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    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2020
     
    Oakridge, I agree on moving the money to accounts that are in your name only. But why make your husband a co-signer. What good will come from that? I see only danger.

    If the bank doesn't agree then just say you will move the money to another bank. That often gets results.

    And a lawyer question (meaning that you ask a lawyer). My POA for my wife states that we can give each other unlimited gifts between spouses. This allowed me to move ownership fo the house from jointly owned to my name only. If you have a POA for your husband and it allows for unlimited gifts between spouses then I would think it would not be a problem. But I"m not a lawyer and you live in a different state from mine so you might want to check on this issue.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2020
     
    Paul, its mainly for my husbands peace of mind. He doesn't misuse money. I think he's afraid he's losing everything that makes him a man. We had a hellfire and brimstone discussion a little earlier because I've hired these boys to mow. He want me to cancel them and he promised he'd keep it done. Tried to tell him I know he means it now but will forget in a short time. This is as hard for him as me I guess. He has some awareness but not enough to do anything. Even forgot we have a good mower out back. I think that's why he's in such good health, he doesn't worry about anything nor do any physical labor. I don't remember anything about gifts, not that it isn't there :) this is mainly a problem with the bank. I don't think I'll have a problem, if so, I can just close them out. Not as much money as there used to be but long time customers. Our estate papers do give me permission to take over when it becomes necessary - I just don't want to cause him any more hurt than necessary.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2020
     
    Mary 75, that is probably what keeps coming into my mind, I've bastardized it a little:). Thank you, I'll try and remember it - as it is.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2020
     
    >I think that's why he's in such good health, he doesn't worry about anything nor do any physical labor.

    Probably true. When my wife first moved into her current facility the intake nurse noted that she was probably in such a terrible state because at her previous ALF she insisted on taking on a huge amount of responsibility for herself: taking care of a cat, feeding herself, going shopping, etc
  1.  
    Hello, everyone. I got back home Friday evening, after the six weeks in the Heartland helping to home-school the grandchildren and take over the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking, etc. while my daughter tele-worked. We got through it without a cross word--very decent family experience, although exhausting. I certainly wouldn't want to do it again. I almost got out of my car and kissed the ground when I crossed that NY state line and knew I was Home!! Hurray!!! Bandit did fine--he enjoys the kids and does his best to keep their three cats under control. : D We are both just relaxing and enjoying our apartment and nice long walks around the complex. So wonderful to be back. i read everybody's posts every day down there, and if thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and general good vibes sent to you all by ESP are of any help---know that you had them. Many hugs for all. ((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    So good to know you are back at home Elizabeth, it's hard to be away so long, even with people you love!

    I've recently been thinking of your transition to something completely new and different. Wondering if when that time comes, if it does, I would be that courageous. Somehow I think I've passed that point.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Glad you made it home safely. Now relax and enjoy taking care of just you and Bandit.

    Oakridge - never say never.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    I'm glad it was a good trip and that you are home.

    What will your daughter do without you?
  2.  
    Hi Paul--Well, the Ohio school year ended May 22, so DD doesn't have to deal with the home schooling. And her office is still closed except for a skeleton crew until July 31. So she can tele-work from home while supervising the three kids. They are 12, 11, and 9, so don't need the kind of close babysitting that smaller children would need. She made them paint the shed over Memorial Day weekend to keep them busy, and has plans to send them to a local camp that is opening up. They will be doing a lot of outdoor activities at camp--hiking in the local Cuyahoga Valley National Park and things like that. Ohio had started opening up earlier than New York, so they will have a little more flexibility than we do up here. And they spend part of the summer with their father in Pennsylvania, where they have a whole different set of friends and activities around that neighborhood. So they seem to be managing well enough without me. (Thank goodness. It is so great to be home. I am just starting to get over the fatigue.)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    I have new neighbors. They are in their 40s and have three little kids. The kids are kids with their noise, crying and screaming which I can ignore. Now that is it nice enough to open windows it is annoying because they are always on their bluetooth and do not speak quietly. Even with my TV on I can hear and understand what they are saying. So people not care if their conversations are private? Thankfully it is warming up into the 90s so I will have to break down and turn the a/c on.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Hi Elizabeth,

    So glad you are finally back home. You are a great grandmother for putting yourself out for the little ones. I hope your daughter
    appreciated all your help. Now, relax.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Charlotte,
    I haven't been on here for some time. I am so sorry to read of your brother's death.
    Please accept my sincere sympathy. Yes, it is more difficult to deal with bad news all by yourself.
    So sorry for all you are going thru.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime1 hour ago
     
    I'm going to end up May by saying how much good information is in the old pages. The last few weeks have been bad and getting worse for me. I'm not sure dh realizes much difference in the days. I have mentioned several time, the Dr says she expects him to live longer than me. I've worried and worried about that - because no one else would care for him - he would be placed in some type of facility. He thinks he would just go on living here.

    Reading back through others experiences sounds so familiar. I know with my Mother, I did my grieving years before she died. I think i'm in that process now. This is no longer my husband and while there is still love there, it's not the love we had as husband and wife. I just began sleeping upstairs and I think this is going to be a good move. I can get a good nights sleep and he's just a few steps away if he needs me. Plus there is something freeing about climbing those stairs....almost like I'm leaving it behind for awhile. I was up at 7, with the bright sunshine, and had a lot of work done before dh woke a few hours later. He even ate his breakfast there, won't come to the table anymore. Since he's developed a form of Sundowners the evenings are harder for me. He wants the house closed and locked before the sun goes down and now we're reaching summer temperatures it just takes a short time for the house to become hot and humid - which he doesn't seem to be aware of. As the evening progresses he begins roaming around agitated, misplacing things can't find his wallet etc -- so after about an hour, I'm fully awake and have to get up and get him settled. This morning I saw the bedroom window was shut and locked -- I always had to fight with him to leave it open. At least one cat was on the bed, they looked comfortable. I feel like I'm making a step that will end our marriage - but it's really AZ that has ended our marriage. I've felt like just a caregiver/housekeeper for years now, not a wife.

    I have finally accepted I am no longer going to use much of what I have saved. Have to clear things out so it's easier for me to keep clean and if I do go first there will be less for someone else to have to do. It feels like a part of me is going with every box I pack but I have made progress, LOL. Instead of packing it back and saying someday, I'm putting it in the to-go stack. I did rescue two quilts already cut that I thought I might work on in the winter, but the yarn I left in the to-go stack. I almost cried but don't have the dexterity in my fingers anymore. I have finished with one large closet, and the things I had stored under the bed upstairs. My sewing room and yards of fabric and accessories will be hard for me. People don't sew anymore, not around here so will expect a few tears when that goes. So think I'll concentrate on the kitchen upstairs and all the dishes, and decor items..that will clear a lot of space and how many sets of dishes can two people use?