I love the Beach also...can I join the group....when we lived in Clearwater, that was my escape, to go to the beach and relax..DH. never liked the beach..sure could use a few hours of beach relaxing now, Oh well!!!
I'm here and ready to party. I love the beach, the sun going down and the sun coming up. I love the sound of the waves and I like to walk on the beach. We had a townhouse about 2 miles from the beach at Gulf Shores, Al. for several years. We decided to walk the beach every day and our goal was to walk to Ft. Morgan. We would walk about two miles and then back to the car. Next day we drove to where we stopped the day before. After walking to Ft. Morgan (2miles at a time) we started in the opposite direction and walked toward Pensacola. We continued on until the beach ran out. That was about 20 miles of beach and double that we walked about 40 miles that spring. DH was 65 and I was 60. How's that for two ole farts?
My favorite beach story....We were walking the beach about sundown when we passed two older ladies sitting on the beach. I thought did I see what I thought I saw so we turned around and went back. The ladies were sitting there with only their panties on (the bloomer style) with a tall cold glass in their hands. Now, that will make anyone smile. And I did give them a great big smile and said hello. As my kids would say That's Living.
Grannywhiskers... I bought the the little black bikini and then didn't have the nerve to wear it. Come on....join us. This party is making me smile and reading the posts here are making me laugh . I am promising myself that I will make that beach trip. I believe I could drive that far one more time. Gulf Shores and Panama City here we come.
Everyone---this has been a hard thread for me to read----as someone said, lots of difficult things about this disease, but "dismantling the dreams" may be the hardest. My problem is that we are so young, I never got past the raising the kids dream! My DH's dream was to retire at 55 and go to seminary and have a second career either in the ministry or more likely in a social service agency. Sadly, he started seminary classes parttime at 50, but was diagnosed with dementia at 53, so he had to retire from both his career and his seminary classes. As for me, our daughters were 15 and 18 when he was diagnosed, so I'm very blessed that this spring I will see one graduate from college and the other from high school and she'll head off to college----so that part of my dream is almost realized, but I had never thought past that time! So I guess I'm now in the situation of coming up with my own dreams, and I guess I'll be living out those dreams on my own? Except as someone else said, even my own dreams are "on hold" for right now, while I deal with my DH's current situation and constant decline. Speaking of the beach, my youngest daughter and I were talking today about our many family vacations to the Florida panhandle....thankfully we have those memories, although new memories may be on hold right now.....
Check that long term care policy again. The way my husband's is written, services can kick in if he can't do at least 2 ADL's--OR--in the case of cognitive impairment--when he needs supervision for safety reasons. He still does all ADL's independently, but the insurance co. has been paying for adult daycare for over 2 years due to the cognitive issues. Home care would be the same way. If you're not sure, you can always call the company and ask.
In France - and, I recall, at Strawberry Canyon in Berkeley at the UCB campus, all ages wore bikinis. Often without the top. The women looked better than the men in their jock-strap "bathing suits"
We found out 6 months ago that my DH has this dreaded disease at age 59. I am still working but we are planning a vacation this summer. We want to add memories to our 5 year marriage. I am angry too! I was planning on retiring and enjoying our lives together! That's what hurts the most! I have enjoyed reading your posts and have found out more information than I was expecting especially the incontinence disscussion thread. I am trying to prepare myself for the future but it seems so horrible!
It's not horribly horrible for many people. Disconcerting, takes getting used to, but truly, not everyone gets violent. And lots of people don't become incontinent. Everyone progresses so differently that you really shouldn't worry overly about one particular thing screwing you up. For now, take vacations while you can. GO NOW!!!
We, too planned to travel a lot. We managed to take one nice trip a year for 10 years. We were set to go to Rome in November 2007. Tickets paid for etc. You've all heard the story. About 2 weeks before we were to leave DH got weird and said he wasn't going anyplace and I couldn't make him, etc. I tried to talk him out of this decision be he was adamant. That left me to get ahold of the insurance company, the travel agent, and all that. It took 3 months to get the money back. Both his PCP and his neuro wrote letters. Thank heaven for trip insurance.
I took the money, added a boatload to it and did a kitchen/living room remodel. There won't be any long trips anymore but I'm just loving this remodel. I can't believe it is actually done. Oh, BTW, before the remodel, I had the house reroofed. Like I said, I spent a lot of money--I won't be doing that any time again soon. But I love it. Do ford DH. He asks the neighbors in to take a look at it.
I have no regrets. I have no idea what the future will hold. We hope to stay here for another 5 years. I am almost 78 and he will be 83. If we are able to stay here for 5 years, we will enjoy this lovely new remodel. If not, the house will be easierto sell. There will be a future. Just don't know what it will be.
Well, if you'd move that beach party from the Panhandle over to our East Central Florida beaches, you might luck into seeing a night shuttle or satellite launch, or better still a loggerhead turtle digging a hole in the sand up near the dune line and weeping as she lays hundreds of ping-pong-ball-size eggs. Back in the olden days (fifties) we'd have beach parties nearly every summer weekend, with lots of rum and coke. There was virtually no development along the beaches then, and you could round up driftwood and build a fire almost anywhere, but now the beach is lined with condos.... sob...
we usta have parties fighting malaria on the Galveston beach. That's gin and tonic. I floated out to sea having drunk a couple of big ones, my air mattress just floating downstream.. there's quite a rip tide there, or there was then. I flipped off it, hung onto it and remember saying quite rationally and not loudly help, help, help. Fortunately someone DID hear me (from some group way down the beach) and towed me in. Ah, well. Didn't stop my admiration for g&t!
Thanks Briegull! I thought that everyone would go through most of the stages and I am scared and wondering how I am going to do it. Somedays he can be so angry when he can't remember something. In a way I am wondering how our vacation will turn out when he is so moody!
GC do you know why the turtles seem to cry as they lay their eggs. We used to go to the power plant in Fr. Pierce where they gave night turtle walks. No-see-ums ate me alive.
Talk to the doctor and get something to calm him (and you) down while you're gone. They do have things that won't zonk you out! My husband has learned, when he can't remember something, to say, it's those holes in my head! and we laugh about it. I have found that having ritual phrases for frustrating moments (like my play-roaring back at him when he's mad at me about something, like having exactly the same routines for "transition" periods (getting up, going down, coming to dinner) helps keep down the frustration.
I remember someone posting here once that she was furious that she always had to accomodate HIM, he never accomodated HER. And that is true. But whereas once upon a time that would have signified the "dutiful wife" "submitting" to what the husband wanted (just the oppposite of what we libbers might have thought was acceptable) now it's a question of smoothing the way for a loved one or a friend or a child. Frustration is the thing you want to try to avoid as much as possible, hence the rituals, the anticipating of needs, etc.
Everyone WILL go through the stages, but in the early stages, it's usually gradual and you just adjust. Bit by bit, you adjust, and so does he.
Divvi, Maui is just too crowded...how about heading for Poipu Beach on Kauai? Not so many people, but just wonderful. We have spent the last 15 years there this time of year..for a month the last few years...so sorry to say good bye to it. Pure heaven.
beachgirl---definitely plan and go on your summer vacation----it may be different, but it will be a memory. My DH was diagnosed in Jan. '06, and our family went back to our favorite beach in Florida that summer for one last time. My daughters and I are so glad we did. My DH and I have also taken a few other vacations since then, several short driving vacations with his parents (they are in their 80s, but healthy and so very helpful to me) and then our "last trip" to Paris last August---my dad and his wife went too to help me. Since then, my DH's behavior has declined so much that traveling is "on hold"....but the doctor is trying out some different medications, so I'm hoping for a few more low key driving vacations this summer. there is another great traveling thread on this website, maybe more than one, with many helpful traveling tips! briegull---I think someone summed it up best when they said "not only will it always be about (DH) now, it will never be about you (the spouse) again----my DH never ever considers the effect on me of anything that happens----that part of his brain is just gone. Hard to accept, but nothing I/we can do about that! Fortunately, I have lots of girlfriends (and two daughters) who constantly remind me to do stuff I want to do.....
We purchase a travel trailer wanting to do some traveling while she is still in good health. I am planning on going to S. Padre in March for a couple of weeks. My wife does have moments of frustration and I can not image the pain of being at a high enough level to know what is goning on and then the ability to accept that there is little you can do to prevent AD from taking over your mind and body. I have found this website to be a great resource, but at the same time it can be very scarry knowing what the future will bring, and everybody is different. I do not know if I could handle some of the stuff that is being talked about here. I know that we need to take it one day at a time and hope the future issues will not be more than we can cope with.
Wow, I haven't read this thread for a long time, because I didn't want to read sad stories. Now I come back & you all have had a vacation! Are we still on it? I want to join in the fun too. I hope we are someplace where I can swim with the dolphins again.
kitty you missed a super wild beach party last nite...i had to go to bed early though, if you can believe it, i broke another part off of the molar on the other side !! hha, not funny . so i got 'super smashed' on myers/pineapple juice and one of the scantily clad fire eaters drove me home.::))...dont remember anything else. but tooth is better this morning..hahaha..not sure what happened on that beach after i left. all i know i saw bluedaze leaving shore on flipper..:) maybe others will 'tell'...divvi:) -i know its a serious thread, just taking some of the depressive nature of it off to lighten it up... ps surely i am not the only one who cyber parties!!!! start up a new thread for CYBER ESCAPES, and start one you like!!! it gives all of us a break ?? divvi
My old group had cyber parties all the time. Sometimes very late into the night. Very quiet on the board in the AM. Kitty-good luck with your new job tomorrow. =^. .^= --'--
got an email from Mary (Red) last nite, and she is so excited to be off this am for the cruise! wishing her-joan- and all members who are off on this vacation to have a joyous happy safe trip!!!! and we will be anxiously awaiting tell-all pics!
beachgirl, my situation is not horribly horrible. He is in early stage 6, mostly cognitive and language problems. But he is not in diapers. I did have one violent problem when he had to give up driving, but mostly he is not even negative. I get a bit of grumpiness to deal with, put frankly it isn't any worse than anyone's grumpiness. He takes showers on his own but has to be told that today is the day he needs to get one. I put out his clothes, but I forgot yesterday and he came and got me before he went to bed so I could put them out. He eats on his own with a knife and fork. And most days he remembers to take his own pills. I'm just checking them to make sure he did take them.
The worst part of this disease right now is that he doesn't want to socialize, and frankly can't, and that he doesn't want me to go out anywhere without him, so I don't get much human contact either.
At the point you are at, beachgirl, I'd suggest that you go and do everything and anything he is still capable of doing. We went on our last big vacation, a cruise, not long before he was diagnosed. He was diagnosed late because he had to have already been in Stage 5 before it happened. We had a wonderful time, both of us. There were problems that I now know was the dementia, including his not being willing to let me plan things to do on our days on shore, but then he let me get us into a group cab on one stop, and we had a wonderful time, and then he let me get us into a second group cab on the next stop and it was even better. In the end I had wonderful memories.
Kitty, good luck with the new job. I hope it is a keeper.
Here is a little vignette that I thought you folks might enjoy. There is another gentleman in our church about DH's age. He also has AD but not yet in stage 5. He does pretty well. DH does not do too badly. I noticed they were visiting this morning. Later DH confided i me that that guy didn't make much sense. I thought that was pretty funny but I only said that was too bad. DH said "Yeah! He used to be pretty smart."