hair is fine, and limp. I tried cutting it short about 5 years ago and it laid flat on my head and I looked like a peeled onion. It was terrible. What a horrible time I had while growing it back out. I think we need to leave things alone when they work for us and worry about other things.
I'd admit, back in the 60's/70's, I had the teased, sprayed hair,(big flip style) and wore silky panties on my head at night to keep it smooth. We used big fork-type combs that lifted it back out in the day. We looked like Annette Funicello!!
My youngest son announced at "Show and Tell" that his mommy wears her panties on her head!" His teacher couldn't wait to call me that night and laughlingly, said she shared it with everyone in the Teacher's Break Room!!!
Nancy, I tried and tried and tried to have a flip hairdo. By 10AM it had flopped, no matter what I did. I became the first girl in my high school to go for long, straight hair, out of sheer necessity. And that's the way I've continued to wear it (sometimes pulled back on the sides with barettes), because it's so simple to care for. Funny thing, though, now it's naturally wavy, and I COULD have a flip if I wanted.
Sunshyne, it's your phenomenal brain, high energy, quick wit, and good cooking that I'm in love with -- the Edyta look would just be a minor added dividend compared to all the rest....
The pantyhose were the first thing to go after I retired (I was never one for real heels; my ankles have always been unsteady) I always wore lipstick but not much else except a little eyebrow pencil. I've never dyed my hair but I've also got the limp fine blonde kind and without a perm I look limp too. That's my one expenditure, beauty-wise, other than cheap moisturizers. Skirts? no. Overweight? Definitely. Had to go to a memorial service the other day and had trouble finding something I could fit into. Gotta stop eating. But now that the weather's nicer I should be able to get out walking more, which helps.