JOAN’S BLOG –WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2007 – NOT A LOVE STORY – ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE AND THE UNHAPPY MARRIAGE

Most of us have been relating to the emotional pain experienced when Alzheimer’s Disease steals away the love of our life. We have had to deal with the shock of their personality change, their childlike behavior, the slow dissolution of the close marital bondwith which we were blessed for so many years. We are mourning the loss of our lover, partner, and friend.

But there are just as many spouses who have lived a strife-filled marriage, devoid of love, companionship, and respect. (There are varying reasons why one would endure in such a relationship, and it is not my purpose or business to question it.)

These spouses also need to know that they are not alone, and there are those out there who fully understand their issues. I know, because I have heard from many of you.

It is difficult enough to deal with the stresses Alzheimer’s Disease brings to a marriage when there is a loving bond. When there is bitterness, distrust, and lack of love to begin with, the disease brings extreme anger, a feeling of being trapped, and deep guilt.

There are those of you who were on the verge of divorce before AD reared its ugly head; there are those of you who somehow adjusted to a being married to someone with whom you share no love or joy. You are the spouses who feel as if you are being strangled by the burden of caring for someone you do not even want to live with. You churn with resentment.

Yet you feel overwhelmed by guilt at the thought of leaving them.
I have heard from spouses who struggle with the decision – “Do I save my sanity, my life, my own needs, and leave them to the care of strangers, or do I give up my life to care for someone I have come to loathe?”

I cannot make that decision for those of you who are struggling with it. But I can acknowledge that the problem exists, and that you are not alone. There are many who understand.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC – WHAT ABOUT AD AND THE UNHAPPY MARRIAGE?

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

©Copyright 2007 Joan Gershman

View Printer Friendly Version

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved