Herenow: Welcome and sorry that you have need of this site. My DW is 51 with AD and now small cell llung cancer. Pantyhose is not an issue for us. Some have suggested knee highs. We have given up bras and makeup. The shower is a scary place. Make sure you have grab bars and non-skid bath mats. When I could get her into the shower, I would help her wash from the outside. Everything, including more than half of me would get wet. Now we shower together. I have a dual head shower. It's just less wear and tear. There are a number of things that women do that you just never gave much thought to. Leg shaving, deorderant, moisturizers, fingernails. While she is still highly functional, get involved in this stuff. There is a whole new set of skills to learn. As you learn each one, you find which are important, both to her and in the grand scheme of things.

Basically, you have to go with whatever she is comfortable with. Like always, you have to be a mindreader. Women don't tell you things straight out, you are just suppose to know (a whole other thread topic).

I suggest that you read all past threads here. There is a wealth of information and solid, practical advice.

Hi Herenow, I love that you are concerned about your wife's feelings. As others have mentioned to the wonderful gentlemen caring for their wives, give up the pantyhose...it is the style to go bare legged, also as dking mentioned knee highs are an option.
As for makeup, if she is no longer able to apply, just a little blush & lipstick may be what you could help her with. Maybe you could pick something else for her to wear, by telling her it looks nice with her eyes.
If I didn't lay out my husband's clothes for the day, he would never change. Luckly, he doesn't object...most of the time. I hope I have been of some help.
There are other gentlemen that will weigh in on this subject.

Herenow, we are glad you found us, we will do our best to help. You will find as this disease progresses you will need to make many adjustments, sometimes it seems like something will change overnight.

My wife is in stage 4/5, we have had to make many changes to help her maintain her quality of life. I agree forget the panty hose, they are just too much of a hassle to deal with. Elastic waist pull up pants work very well, you can find these to fit every event from casual to dress-up. Slip on shoes also help out, we have to keep my DW in low heeled shoes because she has gait problems.

My DW still does OK with makeup although sometimes she tends to get lipstick on a bit crooked, I haven't had to master this yet. Try to keep the hairdos simple, we finally got her out of the high maintenance hairdos, she now has a short simple comb it out style that seems to work. If they want someting a little fancier for dress-up the American Cancer Society has some very inexspensive wigs that can be handled quite easily. My DW wears them but tends to do a lot of pulling and tugging. I'm sure as you go along you will find some other solutions, I have found that daughters and granddaughters are a big help in this department.

I have had to take over managing the grocery and household purchasing list, I put everything we need one list and head for the Wal-mart store.

I hope this give you a few ideas, but the reality is that what works today may not work tomorrow. Things can change very quickly.

Welcome aboard, Herenow – sorry you find it necessary to board this leaky AD lifeboat, but know at least that you’re in good company with quite a few other male spouses who are also doing their best to understand and cope with heretofore mysterious female stuff like you mention.

My DW of 59 years, now almost 83 years old, was first diagnosed and started on AD meds almost seven years ago. Her interest in pretty clothes, and her daily rituals of applying and removing makeup, etc. continued for much of that time, but then began to decline rapidly during the last year to the point where she’d now be content, if left to her own devices, to just sit around in her nightgown with uncombed hair all day. When our older unmarried son moved back in with us to help me care for his Mom some months ago, he and I did a pretty thorough job of trying to uncomplicate things by emptying closets and drawers of things she’d realistically never wear anymore, and likewise ridding her vanity of duplicates of all kinds of magical lotions, etc. I’ve become reasonably proficient in applying makeup (she still does her own lipstick, but always forgets the left side of her upper lip unless reminded), but unless we’re expecting company or going out (infrequent), we usually just settle for lipstick and brushing her hair. After struggling with pantyhose a time or two so she could wear a skirt on dress-up occasions, we switched to slacks and knee-highs. Fastening her bra became a mystery to her – once she even put it on with the cups in the back—so we’ve pretty much given that up. Buttons, zippers, etc. also became a mystery for her, so we switched almost exclusively to pullover blouses and elastic waistband pull-up slacks. She now requires hands-on help with dressing, tooth brushing, and even toileting and showering – things that I never imagined I’d be able to handle, but you learn and just do what you have to do.

Herenow, welcome to this site. There's lots of information. A few months ago I exploded trying to get panty hose on my wife (stage 6, age 78). The women on this site had a few choice comments to make about panty hose and what they would like to do to whoever invented them. I have switched DW to Knee highs, even when she is wearing a skirt. I tend to keep her in skirts because it is much easier to change her Depends, which has to be done at least once a day. For the bra, I hold it up for her to place, and then fasten it in back. As Gourdchipper said, many times she tried to put it on with the cups in the back. Fortunately, I have not had to worry about makeup, since she never did wear any. For clothes, I pick out what she is to wear. She accepts this with no argument. She still does OK with buttons. When she has a problem, I do it for her. I have also gone to taking a shower with her, but in our new apartment the shower stall is smaller, so it is more difficult. The solution has been to have her given a shower at the Day Care center she goes to three times a week. The biggest problem I am having is getting her to take her pills. She is on several different ones morning and evening - for diabetes, hypertension, the AD, plus calcium and vitamins. I have finally taken to crushing them and mixing them in apple sauce. This seems to work OK.

If you have any other problems, or solutions, let us know. I'm not sure who has more trouble adjusting - the men or the women, but we each have our special problems.

i might add guys there is a shampoo powder like spray at the drugstores that you can spray in and just comb thru instead of a shampoo...if they dont like to shampoo that often. divvi

Herenow,

I just found another discussion that may interest you - "For Husbands of AD Wives". Here is the direct link - http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/comments.php?DiscussionID=260&page=1#Item_0

joang