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Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2018
     
    Welcome Todd,

    Please also make sure that you have Durable Power of Attorney. The moment your wife is declared incompetent a regular POA is worthless.

    It takes time for us as caregivers to adjust and accept the situation. Being impatient, angry, tired are all normal. Your feelings are normal. I recommend therapy to help you adjust and accept your new situation.
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2018
     
    Welcome Todd this site has been a lifeline for me a place where you can let your feelings out and there is no judgement. A safe place to be full of caring individuals who are living or have lived through what you are going through so they get it.
    • CommentAuthorKay42
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2018
     
    Good morning. Hello, I just found thealzheimerspouse site this morning trying to learn. After reading through the whole site this morning for 4 hours (and crying) for 4 hours I feel I am where I need to be for support and information I will need in the years to come. I don't know how involved I will be entering comments, but I will be eagerly reading and learning from you all. Grateful I found this site early. My husband's memory is beginning to fail him daily now--the progression is devestating. He is the love of my life--"the other 1/2 of my soul".... Thank you for starting this site so many years ago... and keeping it going so it would be here for me now. THANK YOU!
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2018
     
    Welcome Kay42. Glad you found this site. Lots of information & help here - good place for you to vent - we do not judge. When I joined last year, like you I read a lot of posts on this site & I also cried - I still cry sometimes. Folks here are always ready to listen & help.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2018
     
    Welcome Kay42. When you are ready tell us more about you and your husband.

    don't be afraid even to make small comment - helps us know people are still here. We have many who introduce themselves then we never hear from the again. That is sad because they evidently were looking for support when they found us. If you click on my name my info is on my profile.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2018
     
    HI Kay42

    Welcome to the best website you will ever find for the particular concerns of the spousal caregiver. When my husband was still at home this was the one place I could go to learn, vent, tell my story without judgement and with lots of support.
    I earned my * this week when my husband lost the ultimate battle with dementia on Wednesday.
    I know I will keep coming here for support and to share my experience with others, such as yourself.
    When you feel comfortable to share a title but about yourself and your situation, please do. It will help us to better support you as you go through your journey.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2018
     
    Hi Kay42. Browse the message board as much as you like. You will find helpful information for all of the stages of dementia. I want to echo Bqd*. You will find a very supportive nonjudgmental group here who will truly "get it", and love you through this. I've found that I can truly share and vent here without fear of burning out friends. Look forward to getting to know you on your schedule. Best wishes on the journey no one wishes to have to travel.
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2018
     
    Welcome Kay42
    • CommentAuthorhoustonian
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2018
     
    Just a quick note to say hello and make sure I'm able to post to the message board. My wife is only 57 now and was diagnosed with early onset AD about a year ago. She can no longer work or even drive anymore - still adjusting to her loss of independence. I'll probably lurk around and get a feel for the area before posting too much. Thanks for the site. I'm looking forward seeing what's here.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2018
     
    Welcome houstonian - feel free to post here anytime. We all understand & we don't judge.
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2018
     
    Welcome houstonian you will find all sorts of information here from people just like yourselve we all get it as we are all living it or have lived it. NO judgement here just support.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2018
     
    Welcome houstonian. Browse as much as you like, and when you are ready to post, we are there for you.
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeJul 24th 2018
     
    I just lost my husband on June 27, 2018. He was 70 years old and we had been married almost 48 years. We noticed him search for words about 4 years ago but he wasn't formally diagnosed until 1 1/2 ago. We mostly had good days this past year and a half. There were times he was confused and didn't know me, but it always got better. The week that started the end went something like this. On Monday, we went to visit our youngest son and family. Tuesday, we went to our grandson's send off to middle school and later that evening to a baseball ballgame and he enjoyed it so much. We didn't get home until very late and he was a little confused. The next morning there was still some confusion but he took me to work and picked me up as usual. By Wednesday, he was getting more confused and by Thursday, he didn't know me and was getting agitated. That evening, he was upset but seemed to settle down as the night went on. On Friday, he took me to work and I should have known he was not himself. And, later that morning he was agitated and angry about our son cutting some wood. It escalated and he threatened to harm himself so we called the E-squad and they took him to our local hospital. He ended up in the Geriatric Psych Ward for 2 weeks, getting more delusional everyday. We transferred him to a larger facility and he had 1 good day there. He had to be restrained during that time. After all the tests for other another reason he might have declined so rapidly it was decided there was nothing else they could do. He was put in Hospice and died after 3 days.

    I still have not been able to wrap my head around this. We had talked about what was ahead of him and he knew that the chances were he would be in a nursing home at some point like his uncle before him. I know that he did not want that and going quickly was better for him. But that month and a half were so horrendous for him and our family. I can't get it out of my mind that I should have done something more to save him. He had always come back to me and this time he didn't.

    I know this is long but I am so lost.

    Thank you.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 24th 2018
     
    Sorry for your loss. It is even harder when there are no real answers why things went the way they were. (((hugs)))

    My SIL went something like your husband - was in a psych ward the last few months and nothing helped - just kept getting bad until her body gave up.
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeJul 24th 2018
     
    Charlotte, thank you. I'm sorry that your SIL had to go through that but I had never heard of it ending that way so the fact that someone else experienced this lets me know that it does happen that way. Everyone tells me I should be glad that he went quickly, but in the end I don't think it matters how fast, just the fact that he is gone and I miss him so much.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 24th 2018
     
    DRA I am so sorry for your loss. I can't wrap my head around the speed of that! He was taking you to work and then just gone in a matter of weeks? Tokes. That's a roller coaster ride. (((( Hugs ))))
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeJul 25th 2018
     
    bhv, yes it was a roller coaster ride. I go over the events of that time every day trying to make sense of it all and I know that there are no real answers. He is gone and I'm left wondering what my life is going to be like. I have a great family and a wonderful support group from friends and my church. But, I am just sad and miss him so much. We were together 6 years before we got married so for 54 years of my 69 years he was in my life. I feel like I let him down by not recognizing that day he was struggling. He counted on me and I told him I would always be there for him.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeJul 26th 2018
     
    DRA, you did not let him down. You did the very best you could at the time with the knowledge you had then. Your husband well knew how much you loved him, and he loved you. It will take time to move though grief. I have not faced this kind of grief yet, but from reading this site and others, I've read often enough of how painful and long and overwhelming it can be, but spouses do come out on the other side. The book "Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion was helpful to me even years after my father's death. Eventually you will be okay, at least most of the time.
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeJul 31st 2018
     
    Thank you CarolVT
    • CommentAuthorBobY
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2018
     
    Good morning, and thank you this site. I am both relieved and saddened to hear that others are sharing similar experiences. My wife has just recently been diagnosed with AD, although I have known it for several years. My heart is broken, but I'm trying hard to take care of myself so that I can be a better caretaker for her. Again, thank you.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2018
     
    Welcome, BobY, glad you found this site. We're all in the same boat - we understand & support each other & we don't judge. Post whenever you feel the need to vent, share, ask questions....
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2018
     
    Welcome BobY. sorry you had to join us but I have been here since 2009 -it has been a lifesaver for me. The wealth of information here is also amazing.