JOAN’S BLOG – TUES/WED., JUNE 28/29, 2011 – THE POSITIVE SIDE

No, my friends, this is not one of those blogs/essays that psychologists write telling you that caregiving is a positive experience; an experience that teaches you how caring for another human being 24/7 will bring joy and fulfillment to your life. It is possible that may be true, but I am not writing today to debate that issue. I am writing today to tell you that there is LIFE AFTER ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE. Good life.

On this website, we lean on each other for support, share secret emotions with one another that only an AD spousal caregiver could understand. I have shared my frustrations, anger, disappointment, and loneliness with you, which, in turn, has allowed you to open up your hearts and help each other through the difficult times.

In the four years since I started this website, we have had spouses in such despair that they have thought about, discussed, and even attempted suicide. We have had spouses who could no longer bear the burden of the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse their husband/wives’ Alzheimer diseased brain heaped upon them, and they took the only way they saw as an escape- they left. We have had other spouses who stuck it out at the expense of their own physical health.

We have a section on the Message Boards specifically for widows and widowers to discuss their issues and help each other through the dark times. Some do well right away; others languish in the depths of mourning for longer periods of time. There is no time limit on grief. We all come through it at a different rate.

But what I have noticed, and rejoiced in, is that almost everyone comes through the dark tunnel of this journey and emerges into the light to a positive life.

We have women who have forged a fulfilling, happy, single life. After years, sometimes decades, of tending to the needs of another, they now come and go as they please, beholden to no one but themselves. They do what they want, when they want, with whom they want, and they are enjoying their freedom. That is not to say they do not miss the husband and life they had before Alzheimer’s Disease. It is to say they treasure those memories, and have been able to move on to a new and different, satisfying life.

We have women who were looking to forge a single life, and were blindsided by a new love. Three upcoming marriages are testament to that fact. As one of them so eloquently put it – “Whoda thunk?”

The husbands are another story. They do not seem to be as interested in the freedom of the “single” life as do many of the women. To the best of my counting ability, we have one widower who has remarried; two who are engaged; and two who are in committed relationships. All are content.

I do not have a crystal ball. I cannot tell what the future will hold for you or me. What I do know is that those of us still traveling this Alzheimer journey with our spouses are still in for some very rough times. But what I also know is that there IS a positive road on the other side of the tunnel. It awaits all of us.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - The Positive Side

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©Copyright 2011 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2011 All Rights Reserved
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