This discussion got started on my payment thread, and since it does not belong there, I removed it. But it's such a good topic, I moved it to it's own place. Here is what I wrote:
CommentAuthorAdmin CommentTime2 minutes ago edit delete Yup. It's off topic, but it's a good topic, so I am moving all of these comments to a new discussion titled The AD Community Party.
Now, if you really want to meet and party, come on the Alaska cruise. I will arrange for a "meet and greet" room, where we can kick off our shoes, drink something other than soft drinks, and talk our heads off. Men caregivers are invited. But they have to talk.
CommentAuthordivvi CommentTime5 hours ago edit delete think about it this way, if we WERE all in an AD community and had access everyday to each other-- us sitting around and talking and drinking and eating while visiting. PARTYING FOR REAL!!how much would all that cost??? me i'd be spending all my time there plus we'd have our spouses in/out and spending goodies on them as well. bottom line, our cyber club saves us LOTS of added expense by not physically 'actually socializing! there, joan has saved us all money!
( although the thought of having real socializing and even spending the extra would be marvelous!) divvi
CommentAuthorNancy B CommentTime3 hours ago edit delete I believe we caregivers have developed our own kind of quirky humor, that few outsiders would ever understand. Whether we're crowning ourselves a "Poop Queen", or Miss Screaming Mimi 2009,... we "get it". Yes indeed, we are all Steel Magnolias.
CommentAuthorMary CommentTime2 hours ago edit delete divvi, I like your AD community! Too bad we can't all live close by each other! Think of the help we could be to each other - a call for help is instantly understood and answered; we could chase cats, go to each other's house and let out a scream, have a real shoulder to cry on - and talk and laugh and party! (however, we would have to clean up our own spouses!) <grin>
Nancy B CommentTime2 hours ago edit delete Mary and Divvi...I have been visualizing that community...OMG! Imagine the 4-5 Stagers wandering around lost, the amount of waste the garbage men would have to collect throughout the community, the caregivers running from house to house, only to find they wouldn't want to trade places with their neighbors either - Don't think anyone would want to keep up with the Jones's in that community.
CommentAuthordivvi CommentTime35 minutes ago edited edit delete just think of it! a weekly prize drawing for a weekends RESPITE!! and the rest would have to chip in and cover that persons duties..ahhhhhh!heaven...hehee..and that includes ME. hey, i am seeing here i am not the only one poodutiying around here now! yall just dont spill your guts about it like i do..:)and another thing while i am on the subject, your poo stinks JUST as bad--hahahhah...divvi
well the 'Heavenly Gates Community" as i will call it gets my vote if we ever get that off to fantasy island!
i vote BAMA gets first respite so she can go to the ocean...awwww...D
me thinks animals most definately welcome! none of that dr. marsh's-type community,( no pets). phooey! marsh you must move to heaveny gates with us, your lovely wife will go bonkers with all the animals. i know allergy?? this is fantasy island, no allergies. just watch her pet that Meeko and Katrina and lil Noche!:)
oh yeah, and you guys! we will need some male dance partners please?? no wallflowers in this group for SURE! life is too short at this point:)..Gchipper, you a good dancer? hehe..i bet ol don can do somma that two steppin we do in Tx....
Well, except the part where I'd be swimming with the dolphins. She's had to have her bottom shampooed 2 times & I can see she doesn't like water. I have the scratch marks on my back to prove it.
divvi, my wife LOVES animals. She has 3 stuffed animals that she holds and talks to. It's just that she gets asthma when too closely associated with cats. Dogs are a bit better, and she has no problems with my sister's TWO Portugese Water Dogs. We had dogs most of our married life, until I retired and our last dog, a beagle, died at age 15, and we knew we would be doing lots of travelling. The problem there is that we are not allowed to have dogs in our apartment. Cats are OK.
As for dancing, I flunked out of the Arthur Murray studio when I was in college.
Divvi, I used to be a fair to middling dancer -- but afraid we never progressed beyond fox trot, jitterbug, waltz, and rhumba. Back fifty some years ago several couples of us took lessons together one night a week and then took turns having practice sessions at someone's house later in the week, made much livelier by lots of frozen daiquiris -- I'll bring a blender to the party! I probably haven't been able to get Frances up on a dance floor in more than ten years -- fear of falling, even before she got the wobblies a year ago -- but I'm game to try it with anyone who's willing to risk getting their toes stepped on.
Hi Everyone! Glad to know everyone's on board with our idea of a community together. Wouldn't it; be a hoot? I remember the one item on the movie "The Bucket List" ... was TO LAUGH UNTIL I CRIED. Do you remember how that felt? When was the last time you "laughed until you cried". I guarantee that we would find ourselves doing that in our closed quarter sessions.
Joan, I wonder about the Caregiver cruises when the spouses go along. I couldn't talk or say anything about AD with my spouse there. I would worry that it would hurt his feelings. Do the spouses go to all the sessions and listen in? How would the caregivers 'get away' if they took their charges with them. I'd love to go, but I'd feel so guilty going on a fun cruise and leaving him home. (Even if he didn't know!) sigh....
We had our own sessions while our husbands had their session elsewhere at least once a day. We all met together a couple of times and talked in general terms and none of the husbands minded - in fact, they joined in! Most admit that they have AD, but theirs is not bad and they can still go and do and some even are volunteers! Mine can't talk, but the men included him in their conversations. They LIKED being together! It was amazing!!
I believe that I would be so concerned about my husband's well being and his needs, I'd just stay in the stateroom with him. The last cruise we took together was exactly like that. I didn't see one show, nor did I lose one cent in the casino..(which is rare for me!). We sat in the stateroom or on the balcony. Peaceful, yes. Adventuresome? No, not at all.
I'm a caregiver just like all of you are. I can't LET GO and LET OTHERS ..not without looking back over my shoulder to be sure they are doing everything the way it should be done. Much of my problem is ME! Is there a spousal equivalent to a "mother hen"?
Nancy, I took my daughter along (she's 45) and she was with him if I wasn't. Even in the AD group - there were trained people with our spouses, as well as Patrick. I wouldn't have left my husband with them without my daughter there. I understand completely!!!
The whole idea of the cruise is that it is a Caregiver Stress Management Cruise. There is no stress management if you're worring about and still "caregiving" for your spouse every minute. The idea is to find respite for your spouse at home, so you can go on a cruise to get some stress relief. I think Mary will agree that she could not have done it if her daughter hadn't come along.
The husbands in our group are capable of coming and going on their own, taking care of all of their own personal needs, and know to stay in the cabin and rest if they are tired. However, I can assure you, if my own husband's behavior isn't under control in September, and I have to worry about outbursts, nastiness, insults, and rages, I am dropping him off in San Francisco with my son and daughter-in-law, and I will go on the cruise by myself. These cruises are "working" cruises for me, as I will do another workshop presentation, and particpate in possibly a panel and run some other activities on the Alaska cruise. I cannot and will not handle a temper throwing two year old at the same time.
So the offer is still out there - come with me, kick back, a mimosa in one hand, and a chocolate covered strawberry(ies) in the other, while we laugh and exchange stories and get to know one another in person. I will have a "website" meeting session for those who come along. It will be a "caregivers only" session. If we drink enough mimosas, we can really get into some good discussions about er, "taboo subjects" we have discussed on these boards.
Yes, Joan....I couldn't have brought my husband if my daughter hadn't come along. I don't know if I can come to Alaska as yet....it will be a last minute decision...but I will be alone....I won't try to bring my husband again. We had a great time, but my daughter and I didn't get as much relief as we wanted due to taking care of him, and most of the time it takes two of us with him. So, this summer she's going to Hawaii with her sister to visit her brother and SIL who live there for two weeks. I'm taking a week's vacation to stay at home while my grandson goes with them to visit his parents, brother and sister, and having inhome care for the other week.
If I can come up with the money, I'll come to Alaska alone....
Nancy, we've heard about "helicopter parents." I wonder if we become "helicopter spouses." When I went away last summer (about 200 miles away, but for several days) I had first my son come to caregive and then some "hired help." - CNAs from a local agency. They managed pretty well, as far as I can tell. I had everything written out in great detail about what to do. I don't know whether they paid attention to it. I still have one coming once a week; she also does some light cleaning which is a relief for me. Some of the things that I am certain he needs, he doesn't seem to need when I am not here.
OK, gals, you have my attention!!!!!!! I think I'm supposed to call the travel agent, right? I can't say I've ever wanted to go to Alaska, but Sarah Palin brought lots of attention to that state. I just want to GO SOMEWHERE!!! ANYWHERE!!!... and if that place has a cute bartender and a knack for making Grey Goose Vodka Tonics with Two Limes, I'm IN LIKE FLYNN! I'm soooo easy to please!!!
Oh, I hope you can come to Alaska. I'm pretty sure Countrygirl is going.
Nancy B,
Remember - I'm the one who finally moved out of New England after living there my whole life, because I thought my bones were going to freeze and crumble. I could not stand the cold another winter. Considering winter lasts up there for 9 months. Now, after 2 1/2 years in Florida, I'm such a wimp, I'm cold if the temperature goes below 70. So you can be sure, Alaska wasn't my first choice, but I have been told by anyone and everyone who has been there that the scenery is spectacular. Once in a lifetime views. If you are interested, call Patrick at 919-402-8900.
In going through the myriad of boxes in the garage for the flea market fundraiser, I found my flannel nightgown, which I thought I had thrown out. I also found boots, gloves, and sweatshirts. I'm all set.
I found out something today .. the stimulus plan provides $250 for every recipient of Social Security and SSDI. Not QUITE enough to pay for a cruise, but...
I'd love to come to Alaska, I must say. But my husband couldn't make it, and I have to see how he does getting respite care when I'm on my Maine island in July for a few weeks.
One of the advantages of living in Maine is that we are in Paradise all the time, even when it is snowing. The view out our window, with fresh snow covering everything, is beautiful. From the porch of our house we can see the mountains of Acadia National Park.
I'm adding "Maine" to my Bucket List. I've been as far north as Massachusetts,living in Newport RI as a young navy wife. Back then, we had no money at all, so we didn't venture out much. How lovely it is!
OK! Everyone come to my little village in Maine! I am in the Lakes Region in the Foot Hills of the White Mountains. We can go kayaking with the Loons in one of at least 5 lakes within 10 minutes of my home,(two we can walk to) sit out back and listen to the waterfall as it flows into the Bear River that runs through my back yard as we toast marshmallows over our campfire and watch the fireflies. Let's not forget some really good munchies and an open bar! We could also meander down to the village and sit on the deck of the pub and watch the sunset and boats on Long Lake. I'll expect some RSVP's soon! Now does anyone have a hot tub that they could bring????
Remember when we were children and we'd play, "Let's Pretend". I loved it. We would start each sentence with "P'like we're mommies"... or "P'like we're going to work". OK, I'm "p'like-ing I'm at Jim's wife's house...and I'm the one having the most fun of everyone!!! :-)
Maine sounds absolutely fantastic..great place for this gathering..will google it for sure today sometime. A fruit/cheese platter might work nicely with the wine. can we stay a couple of weeks?
You can all stay as long as you like. We can put up some of those long Canvas Tents like we see them use on Safari, just watch out for nosy Moose and Deer! The cheese & fruit platter sounds delightful. Whats for dessert??? I LOVE Chocolate!
I'll bring my (in)famous bourbon chocolate brownies. And several large bags of Hershey's Nuggets, assorted flavors. Chocoate chip cookies. Chocolate cola cake. Several varieites of Ben and Jerry's chocolate ice cream. Hmmm. . . . what else can I dream up???
I'm making Chocolate Strawberry Martinis. Equal parts of Godiva Chocolate Liquor, Smirnoff's Strawberry Vodka, Bailey's Irish Cream and a splash of cream. Chill thoroughly in the freezer..(don't freeze) Pour into a prepared chilled martini glass that has been rimmed with the "chocolate Shell" bought at the grocery store .(dip the chilled glass in the chocolate..back to the freezer for one minute. Add a little strawberry on the rim. Tastes EXACTLY like a chocolate dipped strawberry. I'll bring lots of glasses and lots of Godiva Chocolate Liquor.
no problem!....I'd love to share Chocolate Covered Strawberry Martini's with all of you. They are so chocolaty and so smooth, you won't believe there is liquor in them. ............... and Divvi, I don't know if one could Overdose on them - They're so decadent, probably not! Nothing that good could be bad for us, right?
Hey Bama, we can hang at the lake during the day and do Margs! Of course, we'll need chips and salsa, some cheezy mexi dip, and big Sombreros for all! As for those Martinis, WOW! And I thought my liqueur filled chocolate dipped strawberries, topped with whipped cream were good, lol! OK, who's bringing breakfast????