I have a wonderful appliance called the Toto Washlet. I have read so many of your comments about dealing with the chore of keeping our LO's clean or treating sores, etc. The Washlet is a toilet seat with a remote controlled water wand that sprays warm water on the rear of the person as they sit on the toilet. It can clean Front (Women) Back (Everyone) Strong Stream, Gentle Stream, Spray, Straight Stream,, and it has a dryer function as well. I have had this for so long, I hadn't thought about it, but it does clean to the point of almost no toilet paper is required. Go to keyword: www.toto.com and click on WASHLET. The prices vary,... I ordered my last two from the Precision website. Home Depot/Lowe's can special order them, but they charge the full price. I saved $300 by ordering on line, free shipping and NO TAX when ordering out of state. If you have questions about this - just ask, but it's sooooooooooo much easier than wiping them yourself. Just push a button and they are washed "shiny clean". Very sanitary and prevents infections. It's invaluable and makes my life so much easier! Go to the website and see the illustrations that show how it works. (There are other brand names, and I tried one,...it was not as good as the TOTO brand!)
One of the other sites - below TOTO - sell the Washlet and some describe it better than Toto's site does. You do not have to order the entire toilet, just the toilet seat. You will need a 110 GFCI outlet behind your toilet and a "t" connector to divert some water from the tank supply line. I can hook one up myself, it's not hard to do. That's because WE read the printed directions, guys!
there was another discussion on this contraption a while back-sounds wonderful but further along in AD (i have bidets basically do the same thing) the person can HATE the water spraying over their bum or privates. my DH got quite violent when the water started up. it would have been so much easier on me to be able to use that, but never tried that again =back to spraying him down with the shower hose and nozzle w/ 8 choices of waterflow. and he sees the hose and isnt afraid..works best for me. and i am as you know poop queen -much to my dismay...maybe a new contender out there?:) divvi
Sorry Thenneck... but admit it! Do you read the directions FIRST? Tell the truth
Divvi, the water spray is soft and so comfortable. I use it too. The Bidet is exactly the same thing. This was a way to avoid having to plumb in the water and drain lines for a separate bidet. It wouldn't clean a major 'Poop Queen' disaster, I'll admit, but it beats the heck out of my DH reaching for a fluffy bath towel to clean his bottom instead of T.P. - He forgets how to push the remote buttons on occasion...and I am standing by to help. Still, my hands stay clean. You're a "better man than me" Divvi, when it comes to cleaning the big jobs.
my bidet offers the warm quiet jet as well..haha i love it too....didnt make any difference to DH. DH jumped and cussed like a sailor. most of the time they ABHOR/HATE water =period. anything that has it any way or form. count yourself lucky if your DH still likes water!
i can see that working for a nice quiet rinse now after a reg BM but in my house, thats nil..ha! ours merits hosing down. i have it down to a science now but wonder what i will do once he cant get to the shower.. soooo--'tomorrows another day'...per scarlett....
Scarlett, I'm inclined to call in the fire department when we have a poopcastrophe around here.
WATER? are you kidding me. He hates baths. Showers. Tooth brushing. He'll lie and say he took a shower. I know he didn't, unless he air dried. (I wash the towels and his has not been used!) His hair gets so oily. I tried to wash it in the sink with the spray faucet and nearly drowned him...plus flooded the kitchen. He didn't understand "Lean OVER!!" I am strongly leaning to biting the bullet and bringing in a young man who works in a MCF part time. The rest of the time, he has clients he visits, and while there, he bathes them, helps them shave, trims toenails and fingernails,.. and tends to other such matters. I could get him in 3-4 times a week and it would be such a relief to me. I'm totally wiped out after a shower/shampoo event. He screams if I touch his ear/nose/or rub his head too hard. A real drama queen. I will add that he won't even DRINK water. Another daily challenge I deal with.
heck, what are you waiting for?? let someone else bathe him then and all that goes with that...i have aides too that come 2/wk but DH holds onto his pants for dearlife around his waist if he needs a change..nobody will try to get his pants off to showerhim while they are here:) and i dont want them to try and upset him while i am out. for now i'd rather just do it myself. no drama with me he knows i mean business! i would be nice to have someone else handle that.sigh!
I keep thinking that if I wait another month..or so, I'll have saved that money for the time when he gets worse. With the economy the way it is, our investments took a huge hit..and his lifetime nest egg shrunk considerably. I read where they could live for years with this devil in his brain. He's doing quite well physically. (He's 81). I'm 70 and I am beginning to think he'll outlive me. (I believe you and I are the only ones on this site that are still awake. No one else is on line. I'm glad you're there.)
I came in here to shut the computer down for the night and just had to comment on this discussion. As gross as the clean up is, I had to laugh while reading this. The toilet seat sounds very interesting. I too just put him in the shower but I'm game to try anything easier........if I can afford it.
But to hear that the same things happen to others when trying to shower or clean up.....well anyway, it just makes me laugh. My husband resists the shower with all that's left in him. You would think he once again is being put in the torture chamber. Just getting him to undress once he realizes that that is where he is headed is a dreaded chore since he hangs on to his pants and then his depends and then his socks. Then to get him to step over that small piece and into the shower is like he's climbing up one the mountain ledges we live around. Once in the shower he yells out because the water hits him. He yells out when I put the shampoo on his head to wash his hair. Then he crunches his face up to the point that I just plain don't want to look at him..........and all of this with his teeth soaking in the dish on the bathroom counter. By the time it's all over, I'm usually really p... or should I say here.....ticked off. He's clinching his fists and now hanging on to the towel with dear life. By the time, I get his teeth back in his mouth and his hair combed and all his clean clothes on, then he says (the best way he can sputter it out....."I'm sorry." At the time, I feel like I'm having a heart attack but telling it here and hearing all of you, it makes me laugh. I never could have imagined this 44 years ago when we were on our honeymoon.....but then again, certainly couldn't either.
Look again, the next time you are in the shower and make sure you are not bathing MY husband, because his temperment is exactly the same. You'll be able to tell if you have the right man in there, because his teeth do not come out.
I feel EXACTLY like I'm having a heart attack by the time we get out. I'm exhausted, wet from head to toe, hot, mad, and there he stands, all shiny and clean. When I take my shower, I jump in, wash all over, wash my hair quickly and jump out. Nothing relaxing about that. I cannot go potty or take a bath without the door bell ringing or the phone ringing. Why is that?
... Remember seeing the pictures of Cleopatra in the baths with her hand maidens gently sponging fragrant waters on her and others are brushing her hair. I'd like to have a day of pampering just like that.
this is what comradery is all about, being able to laugh and share the bad and ugly times as well..:) its like the movie invasion of the body snatchers! and yours, mine and theirs are ALL alike --its good to know i am not the only one with the 'clutching pant syndrome'..overcoming the grips on the fingers to pry them off well--that is the most time consuming..haha..hope your next bath goes effortlessly......(right)..divvi
This brings back one hilarious episode in our "As The Bathroom Turns" saga. One day I did get my husband out of his outer clothing in order to take a shower...it involved moving him towards the bed, pushing him to sit and them hurriedly pushing him on his back and grabbing his pants by both legs and pulling.....the shirt I got unbuttoned and he spun out of that...but, then came the PROBLEM...his briefs. Now, we couldn't just leave them on....we needed a cleaning (if you know what I mean...LOL). So, we are in the bathroom...he is facing away from me holding onto the front of the briefs...I am holding on to the back of them....we were in a deadlock. Then, I remembered I had scissors in the drawer in the vanity....so I grabbed them and just cut the underwear off. The look on his face when he had the underwear in his hands was priceless. It threw him for such a loop that I was able to spirit him into the walk in shower and got him clean. Of course, there was sputtering, beating on the walls of the shower, I was called every name in the book, and that was the day a fist went thru the drywall...(his not mine)..but better that than my head. I did start taping these episodes in case something happened to one of us during these battles and there would be proof about what happened. What a way to live, right? It wasn't too much longer that I realized I couldn't continue to do this and I found a wonderful place for him to live until he became bedridden.
The TOTO toilet would have scared the crap out of him, literally. I had to actually sit on his lap when he was on the "throne" to keep him there. Talk about togetherness.....LOL!
Sandi that must have been a scenario to behold. i know the getting the clothing off and down to underwear..well those of us who are veterans at it, its a real job to find the quicky solutions that work. oh yeah, sizzors in the bathroom.. i have cut pricey polo shirts off DH to get him into the shower..30dol shirts new ones at that.haha. and i found the lovely idea quite by chance that the depends rip at the seams..hallelujah! i always wait to rip them off after hes in the shower sitting on the chair that way he feels he still has the upper hand on his 'pants'...isnt it funny how we each have to devise ways of getting the job done! how exhausting..divvi
I have a hand held shower attachment for dh to use. Last weekend son came for a visit and turned the water from the hand held unit back to coming out of the shower head and didn't change it back ( remember cleaning the tub and when you turn on the water you get a surprise shower?) Well the next day dh was sitting on his stool in the tub and turned on the water and got a cold shower, couldn't remember how to turn the water off and was yelling for me. The next day he told me he was getting afraid to get in the shower so I tried to ease his mind and made sure all was ok and the water was hot before he got in the tub. I was worried I might have shower problems but he was ok. Important to warm the water before they get in the shower.
Mine so far stays on the toilet as long as necessary but then forgets to wipe. (I come in and do it) He then climbs in the tub and stands there with the water running straight into the drain, not turned to shower, for as long as he can get away with it. Not washing as far as I can tell, just standing there. For a long time he would take a bar of soap and wet it until he used up about half the bar, scrubbing straight down his front. The rest of him would stay dry! I got the long-lasting big olive oil bar and now he doesn't use it. I now soap up a rag and give it to him and observe and monitor what he's doing. You'd think he'd never known how to bathe himself. I can still get away with then turning the shower on for a rinse, but he doesn't like it.
When they get to where they have to have help in the bathing, be it shower or tub, I have now found that no modesty can exist. I don't know where modesty comes from since we know every inch of each other! My husband doesn't show it for me, thank goodness. But I learned the hard way when I found spots of blood on the sheets that he either wasn't wiping or cleaning well enough and had a rash! So now I wash and check to make certain that the rash doesn't come back.
I still stand by the Toto Washlet. It cleans the anal region so well and also the area between the legs. It's not a SHOWER force, it's gentle and soft and gently rotates around the area in a circle. It works like magic here,.. and most of the time, he doesn't even notice I've 'pushed the buttom'. I have wished they had a mild soap attachment. The Europeans have used this system for ages. They often did not have but one tub/shower. Every other bathroom had a toilet , sink and bidet. Sink for washing the upper half of the body and the bidet for the bottom and feet. That took care of most of the body odor that offends. When LO won't take a shower, I find that the European method works for us. www.toto.com
sounds like Mary and I are again on the same page. getting cleaned without a shower hose between the legs with a messy poop is not an easy project. bidet or not bidet. i have done the once over cleanup after a no shower rant and it just doesnt get in the nooks anc cranny that warrant irritations later. its ok for a rapid clean but a shower and soap inbetween those areas is a must later on or like mary found rash develop like overnite! the rx creams are needed in between if your spouse has issues with this areas. it can turn into nasty infection early into a non shower phase. and i have found even in the shower my DH can squeeze so tightly his cheeks togethr to annoy me that it can make it virtually impossible even then..haha. what we go thru as caregivers...! divvi
Oh my friends, you have had me in stiches reading "As the Toilet Turns" Oh what I have to look forward to. Maybe we should put this into chapter form and create a book of only the funny episodes in our insane lives. Whadda think?
I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Just what I needed today. I love the title "as the toilet turns" fits to a tee. How they get the strength to hold on to their pants is beyond me. My DH can't open the sliding door anymore, but he sure can hang on to those pants when it comes to take a shower. Friends you made my day
Faybaye, how funny. seems he is thinking you are making suggestive advances when you offer to clean him up??:) that would be an eyebrow raiser. maybe you could try like some of the others do here and just get both of you into a shower together. he may allow more cleaning that way if yousay you both need cleaning? i get in with DH but stay dressed and just roll my pants up or put a plastic apron on.. and try to stay out of his aim wih the shower hose. he esp likes to turn it to my face/hair and hear my holler.:) all in a days work my friend...divvi
I wish there was a shower that worked like a car wash. A wand of warm soapy water would pass over...going up one side and down the other...then little sponges would pass around his body, gently rubbing here and there, then a softening rinse spray ...and finally a blow dryer would start up and pass warm air around his body until the sensors would know he was dry.
Can't you picture yourself ...outside the shower, sipping a cup of coffee, calmly waiting for the dryer to finish!
I think I've become delusional...because I can clearly see this invention at work! I'm the Queen of P'like.
I don't know about the soap but I have seen a hugh walk-in shower that had about 8 or 10 jets around it and they called it their car wash. What I would like to know is how in the world do you clean it? And wouldn't all those jets really drive them crazy. It would drive me crazy, I don't like a shower and I don't have AD----yet---
A day ago I put in a comment on this discussion. In this yucky world of AD we all live in, we have to admit that some of this insane stuff is funny. I had to get my usual reluctant husband into the shower again today and of course went through all the same antics as every other time. There was one difference today though. I knew all of you were going through the same thing and it just made me laugh to think of all the comments in this discussion. I even laughed out loud when he was hanging on to his depends for dear life. He didn't know what I was laughing at and he was so emerged into his own (what he considers) torture that I soon came to the conclusion that we were both in our little world while dealing with this shower. Anyway, friends, I did get a laugh and it sure made it easier today. Maybe there's a lesson here.........lighten up.........if we can!!
That is the very best thing I've learned from this site. Things that I would never have found funny on my own, I hope I can handle someday by trying to find humor in them.
Well, I am by nature pretty irreverent so humor comes very easy to me......I truly believe that is what has gotten me thru the 12 years I dealt with AD.
I have a very strong support system of online friends who I kept in stitches telling them about my days and nights of dealing with my husband. They all had the very calm and quiet kind of LOs.....mine was the only hooligan, Divvi......!
well i wish there were more hooligans here to share stories about. :) i am considering ordering a hazmat suit and one of those decontamination tents if i remain Poop Queen!::))divvi
Lori2, in answer to your question about getting AD wives to shower -- yes, it's a bit of a problem here, but nothing like some of the other horror stories I've been reading.
Up until about a year ago, the only help that my DW needed was laying out her towel, washcloth, clean panties, and getting the water temperature adjusted for her; but after suffering some sort of "event" early last summer that led to increasingly serious issues with balance (stroke, UTIs, who knows what -- she fell three times within a one week span, which I'm sure frightened her), I had to get her a shower chair and flexible spray hose and assist her into and out of the shower -- and now even hands-on help is required with all aspects of showering, toweling off, deodorant, etc. Privacy doesn't seem to be an issue, but more and more she now tries to "negotiate" out of getting a shower just now -- how about tomorrow instead? I've got her on basically a schedule of showering every second day, but occasionally I give in and let her go three days. I've found it best to not mention a shower ahead of time, but to just go ahead and get everything set up and then the next time I have to help her go to the potty I just remove her clothes while still seated on the potty and then matter-of-factly just move her on over into the shower.
The shower itself is a bit of an ordeal for both of us -- she's now so weak and unsteady that stepping over a six inch threshold into the shower and getting her to grasp the grab bars (also newly installed) and then sit on her shower chair is a frightening thing, with her protesting the whole time that the water had better be warm, etc. Once seated and the water temperature adjusted to her liking, I apply shampoo to her hair, and while she's working that in I'm busy at the wash basin soaping up a washcloth for her to use on her face and upper body. She's usually complaining of freezing to death during the minute or so that this all takes, so I run warm water over her back to keep her warm (the house thermostat stays around 78 degrees year round) and then rinse her hair and upper body. The another ordeal of getting her to open her eyes, grasp the grab bar and pull herself up so I can wash her legs, her "trick", and her hiney with the washcloth and then spray these off with the shower hose before she sits down. At various stages during these processes she insists that the water is now to hot or too cool, so I pretend to adjust something and everything's OK again. Together we dry her hair and upper body while she's seated on the chair, and then another ordeal of getting her back on her feet and out of the shower to stand on the mat, grasping a towel bar, while I dry her lower body -- with her reminding me that I haven't dried her toes yet. A walk to the bed, where I've previously laid a towel for her to lie back on, dry her toes, apply deodorant and powder, put on clean panties (CVS pull-ups) and housedress, then over to chair by her vanity so I can blow dry and brush her hair. With the ordeal over, she almost always thanks me and asks what she owes me and I tell her "a kiss".
GC- a very commendable job my friend! you have it down to a very organized ordeal it appears! a alot of that scenario i could be relaying myself:)
try giving her a DRY washcloth to have right after shampoo etc i give one to dh to hold and dry his face and wipe his hair down right after shampoo and it makes it easier to open eyes - he seems to get somewhat disorientated with eyes shut and all the bustling going on.he hates the dripping water down the face too. divvi
I have a bit easier time than GC. When I decide it's time for a shower, I get DW up (it's always in the morning), and tell her we are going to take showers. Usually there is no objection. I have to help her over the high side of the tub, holding onto the bars. I start with washing her hair while she keeps her fingers in her ears. She has never liked getting water in her ears. Then I wash her back, and have her do the front and "privates". When she is done, before I help her out of the tub, I ask her to wash my back. She then gets out and dries herself off. We don't have a hair dyer, so she just towels it dry. 2 days a week she gets showers at the day care center she attends, so this means I only have to do it once a week or less. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with any "privacy" issues.
Thank you for the education. I have always seen bidets at home shows but never knew how they work. I, personally, can not imagine sitting there waiting for the cleaning and drying. But, great thing about our society - there is a place for everything.
It has been fascinating and amusing to read your experiences. If I ever get there, I will definitely remember your stories.
Marsh - you can get chairs for tub/showers that have backs that the person sits, picks their feet up and the chair slides over. My sister used this for our mom and her husband which worked out well.
Marsh, I also used one like that for my mom. It is still in the basement and dh will eventually need it as he gets more handicapped. Actually mine is stationary but two legs sit outside the tub and two inside. The patient sits down and you can lift their legs over the side of the tub, or whatever.
Bidets don't have dryers and they are not very comfortable. The Toto Washlet seat is warm because the water that sprays is stored in the ring of the seat . It really doesn't take that long to spray...as long as needed,... and same for the dryer. I've had bidets in two homes and the porcelain seat (does not have a separate sink) is icy cold on winter eves. We discussed this at my Caregivers' group this morning, and the main thing the more experienced ones said was to do anything to avoid the Decubitus Ulcers that form on their back 'cheeks' and spinal area. Being kept dry is so important, and many MHF do not change the wet diapers often enough, so they sit in dampness or hours at a time. One caregiver has nursing care coming in and she doesn't (personally) have to change her mother's diapers. She found the ulcers quite by accident. They were horrible and it scared her. Her mom is now having to take IV antibiotics (at home) for this condition.
I'm trying to figure out whether a Toto washlet will fit a Kohler Cimarron class 6 toilet. The toilet is purchased but not installed yet so I can't measure it. The plumber won't charge to install the washlet if it is waiting when he installs the toilet. The plumbing store called Kohler and they couldn't tell her if there were 2 inches from the tank to the mounting holes. My husband initially didn't like the idea but he complained recently that his Parkinson's symptoms make it hard to wipe himself. I think he will like a heated seat also.
Standard measurements, Pam, is that most toilets fit the screw openings on the Washlet. If you call Toto, they will tell you if your Kohler is compatible, but I feel 99.99% certain it is. If your toilet was an off brand, maybe not. All of my toilets have been Kohler, Comfort Height. Incidentally, the ring is a little thicker on the Washlet Seats and so it lifts it a little higher. You will ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! We visited friends recently and they had a standard toilet. It reminded me of the little kid's toilet in the Sunday School Room area of the Finlay Parish Hall in Clemson. So low to the ground, I had trouble standing up!! :-)