JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2013 – BABY STEPS

Once the shock of placing my husband in a nursing home wore off a little, I was faced with the prospect of beginning a new life living apart from him, our personal contact limited to my visits in the nursing home. It was more than overwhelming. It was emotionally and physically crushing. My head was spinning with painful memories of the good years with Sid; constant financial worries; the need to get back to my website and Etsy businesses; the new stress of care management – meeting constantly with nursing home staff to make sure he was receiving the care he needs and deserves; well meaning advice from friends, the same advice I have dispensed to others and myself over the years – take care of yourself, eat properly, sleep, rest, go out socially, join clubs. I did not know where to turn or what to do first. I managed to gather up enough strength to reason with myself that I could not do everything at once. I could manage, as one of my Alzheimer buddies always says – baby steps. One baby step at a time. 

When I wasn’t visiting him, I spent the rest of the first two weeks in bed sleeping and crying. By the third week, I was able to do one activity or chore a day. Maybe it was writing on the website or going to a movie with a friend or doing some knitting. Whatever it was, it was one baby step forward in my adjustment to living apart from the husband who has been by my side for 43 years.

Although I can hardly believe it, today marks four weeks since his placement. I definitely would not say that I have adjusted yet, but I am taking those baby steps forward. I am working more on the website, and I have purchased exciting textured yarns for the knitting of my new winter collection of scarves.

Once I get a work schedule settled, I will look for an activity or two to join, that hopefully will lead to new “single” friendships. Baby steps. One thing at a time.

Although I am much farther into this Alzheimer journey than many of our newer members, I am convinced that “baby steps” also applies to those who are just beginning this Alzheimer experience. Where I and others who have placed their spouses have to learn to build a new “single” life, those of you at the starting line have to learn about the disease, its manifestations, how to relate to the “disease” differently than you related to your spouse pre-Alzheimer’s. You will need to find support groups and friends who are in the same situation as you. It is confusing, frightening, and overwhelming. Baby steps. One thing at a time.

This road I am on is not a straight path. Often I find myself taking two steps forward, hitting a wall, and having to take a step backward to a different path. Sometimes the wall is difficulties with the nursing home care that takes a few days to straighten out; sometimes it is a particularly emotional day with Sid that sends me back to bed; sometimes it is the tomb-like silence and loneliness of home that permeates my soul and saddens me to the core.

But I am committed to taking those baby steps forward. Some days are more difficult than others, but with the help of good friends, I am taking those steps. I hope that wherever you are in this Alzheimer life, you too, will take baby steps forward.

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