I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog. This placement situation has taken quite a toll on me, but I think the approach I wrote about in the blog will eventually work for me. I also think it is worth a try for everyone, no matter where you are in this journey.
Dear Joan and to those who are adjusting to the changes. Joan is right just take baby steps and remember everything that changes in your life is for a reason and if the step you take does not feel right stop and take a second look at where it is leading. hugs to all
Hi Joan. I totally concur about baby steps. It has been 3 weeks since placing my husband. I am working tHrough Medicaid and that is another concern on top of it all. I have to say he is adjusting. I think it is as difficult for the caregiver to adjust as the patient. I must say I love coming home to my quiet house unlike some people who say the silence bothers them. Yes I miss him but I am loving the solitude at home. I want to return to work but realize it is not the right time. I am still getting lots of calls about this and that and was told it will take 4 to 6 weeks for things to settle down. I have really focused on just taking each day and when I find my thoughts starting to wander and worry about finances, his care, getting a job etc. I tell myself to stop and just focus on what the next thing is i have to do. Knitting has been such a blessing to me. I thank the Good Lord each day for my German grandmother who taught me at age 9. Keep knitting Joan. I belong to 3 knitting groups. Maybe there is one near you.
It just occurred to me. I too have placed my dh, but into the At-Home hospice system instead of into a facility. I, like Joan and so many others here, had reached the end of what I could handle. I had to step back and let others take over. Three weeks ago I called hospice, dh qualified, and dh has been under their care since. They are wonderful!! Our hospice nurse said she really liked the fact that I got them on board early enough that they will know him well as he continues on his path.
As always, excellent advice, Joan ... advice I'll try hard to remember starting this Tuesday when I place Clare in an ALF. Clare's room finally opened up a few days ago (she has been on a room waiting list for 15 weeks) and I started moving in plants, pictures, and her favorite rocking chair yesterday. I just finished writing her name into her clothing and will move all of that, plus toiletry/jewelry items and a few paintings/posters today. Then tomorrow it will be her last chance to see her day care friends at the Long Island Alzheimer's Foundation, and on Tuesday I will take her to the ALF at 9 a.m. and leave. Baby steps. Going to bed alone on Tuesday night will be my most difficult time of the day, I think ... even more difficult than when I leave her on Tuesday morning or when I say goodnight to her later that afternoon after my first visit. Baby steps. I'll try.
Guess there are all kinds of baby steps....my new "baby shoes" seem to have concrete in the soles...getting my head around all the things need done in relation to the death of a spouse is more than a little daunting. Add distraction to it all and what a mess.
Allan-don't take anything to the ALF that you plan on ever seeing again. Sometimes residents and even staff 'acquire' belongings. For some strange reason my husband's size 6.5 EEE shoes kept disappearing. Not too many folks wear that size :)
It's okay. If you can't do anything yet, it's because you're not ready. For the first 2 weeks Sid was in the NH, I did nothing after I visited him but sleep and cry.
Make a list and when you feel up to it, do ONE thing. Little by little, you'll gain strength to do one more thing. Then another. Baby steps.
Acvann, I agree with bluedaze about not bringing anything you want to see again. Although I have no fears that someone would steal my DH's things, he (like several others in his facility) opens any unlocked door and then picks up whatever catches his eye. He will also bring out things from his room and just drop them someplace. When my mother entered a nursing home, she carefully wrapped up her engagement ring and hid it to keep it safe. We never found it.
A friend who recently placed his wife replaced the diamond in her engagement ring for cubic zirconia so that she could keep wearing her ring without any danger that it would go missing. That might also work for bracelets and necklaces that she might like to wear. Best of luck to you and your DW tomorrow.
Bluedaze and Fiona68 ... thanks for your advice. I suppose I should have mentioned that all the jewelry Clare will have in the ALF are items that, if lost or stolen, will not be missed with the exception of her simple gold wedding ring which she never removes. All of her good jewelry will either be at home or in a bank safety deposit box. Clare loses so much stuff all by herself now that if she did have anything of emotional or financial value there, she would lose it herself within a matter of hours or days! Funny that you, Fiona 68, should mention the cubic zirconia engagement ring. I also thought of that, so I asked Clare if she would like me to buy her one that is similar to her engagement ring ... but she said no. Thanks for your good wishes. me
Actually signed in this morning because I was thinking of you and Clare . I've been following your posts And empathize with you and the steps you are taking. I have no advice since I have not been in your shoes. But, I think Joan's words are best..Baby steps. ....one foot at a time.
Everything you said rings so true Joan. I hope you find strength, peace and love in this part of your journey. You and your site have meant so much to me over my journey. Thank you. Shannon
Yes, baby steps, I understand. But, honestly, more often than not I feel as if I am being forcefully and not gently pushed from behind, while other times I am doing a cartoon run just to stay out of the chasing monster's jaws. Placement looms in the very near future so then will be a time to use the baby steps - not better, just different.