Valentines Day is almost here and I think we should change the rules. Rule #1. Our Spouse is not likely to get us candy, flowers, card or whatever so I am hereby declaring it ME DAY in our household.
I am going to my 65 year old friends Wedding, buying myself a bouquet I like from Wall-Mart, a box of my favorite chocolates and taking my DH out someplace I want to go. (all that may overwhelm us so I may do part of it the next day). Might even rent a favorite movie. Since I don't ordinarily watch movies I will take suggestions. I would take a long bubble bath but I have claustrophobia and I am in and out of the tub in record time. Here you go, now you can plan YOUR DAY>
normally i would buy myself a box of those gooey choc covered cherries:) they are ridicously sweet..but with all my dental whoes lately i wont risk that yet. it may be a good time to stay off sugar now and get losing those extra lbs..i will buy things for my grandaugthers and DH sweets instead..my joy will be sharing with those i love this time.divvi
My husband always sent me flowers for all occasions and "just because". (I am a flower freak.) Anyway, even at adult daycare he would get on the phone, call the florist, and order something (he carries a credit card). On my last b-day in Dec., he couldn't do it by himself, so he went to one of the staff, told her what florist to call, and asked her to do it. Fortunately, he didn't give her the credit card, and the florist wouldn't take the order. So, she called me. I went to Trader Joe's, bought lots of flowers and made a beautiful arrangement. When he came home, I made a fuss over the gorgeous flowers he "sent" me. Probably saved about $50 or more, and he was happy. I plan to do the same for Valentine's Day--it will be a gift for us both--he will believe that he ordered it and forgot. He once told me he sends me flowers now to thank me for taking care of him. He's a sweetie (most of the time)!
My husband is very high functioning, always knows when the football games are on and who did what. He has always been one that went to extreme on holidays, decorating befoe I got up, candy, presents, flowers. I was thoroughly spoiled. We have had some problems with our intimacy for about ten years due to all the meds he takes and that is a dead issue for us - he doesn't even want to cuddle and cards, gifts and flowers are out, too.
I was looking for Valentines for the children and grandchildren and one for him. I saw so many appropriately "naughty" ones that we would have exchanged in the past. I quickly put them down and finally found one that talked about our lives together.
I am truly grateful for the memories and experiences I have had during the Holidays in the past. But those "naughty" valentines sure caught me off guard. I was surprised at how I thought I had "buried" all of those particular ideas and feelings. But I agree - that it is a day that I do for me - he wants me too, I am sure and he just can't right now and I won't set myself up for misery by having false expectations. When I start feeling down about something like that, I will go and do what I would like done for me to someone else - like the girls in the doctor's office. Cards and gifts are not anything that he wants. I hand them to him and he lies them down without opening or looking at them and won't use them
It is difficult to find any greeting card that doesn't hint at sex any more. I've had problems even finding anniversary cards that don't remind me of events we no longer have.
I STILL (after yrs) cant watch those couples Sandals commercials -i get a pain in my stomach when they come on.. i can stand at the card isle and weep just reading some of those cards now..so much loss over the yrs. -Divvi
DH has never been real big on holidays; maybe just a card for me on Valentines. I usually try to a little something more for this holiday because it's so close to our "Met"(the 10th) and "Got Engaged"(the 12th) anniversaries. He likes marshmallow candies so I got him 2 boxes of Valentine PEEPS. Just went through Joan's Amazon to spend my Christmas gift card from our Daughter and Son-in-law. I collect realistic collectible vinyl baby dolls. "Sofia" arrives next week. I only get 1 a year, so this works out fine.
With all the valentine commercials on TV this week, this afternoon my DH asked when valentines day was. I told him and he said- well, I have time to go buy you something, don't I? He always wants to buy me flowers when we go to the grocery store (that's AFTER he wants to buy everything he sees in the grocery store!) He has always been so thoughtful of birthdays, anniversariers, etc. But, this past year has been tough on him - he didn't remember most of them. We'll see about valentine's day.
I will be having MY Valentine's Day a week late. My youngest daughter is getting married on February 21. Charlie's caregiver will be here from noon until midnight and I am going to go to the wedding alone and have a WONDERFUL time. It breaks my heart for him to miss something that if things were normal would be something he would not want to miss. She is his step daughter but there is a strong bond between them. She was the only daughter still at home when he and I were married and they became close. However, what is. . . . .is. He can't go, and I won't miss it. The only problem is that it has been so long since I have been out at night I have to wonder if I will turn into a pumpkin if I am not home by midnight.
ehamilton, enjoy yourself. That is an order! <grin>
We never did the Valentine thing. I think it was because my husband wasn't born in the US, and he never "got it". Didn't get birthdays either frankly until my daughter taught him otherwise. So I'm not going to miss the candy and card this year. Never got one anyway.
He was a great one for buying things including flowers "just because" and we did a humongous Christmas.
Going to try the movie Dick recommended. Today I bought myself an inexpensive watch and told dh it was his Valentines present to me. He was not impressed. He seldom paid attention to Valentines Day and NEVER brought me flowers. Well this year we are having flowers. Haven't yet decided about dinner plans.
anytime i buy something from 'him' he loves it and when i thank him and give a big hug he especially smiles and says thats nice! my DH was always quite the elaborate giver of gifts...sigh. i do miss that! Divvi
I think when God was passing out "shopping genes" to women, he skipped me. I HATE to shop. I did get an outfit on Friday , I am not happy with it but it is highly unlikely that I will look for anything else. I told my daughter that if she saw anything she would like to see me wear to buy it and I would repay her. Other than that, I plan to have a great time.
My wife and I both dislike shopping, except that she is good shopping for presents for others. As for herself, I have to force her to buy anything. She made most of her clothes, which don't fit now since she has gained so much weight in the last year. I can't look at labels to check on sizes since there aren't any labels.
Marsh, mine's expanding too. For buying her clothes, find elastic-waist skirts (I know you like skirts for some of the time). Go to a site like LLBean and find their pages that tell you how to size things. They're not totally accurate but you'll get a pretty good idea from her measurements as to what size to buy in the store. Then go to Remy's and buy away!! Separates are the best.
Marsh, Did your wife use commercial patterns when she made her clothes? McCalls and Simplicity were the most popular. If you can find one she used you can get the size she and go from there. Other than that you may have to measure her bust, waist and hips and check a sizing chart for her size.
just take a pants or dress into the store and tell the sales lady i need one size bigger..:)??? they have an eye for that judging what fits..you can try at home and if its good voila! if not takeit backa nd get another size. improvise is the name of of the game! my DH waist is now a solid 38! he has most pants in his closet and suits waist 34! i just last week got him 2 new pair of dress slacks size 38 as his bday is coming up and i want to dress him up. of course the downside is my waist is doing the same -being at home alot gives way to the munchies! divvi
We're going (I hope) to a March of Dimes Valentines dinner tonight. We so seldom go out at night anymore, I'm a little anxious about it. But, it's a white tablecloth and candles - and I really wanted to go - so made reservations. He asked me a little while ago how dressed up he had to get - so maybe it will go well! Got my fingers crossed.
I've ordered a "Singing Valentine" for delivery to Frances tomorrow -- a barbershop quartet, dressed in tuxedos, are slated to arrive here at our home sometimes between one and three pm and present her with a long stemmed red rose, a box of chocolates, and perform two love songs. It'll be a challenge to keep her presentable and in a good humor until they show up, but I'm hoping she'll love it and want to sing along with them -- both she and I were barbershoppers (she was a Sweet Adeline)fifty years ago. I'm planning to try to capture it on video so she can enjoy it over and over -- just hope I'm not just building myself up for a big letdown -- she's been a real pill for the past couple of days.
maryd - that is a great gift. Makes you feel real good. We were out today and dh wanted me to stop at Gabe's where he chowoe to red heart boxes of Valentines Day chocolates for me to buy. Don't know if I am going to get one of them on not????? Anyway, I am doing my own thing.
Well, Valentine's day is very touchy for me. Last year my husband told me we were going out to dinner, I did my hair, make-up, dressed up. Then he said we weren't going anywhere, what was in it for him? I was astonished to say the least. This year, (we have always exchanged cards) I was looking at all the cards & sort of getting sick to my stomach. All this gushy stuff that doesn't apply to my situation. I finally settled on one, but even that felt like a "fake." I don't even want to give him that one now, and it was pretty benign.
Kitty - Just tell yourself the old days are over and don't fret about another Holiday. I have spent 53 years of Valentines day hoping dh would bring me flowers, candy or something. I could count the fingers on 1 hand the number of times that has happened so I decided not going to expect something anymore so that is why I declaired Saturday ME DAY. I have already purchased a new watch, going to buy some flowers at WallMart, take a quick bubble bath (because I have claustrafobia), watch the movie Guy recommended and eat some chocolate truffles I am going to buy for myself, if dh doesn't give me a box he bought today.
Valentine's Day just isn't the same anymore, let's face it, DW today is not the woman I married 30 years ago. I will find a suitable Valentine for her, we are planning on going out for dinner tomorrow night.
DW invited our daughter to go out to Valentine's Day dinner with us so I will have two dates for Valentine's Day. Actually this is good because she is a lot of help with her mother. This change from Seroquel to Abilify has created such havoc with her moods I don't know what to expect, but being an eternal optimist I'm hoping for the best.
I'll do my best to make the day as enjoyable as possible for her
I am continuing my Valentines Day saga. Actually it is Valentines Week here at our house. I bought myself a new bed this week, a new comforter today and took dh out to The Olive Garden for lunch today. His first time there and he loved it. Good think I did all that today because I am coming down with a cold or allergy. And my good friend's wedding it tomorrow. I do hope I am improved.
Do not like Valentines Day. IN the past the only times I remember him buying me anything was if i was at work on that day. Then, it was only sporadic, not on a regular basis. I agree cards are mushy - I usually print out my own cards cause I don't like what most say. This includes birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc.
One year back in the 80s our church had a 'newlywed' game at the Valentine dinner. We won! We had been married 15 years or so.
I guess I have to face reality that my wife has definitely deteriorated. She has always enjoyed getting cards - birthday, Valentines, or any other occasion. She would immediately open the card and then come give me a kiss. Today I gave her a card I had printed, with a picture of the 2 of us taken about 1 year ago. She set it aside without looking. When I gave it back to her, she pulled the card out of the envelope, looked at the front, and put it back in. I finally insisted that she look at the card (the picture of us was on the inside). She looked at it, made some non-commital sound and put it back. No kiss, no thankyou. At least at the moment she is still holding the card, in envelope, so I guess it meant something. This disease is really hard!!!!
So sorry Marsh. My DH can't focus much on things either. If I show him one of the funny e-tube videos he can just handle about half of it and he is ready to go. Much like a 3 year old on focus. He never cared for cards so I never get him one. He bought 2 heart boxes of good chocolates while we were out the other day. Going to be interesting to see what he does with them. He has them in his room.
He will probally pass them around when the kids and grandkids are here. I doubt if he bought one just for me. I would be very surprised, given past history. Anyway, that is just a small drop in the big bucket now and doesn't upset me like it used to. Have a nice day. By the way, that was thoughtful of you.
The PEEPS are on the table where I set them. When I told him Happy Valetine's, he never reacted.
Earlier this week he was responsive nd even jokey about our "Anniversaries". We met the 10th and became engaged the 12th, 35 years ago. I've always wished him Happy Anniversaries on those dates and it has always caught him by surprise.
Since the VaD has been Diagnosed, I've worked to let go of the hurt of his not remembering. He used o get me a card for Valentine's and Mother's Day. He'd take me out for supper or some other activity and give me a card for our Anniversary. None of that now. Now, I make the day special for me and have all the things for a nice meal, if/when he wants it. I get him some little thing for Valentine's and for Father's Day. It is hard, but I've made up my mind NOT TO LET THE DISEASE run me like it is him. I know what the right thing is for me to do, and I know if the VaD wasn't running his show, he'd be doing the things he used to do. IT IS NOT GOING TO WIN THIS ONE!`
Mine celebrated by watching Jane and the Dragon and the Berenstain Bears. Toddlers don't remember Valentines' Day. I'm too distracted about the cat to bother if he watches tv all day.
I am so sorry for you who aren't remembered today. I do know how it is - I was forgotten on my birthday and Christmas....BUT....we went to a dinner on Thurs. night - all was great - he carried on a good conversation with our table partners, manners were good, enjoyed the meal and fellowship. Told me yesterday he needed to go to the store. OK..this morning while we were having coffee in bed, he got up, presented me with a huge box of Ghiardelli chocolates and a beautiful valentine's card! Said we were going to lunch. Just got back and it was great. He is "normal" this week. And I haven't given him MCT oil - yet! wonder what next week will bring??? But it's been a great week - for a change!
Hey, we need a positive note here among all this Valentine gloom and doom!
Frances surprised me by "rising to the occasion" and acting perfectly normal while the barbershoppers were here doing their "Singing Valentine" thing -- singing along with them, accepting her rose and chocolates very gracefully, and complimenting the guys on how handsome they looked in their tuxes. I guess it was like how some folks say their LO is able to put on a good performance for the doctor, but anyhow she just outdid herself and I was proud of her. I had only told her that we needed to get her dressed up and put on makeup because a "Valentine surprise" was coming, and she even volunteered that maybe she should wear a bra -- the first time in months for that! That was all yesterday, and then today I had a card and new filmy pink nightgown waiting for hwer when she finally got up for breakfast around eleven. She loves the gown, but it's a bear to take her to potty in it -- it's so long and slippery!
And not to forget the caregiver, my "second best sweetheart" has asked me to escort her to a "Legends of Country Music" performance this evening, so we'll grab a quick bite to eat somewhere before going. I'm to pick her up at 5:15, so I'd better get going!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME........ No chocolates, no flowers. no nothing from DH but that's okay. He always remembered before ad and I know he can't now. I did get lots of cards and calls from family. Gourdchipper...your posts always make me smile. Your Frances is one more lucky woman.
Well, since I got "stood up" on Valentine's day last year, I still thought I should get my husband a card & candy. It was tough selecting a card. I felt like, none of these say anything I feel. I came home from work, he was in bed, 6:30?, and I gave him his card & candy. He didn't read the front of the card, went to the inside 1st. I told him he hadn't read the front, so he did.
He was lifeless. This morning I told him a joke someone sent me via email & he laughed. So when I left, he was in a good mood, and when I came home he looked depressed. Very depressed. Of course, I asked him if anything had happened during the day to affect him, but he said no. He was about to say something twice, but he sort of "bit his tongue." I think it would have been to complain about me, but he restrained himself.
No card for me, 1st time in 11 years. Nothing. Oh well, I had fun at work, even though it was tough.