JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, JUNE 2, 2014 – FOR YOUR SPOUSES WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE – A RESOURCE OF THEIR OWN

“Build it and they will come”. That famous quote is from the 1989 movie, Field of Dreams, in which Kevin Costner’s character, Ray, builds a baseball field in the middle of an Iowa cornfield, and “the people came”.

It is what I did in 2007 when I felt a need for a resource specifically for spouses of Alzheimer patients. I built it, and you came. Since that time, this site has helped thousands of spouses from all over the world cope with the “unique issues” that face spouses of Alzheimer patients.

Well, now it is time for your spouses, those Alzheimer patients, to have a place of their own. I am very excited about this new website – Dementia Mentors. It was designed and is run by people living with dementia. It is a place where PWD (people with dementia) can receive information, support, and activities, not by professionals who think they know what it is to live with dementia, but by people who DO KNOW – those with dementia themselves.

Because the site was designed by people living with dementia, it is “dementia friendly”, in that the information is short, clear, concise, and has an AUDIO option for those who have difficulty reading.

For those of you whose spouses are in early to mid stages, and are able to benefit from Dementia Mentors, I urge you to read through it and introduce them to it.

I feel so strongly about PWD being as active in their own dementia involvement, understanding, activities, and peer group as possible because of the benefits I saw in my own husband when he was able to participate in such activities.

From the beginning, I have advocated for and discussed the importance of peer social interaction for people with dementia. As many of my long time members know, Sid and I joined an early stage support group soon after diagnosis, and the members of that group became our social circle. Sid was able to participate in supervised day trips, live theater, movie, and restaurant outings with his peers - men ( in our group, it just happened that the men were the ones with the dementia) who were on his level; men who understood how he felt about the struggles and frustrations he was experiencing; men who did not chastise each other for repeating the same stories and information ( because none of them could remember them); men who did not rush him or become impatient with him, because they were just as slow as he was.

He felt empowered, important, and proud when he was able to participate in a panel discussion about marriage and Alzheimer’s Disease with me at an Alzheimer’s conference two years in a row. He was ecstatic when he identified with everything Dr. Richard Taylor, a psychologist living with Alzheimer’s Disease ( one of the founders of Dementia Mentors), spoke about at a conference we attended.

Just as you have told me when reading my many blogs, that you do not feel so alone when you know that I am struggling with the same emotions as you, so did Sid not feel so alone when he was able to commiserate with his peers.

I do understand that for a variety of reasons -behavior, stubbornness, and denial, being but a few, some of your spouses will be resistant to even looking at the website. But for those of you whose spouses are willing, the resource is invaluable.

I have written to Gary LeBlanc to congratulate him on the launch of Dementia Mentors, and I hope you will help your spouses take advantage of this much needed new resource for those with dementia.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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