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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2020
     
    Feb.2 today, Groundhog Day. Here in Vancouver, Canada, the sun is shining, and the groundhog can see his shadow. I guess that means another 6 weeks of winter.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2020
     
    Sunny here so if it were out they would see their shadow. If another 6 weeks means the mild winter we have had so far, OK. My rose bush is already sprouting new life.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2020
     
    It was mostly cloudy here in the New England, so I'm calling it a short winter. What bothers me most about winter are the early sunsets and the lack of color. But the days are already getting longer, so there's reason for optimism no matter what that woodchuck saw when he emerged from the ground.

    Mary,, Now that the young Sussexes have Megxited, I believe they'll be staying in B.C. Maybe you'll run into them!
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2020
     
    Myrtle, maybe so, although we don't travel in the same social circle. I think they prefer southern Vancouver Island. People here are more closely following the virus's progress.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2020
     
    I was reading that the club for the 'ground hog' decides ahead of time what they answer will be. Guess they have fun doing it. Farmers Almanac is more accurate!
  1.  
    Happy February, everyone! Mary, keep us updated on the situation with your arms.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2020
     
    I honor of Ground Hog Day, yes I'm a day late, here is a video of an adorable ground hog. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkOmaLlXiVs
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2020 edited
     
    Elizabeth, thanks for asking. Physio 2 X weekly and Tylenol. Fracture now lined up and healing (so no more talk about a plate and screws). Still can't open a jar or punch a hole in a can of milk, which I use it instead of cream in my tea - it's an old West Coast habit.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2020
     
    Feeling better today. For various reason the last two months have been full of anxiety and, of course, sadness. I was starting to do fine until he was taken off hospice last week. In my mind I knew that just because he took a downturn it could change but in my emotions I was looking to the end. When he started gaining weight, doing better, my mind knew this would happen - coming off hospice but my heart was not ready for it. I am so tired of this and now it seems the next months, even years, will be this roller coaster. Last night I called my childhood friend who suddenly lost her husband last May. Usually our calls start around 11pm but last night called her around 8:30. Our normal 3 1/2 call only last 2 1/2 cause she had to get up early this morning. But we both agreed we needed the call emotionally.

    The sun is out again today. Hope it stays out all day.
  2.  
    Glad you are doing better, Mary. I put canned milk in my coffee, but just regular whole milk in my tea. (Yes, I know. My posts are so fascinating.)

    Charlotte, keep on hangin' on. It seems like it is going to last forever...until it doesn't.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2020
     
    Today I took Art out for a much needed haircut. Seeing in the facility I don't really see his losses to the extent when taking him out. This is actually the first time he has been out since the weather got cold last fall. He fell asleep while the guy was cutting his hair. Went to DQ afterwards for lunch and ice cream. He usually would laugh and joke with the women who work there (the same ones thankfully) but not today. He recognized them but since his speech is mostly garbled - can't understand, he didn't say much. It was sad to see because that was always a highlight for him. He could no longer remember how to open the car door nor how to put the seat belt on.

    But he did eat good. He ate his chicken strips and fries then finished off my fries before eating his strawberry sundae. He came off hospice last week because his weight stabilized - for how long is the question.
  3.  
    Glad that he still has enough mobility to be able to go out with you, Charlotte. It's nice to see him getting some enjoyment, even if he's not very aware.

    I started cutting Larry's hair myself when he just got too confused and wobbly to go to the barber's. I was really afraid of him falling, and the barbers didn't seem comfortable with him. (These were new guys down in Ohio--they didn't know us like the New York barber would have done.) I got the Wahl clippers--there was a leaflet inside that told how to do the haircuts. I just gave him a basic "regular" guy's haircut, as he had always worn. You put different guards on the clipper. I think I used a 6,7,and 8, if I remember right. I can honestly say that it looked every bit as good as a barbershop haircut. I went to a Sally's and picked up the black plastic cape and the good-smelling talc they put on the back of their neck at the barber shop. It worked out very well.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2020
     
    I love to play the game 'Words with Friends'. In the past I played only with people I knew - felt the safest. This winter I have started playing with those I don't. Some of those have been men hitting on me. At first I was very uncomfortable with this - remember I have not dated in almost 49 years, not even flirted with guys. I then decided why not have some fun since I enjoyed having more games to play. I never tell any thing they could use to identify me but I don't lie either.

    The last guy kept asking if we could be 'good friends' even after telling him I have been married almost 49 years and am caregiver to my husband. I finally got him to disappear. He was the second guy to say he was a doctor volunteering in Iraq. He said he was a single dad and his daughter was 16 (although his picture he looked older). I 'LOL" then told him I had grandkids older than his daughter giving their ages. He wrote back asking my age, told him and he disappeared. Usually they will resign the game but I can still see that game in ones I won. Not this guy - must have deleted the account - deleted and ran! :-)
  4.  
    Good grief. That's why I just don't do any online socializing, except with people I already know, of course. Forgot to say about the haircutting that I also used the same haircutting scissors I use for my bangs--needed them for shaping around his ears.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2020
     
    I know I shouldn't but when they get nosey or pushy I decided I might as well have some fun, see how far I have to go to chase them away!
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2020
     
    I never realized that "Words with Friends" was a way for people to hit on each other.

    Still deciding on whether to go on Medicaid. Being able to decide is a luxury in a way. I am trying weigh Leannah's life expectancy vs. the financial hit on going on Medicaid vs. the annual cost of her care. I am going ahead with various spend down activities involving fixing up the house and paying for it from Leannah's IRA.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2020
     
    My sister, who is an old, gray-haired, married woman like myself, said that in her area men her age consider Barnes and Noble a good place to (try to) pick up women. She said that she has been accosted several times. I knew that there was a reason I liked online shopping!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2020
     
    Paul, since you are considering Medicaid Long Term Care for her, spending on fixing up the house sound smart to me whether you end up doing it or not. I know it is hard to let the government snoop into your finances. Once he was approved I am able to have my own savings and checking higher now, so am building it back up by living on his SS not mine. I still pay almost $300 a month on Medicare and supplements which takes a big chunk out of my small amount. But, no longer have to pay for his Medicare of supplements.

    Jan - had to laugh at that. I remember Art's uncle who lived in a mobile home park in Florida telling us how he never had to cook because all the single women brought him meals. He was a character. I bet there were many disappointed women when he married one of his meal providers!
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2020
     
    I am going ahead with house improvements. HVAC needs to be replaced this spring. I have some tree work that should be done (2 trees). The deck should be resurfaced (more of an outside staircase). I should install a backup valve for the sewer line. Her sister is insisting I use my wife's IRA to pay for it, I agree it is the best way.

    And if the government is going to pay for my wife's care and needs to see if I'm eligible, I don't see it as snooping.

    If she was on Medicaid I could start saving for retirement again. But wouldn't make up for the losses.

    But no rush.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    Jan K said: "My sister...said that in her area men her age consider Barnes and Noble a good place to (try to) pick up women"


    Is that so they can share good books to read with them?
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Hi everyone, wasn't sure i could still sign in, but decided to try as I've no where else to turn. i had to have my hand surgery, my granddaughter took week off work to help - but, attended a baby shower on sunday and tuesday they notified everyone the gal had some type of influenza - according to dr. as it goes my gd got sick wed. plus we had a bad snow/ice come in wed night, i had to be at hospital 7:30 am thursday. she managed to get me there and home, then got my medication then went home to bed. She's been really sick. my neighbor brought a quiche one day. Gd is trying to cook food that can be reheated this week. she needs to go back to work if possible tomorrow.

    I grossly overestimated my dh ability to help care for me. even though i wrote notes, went over and over how to vac, feed the dogs etc. Its like talking to a toddler. He just wants to sit and watch tv. gets mad if i ask for help - but gets mad if i don't. Not sure how we'll get through the rest of the recovery period.

    i guess it sounds stupid but its like he has regressed sideways, rather than down. doesnt even make sense to me. doesnt appear to be worse but ----- things he could do a few months ago are gone. even if I'm telling him how to do something he can't follow it. has no interest in maintaining the house. i had spent a lot of time cleaning before hand but somethings have to be done everyday, at least every other day.

    i guess i'll have to wait for awhile but when I'm able i'll look for some help. he's no problem....would never move from the chair if i didnt make him. eats mainly ice cream and cookies no matter what i cook, and i'm ashamed to admit it, i just don't care anymore. i'm tired of fighting to get him to take med, eat food, get outside etc. I'm just goin to let him be. no hygiene won't bathe and too big for me to make him. he's happy like he is so why put myself in early grave trying to force him.

    i guess I've just been doing things and not realizing i was doing it all.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Sounds like the surgery went well. What type was it? What is the healing time line?

    As for him not eating a 'balanced' meal, don't worry about it. Don't worry about things not getting done. If it really bothers you maybe you can hire someone to come clean.

    When I had my rotator cuff surgery my husband was little help. Thankfully it was my left shoulder so I could at least drive. But, closing the door was a problem and he would not help, so I figured it out. I had bought TV dinners for him or other simple foods to fix which was fine with him. Me taking showers was a real challenge especially the first 6 weeks. I even had to go shovel snow with basically one arm because the dog would not go out in the snow so had to shovel a small grass area.

    Hang in there.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Hi Charlotte. Yes, although i've not actually talked to the surgeon, he told GD it went fine. LRTI was the surgery but as i had postponed it for so long there were complications - just more surgery. 2 weeks cast, then another 12 weeks splint - plus PT etc. They say 6 months, 12 for full recovery, bu t of course I'll be able to use my hand before that.

    Apologize for sounding so heard hearted earlier, sometimes i just reach the end of the rope and feel like i'm dangling. I do take care of him, and glad I can. I feel he takes too much medication, and been working with the dr to reduce it. He is a difficult man, always was, but never mean etc. I had bought some dinners but seems he's lost a lot of ability I wasn't aware of.

    I have found he responds to music, even if he fights it,
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    I had to look up what it was. It sounds like the success rate is good, just takes a long time to heal and can be painful. If it is like my shoulder the worst pain was when PT started. Take care of yourself as best you can. and you did not sound hard hearted, just frustrated and disappointed.

    I need to have my left big toe fused but it would limit me a lot including making it hard to go in and out of the RV to take the dog out until I can put weight on it which can take 4-6 months. So it will wait.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime6 days ago edited
     
    Oakridge! Hello! I’ve been missing you. Was just thinking of you again the other day. So sorry you have to go through this. Don’t have any suggestions. Just happy to see your name. And you didn’t sound hard hearted to me either.

    This weekend was a Memorial for my Aunt Mary. My two favorite brothers came to stay with me for the weekend and we got to share all kinds of memories with the cousins and I had lots of time with the brothers. We have become such good friends as adults. It is a precious thing. I guess three out of five ain’t bad huh? We were sad to lose our Aunt Mary, but she was 91 and physically failing quickly. I am very glad I spent several days with them before Christmas to help my cousin care for her. This woman survived sepsis twice for crying out loud. She was ready to “fly away” as my 97 year old friend says.

    She was a missionary to Japan. Raised five sons. Sometimes ran away from home when the testosterone got to be too much. For the last six years she and my uncle have been living with my cousin as they needed more care. She volunteered at a food pantry, made friends throughout the neighborhood and became a Sunday School favorite teacher at her new church. They visited all the churches in the neighborhood and when they entered this one, Mary said, “This is our church.” Later, and separately, Uncle Charlie said the very same thing. I think they were right. This church had a completely different feeling. This Memorial was really a celebration of a life well lived. It was an awesome experience.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    I miss having family. I am the only surviving first cousin, we were all so close but the next generation everyone moved away and most of us lost track. My oldest and youngest sister are gone. My remaining sister was widowed in her late 50's, and when she remarried he wanted her to be part of his family. I think he is jealous of our closeness and now they've moved to Florida I only talk to her when he is out of the house. I know she's happy but I miss her. No one else to share memories with.

    So many of my friends have died or had to move closer to kids. Like Charlotte, my circle kept getting smaller. I rarely discuss DH with others, they are in a different place and I feel disloyal to him..

    Just as we went to bed last night he got on a nasty rant -- saying I use too much TP. He knows I use a roll a day. Said impossible, I buy those big double rolls - which really set him off. I was so hurt and angry I couldn't sleep. Mentioned this morning how much it hurts for him to talk to me that way, I'm his wife. Of course he swears it never happened. There is no reasoning, as you know. He again said if I tried to put him someplace he'd kill himself and everyone he could get to. Assured him I planned to take care of him. It's always something. He swears he is fine and able and I guess he thinks so. Kids have taken care of in laws with AZ, or their wives did. So think they know all there is to know. They are all 2000 miles away and give me advice. Finally told oldest son, I'm sure his wife was knowledgeable about dementia but dealing with her beloved father was much different than dealing with your husband, plus she had her husband and two teenagers to help out.

    Well thanks folks. Just feeling overwhelmed and alone. Only people who go through this really understands the toll it takes. More gray skies, rain and snow. DH keeps our house like a prison. I can make him leave drapes open in the daytime but by 5pm he closes everything up, shuts our outside barn doors and blocks our side door with a chair plus a heavy container. He would live like that and I've no idea what has caused this paranoia of someone seeing inside our house much less breaking in.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Hi oakridge,


    Your husband can't defend his mental state. He may be trying to defend what he can, even though it's displaced.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    My husband became somewhat scared of the dark and closed the drapes and kept locking the doors. In Southern California we don’t have clouds often and he was sometimes scared of them on cloudy rainy days. I figured he was so confused about so many things at that point it would feel like fear so you try to find an explanation of that fear. He would sometimes tell me he had chased some men away. Sometimes I think he was talking about the birds or sometimes stray dogs would go by outside the fence. He called them people sometimes. In summer I had a hard time keeping the windows open early morning and after dark to cool the house down. He’d keep shutting them. Sacred of someone coming in.

    Sending you virtual hugs.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Was at Walmart today when I got a call that Art would not stop crying and was asking for me. After my shopping I went - he wasn't crying but was upset over something. He was having the hallucination like last summer: I worked hard to build it and now they are tearing it down. Between his hostess cup cakes, root beer and dog I finally got him over it. Another day shot cause I was there over three house because I couldn't get away until dinner was served.

    I guess I spend too much time there. Residents come to me with problems - guess the think I work there. I was sitting on the couch with hubby when Jimmy came out of his room with his pants wet. Told me the shower did it! He doesn't have a shower in his room but could have been the faucet. I give the residents a little attention with at least a 'hi' every time I visit. Today is the first day that Jimmy was calling the dog.

    I stopped at Taco Bell on my way for some lunch. There was a guy there with I think his daughter. We got to chatting - think he was 'hitting' on me. He first asked what type of work I do. Told him I am retired. He says; you don't look old enough to be retired! He was a handsome man, a widower, was in the Navy 10 years, Air Force 4 years, and from New York.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Have some gift cards we got as Christmas gifts, asked DH if there was something he particularly wanted. Said no, he'd just have to wander around and look. Can't even remember the last time he would just look, was always the type to run in buy it and run out. Was just a few years ago I realized I never got to shop because he was always wanting to leave.

    Thanks for some good comments on the "darkness". My dear friend has DH with leweys bodies (?). One of the first signs for her was sundowners syndrome. He would see people who weren't there. He is at home but on hospice. They have been married close to 70 yrs now, but been in the last 10 she had to stop doing anything and just take care of him. I try and call her as often as I can, she is no spring chicken either and not many people she can share with.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Someone, in the last week or so, said she missed her husband and would like to have him back, even with AZ. Apologize for not remembering who, I looked but didn't see the post. I know Charlotte has said at first it was a relief for him to be some place else, then lonely. Now she's been on the verge of losing him, and his health has improved.

    It made me think, not the first time, nor the first circumstance.....but for us who want to keep a loved one no matter what....are we asking them to stay around for them or us. I've said that poorly but couldn't phrase it. For instance when my son died there had to come a time when I made the decision to let him go. By trying to keep him alive another day was putting him through more and more.

    We know our spouses are not having a quality life. We jointly have our wishes that no lifesaving attempts be made. DNR I guess is the designation. But with AZ there are so many decisions. Like with pain, they ask between 1 & 10, what's your pain level. I never knew how to answer that, one day a nurse said, #1 was no pain and #10 was having a baby. Now all you gals who have had babies can attest there is a whole lot of territory there.

    My DH is long into AZ but healthier than he's been in a long time. The dr has said he could easily outlive me. I've thought before and tend to think now, some of his actions are based on.....if something happens to me, what will happen to him? In taking care of some things - that usually need him to ok - I've used the excuse he is hard of hearing and has problems with the phone....which is true. But with that I have full authorization to handle that item without his ok. Remember MO isn't a community prop state. This particular one was our gas card. We all had a card but his name was On them with just the designation of an added 1,2 3 which said who had gotten gas where. The supervisor decided to leave one card in his name, issue a new card/# in my name and we cancelled the others on the account. Just one little thing but has to be handled. Well, I may have gotten off track, but I do wonder sometimes. Long before AZ he never wanted to go away without me as he was afraid he'd die and I couldn't get there in time. He was quite ill at the time so it was a valid fear. Now he's old and senile and I think someplace inside him he still has that fear.. but he needs me now so will close this rambling post :)
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Not sure what's happening. Please disregard that post. I tried to delete it and didn't work. I could not find the words for what I wanted to say and it came out poorly.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    I am now officially 90, so if any of you young whippersnappers get disrespectful, I will sic Wolf on you.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Oakridge, I think you said it fine. Yes there are those that want to keep their loved on around for themselves, not that is benefits the one that is dying. When we cry and mourn after death and funerals it is not for them - it is for us. We miss them and want them back. There are those that will take their loved one (husband, father, mother, grandparent, etc.) no matter what condition or quality of life they are in. I cried when my grandmother, mom and sister died but it was not for them because they were in a better place, free from pain and suffering - it was because I missed them. I will cry when my husband dies but it will be because I miss him and for the dreams we never got to live (I guess that would be for him too). But I would not want him still alive like he is now.

    Never thought about seeing if the credit card company would re-issue the card in my name but maybe I will just apply under my name. I do have two citibank cards - one I had for a while. The other one I got in my name only when Costco switched from American Express to VISA through Citibank. I also have one from Walmart, Paypal, and Amazon. My credit score runs 810 plus or minus a very points. Highest has been 820.

    You look great Mary so 90 agrees with you.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Oakridge, I found your post thought provoking. I think you should leave it. However for future ref, when you have made a post and want to change or delete it, there should be a small “edit” on the right side of the post. If you click on that you can change it. You could delete all the words and post something different, or even just say deleted.

    Happy Birthday Mary.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Happy Birthday, Mary. Hope you have special plans to celebrate the day.
  5.  
    The big nine-oh. Happy Birthday, Mary--may you have a blessed day!
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Congratulations and Best Wishes! Happy Birthday, Mary!
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Since it's 7am here on a bright and sunny morning, so cold it can freeze your soul, Mary and Charlotte on the west coast are sleeping given that it's 4am over there. That technically means Mary's birthday was yesterday, but I 'm on a planet where making stuff up is the one universal sport - so I don't care. Happy Birthday Mary, you incredibly old person, and congratulations on going where no ancestor of mine has gone before. Our genetics are largely made from old chewing gum wrappings and a bit of wire, by people who clearly had no idea what they were doing. Ce la vie.

    I shall tell you a brief story about the Halifax professor I believe you declared to be magnificent - that being my first high school crush who declared she was oblivious to me. I told her the Wile Coyote story last week where, when she first contacted me, I zipped up in bouquet and veil declaring "I do", only she didn't. She wrote back that she laughed out loud.

    Now she wants to meet face to face, kindly squeezing me onto her dance card, in between moving to Kingston to be nearer to yo-yo man. Yo-yo man being the Ontario schmuck who went right to the brink of moving in together when he realized he couldn't face taking care of another spouse (first one died of cancer some years ago). Apparently he changed his mind (again) and she is apartment hunting, has managed to find psychiatry work in Kingston, and will be driving from Halifax with her stuff next month.

    I should explain that my friend is 67, skipped two grades in public school, and bench presses Kayaks. I found her a gluten free bakery in Kingston (called the Silly Yak), and a canoe club that welcomes kayakers. For those that don't know, Kingston is on the eastern end of Lake Ontario, right at the start of the thousand islands, and has endless lakes going north until you run out of roads. ('m not sure we have a road going to Hudson Bay yet. I suppose we first have to find someone who wants to go to Hudson Bay.)

    She's leaving some of her stuff in storage in Halifax which I agreed was sound given yo-yo man's predilection to suddenly do back flips, and I also agreed with her that moving somewhere close might be her best chance at landing flip-flop boy into the boat. Well, not in those words.

    She has gushed (read mentioned) that she's really enjoying our developing friendship and that I've taught her a lot about out-of-the-box thinking. I told her that humiliating myself by telling her my Wile Coyote story was actually freeing - and it was no revelation to her that I also explained I was stuck in high school. The truth is we're becoming friends.

    Happy Birthday Mary.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Happy Birthday Mary!! I quote Wolf - you are someplace no ancestor of mine has ever gone. To me, who is used to a long life being maybe 75, to live 90 years and still be your own person, is not even thought about. I can't say i feel like a young whipper snapper :) maybe an older one with not much snap left. But yes Mam, i'll mind my manners, LOL.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Thanks bhv*. I did try and use the edit, could select all, delete and save changes, but it wouldn't go away.

    I sometimes feel out of place here, So many of you are in different stages, and i'm still agonizing the day to day stuff. Feels like I'm always whining. Wont tell you about this morning.. went from, screaming - in my mind- to crying to laughing. It never ends - nor gets much different. I miss having my husband so much - many days I don't even like this man I'm living with - and on the other hand, don't want to place him either.

    I'm told RE prices are up now, very few places with acreage and water like we have. Yes, it sounds good but dh is comfortable here and likes to see the cows etc. I would not want to buy another home, no matter what we got out of this place. Doubt he'd be able to adjust again - as long as its not necessary. Plus, the sun is shining today, cold as the dickens and snow predicted. have it about once a week now, not heavy, pretty. I know spring is coming, the plants are telling me, always a sign of new life for me after a long winter. will be awhile before i do any gardening, but i can plan:)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    oakridge - don't worry about it. When I joined (2009) most everyone was way further along than my husband. I hung around learning all I could about what might happen so I was prepared as one can be. It has made it much easier. Most of all it is nice to have others to talk/chat with that have been there already and still on the trip like you. I still hold out some of those that post once but not again will return and let us be there with them as they travel through this horrid disease.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    There certainly is a lot of good info in the old posts. I learned a lot from reading others experiences, and would recommend it to anyone looking for info. Even old - it's still the most valid resource I found. It isn't like someone will suddenly develop a new form of az, anyway I hope not. The variations of dementia are so different yet so much alike.

    For me, this was a "safe" place. Where I didn't have to parse my words, as we often do with friends and family. maybe those one-timers are looking for the answer...that will make everything ok. if only! I've laughed with some, cried with others...feel like everyone is a friend that I don't see often, but we can always pick up where we left off. Maybe there are other sites like Facebook where younger ones feel more comfortable.

    I've gone through some rough times...looking for answers...looking to make a life for myself...trying to live as if nothing has changed. Each time I thought maybe that was the best way for me. Yet, I ended up back here where there is no judgement. Been there, done that, have the Tshirt to prove it........and so has everyone else and we can laugh about it. Mary, 90 years!! Still giving us hope. Wolf, who makes me laugh, think, and wonder about taking a quick trip to Canada. Paulc, seems like he's shared so much of his road with us. Charlotte, who is always ready with a hug and a hang in there. So many others, can't list all your names but am so pleased to see each new post....I know there is someone else out there who knows how I'm feeling. Those who are still dealing with this and those who have stayed to cheer the rest of us on, remind me there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime1 day ago edited
     
    Right on Oakridge. This group is special.
    You’re right, with edit the whole post won’t go away, but you can leave it blank, or just say oops.

    I don’t think anyone here would say you are whining. There’s not many places you can do that. I found that writing it out sometimes made me see a solution or a better way of dealing with situations.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime1 day ago
     
    Bhv*, you are right. Many times just seeing it written out helps deal with it. We actually had a pretty good day. We both got head to toe showers:) he hates to shower. I know he doesn't like water in his face and gets disoriented when he closes his eyes. We have a large shower with a bench on two sides but for some reason he doesn't "see" it as a place to sit. Told him I was tired of sponge baths I had to have a shower and he would have to help me :) But since I can't get my arm wet it was just easier for him to get in. He washed my hair then I told him I needed to let the conditioner set so for him to go ahead and take his shower and I'd stay there. He grumbled but did it. Finally got him to sit down and use the pumice on his feet. I think he really enjoyed it though he wouldn't say so. Even when I offer to get in with him he refuses but I needed his help so he was very good about it.

    We had sunshine today. Will start raining tomorrow and not stop till it turns to snow Tuesday night. Hopefully the sun will be back soon as I have dr appts on Friday am.

    Oh, thanks for the tip on the edit. I've used it once or twice to correct spelling but never tried to delete one.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime10 hours ago
     
    That’s terrific about the shower. He may be more accepting next time. They can’t learn new things, but seem to be able to become accustomed to some things. Milk the needing help issue to get in as many repetitions as possible. Then it may become a matter of course for you to be there. Not necessarily in the shower together, but handing him things.

    My hb had no idea he had Alzheimer’s so he was always totally confused why I’d be there telling him how to shave, brush his teeth, floss, shower. If I could just act matter of fact like it’s the most natural thing for me to be there or doing it together, it would work more often than not.

    I found it best to never use the word help. Just went through one step at a time, get him started and let him finish that step, then reach in to get him started with the next step. That way you can also see when he forgets how to do yet another thing. Yes, it takes awhile. Usually I’d tell him he had to be clean if we were going somewhere. Once I realized he had no idea how to shower or wash his hair any more I just hung around and reached in to help him. Rinsing the shampoo was always the most dangerous part. He’d lash out if he got suds or water in his face. I got a tray to let me wash his hair in the kitchen sink. He sat in a chair and leaned back. He seemed to like the attention most of the time. It helped that we’d been cutting each other’s hair for years so he was used to that. I got him to try it by acting all excited to try this new gadget and wanting him to help me test it out.

    For shaving I generally said his hair was so much different now that we’re older, shaving is more difficult. I would just keep talking the whole time I was shaving him and looking in his eyes and smiling. That seemed to keep him calm and too preoccupied to question why I was doing it instead of him. I know your guy has a beard, but you might use that constant chatter technique in other situations. A lot of that is also telling him what I was doing. Like, “Let’s get you a clean shave. First let’s put on some shaving cream.... oh look here’s that bump that always causes trouble. Did that hurt this time? Oh good. Yay! I did it right this time.” And on and on