For those of you who ask who my new love could be…..she has been a contributor on this site since 2007. She is Joyce43.…and is an amazing and lovable person. We are both very happy and looking forward to sharing the rest of our lives together. Thank you Joan and Sandi*, for bringing us together. And thank you all my friends for your good wishes and support given over the past couple of years. My very best to all of you.
Well, I don't think I had anything to do with it...but that is just great....I am just thrilled for both of you....I can "hear" the happy in your "voice", Joe.
I wish both of you every good thing and all the happiness that you both deserve......
♥ Congratulations to all of you with new loves. How great is that!! Shows that you are going forward with your lives and living life to the fullest. ♥♥ Wishing you much joy in your lives again.
Joe, I had sort of suspected that you just might be the lucky guy that Joyce43 had alluded to in her earlier "cupid" post -- that's really great -- like killing two birds with one stone, so to speak! Two lives made whole again -- congratulations and hugs to you both!
OMGoodness, Joe and Joyce...SUCH EXCITING and WONDERFUL news...YOU BOTH know what it is to walk down this path of challenge/love...May God be with the both of you & indeed, may your live "happlily after after"...Love to you BOTH!! xoxo
Sandi*....you asked how you had a part in bringing Joyce43 and me together. It was because of your post where you said to get over the pity part and pull up my big boy pants, so to speak. She emailed me to offer support because she knew how I felt just a month after losing my spouse. The emails continued as described in her post a few days ago on the widows and widowers thread.
Every happiness to those who have found new love, I don't believe when my DH passes, that I could ever find anyone else, at my age of 71. I wouldn't like to chance the pain of looking after another man ,after this terrible AD has ripped me and my life apart. We have had such a wonderful and full life together that perhaps I'm satisfied at my age to say that I've been there and done it all, but good luck to those that have found an "after".
sylvia---If I may. Everyone here on this Thread and all of us who will eventually be here will have an AFTER. The shape and texture will be different for each. Some will chose to live full lives on their own and others may chose to include another. The main thing I think, is that we survived and have the choice to fill our lives with new dreams and did not allow Alz the victory of taking us too.
Phranque, Joyce is supposed to go skydiving with her grandaughter on her (Joyce's) 70th birthday, but I told her she couldn't go, since I am not going to do that now. So you might as well cancel, unless you have someone else in mind to be crazy with in the future.
Joe, I wrote that post because you scared the hell out of me....! I was terrified that you would do something to harm yourself. I guess I was hoping to piss you off so badly that you would have something else to think about....! I suppose it worked...LOL!
Nancy B*, Joyce is not a Texas gal, but is from Michigan. We decided to meet in the last week of September, so I took Amtrak there and she showed me around Michigan for six weeks while we got to know each other in person to confirm how we felt about each other. We had a terrific time, and expect nothing less for the rest of our lives.
Susan L* I seriously doubt that I would jump out of a perfectly good airplane....I think I would prefer jumping out of the back of my pickup truck...but that runs good too..... Gravity is a wonderful thing, in moderation. Too much gravity is not good at all.....
Awww, Texas Joe, soooo happy for you :) What a sweet story..."expecting nothing less than terrific for the rest of your lives"....too precious!!! CONGRATS!!
Congratulations to Joyce and Joe, but one thing I need to say to Joe. YOU BETTER BE GOOD TO JOYCE, SHE IS A WONDERFUL PERSON AND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
Susan L, That bus would be welcome anytime, but at this point he is doing what I tell him to do without any argument.
One of the things I like about Joe is that he is a very shy and humble guy (he told me to say that) . He also told me to let everyone know that he is even better in person than he is here, and I have to agree with him. He's the same caring and loving person that we all know.
Wonder what else I can say that would embarrase him?
If someone had told me two years ago that life would ever feel this good, I would not have believed them. Thanks for your comment, Mary.
I'm so very happy for you both. Charlotte, you are right about Joe & Joyce giving us hope for the future. Right now, I feel worse than ever. I thought I'd feel better after the holidays, but I don't if anything I feel worse. Yes, I'm on my antidepressants, and still seeing my therapist. I just want my old life back. I want to have love, I want to have Jim's arms around me, I want the financial security, I want so much that I can't have...........................
Greetings and Happy New Year. Its been awhile. First, my condolences to all those who have lost their loved one over the last 5 months. It has been 5 months today since my DW lost her battle with this hideous disease after spending 5 months in an ALZ nursing home. It has been tough to get over, a long healing process. I think I'm over the hump. Besides being lonesome, the only problem I continue to struggle with is not being able to sleep. I'll get there. I think about DW every day still but it is interesting that I only seem to think of her the way she was when healthy. I think that is a good thing. I've been helping out 3 other couples in the area who have been struggling with the ALZ monster. Been 13 months since my job was eliminated. I plan to start looking for something in a couple months. I really need to get re-engaged in LIFE. My best to all of you.......... Thenneck
Exactly why I decided to stay, but then I discovered that I'm still receiving the love and support that I continue to need. I am so grateful to still be a part of this awesome group of friends.
10 months today, when oh when will it get easier?? My therapist has a sign in her office that reads, "Trust the Process" I told her that I don't think I do trust the process, she thinks that in my own time I will begin to.....................
Susan, I have wanted to write to you for so long, but the right words just won't come. What I wish I could say to you...and you would understand, is that you really need to stop looking backward. What is the old saying, "I can't live my life in the past, my feet don't point that way!" On THIS particular site, we've all lost our mates, and oh my God! how I miss mine. But about six or seven months after he died, everything began to get so much better. Day by day, step by step. In the first six months, I had a suspected brain tumor, was sued by his children for $300,000, and suffered a small stroke. But, I came out of that smog of fear and since then, I know what I have to do. I find something to do every week that will help someone else. I count my blessings, cherish memories and pay it forward. Each time, I walk away feeling better because of it. When I think of my late husband, I think of him as a healthy person. His horrible illness and the stress and frustrations I felt as a result of his illness are becoming vague memories. I can talk about the challenges to groups, but when I do, I focus on the funny things more than the nasty ones. (Remember when he pressed his hearing aid so far up into his nostril we had to get a nurse to remove it?) That incident made me so angry, yet it gets the biggest laugh of any of our experiences. Susan, you have so much to live for and you must work toward that. Your Jim will NEVER come back - neither will mine. But we DID have them in our lives and that was such a wonderful time. Before we met our husbands, we couldn't imagine life with them. After they died, we couldn't imagine life without them. But there will be. Life is like that. I know you've had so many challenges, but your life will begin to get better if you LET IT BE. I know you can get through this, because I did, Lois did and so many others have. Stop counting the months, days and minutes since he died. What is the purpose of doing that? Look at your feet. Follow their direction! God Bless You.. Love, Nancy B*
Thank you for taking the time to write your encouraging words, Nancy. I'm trying, I really am. I've begun journaling, and am focusing it on the blessings in my life, and prayers for those I love and care for. I've joined a book club and look forward to our first meeting in Feb. I have volunteered to be a "Snack Lady" for my grandsons school during their ski/snowboarding lessons and am preparing for my weight loss surgery. I just still find myself sad so much of the time, but I am trying, I really am.
"Once in a while I take another whack at this grief thing, as if grief were a pinata. One of these days when you happen to hit it just right, it will burst open and the candies of wisdom, insight and accecptance will spill all over the ground. For a long time though, there has just been the blindfold and the swinging." unknown
"Being a pinata is no fun either Susan....You get hit a lot of times, but most of them are glancing blows...I wish more people would peek under the blindfold and swing with all their might, and really connect that blow. The smaller whacks just hurt a lot and does not accomplish much. Swing as hard as you can, and please peek around the blindfold. The final blow only hurts slightly more than all those near misses......" phranque,the pinata
Oh Phranque, so sorry that you feel like a Pinata, my friend. You have always been there for me, if you need to chat, you know my email. Wishing you many candies of wisdom, insight and acceptance :o)
I have a question about wearing or removing wedding bands. A widow neighbor wears hers "so no one will think I am looking". A man in our bereavment group removed his ring and cleaned out the closet in a week. I believe they did have a good marriage until the monster took her. I feel like a fraud still wearing mine but can't bring myself to take it off.
bluedaze i know a couple of widow friends who still wear the band too. like you say it keeps them from having to deal with singles. my sis in law melted both their bands and took the small diamonds and made a pendant she wears.
I have seen it work both ways. My mother kept her rings on until she died at age 100, 35 years after my father died. A close friend whose husband died just a few years ago is no longer wearing her rings. You should do whatever makes you the most confortable.