Jen, I can't imagine what you have been/are going through, emotionally, physically and in every way! We still have the rope hanging - with large knots - so hang on, Girlfriend, and we'll help pull you up.
Jen, please re-read about my suicide attempt. Natsmom, please read "I'm Alive" It is NOT the way to go. I could not see a way out of my pain, but I did survive. It's been a year since that horrible night and 9 months since I lost Jim. I still hurt, for the lost man who I fell in love with, I grieve for the man who was, the man who died was someone so different. I loved that man also, but still hurt and mourn for the one I fell head over heals in love with 7 yrs ago. I'm dating, I never saw it coming, but I met someone who is compassionate and understanding about my grief, who makes me laugh and is showing me how to have fun again. I wish we could fast forward past the holidays, but I have made it through Easter, his birthday, our Anniversary, Thanksgiving, so I know I can make it through Christmas. Please, listen to Joe, if he can make it we all can. We all hurt and grieve in our own ways. My dearest friend for the last 36 years just found out that her husband has cancer, we don't think he has long. I can't believe that after all our years of friendship we will both be widows in our 50's. Life can really suck. It's as simple and as complicated as that, BUT WE ARE SURVIVORS! We have all been wounded in battle, EARNED OUR PURPLE HEARTS and our *Stars* We can get through anything. Once you have hurt, really hurt, nothing else will ever shake you like that again. We can and WILL GO On! So my friends, grab hold of Our Rope, we are all in this together and together we will stay. I love you all. I never would have made it through without you and I will always be here for you. Arms around, Susan*
I've been gone from the gr oup for almost a year and missed keeping up with you all. I have been having health problems in addition to my Parkinsons Disease.e My children thought I should visit one of them in another city and so I dutifully went for six weeks to one of my sons home. It is humbling to feel that they treat me like a child sometimes when I am their mother and feel I should have respect. I found I will have to assert myself more and do as I wish instead of leaning on them. I now hire someone to fix things around the house which I plan to stay in as long as possible instead of assist ed living as they imply when I am having a bad time with my illness. They mean well and say they will help with the things my husband used to do but they never get around to it.
In reading this, I have been complaining much but I really do feel grateful that my dear sweetheart left me with a home and enough income to get by. I even made the decision on the kind of Christmas tree (a elegant one made of wrought iron) I wanted though my youngest son wanted to put up a traditional one. Little decision but a meaningful one
On Feb. 17th of next year my husband will have passed on two yrs. ago. I miss him every day but I am finally trying t o live the rest of my life with courage. He was ill with AD for 10 long painful y rs. and I lived throu gh that so I ca n do this. Love and joy at t his blessed holiday season to you all.
Joyful, I am sure you can. Good to see you back here and to hear that you are getting on with your life. Take courage and believe in yourself and your right to make your own decisions.
Nancy, thank you for your concern over my pies, lol. I have found a Bariatric Practice with TONS of supportive services. I am fully aware of all the pitfalls and have found an online support group to help me. The patients at this practice have a very high success rate as there is continued support for years after the surgery. My intake went well and I hope to have the surgery in about 3 months. Some patients take as long as 6 mos because of their previous lack of medical care, but I am up to date with all my health care, so I only need some blood work, a sleep study, meeting with the psychologist and the nutritionist. I am looking forward to having less back and knee pain, having my cholesterol and borderline diabetes all under control. I'm educating myself as best I can. As I learned with Dementia, knowledge is power.
My 'soon to be' daughter in law had the bariatric surgery ten years ago. She lost 125 pounds and looks fantastic. She is a size 8-10 now. She still eats a maximum of 8 ounces at a time..and feels great. She said they measured her stomach size by filling an 8 ounce cup with cottage cheese. She'd eat this (with an empty stomach) and if she could eat it all, 8 ounces was her number. They measured as she ate, and if she had only been able to eat - say = 6 ounces, she would have had a smaller stomach than they had intended her to have. At Thanksgiving, she looked to me as if she had a bit of everything offered and she even ate pie, but only about half a slivver. Later, she finished it. Her eyes can measure 8 ounces perfectly... She should be a spokesperson for the procedure,...because she has so many funny stories and reality stories about her experiences. She is liviing walking proof that the surgery works .. She follows the rules and the only thing she has to do every year or so is to get an Iron transfusion to boost her iron levels. Apparently that is not unusual. Good luck...cannot wait to hear great results. She said the first month was amazing as the pounds just fell off. We are so proud of her. nbc
Nancy, thank you soooo much for the encouragement, I want to be able to do this the right way and live as you beautiful daughter-in-law does! PrisR, I'm so excited to feel and look better.
Anyone else ready to can the holidays? I just want to go to church Christmas Eve and go home and go to bed. I will however go through the motions and make it special for my grandsons. They miss their Papa so much, and they look up for the brightest star every night that we are out. They are not happy with me for not putting out lights on the house. I just didn't have it in me..............I think they understand. Grandma is just tired.
I'm making the holidays bright in MEMORY of my husband. It was the season he enjoyed the most, and if I can believe he is looking down on me (and I do believe that), I want him to see his Christmas Tree sparkling in the night AND day. He insisted the tree be lit all day as well as in the evening. The last year he was alive, I moved our big tree into our TV room so he could watch it all day long. He was Mr. Christmas. Why would I cancel Christmas "because" of his death 12 months ago? He'd be so disappointed with me.
So much of who I am came from our life together. I have vowed that I will do everything I can to step OUTSIDE of my own grief and do all in my power to make the day as bright and happy as I can for those around me. It works for me. I am not suggesting that you do what I do.
I too, did not put the lights on the house UP HIGH,... but I draped the shrubbery with the net lights. It does look somewhat Christmassy, but this will be my new 'normal'. Merry Christmas dear Susan. Live the day though the eyes of you grandsons and you'll make it though.
NancyB...You are indeed making Christmas bright, and the glow from your house is like having a lighthouse to guide us. In fact, the glow was so bright that I went out to buy some sunglasses, and I have to wear them at night so I can sleep. I am sure Foster is looking down, and brags...see, there is my house...the really bright one with all the lights....
Nancy B - good for you. Each of us has to deal with this the best way that is easiest for us. I too choose to surround myself with Christmas lights and decorations. I have 6 decorated trees including the 3 on the porches. I gave up on the house lights a couple years ago but I do have spotlights soon to be all around my house year around. I have also chose to honor my dh by continuing to live the rest of my life the best that I can while never forgetting the good life we once had.
Each year at Christmas he anxiously awaited the annual Candy sale at our local Volunteer Fire Department. Last year - that ended up being his last wish. He wanted to stop and buy candy for 2 weeks before they started selling it. Every day I heard that as we passed the Fire Department building. On the day they opened, he reminded me to not forget and stop. He knew where we were and he knew he wanted 6# of chocolate covered peanuts. He went in with me to buy it. He never ate a bite of it because the same evening he became listless, and the next morning he took his last bite of food - chocolate ice cream. He lived 10 more days. This Friday, December 10 will be the 1st Anniversary of his death and I have Red Poinsetta's to decorate his marker. Last Monday, the first day of the sale again this year, I stopped and bought 6# of chocolate covered peanuts in his honor and rememberence. Going to give it to the kids again this year. We are also going to repeat our family ski vacation we did last year during the Christmas Holiday.
If you are not a widow or widower - I urge you to "light up your life and remember there is life after". Blessings.
your stories of Christmas and how you are keeping the memories alive just made my day. I am going to go and buy some wine that my dear one bought for every Christmas dinner and I already have put up a tree .This year I am going t o do my best to include my loved one in the celebration and remember all the wonderful times we spent on this blessed day.
Christmas Memories
As I looked at your beloved face this Christmas season, I was at first filled with grief That we can no longer share the Joyous preparations.
But then God brought to my Rememberance All the wonderful Christmases We have had together.
You, playfully wrapping my gifts As cleverly as possible, To keep me from guessing the Contents. For you knew how I loved the guessing Game, Oh, my love! Thank you for that Memory!
The Christmas Eve all night chores Of putting together the toys That the manufacturer assured one That a child could do, Too bad all the children were in bed. Oh my love! Thank you for that Memory!
The time you decided that we needed A new tree, And came back with one suited to A much larger home, We had a living room filled with tree. Oh my love! Thank you for that Memory!
God granted us a wonderful life and Love, The memories sustain me during The joyous occasion of our Lord’s Birth, I tuck these precious memories Down deep in my heart, And thank you for their sweet fragrance Of remembered love
A poem I wrote when my dh was alive but still very much alive i n my heart .
joyful*, thank you for reminding me of all the wonderful Christmas` Bob and I shared, I was feeling like i just wanted this season to be over with, where was my head, I have beautiful kids to celebrate and ten grandchildren, you have brought all my Christmas memories back to me, you are my angle, thanks for your poem.
joyful*, thank you, thank you for reminding me that Jim loved the holidays, loved celebrating, loved entertaining, loved having the house full of life, love and laughter. He was the ultimate host. I'd forgotten, but now I remember. Thank you
I am feeling such an appreciation for all the people here with the heroic * after their name. We are so blessed to have these heros still with us, and having their expert advice and opinions. Their role as a caregiver is finished, but they continue to be a caregiver to the caregivers (us). I am sending all you precious people my heartfelt thanks, a special hug, and prayers that your pain will be easier to bear. THANK YOU ALL for staying with us during this terrible battle. You are very special people in my eyes.
Phranque when I first saw you posting on the widow/widower site my heart jumped. With AD hindsight really does help. When we started on this journey there was no one to lead the way. I got so much help and good advice I feel the need to be here. That said the coming holidays won't be easy.
Bluedaze..you are the most special person, and I feel your pain for the coming holidays. I think that the holidays are brutal for those who have lost their spouse, and also brutal for those who have not. We are all headed for the same place you are, and again we are looking for your guidance and shining example. You are leading the way for all of us, Nora, and we could not have a better leader. You are most treasured in our hearts, and we pray that your sorrow will be lightened a bit.
This is my first visit to this thread as my husband's funeral was just today. How fitting that the current topic is Christmas and lights. I hadn't done any decorating due to sitting with him for the last week as we ended our journey and really didn't have any plans to do so. I just don't have the heart but things change. I don't "do" face book but one of my daughters just called me and told me that my next door neighbor had posted that she would miss Charlie and his red Christmas lights. (Everything outside had to be done in solid red in his eyes). Every neighbor came back in agreement to her post. I can't do the outside lighting to the extent that he did, but my decorations and tree will go up tomorrow in his honor and memory.
Wahooo, after all this time, I finally figured out how to add my Broken Heart Pic to my profile. And it looks crappy, ok, back to the virtual drawing board.
Edis-good for you for continuing what your husband would have enjoyed. I continue to mentor in the public school because my husband had always done it and I carry on in his memory.
It has been almost two months since my last report. I know that this is a hard time of year for some of us, but I thought that I would share some joy that has come into my life. Back in October, I mentioned that I had met someone and the possibility of a connection existed. This possibility has come full circle, in that we are in love. This initially seemed counter intuitive to both of us, as we both were deeply in love, for a long time (she 23 years, me 30), with a spouse who died. How would it be possible to once again share, communicate and have a sense of intimacy with anyone ever again? We finally stopped asking the question and accepted that we do have these things. We have sort of decided that BECAUSE we were in long-term, loving relationships, and that an odd set of circumstances put us at the right place at the right time, that we were meant to be together. Our love takes nothing away from our former spouses. This is a new, from this day forward kind of love. We are luxuriating in the physical and emotional joy of finding each other.
Wow, dking*, good for you....I could have written those same words, execpt that the married times were over 45 years, and both spouses suffered from AD. Hope y'all are as happy as we are.
T.J., I am so happy for you! I knew you would get through the hard times and come out on top! You are a winner. May this season bring you both much happiness and joy!
Great news, Dan and Joe, and welcome to the club! You couldn't have given us all better Christmas gifts than the news that you're both being able to move on, despite your earlier doubts that you could. I guess hormones must have kicked in -- and I'm not referring to just testosterone, but more importantly the nesting instinct hormone, whatever it's called. Now why don't some of you lovely widow ladies give us similar good news????
GC, it does seem like more men than women look for a "new connection". I, for one, am happy on my own....so no relationship in my future. I really like men, I just don't want one of my own...LOL!
But, I am so happy for all of you that have found someone to share your life.....that is just wonderful.
Wonderful new Dan & Joe! So glad the cupid shot the right arrows at ya both, lol! My arrow was poisoned, but I learned from it. Wishing everyone here a Christmas filled with love of friends and family, and many moments of unexpected bits of joy. Arms around Susan*
congratulations dking and TexasJoe. Susan L, cupid didn't stop with the men, one of those arrows also came my way. I guess that makes one happy widow lady Gourdchipper*. I wasn't looking for a "new connection" either Sandi* and never expected to ever meet anyone that could fill the emptiness in my heart, but things happen that you never expect. What started out as a 1500 mile e mail to offer support to someone who lost his wife turned into more than that. After six months of emails, I found myself looking forward to that email every day. E mails led to phone calls which eventually led to him coming to Mich. We spent six weeks seeing some of the sights that Michigan has to offer and getting to know each other even more. BTW dking, we also met face to face the first part of Oct. After the six weeks ended, we spent a lot of time on the phone every day. When the weather started getting colder, I thought it would be a good time to leave the cold and snow of Mich. and head South. Now I am close to him, while enjoying the warmer weather. We are both looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.
Sandi*, I'm still laughing about your comment, "I just wouldn't want one of my own." Since I'll be 80 in a few weeks I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love for the last time. And yes, I do think that men have a harder time being alone, perhaps because their wife was usually their best friend. Men have men friends, but it's not the same as the kind of friendships women have. I live in a lovely retirement facility and I'd say that most of the single women have expressed the opinion that they like living alone.