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    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2020 edited
     
    went to visit Art today. The health department told them they could no longer allow us to visit through the screen, so we could not even talk. He was signally for me to come in but told him I could not. He sat back down in the chair with the pillow in his lap. Refused to acknowledge me so I left. Jas was so excited when we arrived and disappointed she could not even see him. Was wrong time of day - the sun was shining on the window so I could hardly see in. Maybe next time will go in the afternoon when the sun has moved around. A guy who would not even go barefoot in the house now refuses to wear socks and/or shoes even when he goes outside.

    Oh, since about the 14th of May I have battled painful stomach and tons of gas. I finally called the doctor which I see in a week. Last night I researched - came up with possible gall bladder or more likely ulcer. Took note of foods for ulcer so went to store and bought probiotics and foods they recommend for them which is basically fresh food. Apples worked great last night on the pain. Time will tell.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2020
     
    I hope that can be helped a lot with a diet thing Charlotte.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2020
     
    What is strange: the foods that cause the least problem are spicy foods like Taco Bell.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2020
     
    Charlotte, I don't now much about things, but when I had gall stone attacks it was terrible pain in the middle of my back. In face, the local clinic dr treated me for angina. The last time it was so bad I went into emergency at midnight, they admit me but it was so blocked and infection had set in I had to wait a week on antibiotics before they could do surgery. Years later my husband kept complaining of pain in his chest, and I know he thought it was from his heart, turned out to be gallbladder, but not stones, what they called a mass of sludge. So I'd lean towards an ulcer or maybe the beginning of one. Let us know. Can't think of any reason you might have that problem LOL..

    Oh, plane tickets are so low right now, and I really need a break I asked the dr if i could go see my kids for a week and have someone check in on dh a couple of times a day. Nope, cannot leave him alone like that, would need someone to stay with him full time, so guess who it will be.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2020
     
    For the first time in ages I completely took the day off yesterday. It was almost 100 degrees outside. I finally went swimming around 6 and then read outside til it got dark. When I got up the moon was rising just above the hill. Gosh it was sooo bright and nearly full. Moon shadows!

    Suddenly I realized that my first thought was “how beautiful and peaceful”, rather than feeling slammed with fear of what was to come like in the last few years of Alz. Wow.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2020
     
    Good for you!!, It was a beautiful moon last night. That sounds like a big step, hope they keep coming and it gets easier!
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2020
     
    Charlotte, I hadn't seen this earlier, so moved it to June.

    <<I think we all can totally agree with where you are. As for the material, check to see if there are quilting groups around there that would like them. I know getting him to take medications is hard or even going to the doctor. Probably one that would help with the sundowning would be good. Would his doctor prescribe without seeing him?>>

    Yes, there are quilting groups but I don't have much in that line, clothing fabric, velvet, upholstery etc. I just folded the best back up and will take another look later :)

    My husband seems to go from total nothing to violent outbursts, and now -- at least today he is calm and happy. When he got up he started to say something about the mowers and I just held my hand up and said nothing, didn't even look at him. He stopped what ever he was going to say. I had to go to town yesterday and of course took the wrong turn for where I had to go first so ended up backtracking. But on the way home I noticed Panera Bread was open and had takeout and drive thru so on the spur of the moment stopped and got take out. It was such a good change from what we've been eating. It was an exhausting day though and I'm still feeling the effects

    The Dr hasn't mentioned any medicine other than something if he got sexually inappropriate in public but he doesn't go anyplace. She doesn't like to prescribe anything new without seeing him guess it's a liability in his condition. He has been angry with me sleeping upstairs but Tuesday night I was so tired I stumbled and fell against the wall and knocked a picture down, so last night he came to the foot of the stairs and waited till I got inside and then he turned the light out from below, sweet. I do miss sleeping with my husband, if he were still here

    Since I can't go anyplace, I worked in the yard a bit while it was cool, pulled weeds mainly. The storm last night knocked over some tall flowers and broke off at the root but otherwise we had no problems, just a lot of rain. Did bring in a vase of roses, the rain is hard on them. Then I came in and got the vacuum going and started picking up clutter. I swear no matter how many times I clear the coffee table or the counters it just takes one day for them to pile up. DH uses the counter like his personal storage facility, everything from socks, gloves, tools you name it. I usually just put it all in a box and set it for him to go through. I have a basket on the coffee table to keep things corralled but I went through it and I guess we've both just put things there that we didn't take time to put away.

    Since it's turned hot so fast I had to turn the thermostat from heat to air. This morning I got up and he had put it back to heat. Don't know how he did it it. He also drove my car 3 miles up to the feed store and called to ask how it got to kilometers instead of MPH. When he got home I went out to change it and somehow he had also gotten the ac messed up - not sure how and it took me awhile to get things all working properly again. He is terrible to push buttons on anything -- never knowing what they are for. I 'm tempted to sell the truck since it just sits there now - but I might need it - so I go back and forth. It's an older truck but good 4x4 and in good condition. I could use the money, and will probably have to hire someone anyway if I need that much. I think I'm going to use the next few weeks to try and lose the weight I've gained in isolation. Will have to set my mind to it as otherwise I just eat constantly from stress. Maybe I'll think of some reward for doing it.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2020
     
    In the alzconnect site there was a question on using cbd oil. I forgot how some have found it useful to make their loved one nice, calmer, more cooperative. Might be an idea to look into.

    Yes, the moon has been beautiful - only need a flashlight to find her poop piles at night!!

    I have lost 12 pounds since I started 2/17. I first was counting calories but after about a month I knew well enough so just aware what I am eating. With my stomach acting up the good thing is I don't eat as much at once which has resulted in the 2 pound loss the last few days. Hope I don't blow it when I feel better!
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 5th 2020
     
    Congrats of the weight loss! 12 lbs is a lot. I'm lousy at calorie counting or trying to diet - as soon as dh starts eating something good, I want some :)

    I have cbd oil but tried a starter dose on him and could not tell any difference. If he needed a big amount, as he's a big man, it's just too darned expensive. Part of the problem is you never know when he's going to explode or what will set him off. So never knew if it was working or not. I think the real stuff might make him mellow but illegal here.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 5th 2020
     
    I tried to loose weight many times. Each time I tried I gained. I was up to 270 and my knee was hurting worse. I don't want a knee replacement so loosing weight it the other option. Plus, we have our 50th reunion this fall - if the virus doesn't block it - and don't want to be so fat. I was hoping to get down to 220 where I was for our 40th. Back in the late 80s I was on trazadone, went from 150 to 220 in a year or so before going to a new doctor who told me that is why I was gaining weight. Changed to Prozac so the weight gain stopped. Then the diagnosis came in 2008 and that started the weight gain. With the 10 pound loss I noticed my knee was happier. Just think how happy it will be if I get down to 220. That is my first goal, then would love to get down to 150 but with insulin resistance it makes it harder since obesity is a symptom of it.

    I finally cleaned the dashboard off. Had some really cute dust bunnies all over it. I took the bubble foil for winter off and put the screens up. Now I can look out at the world. The last few years never did it because it was too bright for Art especially when the sun shines in. Of course today there is no sun but I have a screen on the outside and on the inside, so maybe it won't be as bad. I can always close the curtains. I am exhausted now.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2020
     
    Congratulations, Charlotte. Losing weight is so hard. The only thing that's worked for me is limiting carbs. But it's really hard to stick to a low carb regimen for any length of time.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2020
     
    As many here know, Art and I use to workamp which is traveling around in our motorhome working at RV parks/campgrounds. That was our 'golden years' dream. Thankfully we heeded the advice of older Workampers and started early when he was 56. That gave us 4 years before he was diagnosed. Still living in the MH I miss those days, especially on days like today. My neighbors took off in their MH. He works a job with a weird set up but he usually gets 10 days off together but sometimes it works out he gets two. I try not to think about my own situation but happy they are able to go. He recently turned 60, plans to work until 65 but I tell them if they can don't wait until then. They know what happened to us, how our 'golden years' were cut short. In fact, I tell a lot of people that.

    So here I sit trying to distract myself but hard when I look out at their empty spot. Happy for them - feeling sad for my self. Thankfully today will be tears, tomorrow will be OK.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2020
     
    I agree Myrtle, when dh was preparing for his first cancer surgery, he had to give blood for 3 weeks, then the surgeon told us to take a week's vacation and have a good time, come back rested. We did, but before we left I wanted to lose a little weight and did Atkins, lost 17lb in 3 weeks. Felt great and wad a perfect size 10 again. I actually kept it off till after I turned 60, then found a few lbs here and there. Remember we were always very active with our horses. However, it was an arthritis med, which the name just slipped my mind, that started me gaining a lb a day. Was scary and the doctor immediately took me off it within two weeks. But since, I have found many of the medications I've taken have a side effect of weight gain. I swam daily and used to walk minimum of a mile a day -- but once my back fell apart and I can no longer do those things I have a terrible time with weight. A year ago I lost 25lbs and was again a perfect 10, but it's not so much the # of lbs now is where it's located, LOL. So I too, am trying to lose some, I can lose weight with atkins, and my ex-dil lost 79 lbs with Keto, but I don't have the will power to stay away from bread. I'm trying to hold to the middle line right now. Something I didn't expect is, when I quit my blood pressure medication, I started retaining water. Should be the other way around. Just my left foot, ankle hand and left not enough to worry about but I'll watch it.

    Thank you Dr. Flood, just what we needed, a medical report on your health, LOL. Anyway Charlotte, I'm pulling for you. I knew a Dr, who used grapefruit whenever he had a craving for something, he lost about 25lbs. But again, grapefruit, fruit or juice is a definite no-no with some medications, think some you've mentioned.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2020
     
    I have problem with my foot and ankle swelling and pitting edema. Tried the medication for water retention which was also high blood pressure med. Didn't work. Had the ecohcardiogram - heart fine. Have decided the pitting edema is related to the nerves in my lower spine where there is arthritis putting pressure on them. I found this by research. Usually is my left foot but right now my it is my right foot. I am assuming it has to do with my knee acting up.

    I try to be aware of the calories I am eating. I buy the Red Baron single frozen pizza because I know the calorie count and like them, especially the one on french bread (which actually has less calories than the round little pizza shape ones). I buy other frozen foods trying to find ones with low sodium which is not always easy. Now that summer is here I like the banquet pot pie and a big salad with Newman's Own light balsamic dressing. I have my mixed unsalted nuts to munch on - 1/2 cup is about 400 calories. At night I take one of those chocolate pudding cups, dumped some of the nuts in it, then eat. Bread is not a weakness for me unless it is hot out of the oven! Right now I have cut up carrots (don't like the mini-carrots cause they have a weird aftertaste), red peppers, apple slices (I cut up the apple, put in baggy, use a straw to suck out the air and they don't turn brown), cut up cantaloupe, and cukes to munch on. If I don't feel like them I go back to playing games telling myself 'later'. I also buy ice cream sandwiches or fudge bars so I know exactly how many calories for a nightly treat.

    I think my desire to loose weight besides the class reunion (which is now looking doubtful due to Covid) is for health reasons. Also, I looked at myself in the mirror and was shocked at how my body is changing to a really fat looking body with all the weird shapes. I don't know how much luck I will have but mentally I think I am ready. Plus, if I loose weight I will fit behind the MH steering wheel better!

    wow - size 10. Even when I was 124 pounds I could not fit in anything less than a 12 but usually a 14. Of course now a 12 is use to be an 10. They keep moving the sizes up so fat people don't feel so bad I guess. With no changes in weight or measurements, just in the last three years I went from 3x to 2x.

    Since I have my doctor appt tomorrow about my stomach issues I stopped today taking the probiotics and GasX. This way I can see if that is what is making it better. My stomach is a little off today - will see what it is like tonight.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 9th 2020
     
    Doctor thinks it could be ulcer but definitely gastritis. Taking the probiotics and gax X were good moves.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 9th 2020
     
    Do take care of it, my youngest son has Barrets Esophagus, had 4 malignant adenomas removed at Christmas. Not sure that's spelled right, but with all your stress it could become a major problem.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2020
     
    Years ago like back in the early 90s Art had 6 ulcers on his esophagus from GERDS. Once they were healed is when we pushed the doctor for surgical alternative since the drugs weren't helping. He finally had a surgery that was experimental at the time which we had to fight for insurance to cover it. Doctor could not guarantee longer than 5 years, that was in 1998. A couple years ago he started have reflux problems so it did last. Now the surgery he had is routine.

    He gave me a RX to take too. He said he says daily but I can only take it if needed. So I will take it for a week then see how I feel. Fortunately and weird that I do not have a GERDS problem. Weird that spicy food doesn't bother me but the cold cantaloupe does!
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2020
     
    You know how you can really, really, really tell when it's time for placement? When you find yourself crying and screaming and howling like a dog--and you can't stop. When it goes on until you are gagging and choking, and you can't still can't stop. When you cover your face to try to muffle the noise so the neighbors don't call the police. And you still can't stop. And you know that when you finally get done, at after 11:00 at night, you have to get up and go try to figure out how to dig who knows what disgusting stuff out of the toilet so you can get it working again. And this is after a very long day of having difficulty breathing because the kidney disease and congestive heart failure are getting worse, and the meds aren't working well any more. And not even feeling well enough to call the doctor for an appointment, let alone get dressed and drive there. (That doesn't even touch on what to do with DH during the appointment.) And who knows when the appointment would even happen, with virus restrictions in place.

    Some time back I heard someone say that trauma is cumulative. I think that's true. After a certain point (being in the 18th year of this now, with things getting worse every single day) I think the accumulation of trauma and grief has completely crushed me. I don't mean temporarily crushed me, I mean that I don't think I can recover from this. There is nothing left to put humpty dumpty back together with.

    If I were to encounter someone now who told me that their spouse had been diagnosed with dementia, I would encourage them to think long and hard about what their life could be like as a caregiver. It's not like I gave up the best years of my life to do this (goodness knows these have not been the best years of my life!), but it's really looking like I gave up all the last years of my life. Had I known then what I know now, I think I would have tried to join the foreign legion, instead of becoming a caregiver. Almost anything, instead of becoming a caregiver.
  1.  
    Yes, you will recover, JanK. Now you Must (capital letter on Must) start seeking some help. I can't remember what you have explored in the past, but something's got to give, Covid or no Covid. Whether it be some home care or the first steps toward placement, it has to start happening. I am wondering if a Hospice would pick him up. Some require a six-month prognosis, but not all do. In the meantime, here is the knotted rope:

    x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x--- You just grab on to one end, and know that all of us here are holding the other end to pull you up.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    This is what I posted yesterday on FB which is a big reason I was so down:

    In our county the covid numbers are still high - 40 or more a day in the two counties with only about 200,000 people. This is what I posted today. I probably shouldn't have but I am so tired of whomever it is that go out in groups.

    I wish they would give more information as to where these hire numbers are from. Don't need to know names or groups names, just if it is certain groups that are being reckless or maybe don't care, maybe believe in 'herd immunity'. Whatever, just wish they would think of others. My husband of 49 years is in memory care. It has been 91 days since I have been able to see him. I did go one time and 'talked' through the screen but the health department put a stop to that. He is unable to talk on the phone so standing at the window talking on the phone to him won't do any good. I miss him, miss touching and hugging him. Miss keeping that connection so he doesn't forget me. The way it is going it could be August, September or later before we can go in to see them in person. Will he still recognize me - maybe not by name but as someone important to him? Will he even still be alive? So many have suffered losing their loved one from Covid 19 (either they had the disease or died of natural causes) and not been able to see them, to say goodbye while their loved one died alone. No funeral for them, no goodbyes. I beg all those that seem to not care to please think of all those that are in situations like me to follow the guidelines so we can open up.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    Elizabeth, I was going to post last night cause just wanted to jump in car and go help Jan wherever she is. But I didn’t post because I thought you might say just what you did and I remember how comforting that rope was for me.

    JanK some virtual hugs too. (((((((Hug)))))
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    I read an article last night I wish I could share, how the name has been changed, - I'm paraphrasing here now -- fast-aging brain etc -- to now the favored word in the medial community is simply Dementia. Like changing the name will change the disease. Jan, I've been crying over what the officers wife posted last night and this morning (blocked so her husband can't see it) how their lives changed in an instant. The PD has set up fund raising campaign to help with ongoing costs, the "thin blue line" has been there helping, supplying food, the hospital is supplying food for all of them, a market has sent in food trays and other needed items to support the people who are there supporting the officer, and family, who was shot by a man who "decided to kill a cop". You all know where I stand and I'm in favor of everything that is being done.

    BUT, What does hurt me is, someone like Jan K, who may not be a public official but none-the-less, has laid down her life to care for another person - is shunted to a caregiver support group like this because no one wants to address what alzheimers disease does to the individual and everyone whose life he impacts. Rather than confronting the issue, It's not talked about, it's too hard to think about. Who offered to come help clean out her toilet? Who offered to come help Charlotte with her Motor Home??????? And for Heaven's sake can't we as a country find a way to care for these individuals -- who were a vital part of society at one time - that doesn't just send them away, out of sight and out of mind, till the finally die. It doesn't take long till friends stop coming to visit, relatives want to talk about the nice things that are happening, not AZ, but AZ is all that's happening. It continues to devour you till each little piece of your soul and body has been savaged. And, you have to do it alone. Placement might do something but doesn't release you.

    I know that's not going to happen - in fact, as our country changes I really think it will be worse for those of us who are facing this.

    <<If I were to encounter someone now who told me that their spouse had been diagnosed with dementia, I would encourage them to think long and hard about what their life could be like as a caregiver. It's not like I gave up the best years of my life to do this (goodness knows these have not been the best years of my life!), but it's really looking like I gave up all the last years of my life. Had I known then what I know now, I think I would have tried to join the foreign legion, instead of becoming a caregiver. Almost anything, instead of becoming a caregiver.>>

    Jan, you voiced what I've felt lately, and I've not gone through near what you have. I've always felt it was till death do us part -- but how do you ever plan on this becoming part of your life? I will never come out of this alive - even if by chance I do outlive him - should I have to place him, my life is over anyway. I might be walking around but there is nothing to wake up to each morning. I have read on this forum about some who have considered divorce - or finding a companion. I don't know that I could do either, but if assisted suicide was legal - that might be an option for me. There is no other out - it's continue on till I fall over dead or he does. As he gets worse I get worse and while I tell no one but my doctor - and those of you who read here - there comes a point that you cannot continue to handle everything and stay sane. I took care of my Mother, and she - at her request while she still could - spent the last few years in a home. But it was no life. I've watched my husband who was intelligent, respected, handsome, well dressed etc - drivel away to an old stopped an who has quit taking care of himself in any way and depends on me to care for and even think for him. I'm ashamed to admit it but if I knew then, what I know now - I would have found a way not to have become a caretaker. He never wanted it, I never wanted it but our society doesn't even want to think about it. Right now he doing something that I have to stop and get away from him, there is never any down time. Oh Lord, it's going to be one of those days.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    Grab the item before he breaks it and will add this real fast. Charlotte, I don't know about the virus, we are having over 200 new cases every day now, more than we had originally. Think it was 240 new cases this morning. I've quit worrying about it. I'm not foolish but not gonna mask up and next time I hear of something where a lot of people will be I may just make plans. If I thought anyone would come I'd throw a party!

    Elizabeth* as welcome as the rope is -- tell me where you get help? I've tried and the earliest they could see me was late August. Homes are not taking any new people till the virus has been eradicated -- like when will that be? Not even anyone looking for information is admitted. I have not found anyplace that could offer a solution. Right now, everything is dependent on something else. I went to a business yesterday and was just one person behind the counter and me -- that's all the staff they keep now. One person and had to leave dh at home alone to go there. He is not a hospice candidate, as I understand it, his health is good. My friend at 86, who's dh has been on hospice for a year now, still has no help with the day to day and her husband hallucinates all night and can get out of all the gates they put up to keep him in so she has to stay up all night too in addition to taking care of him all day. She calls me for someplace to vent and I wish I knew some way to help. She doesn't want me to come to the house, says it's gotten so bad, since he has gotten so bad she would be embarrassed. They have a son fairly close but he too has health problems and isn't able to provide help -- for the most part we are all older when this happens and get older by the day. OK, not as fast as I thought, but I just don't know where to turn anymore other than just get in the car and start driving. You know what keeps me here? Someone has to take care of the animals. I can't put all the cats and dogs and horses in the car and if I leave, they will be ignored and suffer. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. If he had a heart attack, neighbors and church members would bring food and help with the yard etc. But with az, they eventually prefer to forget you exist. It goes on too long.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    As to other options besides continuing to do this until I drop dead or go insane... I feel like I've looked at everything. Our case manager at the Council on Aging checks in every couple of weeks, and we go over every option we can think of, and she can't think of any help that would be safe, either. When we moved to this apartment, it was partly done because it was set up better for having an aide in. But with both DH and I being at high risk with anything, having a stranger in our home seems a really terrible idea. I even cancelled some maintenance I needed done, just to keep us safe at home. I mean, there's no point in sheltering at home if random people are coming inside said home, imho. I've gotten pretty good at ordering things like canned and boxed food online, and we have gotten curbside pickup at the grocery store twice (since the first week of March), so we've even had some meat and fresh foods then. I wonder what older people do when they don't have a computer. We would have starved to death by now without ours.

    I keep seeing public service announcements on tv about how we're all in this (pandemic) together. I don't feel like that's true. We are forgotten by almost everyone--out of sight, out of mind. But I do read a lot of comments that say something to the effect that old people are going to die of something anyway, so why should everybody else have to suffer just to keep them safe. It chills the blood to think that people feel that way, and feel comfortable in sharing those feelings. Don't they have any loved ones who are older? What are they thinking?

    So here we are, two old people, each with multiple medical issues, and basically no medical care being given to either of us. I tried to make an appointment with DH's family doctor, who can usually see you in a day or two, and the first appointment was about three months out. We both have specialists that we are supposed to see on a regular basis, but that's not possible right now.

    As long as I'm bit**ing and moaning, can I say that it really bothers me when family members, who we hear from maybe once a year, always manage to say "we're praying for you". No phone calls or encouraging e-mails or even Christmas cards during the year. Nothing. I'm sure these church people know the story of the Good Samaritan, but they would be shocked if someone pointed out to them that they are living examples of the people who passed by on the other side of the road. Okay, enough of that.

    I want to thank everyone for their encouragement, not just now, but for the last years on this site. I really think there are people on here right now who might not be breathing without the support they've gotten here. And one of those people is writing this.

    p.s. I finally got the toilet unstopped at 3:30 this afternoon. Hooray! And the less said about the hours between last night at 11:00 and 3:30 this afternoon, the better.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    Jan, since I don't have that particular problem, DH makes a mess but I can take care of it, I'm wondering if there is a DIY solution? European (?) toilets have a shelf in them that catches the firm stuff and the urine just goes on down. If he is putting something in the toilet that is stopping it up - I wonder if there is a site online someplace, maybe a children's site, since they are usually the ones who stuff things down toilets, that could be inserted to help prevent the worst of it? Or, possibly talk to a plumber, or on a chat site on a website to stay anonymous, and see if there isn't anything made, what would it cost to have it made. I have a welder friend who will make anything you can think of, why couldn't a plumber think of something to help? Maybe have a flush out installed right at the back of the toilet?? Just talking but it seems like someone someplace has had this problem before.

    I saw on the news last night they say it will be at least a year before we should feel comfortable hugging people or shaking hands - the schools have instituted new curriculum, school a couple days a week and online classes the rest. That will go over big with parents. If I was younger I'd start a homeschooling business at home now. I loved to homeschool when we did it and she learned so much more than at school.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 11th 2020
     
    I am so sorry Jan and Oakridge you can't get help or place them.

    I know where my husband is they moved a person in late March. They just had to be sure they did not have the virus - not sure how they did that. But, Rosetta is small which is probably why. I am glad I was able to get Art in relatively easily. I got pre-approved for Medicaid then looked for a place. I got a list of places that accept Medicaid from my social worker at Aging and Long Term Care then did the calling. The third placement seems to be good since he has been there over a year. I made it very aware that he was a danger to himself because he kept wanting to take off and I could not keep him safe. I knew that was the only way to get him placed right away.

    Yes I feel l may not have a life depending on how much longer he battles on and the fact it seems all my family is dying at 78 or 79. I chat a little with my daughter in TN. She asked me what I did with my time. I told her nothing much. Then she said something like 'why not, you don't have dad at home anymore'. 1, there is not much one can do now. 2- I have no drive to do much but play games and be on my computer. She has no idea what we go through emotionally.
  2.  
    There are Hospices (I'm talking about home care Hospices) that can take a dementia client. Alzheimers is, after all, a fatal disease...eventually. When I got my husband on Hospice in Ohio, after members of this group advised me to try, (Thank you, thank you, thank you!), I found that the first Hospice I tried wouldn't touch us with a bargepole...they felt he was not ready for their program yet (yeah, right), pointing out that he could still remember that he had been a policeman. Never mind that I was up day and night, he was requiring total physical care...well, don't get me started. Anyway, I contacted a second Hospice in the area, and they were much more flexible in their criteria...much more caring and willing to help, although they couldn't give me as many aide hours as I really needed. They carried him for those last four months until he died.

    In terms of not letting anybody into the home because of the fear of Covid, I guess--assuming there are agencies out there picking up home care cases--that that is something caregivers must decide for themselves. Is the risk of Covid worse than the risk of dropping down dead from caregiver exhaustion? Also I would think if the caregiver is using the respite time when the aide is there to get out of the house, it should lower their own risk of contracting the disease. In my apartment complex there are a couple people who are doing private cases on their own--they're not agency aides. They feel that despite the risk of Covid, their patients need them and they use good infection control precautions and take care of their elderly, isolated patients despite the pandemic.

    Another thought: And this is in response to JanK's question about what to do when there are no options. The county you live in probably has some sort of Crisis Response Team (or whatever they may call it), under their mental health department for situations like this. When someone is a danger to themselves or others with no other options for handling the situation, then it may be time to call the Crisis Response team.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2020
     
    Who here is Moira A? She asked to join FB group but not familiar with who she is.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2020
     
    She’s not from here. I sent her Facebook msgs cause she didn’t answer the questions at first. Then she answered them today so I approved her. She’s caring for her husband. She said she wasn’t here but had been on some support sites. Her Facebook page looked pretty normal. Now I can’t find her answers to the questions. I’ll have to take more notes on new members.

    Under admin tools, Charlotte, if you list members, there’s a place we can leave notes to each other as we approve or decline people. I put a note on her name.

    It might be a little intimidating at first cause how we’re talking so much about how to set up he group. We’ll see if she stays.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeJun 13th 2020
     
    While my wife’s facility has not taken a new resident since early March they have no rule against it and have protocols in place. Any new resident would have to stay in their room for 14 days and precautions would be taken with staff in contact with them. But I see that as difficult with any new resident.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeJun 13th 2020
     
    Paul, have you seen your wife yet? I don't remember offhand the exact date you had set.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2020
     
    I’ll see her on Thursday
  3.  
    I'm just testing to see if I could still post a message.
    Today is Wednesday June 17. This site was supposed to
    shut down on the 15th.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2020
     
    you posted. Could be she doesn't have it all worked out yet.