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    Wishing everyone still checking these boards the Happiest of New Years! It may not be that great, but let's still hope for some peace and moments of joy, and for those still in the trenches, some rest and some respite from the struggle.

    I am vegetating as much as possible today, because tomorrow I have to drive 450 miles (one way) to attend the viewing and funeral of a 91-year-old aunt. I'll drive down and go to the viewing tomorrow, funeral/burial/lunch on Friday, drive back on Saturday. Booooo. She did not die of a dementia, but of a long, downward spiral of heart/lung/circulation issues, with a bout of flu finishing her off. A nice woman--she died in a Hospice facility, which worked out best for her and the son she made her home with. I am taking the dog and staying the nights at my daughters. Not looking forward to it at all.

    What chills me is the indifferent attitude of my two surviving brothers, both at some distance out-of-state, but both with a dollar in their pockets and perfectly able to attend. Neither of them (nor their wives) is taking the trouble--just said casually that they can't, oh, so what. Can't be bothered. Don't care. Of course they could go--they just don't care enough to want to. It was the same when Larry died--neither of my brothers bothered to come to either service. (Ohio or NY.) I realize people can't always show up, even for primary family members, but these guys and their wives don't even come up with conventional, pleasant lies to get out of it. The coldness just floors me.

    People, at least make a pretense of caring.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2020
    Happy New Year to you Elizabeth and to all who still come to this board. My husband died seven years ago, and I am taking life one day at a time. Nothing big to report.

    It is sad, Elizabeth, that some people do not seem to care enough for others to inconvenience themselves. I am so sorry that your brothers didn't come to your husband's service.

    Good luck on your trip. Be safe.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2020
    I still come every day to check and post but as we all know not a lot of activity which is sad. I assume the newbies that will post once or twice do not stay around. I do hope they search the site as there is a wealth of information here.

    I finally called the mobile RV tech regarding my furnace. It runs right when it is below 35 but above it will run, the burner turns off for a minute or two then lights again for another couple before turning off when it hits the temp. Last time this happened I had one of the vents partially closed. They are all wide open, so not sure the problem. It is like the fan is not blowing enough to keep it from heating up. Thankfully the weather is mild the next couple days - 50s days, 40 at night, in fact it is 58 right now. Hopefully it just needs cleaning or something not too expensive. He will be out tomorrow.

    Sorry about your brothers Elizabeth. Guys tend to be more detached than women, at least with my brothers is runs that way and Art's brother is that way. Do drive safely. Forget about your brothers and try to enjoy yourself.

    Hope every one has as good of day as possible.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2020
    Yesterday's visit went poorly. Short version: Leannah wanted a shower after she had breakfast at noon (she got up when I and cat arrived). The aide took her and during the shower Leannah fell and hurt herself. So ambulance to hospital, I drove. Around 4 hours of waiting for 15 minutes of action. X-rays showed a compression fracture at T-10. So off feet, pain killers, and 24-hour aides so she doesn't get on her feet. For now one 2 aide to help with showering and a shower chair (which she refused yesterday).

    In the midst of this cat went missing and I looked all over for him. He found a new hiddey hole/sleeping place in Leannah's PJ draw.

    I noticed that Leannah hadn't touched her Xmas candy. It was too much so I took 1/2 away. Some melted because she cranks up the heat to maximum.

    They were already going to schedule an internal review due to her poor gait after dinner. Options being move to nursing home wing or buy wheelchair and use when her gait is poor. I don't know how this even will affect decisions.

    Interestingly she didn't ask for food at hospital. She wasn't able to answer questions such as who is the president and what was the last holiday. I had to tell them this was normal and not a result of the fall. She hadn't hurt her head.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2020
    Sorry Paul. This is so hard to go through - not just the ER visit but all her losses and then how combative will she be coping with the changes. My heart goes out to you and your son. Hugs to both of you.

    I had to smile when you told of the new hiding place the cat found. He probably felt safer there with all that was going on.

    When I went to see Art today Jas was excited but once we arrived within 10 minutes she wanted to leave. Usually it is more like a half hour.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2020 edited
    Wow - what a day. I have not seen Paula for over a month. I just have not felt like seeing her but didn't know why other than I was depressed. Today I stopped by and didn't take long to figure out why. Over Christmas she went to visit a friend in another town she said to get away from all the negativity. I am not sure if she was referring to her friends here being negative or her, but I guess it was a failure trip. Today went as normal - how are you? Me: OK. When I arrived she was with this elderly woman she had been helping who was taking advantage of her and "p" said she was going to break off from. So asked when we got into her apartment 'I thought you were breaking off helping her?' for which she said she was in the hospital and had no one else to bring her home. I said OK, then she started in on something which I can't remember what. It was negativity so I got up, told her I could not deal with her negative stuff today and walked out crying. Coming home I got to thinking of most of our times together. I say 1000% more here about me than I ever tell her cause she is not really interested and/or has not idea how to just listen. Our times together often go this way: pleasant greetings, then she starts complaining about everyone in her life with me trying to let her talk through it eventually ending our visit in smiles and laughing. I guess it is a combo of the counselor in me and the fact I grew up trying to be the peace keeper in my family that allows this scenario. Have no idea when I will see her again. Sent her a message explaining what I just said here about her negativity and maybe it is her negativity not her friends that is the problem. I listed some of her blessings she needs to concentrate on: network of friends; free wi-fi a neighbor allows her to use; her medical is paid for by government so she doesn't have premiums or deductibles to worry about and most of her Rx are $2 or less; she may not be in her son's circle of life but her son will never let her be homeless, starve or be without a good running car. That is more than many of us have.

    End of vent! Hope every one else day is going better.

    I will add - the last few days has been constant wind. I have watched my slide topper on the big slide be ripped apart which I will either have to replace or maybe just make sure the gasket is good up there. When the topper was torn back about a foot I was able to see the huge hornets nest that was built under the topper.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2020
    Today Leannah threw up and has a low fever. The staff are concerned about possible pneumonia and are taking steps to prevent it.

    Tomorrow will be the internal meeting at her facility on updating her plan. Biggest issue was wheel chair or moving her to NH. I'm sure this weekend's events will be part of the conversation. While they have people very bad off in the assisted living part they do not need as much supervision as Leannah. This time Leannah's relatively high activity level is working against her. She is able to walk around, get lost, and become a fall danger so she needs to be visible to staff.

    I was interviewed today for TV news at Alz Assn offices in DC. We will see what happens, I'm told I did well and they may need a follow-up interview on Thursday since one of the participants dropped out

    Charlotte, I'm sorry that Paula hasn't been supportive of you as you have been of her.

    And I know know what is a slide topper. Yes, seems worth fixing to help protect what is under it from the weather. But hornets, ugh.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2020
    If you end up online let us know. Sorry for the changes Leannah is going through. Hope the fever goes away and she is feeling better that way. If she has to move it will be a big change for her. Plus, for you setting up her care and getting new people to know how her illness affects her.

    Response back from Paula - OK. maybe we can get together for lunch some day, otherwise see you when you are ready. Truth: she doesn't care or doesn't want to deal with anyone's problems but hers. Oh well.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJan 9th 2020
    Fever went away but they are still concerned about aspiration so she will get ST evaluation.

    I am wondering how much of a change the move will be for her. She will know some of the staff and probably some of the residents. The room will be very similar She is becoming less aware of many things. She will miss her favorite nurses (who I suspect will visit with her) and being able to walk and see the bunnies. But that walking is becoming harder and harder for her. We will just have to wait and see.

    Sorry about Paula.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 9th 2020
    Where my husband is there was one of the women that was not suppose to walk due to falling problems but she insisted on doing it. By law they can't restrain to keep safe so she was walking and fell. At first she just had a cut on her forehead and a big black eye. She is now on hospice due to brain bleed from the fall. It is sad that they can no longer due things to keep them safe.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime4 days ago
    Leannah will move into the LTC at her facility tomorrow. She is supposed to be told today. I looked at the room on Saturday and it is very similar to her current one. He might be even quieter because a woman who screams and yells a lot has been next door to her for a few years.

    There was a newer wheelchair and fancy walker, but not a rolling one, in her room. She is participating with OT and PT to heal and get walking again. She could walk 30 feet by Sunday.

    She didn't wake up for me on Saturday. She work up before 7am to the surprise of everyone, had breakfast, threw up, and went back to bed. She didn't chew, she just swallowed her breakfast. Anyway, she couldn't wake up at noon, she woke up at 2pm. She wasn't that hungry at lunch and her sister told me that she didn't eat much yesterday, so they are keeping their eyes on her eating. This is a very sudden shift from eating huge amounts to almost nothing. She hasn't had an OxyContin for a week so that isn't an issue.

    I suggested they order her a wheelchair and walker while my insurance will pay. Medicaid will only pay to rent one, not buy one.. Her wheelchair needs to be custom fitted, it is clear that the nice one they have for her isn't comfortable for her. I think she will need the wheel chair for part of the day even when she is walking on her own again.

    She is declining rapidly. I see so many changes every week.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
    When she can't be woke up have you checked her heart rate? When Art's is slow you can't wake him up which is part of the reason he is on hospice - irregular heartbeat. If you don't know, next time she is that way have them check it to rule the heart out making it the but she has causing it.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime3 days ago
    Heart and breathing are checked often. The nurses suspect she slept poorly due to having an aide in the room at night. The night aide has been eliminated.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTime9 hours ago
    Hope Leannah's move went smoothly and that she is doing well at the LTC.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime2 hours ago
    The move went smoothly. We are not sure if she understood when she was told about the move on Monday. She said "OK" and didn't have any questions. Once she moved she seemed happy that she knows some of the staff and residents on her floor.

    There has been one pooh incident (smeared in bathroom and herself) which was well handled by staff but not the private aide (she isn't returning) and more throwing up. Her appetite seems to be improving but I will need to talk with staff on Saturday.