Has anyone experience the DH not flushing the toilet? My hubby is now doing this or should I say not doing this. What is causing him not to flush and it is not just urinating but the latter. How can I let him know without embarrassing him /
You just flush it yourself and don't say anything. Wait until he goes through the phase of flushing EVERYTHING down the toilet and naturally, it stops up and overflows....the little cardboard tube that the toliet paper is wound on - gets torn in pieces and flushed...he's even tried to flush a depends!!!!! which immediately filled the toliet bowl and wouldn't go down, thank goodness! Or wait until he wets without putting the toliet lid up!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news of what is ahead, but honestly, not flushing is the least of what will face you. My best advice is to flush it and forget it. He will even if you remind him every day. <grin> It is amazing what we learn to accept. You have to save your energy for the life threatening issues.
There are several threads dealing with incontinence which also deal with poop. At the top of this page, click on Search, type in incontinence and click on topic, and one or more will come up. If you are adventurous, type in "divvi" and click on users and you will have an eye opening experience! <grin>
Hate to say it like this, but an unflushed toilet is about the NICEST KIND OF MESS you could hope for!!! I know, not pleasant sounding.......but just read all the others stories about "POTTY MESSES."
Thanks for that input, Mary:) yep -poop queen checking in here foryou FTD..good news is you only have to flush the toilet at this point, say your blessings and go bout your day! the time will soon be upon you will look back on thispost and say what was i thinking??? hahaha...FLUSHIT and be done! dont waste precious energy on the nittpicking. i know its disgusting but you have NO IDEA what disgusting really is about yet.. when you get a poopy depend slammed on your chest after trying to reason it off them, then we will talk again...til then, hopefully not, please just flush and try not to look in the toilet anymore...if you only knew what some of us go thru...sigh...Divvi
I agree, my husband never flushes anymore. I even put big signs on the back, asking to PLEASE FLUSH, didn't help any. Finally, decided it wasn't worth the stress it was causing me, now I just go behind him & flush. I am thankful he still uses the toilet. Another thing I have learned from joining this board.
And while we're at bathroom tasks, they won't remember to wash their hair. Or comb their hair, or brush their teeth, or hang up the towel if something's in the way. THESE ARE SMALL STUFF. And as the maxim says, don't sweat the small stuff.
Those of us who have been through a drought aren't terribly upset by failure-to-flush issues. When one needs to conserve every drop of water, there's a saying:
Yellow is mellow, Brown goes down.
If you get my drift. And when it IS time for brown to go down ... we use water we've saved when we warming up the shower to pour into the toilet. No flushing.
Be thankful he uses the toliet even if he doesn't flush!!!! We're having problems in that area now. When he gets up during the night, I have to basically lead him to the bathroom or....!!
My sister says she remembers our grandfather standing on the front porch "watering the flowers". Our mother was mortified!!!
We're also having problems with not wiping. I have to remind him each time, and sometimes I have to do it. He is prone to developing a sore in the crack which is very hard to clear up.
My wife no longer flushes the toilet (most of the time). Also, does not wipe herself. I go after her to flush. This also gives me a chance to check on her "Poop" to be sure it is still normal. Last year, when she was still wiping, she would put the dirty tissue in the waste basket, so it is better now with her not wiping. I check periodically to see if she needs to be washed. I agree with the others, not flushing is a very minor problem.
As for going in the night, I get her up and lead her to the bathroom every time I have to get up (about every 2 hours). This seems to have eliminated wetting the bed, although at least once a night I have to change her Depend.
Frances was still able to go to the potty by herself (and flush sometimes) up until about six or eight months ago, but now she has to be helped to and from the bathroom, eased down onto the toilet seat (we tried a couple of those deals with handles, but they just got in the way) after pulling down her CVS panties and pulling her nightie or dress up over her shoulders in the back. When she's finished, if it's just peeing, she fumbles around with her paper panties for awhile before finally reaching down and peeling some indeterminate number of sheets of tissue (sometimes only three or so, other times twenty) off the roll and wiping. Usually the used paper ends up in the toilet, but not always -- sometimes on the floor or sometimes she hands it to me (thanks!). But if it's a poop session, my son invented a way of getting her to reach around and wipe from the rear rather than doing it from between her legs, which would seemingly be her preference (I wonder if she's always done it that way -- ladies, would that be normal?). Before she can tear off any tissue, we peel a dozen or so sheets from another roll, moisten it, and hand it to her with a reminder to reach around back -- repeating that two or three more times as neccessary. Then, after helping her up off the toilet and getting her panties back up and her nightie back down, we remind her to wash her hands, give her a squirt of liquid soap if it was poop, and then show her where the towel is. And, like Marsh, I take a look in the potty before flushing to see how things look, bowel health wise. That whole procedure, repeated dozens of times each day, burns up quite a lot of the caregiver's time -- but as my son points out, it's still better than incontinence, which will doubtless come soon enough! So, like briegul said, "don't sweat the small stuff" like just failing to flush!
Wow what a Response! I guess this is the least of my worries but what I am trying to figure out since this is now an issue is the incontinence on its way??????? which I know will be a harder issue to deal with. I guess because this is so new to me all happening in 1 year of being diagnosed/ 58 years old at a stage 5 progressing rather quickly on exelon, seroquel, now on aricept...everytime I am experiencing something new I am assuming he is moving into the next stage, and I guess I should be buying depends now.
Gourdchipper-I know we're on strike but: try putting cheap lotion instead of water on the paper you give your wife to clean with. Much more gentle on the skin and works better (smells better, too).
Hang in there and just take one day at a time. It will help him and definitely help you keep your sanity!!!!
I keep Claude in Depends (Assurance brand from Wal-Mart - better and cheaper) all the time. His incontinence seems to come and go - it all depends on how alert he is on a given day. It's much easier than changing clothes, bedding, etc. all the time. He doesn't mind wearing them either. In the beginning, I told him they were new briefs and he accepted them without a problem.
Gourdchipper, another alternative is Cottonelle wipes - they are already damp, and can be flushed and do a great job of cleaning up. (I figure there have been 3 "newly" arrived responses in "I'm Venting" so maybe Sweetie won't put me down as a "scab" ---)
My husband has been diagnosed with pFTD and he is on Aricept. His neuro did say that it didn't help most FTD patients but he had a few it did. He told us to give it a try and if anything occurred that either made him worse or if I felt it made him worse we could discontinue at any time. I didn't notice anything different but when he was given the MMSE his score did come up from an 18 to a 25 over a 6 week period. Neuro said any small change for the good was great. He did not have the worsening of aggression as I have heard some people get. I have also found from speaking to people at the FTD site that quite a few are on aricept with no problem. The ones who had problems were taken off right away.
Well, dear "scab", how would our newer members feel if we suddenly start ignoring them? How rude! Besides, you have ten days of posting to catch up on, don't you??? <grin>
Hey Gourdchipper, In response to your query, it would be front to back, that is what I have been taught and also taught my youngsters. Otherwise you get bladder infections, ect. But I have noticed my little granddaughter reaching between her legs with the paper to wipe so I wonder if some of us get trained.......differently.
If a person is rather rotund it is very difficult to reach around and wipe from the backside ..... thus making wiping from back to front, between the legs, much more effective.
There are gadgets to help with this. Several have variations of tongs to hold the paper and then release to drop in commode. I have a simpler,cheaper one--bent, with a loop handle and the other end is designed to have hank of paper wrapped around it. As you pull it forward the paper usaually will slide off into commode. When I had to replace mine I couldn't remember the name. Had to explain what I needed, what it's for, and describe how it looks. The Pharmacy didn't have it in stock and the lady wasn't sure they still carried the one I wanted, but there were 2 models coming in the next day. She called all excited. "They came in and one looks like (described what I'd told her) and you'll never guess what it's called." "I'll bite. What's its name?" I now have my replacement "Bottom Wiper". Under $15. <LOL>
mmmpfft (sound of trying to pull divvi's gag from around my mouth)
<<Gourdchipper, another alternative is Cottonelle wipes - they are already damp, and can be flushed >>
Mary, I've also bought and hopefully used products that call themselves "flushable wipes", but after Googling and doing some reading about their actual flushability, I went to the trouble to do a test myself -- placed one of the wipes in a pan of water to see how long it would take it to dissolve -- probably about the same time it would take a sheet of typing paper -- I gave up on its ever dissolving after a couple of days. Since we're on a septic tank and have barely legal slope in our black water sewer plumbing, I now use them very rarely and just place them in the garbage, as I understand is the normal practice in some countries.
<<Gourdchipper-I know we're on strike but: try putting cheap lotion instead of water on the paper >>
Great suggestion, bluedaze, I think I'll start going that route -- this could be a good way of disposing of the myriad containers of claimed magical lotions that Frances had accumulated!
jules, Bar-bra, Zibby, carosi -- thanks -- yes, I had assumed that "front to back" was something girls learned in home ec or Girl Scouts or somewhere, so maybe Frances has just forgotten -- which could have helped account for repeated UTIs. She just completed another round of UTI antibiotics a few weeks ago, so we went back to the lab today to do another urine specimen to see if she was clear -- and she peed all over my hand while I was trying to help her with the little bottle -- I don't know how you ladies manage that -- score one for men and their "apparatus"!!!!
Last time I needed to "collect", after dropping 2 bottles in, they provided a sterile "little pottie" that fit under the seat and then poured it into the 3rd bottle.<grin> There are ways.
i would be cautious about using 'lotion' for wiping that area. there are many people who have significant intolerance to perfumes of any sorts in their private areas..thats why there are so many toilet paper and 'wipes' now with unscented..if you are one of these folks you know what i mean. i am one and cant use that scented stuff anywhere. nor can my DH. it makes him super irritated and nasty rashes. if you do use a creme or lotion ask your pharmacist they will recommend something without all the irritations it can bring. aquafor and cetaphil are good choices and no harsh chemicals..just a thought. Divvi
I don't know what it was called, but I had pneumonia in the hospital, about 10 years ago, and the really strong antibiotic they gave me gave me diarrhea. Since I was unconscious, I didn't know it had happened. Since I couldn't move or take care of myself once I woke up, the nurse cleaned me up, and put this great "stuff" on me. No pain, and the irritation healed quickly.
What is it? Sooner or later we will all need to know what that stuff was. It came in a tube.
Starling, I don't know if this is the stuff that was used on you but the hospice gave us something called "Medseptic Skin Protectant". It works really well in clearing up skin irritations, sores.
In our ICU the nurses used "bag balm" for these problems. It worked well. I'm not sure where you can get it, but certainly at a farm supply store (it's used for the udders of cows).
marsh-you really are an old coot to come up with these remedies. People's Pharmacy on public radio has always loved bag balm, udder cream and my favorite Mane ' Tail Hoofmaker. These old fashioned remedies are all natural and work so well. Our WalMart still carries them. the cracked egg
I have a box of bag balm in my cabinet. Mom used to use it all the time yearsss ago. I put some on the soles of my feet but I don't know that it was any better than a good foot cream. Dad used to put it on his hands in the winter.
Marsh, the old time remedies are sometimes the best and with no side effects! There are a lot of new drugs I refuse to take because the possible side effects are worse than what was wrong with me to begin with!
Hey guys-I'm off line for a while and you must have had too much fun with all the deletes someone take pity and e mail me the deletes norchid1@hotmail.com
I know Joyce mentioned bag balm to me recently for DH's sore bottom. I had some of that many years ago as one of the nurses I worked with swore by it for her hands. As nurses our hands were painfully cracked and dry due to the constant handwashing. That was late 1980's. I had to go to a FEED store to find it. Now, I actually see it in all the stores.
Just par for the course. We just found a number of white wash cloths in the bathroom trash. DH was using them to clean himself up apparently. UGH! I just tied the bag up and threw them out.
Ok I fess up. it was me and i made some very bad remarks about the bag balm and then before i erased it, Mr Gourdchipper chimed in after he saw it, with another 'rash comment' and i had to beg him to be a gentlemen and delete it from his end. he tortured me for a bit but came thru as a true gent...i am going to be better....and i absolutely refuse to get in on the 'other thread' about the sex toys....period..no way, jose...:)so there, thats it in a nutshell you nosey dirty dozen gals.! divvi
Bag balm can be bought online at the Vermont Country Store, whose winter catalog came, with a very surprising (for them) page devoted to sexual "aids" - this is the place that sells Lantz nightgowns and Midnight in Paris cologne, etc. The LAST place you'd expect that. But bag balm they've had for the ages!
New Realm, just buy the very cheap ones and let him have at!
Bag balm has been around for years. I think it was first intended for cows. My Father-In-Law had a dairy farm & used it on the cows udders when they split. I myself can't stand the smell. I do use the Udderly Smooth cream on my hands & heels at night.
FTD,, sorry in response to your question no just because they dont flush doesnt mean you should be buying depends just yet:) you will KNOW when that day arrives..haha. we didnt mean at all to make lite of your original question but in the realm of AD you will see in the longrun after yrs of caregiving how some of the 'things' they do early on becomes less important as new more serious changes occur. hope this answers your last question..divvi
FTD, I bought my first package of depends when he had an accident in his pants the first time. He didn't even KNOW he had had an accident! He didn't have another accident for a month, and as long as I remind him to go, he does fine. However, he has had accidents during the night....both on the sheets and on the way to the toilet, and I got him to wear them after the second occurrence. He wouldn't after the first occurrence, because HE thought it was a fluke. I had already put a plastic cover over the whole mattress with a thick mattress pad over it, so the mattress is protected. Being a good Girl Scout, I was prepared! <grin>
DH still has that sore on his bum though it is better. Its the one he developed, possibly from scratching himself during the diaper rash. I haven't let him wear depends since as it is hard enough to force him to change his undies. At least with the cotton undies he's getting more air to the area. Big problem is he always gets BM on his undies. I have baby wipes for him but he doesn't independently remember to use them. For DH, the depends gave him a false sense of security that he did NOT want to give up. Despite me providing him the fresh pair, and giving him privacy I'd find out he put his pants back on without changing the depend. I'm learning to just be more forceful, put feelings aside and treat the toileting situation as though he is a toddler who cannot make his own choices.
This morning he was wanting to get going, early. One thing that helped all the way around was suggesting he get his shower first, before everyone else wakes up and wants the warm water. He said OK, then he didn't want to, then he was asking me where the shower is. Grabbed the opportunity to get him in there despite the fact I didn't have my coffee. I started the coffee maker, got him up stairs, prepared him to get in the shower. He takes forever to undress.....wears his jeans to bed sometimes and he must lay them out just so...with the belt still on them. His shoes set just right with his socks shaken and one laid across each shoe so they "freshen up and air out." When he's distracted I get them all outta sight for laundering. I got him in the shower with a bottle of shampoo in his hand. Ran down stairs to get my coffee, finished brewing by then, and back up stairs. I have a little pint size tv I took into the bathroom, so I could watch the early morning news, have my coffee, and bark out orders to clean here and clean there. I also did "inspections" of his clean up efforts. And sometimes telling him to redo something even though he didn't need to. It just bought me extra minutes. All this done before 6:30a.m. Now it is 7:30 am and he's asleep in his lazyboy.
Realm, i too find that having an orderly routine for bathing works best. i take mine to the adjoining potty area and get him to 'sit' while i pull off his clothing. then leave him to do his business if possible. then i get him up and into the shower. i cant tell you how many times he wavers at the entrance of the stall..sigh..its coaxing time bigtime. then onto the shower chair and proceed to bath and shave him. he is really much better now and easier to manage but it such a 'draining'(cant help the pun:) experience even with some cooperation... glad you are getting into the hang of things sooner than later. i can do my bath now in/out/dressed in less than 15min...but it has cost me to get here..divvi
divvi, mine takes over 15 minutes just to shave! He wants to do it himself! I have an hour for bathing, shaving, dressing and clean-up! WOW! You ARE the queen! <grin>