Sang in church this morning, then picked up a few things at the grocery, filled up SUV with gas, and put more air in all the tires. Big snowstorm forecast, but as of now, just a little light sleety snow, and no accumulation yet. (About 1 pm--lunchtime.) The sky looks very threatening and there's that feeling that you just want to hunker down in a warm, sheltered place and get ready for the storm.
Hang in there, Charlotte.
Just edited this to say that no sooner did I post than it started to snow heavily.
We got our dusting of snow but it has warmed up to 32 so is melting. That should be it for us in the near future - just cold weather but as long as it stays above 20 at night I will be happy. Went to take Jas out at 8, she saw the snow and ran back up the stairs. Whimpy dog!!!!!
Stay warm and safe Elizabeth and all others that are in the path of bad winter weather.
We had an ice storm with high winds. The winds usually come in November when the jet stream drops below us and we start getting the polar air flows. They arrived early this morning when my windows were rattling at 5 in the morning and the cat was staring at it wondering what was going on.
I think we set a record for snowfall in November. Usually it's none. We often get through December with a few light snowfalls. Day one - ice storm. Global warming is not happening around here.
A lot has happened though. My sister was in a serious car accident but is OK. I had a big scare when I must have strained myself and couldn't move without serious pain for a day. My friend's sister died of Alzheimer's. And my next door neighbour found out his live in girlfriend has been bopping motorcycle man across the street.
But my old cat has gained some weight back and is more lively. I finally watched the one movie I've never been able to - with tears rolling down most of the time. And even though I can't think of anything I'm looking forward to in my life, it's not hard to live it anymore - which is something I'm pretty sure I'm going to be appreciating for as long as I've got.
A friend sprained her ankle yesterday and it was really bad today. Her husband is in the early stages of dementia and doesn''t drive, so after gassing up the car, I went to Costco and bought 2 rotisserie chickens (one for them and one for me) a shrimp cocktail (which I split between us) and some other stuff and dropped it off. When I got home, I cut off the meat on my chicken and used the carcass to make soup, which is most unlike me, since I don't like to cook. Then I finished weatherstripping the windows. I wanted to hang a wreath on the shed - it's one that lights up at night - but it started snowing and I was afraid I might slip going down the hill, and I decided not to risk it. So I vacuumed out the pellet stove and brought a bag of pellets in from the garage. Also cleaned out the cat litter box. I don't know what got into me, since this is more that I usually do in a week. Now I'm hunkered in, hoping we won't lose power.
Wolf, that's a lot of disasters in a short time. I'm glad your sister is OK and you 've recovered. That is terrible about your neighbors. I thought they were friends. BTW, what was the movie?
Elizabeth, I'm impressed that you know how to put air in the tires. I never mastered that.
Two more inches of snow this morning on top of yesterday's ice. Welcome to the north pole. Since 8am this morning the traffic on the main street down behind my house has been crawling. Usually 'rush hour' isn't a thing.
Myrtle, I don't know what other couples do - or, in this case, did. We went to the theatre fairly regularly growing up taking in films. We went to the Rocky Horror movie in an obscure theatre on the other side of Toronto over several years joining in with the theatrics where people called out lines like "We'll just say where we are, and go back to the car. We don't want to be any worry."
We used to incorporate lines from movies we saw into our lives as an inside joke such as The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. If things were going wrong one of us might say "we're going to have to earn it" or we might lift Ringo Starr's line from the Magic Christian when he goes to see MacBeth and says "I've seen it" as a way of saying we weren't interested in doing whatever was under consideration.
We watched some couples change over the years where they might sometimes get on each other, but that didn't happen to us. We remained friends over the years whether anyone else was there or not. One of the things we did was watch the Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail. Turner Classic Movies and other stations often put them on together and we often watched even though we knew every scene by heart.
They're just romantic comedies but You've Got Mail is the movie that rips my heart out because it's not so much a movie as the way we were. I watched it yesterday for the first time in a decade and it was Niagara Falls.
That IS terrible about my neighbors. She's the person I've called the tomato lady in the past and she's certainly not attractive. My next door neighbour met her at one of the large parties motorcycle man used to throw with a hundred people and a live band. She was one of his x-girlfriends and went home with my next door neighbour (across the street) and has been there ever since. It turns out another x-girlfriend of motorcycle man emailed my next door neighbor and told him to look into her cellphone. He found messages that showed this had been going on the entire time which is about six years now.
I can't tell whether she's still there or not. The truly depressing thing to me about this and so many other examples I know, isn't how people treat each other where getting caught up in situations happens to many. It's how caught up people get in their own struggles being themselves without struggling nearly as hard to take charge of trying to solve or even identify the real issues.
I don't say that lightly. I know how hard that is to do. I don't take full credit for our own good relationship either. Our personalities fit well and we were both intensely sincere people. That was lucky.
About shrimp cocktail. It's easy to make just as well as store bought. Ten parts ketchup to one part yellow mustard and two parts horseradish. The first time make about half the amount you want to taste it. Buy mild or hot horseradish depending on your preference. That lasts in the fridge for years. Add more ketchup until you can't taste the difference between what you just made and store bought. Tinker with this once and you'll never buy shrimp cocktail again.
Tomorrow I get the shot in my back into the nerve to calm it down - hopefully. It has not been as bad the last month - I put a 3 inch foam on the desk chair and if I adjust my hip before going to bed I don't wake up form it hurting. But, my right knee with the bone spur is always painful - keep the lidocaine patch on it most of the time especially at night. Just wish they would stick so I don't need to tape it.
Yesterday was the Copper Ridge semi-annual plan meeting. Most of the departments had a representative at the meeting, though the people would come in and out since they also have to look after the residents. It was productive. Due to Leannah's recent declines I attend in person rather than by phone. One of my SILs attended by phone.
Productive. Nothing unexpected but it helps keep all of us on the same page. I mention my observations and staff usually can confirm them since they are around her much more than I am.
Apathy and lack of initiation are advancing. Leannah needs prompting for more tasks, including tooth brushing. I had noticed that her toothbrush wasn't showing any wear so now someone is with her for her bedtime prep. Usually Leannah needs to be reminded to brush her teeth and have toothpaste put on the toothbrush for her, but then she can brush the teeth herself. She needs assistance dressing, she will often try to put her feet through arm sleeves.
She has lots of preservation, she will wash her face with a washcloth and keep rubbing until someone stops her. This also happens in exercise class. Even when writing in a test she got stuck on a word and wrote it down 20 times.
Often Leannah just needs help with cueing. She had resented getting help with tasks but she accepts it more once she understands that she is getting some assistance but she will still as much of the task as possible.
We talked a lot about meds. One new med has been removed and her walking is much better, though she still needs reminding to take larger steps. But her falling risk is now minimal. While the ALF director was present I said to not worry about her weight since she isn't pre-diabetic. The first priority is to manage her behavior. Help with QOL issues, such as tremors is important. While she has gained a lot of weight the weight gained has slowed down a lot and we can't worry about long term effects. The director's face showed relief when I said that because she and the facility director were very concerned about her weight, which resulted in trying out meds which weren't to Leannah's benefit.
Test scores (MOCA, MMSE, and other tests) were down a lot from a year ago, though the NP may conduct tests again since Leannah is now off a med that caused walking issues. I don't expect any improvements. Saw problems with memory tests for the first time. Lots of trouble drawing cubes and the clock. She did so poorly on the simple Trails test on the MOCA test that they didn't bother doing the regular Trails test. The Trails test is an important exam of frontolobes, so this shows that the FTD is progressing a lot.
Most interesting was seeing Leannah after the meeting. She was at a concert and seemed happy to see me but didn't want to get up and talk in the hallway with me. This is a huge change and I reported it to staff before heading home.
I've been thinking for a couple days about some of Charlotte's posts about her situation, and trying to come up with some useful suggestions for the future.
Charlotte, I'm just wondering if it would make any sense to get yourself on the waiting lists for subsidized senior housing in the areas where you might want to live. I know that for the moment, your income levels are higher than they will be when you are alone...but when Art goes and your income drops, that should not effect your eligibility--in fact if anything, it would make you more eligible. I know that a while back you were considering apartments but decided not to go that route. But when you are alone, wouldn't it be easier to have an apartment and your car, rather than the MH with all its maintenance...and your car? And I know your dog will be a factor. Up here, some of the senior buildings don't allow pets...and some do. I think that in applying for housing, you can let them know your situation with Art--that he is placed and gradually deteriorating...that you expect your income to go down when he dies...that the housing app is only for you, not for him. You surely are not the only person in this situation. It seems to me that with your own health issues and the MH getting older every year, that the time will come when you no longer want to deal with the maintenance and upkeep of it. A senior apartment would free you from all that, and you would still have your car to get you wherever you want to go. And if you are on the waiting lists and are offered an apartment you don't want yet, you can always say no, and just stay on the lists.
Problem I have found that if I get in now when my income drops unless they have units designated for Section 8 income I still have to pay the higher price until one becomes available. If it is a place where all their apartments are you have to qualify then. Problem with them they are either in not so desirable areas and/or no parking. The complex my friend Paula is in is short on parking - one per apartment. She gets one close to her apartment if she can get the handicap spot in front. Otherwise the garages and carports - both which you have to pay extra for - take up half the parking spots. They have finally come down on people who have 2-4 cars taking up spots when they are only entitled 1, all the unmarked parking is full so when I visit I have to park on the street like many residents. I don't understand how they get away without having enough parking. There is a big complex they built in West Richland that doesn't even have 1 spot for each apartment. One big problem is not knowing how much longer. Yes, he is on hospice, he is still loosing weight, still has the irregular heartbeat - who knows how much longer. He could hold on for days, weeks, months or even longer. Makes it hard to plan. Plus, I am not sure I want to stay in the area when he does die - I won't know until afterwards. So yes, I could move into a apartment where I could move all my stuff out of the storage unit saving that money, but moving would be different. I just don't know - will wait to make it through this winter.
Charlotte, That's a good plan - to get through the winter and see how things look then. Maybe you could use the time to get more info on what's available. Does Washington have subsidized housing apartment complexes solely devoted to seniors? (As opposed to general Section 8 tenants) The senior housing here is usually much nicer than regular subsidized housing.
paulc, Your wife's situation is one of the most complicated ones I've heard of. It seems like you're hit with something new every few months.
Wolf, Thanks for the shrimp cocktail sauce recipe. I'll try it. You must be taking really good care of that old cat if she is gaining weight. It's strange how seeing a favorite movie can bring everything back.I remember both of those movies. I particularly liked "Sleepless in Seattle" because of its reference to "An Affair to Remember," which I really liked.
There are over 55 complexes which is one I looked into. They are also the one that has only limited number of subsidized apartments. So, if I went in at full rent then my income drops I would have to wait until one of the subsidized became available which could be months - which I would not be able to afford.
Charlotte, I think under the circumstances you are wise to wait a while and see how the winter goes. I wasn't so much thinking of Section 8 housing...I was thinking about subsidized senior housing. And of course parking is one of the issues you would check out carefully before accepting an apartment. In terms of Section 8, I've helped my nephew get on it twelve years ago here in upstate NY--we found that some of the offerings were pretty bad, but there were good options, too. You just have to know your area and hold out for a good apartment in a good location. My daughter in Colorado is on Section 8, and her first apartment was a real problem due to recurring bedbugs. Some cultures apparently accept bedbugs as being a normal part of life, and were infecting the whole building. Her case manager got her out of there as soon as possible, and for years now she's been in a lovely one-bedroom apt. in a nice complex. It's very similar to the regular full-rent apartment that I am in here in NY. Nothing fancy, but clean, pleasant, and around 750 sq. ft. It's hard to find a rental here that will accept pets--especially dogs--and that is something you will need to factor into your plans.
It's probably a good idea not to make any major changes for a year after he dies (yes, that old cliche advice), but as Myrtle says, you could be thinking about where you might like to live, and try to get info on the areas.
Can you realistically stay in the MH for years to come, or will it eventually deteriorate to where you can't live there? Even if you do do all the maintenance? (Sorry if this is a dumb question--I don't know how long they last, or if they last indefinitely.)
Since it's so close to Christmas, I wanted to put in a plug for one of my favorite Christmas movies: It Happened on 5th Avenue. I've already watched it several times this month.
Charlotte, I live in a subsidized apartment complex. In the past two years, our rent has gone up $90 a month. That seems steep to me for any apartment, let alone one that is supposedly for lower-income people. Certainly the social security cost of living increase doesn't take care of that kind of increase. The first few years we lived here, the rent increase was modest, but evidently the laws have changed, and management has taken advantage of them.
On another topic, yesterday at the pharmacy we picked up a month's supply of DH's asthma medication, but whoever filled the prescription grabbed the wrong bottle, and the drug we got was 10 mg, instead of 20 mg. I was quite upset, thinking about what a month of half a dose of asthma medication would do to DH. The person I talked to at the pharmacy said they were sorry, and if I brought the prescription back, they would exchange it. I wanted to say that that's what they say at a fast food restaurant when they forget to put cheese on your hamburger, not when someone is given only half a dose of their asthma medication!
Before I go to the pharmacy tomorrow and go all ballistic on them, am I over-reacting? I do think that half a dose could have caused serious health problems long before the month was over. It really scares me to think of what could have happened if I hadn't noticed that the little tiny number on the pill didn't match the description on the bottle. We really are the last line of defense for the people we love and care for, aren't we?
You have to keep an eye on the medications. I always check when I pick it up even with my thyroid that it is the same dosage. With the thyroid each dosage is a different color, so it is easy to make sure they are right. One time a few years ago I remember not checking until I got home and found they were labeled right but the wrong color. With asthma too little or too much can be dangerous especially if too much. We shouldn't have too check but everyone should check their prescriptions.
Senior housing is basically section 8 since both are figured on a sliding scale. I know what you mean about the increase. The same thing happened to my friend this year - her's went up I think about the same. Had something to do with the management company finding rents in the area were higher so they did 30% of the average rents in the area. It didn't matter the bind it put many low income in. To some $50-90 might not be much, but to low income that can mean the difference between heat, meals and/or medicine. Thankfully she gets medicare help so doesn't pay for any of her premiums and all prescriptions are something like $1.25. Back in January our rent in the park went up $50 which was a huge amount especially when the park doesn't provide what they advertise (like no wi-fi as advertised).
It was a good day with hubby. He took a shower with no argument which was needed. When I went to pull his pants down he had poop in there. I did call the aide in to clean it up some before showering. Then I put a lot of lotion on the dried poop - by the time we got to washing that area it washed right off. Took a comb this time so got his hair combed before it dried. He looked pretty good when I left: clean body, shaved, combed hair. I ended up being there over 2 hours. I was working on leaving when I said 'hi' to one of my favorite ladies when she asked me to sit down cause she wanted to talk with me. So we sat there chatting for a while.
I was speaking with hb's roommates wife Tuesday after visiting. She sent picture taken when we all went out for haircuts and lunch back June (the last time she visited him). One was for her husband, one for me but Art got. When I left Whitney and Art were sitting there comparing the pictures like they were different. It was so cute. She wanted to know if he knew who she was and I told her yes. She has not accepted the reality, can't deal with visiting and feels it is kinder to him for her not to visit. We all here know that is not true. After I hung up I got to thinking the biggest difference: she has family and circle of friends that she spends time with; I don't, my circle of friends is mostly there where my husband is. They have become my family.
Forgot - he is drinking ensure now so gained 4 pounds back to 149.
Charlotte, That happened with me, too. I did have family and friends in my community when my husband was in LTC, but I spent more time with him than I did with them, so the other residents and their nurses and aides became my family.
Jan K, calmly ask for an investigation of the wrong meds, there might even be a legal requirement. The last time my father was in the hospital he was given saline solution instead of a drip with no sodium. In one way it wasn't major, he was not going to survive anyway, but was major because it could have made a difference to someone else. The hospital doctor informed me of the situation and told me he had filed an investigation and I could follow up.
Investigations can be important because they can point to weaknesses in systems. How are medications and prescriptions organized? What type of double-checks are in place? Are there enough staff? Is a staff member not up to snuff? The problem is often from something other than carelessness.
Was a tough weekend. Saturday night I had a gall bladder attack. I have gotten them for years - always blamed it on carbonation from pop - but it was more just annoying. Saturday was the first in a long time and worse. The pain finally was gone Monday but the gas problem hung around, still have some. Doctor said if it happens more often or worse then an ultrasound is in order. Did see doctor to find out my echocardiogram came out fine. Not signs of heart disease or problems to be concerned about. He said since my bp is all over the board, he will not worry unless it goes up (like 180) and stays up. It was 120/80 yesterday. He says it is not surprising with all the stress I have been under the last few years and still to come. I like him -too bad he will be leaving this summer. To get better access to doctor I went with the residency program - 2nd year with him. He will leave her and go to St Louis. :-(
I am going to start creating some waves where my husband is at. They have a young man there, age 33 about 350+ pounds easily and strong as an ox! He was drinking in a boat which wrecked so he has traumatic brain injury. He can be very mellow and sweet but when the afternoon and evening comes watch out. It seems to be triggered on change of staff when the day staff leaves. He wants to eat all the time -will go to any lengths to get food. Because the facility is set up like a home the kitchen is in plain view. Previously he has pulled the handles off the refrigerators and this weekend he busted down the half door that is padlocked to keep him out. He is on a 1800 calorie diet but I guess by law they can't refuse him food, so he keeps getting fatter and fatter. Last summer he was trying to climb over the fence outside which resulted in all the outdoor chairs being locked up since he was standing on the chair. When he was trying to climb over the fence they were on the phone with his mom who would not come because she figured they were exaggerating. He has slammed the aides against the walls, pushed them and all have hurt themselves one time or another trying to restrain him. I always fear when I arrive he will be at the door because it has happened. Thankfully there is glass to look in/out. If he is, I have to wait until they can move him. Tonight as the director and her two daughters were leaving through the garage he somehow saw and made it through the door before it shut. Thankfully the director had not left so came back in. He was on the floor - it took 4 of them to drag him back in so they could close the door. They then left him on the floor until he decided to get up since I guess they can't make him get up either. The director told them if something like this happens again to call his parents (who do not believe he is like that) or I popped up and said 'call the fire department to come move him'. Then the director agreed. I guess he is there because he got kicked out of another place he was in. He needs to go. I fear for the staffs safety and the residents. What if one of the staff got upset with him or he with them and he started fighting with them? He is twice the size of any of the residents. I came home and sent a text to the nurse that overseas the area facilities telling her he needs to be medicated and/or moved.
Otherwise Art is doing OK. When I got there I got him changed into the new sweats I bought for him that are a medium so not hanging not him. So I changed his diaper which I think was the same one I put on him Friday, cleaned his butt crack putting zinc on it, clean diaper, the new sweats, clean socks and swapped his shoes - he was wearing his roommate's who are a couple sizes smaller than his - his roommate had his on!!!
Merry Christmas to all. I have not decided whether to go spend time with hubby tomorrow or not. I didn't on Thanksgiving when I think made the day easier to deal with. They say they will have lots of pies!!
They have a new resident who has been there about a week. She has been a handful. She can't keep her hands to herself = likes to get in the other residents faces and poke them (especially the guys) which none of them like including Art who gets very upset about it. The other day she had her bright pink underwear on the outside. The previous woman who kept wanted to undress has passed that phase but now we have this woman. Art's roommate has a catheter (unable to pee on his own). Sunday he kept grabbing himself and going into the bathroom. I asked him if he was alright and he said he felt like he had to pee. I told the girls who found a lot of blood in the bag. They changed the bag but nothing drained. Home health came in - found out he had pulled so hard on it he popped the balloon which was blocking his urethra which meant his bladder was full. They changed the cath and he was fine yesterday. Seems like hubby has stabilized and has gained 5 pounds since they started the ensure. I don't want him to gain too much though. He seems to be using the toilet now all the time - no more going on floor but he has been caught peeing where he shouldn't.
Ari and I did our Xmas eve tradition of watching a Die Hard movie, this time Die Hard with a Vengeance. There are 2 Christmas references so it counts.
Tomorrow we see Leannah. I'm bringing lunch (thank you. Whole Foods) and give her her card, stocking, and present. The rest of her family will visit on Thursday, better to spread out the visits than have everyone with her at the same time like we used to. After visiting her Ari and I will visit her family. And then Sunday I go to Florida to visit my godparents and time my visit to match my brother and his family.
Leannah hit another resident on Sunday. She is supposed to have an aide today, mostly to state regulators happy. The director thought that Leannah had passed the hitting stage. Plus it is hard to imagine Leannah have enough energy to punch someone else.
I know she will enjoy the Xmas visit but based on Thanksgiving I think it will have much less importance to her than in the past. I noticed last visit that she had not taken her birthday presents out of their bags.
Paul, it's always good to hear from you and hear news of your family. Leannah Is blessed to have you and Ari care for her. Glad you're taking a trip to Florida. Seasons greetings to all the dear folk on Joan's site.
Xmas went OK. I bought too much food at Whole Foods and the sweet potatoe casserole was too sweet. So lots of leftovers to eat up before Saturday. I see now that I bought her too much candy. I told her sisters who are visiting her today that they may fix that mistake. I also shared some of our food with 2 of Leannah’s friends.
It is time to make less of a fuss over any holiday with Leannah. It is less important to her now. Yes to a present and cards but not much else is necessary.
Ari doesn’t want to visit her again. He sees no point and she makes him mad. She hits his buttons by how she says his name (think of 5 year old talking to 2 year old) and he can’t not take it personally. I will not make him visit, we will see how he feels on Mother’s Day.
Visit with in-laws afterwards went well, but that celebration seems so much smaller. Fewer people (nephew in California, FIL didn’t bring girlfriend, less decorations at house). My niece is now in college so my SIL and her husband are now empty nesters. All adults under the age of 90 are looking forward to retirement in 5-8 years.
I was happy to get 2 pans for Xmas (is this a sign of adulthood?). Ari bought his own presents for his cousins this year. He will step up his job hunting in January and I’m glad he talked with his uncle about the subject.
My honeymoon with hospice has ended. To start with I left her a message on the 11th and 19th - she never returned either call. I waited to visit him this evening which was a good decision. Found out they are giving him Trazodone, has been since the 3rd. The agreement with hospice was no medications without my approval - or so I thought. I was furious but had to make sure the girls knew I was not mad at them because they are only doing what is prescribed. They said it is for sleep to replace the melatonin. They both agreed they had no problem with him up walking around at night cause he never got into anything or went in to others rooms. My question: so why medicate him for sleep if he was not causing a problem.
I went through this with his VA doctor (PA) of mixing the two. Now have to again.
Hope I am cooled off before speaking with the hospice nurse.
Tram onto a Pro3004 8” and 10” pans. I already has the 12” pan so now I have the set. My old pan were old and very worn.
Instructions include never setting the burner temp above Medium. I have a glass top stove which takes a while to warm up so I need to give the pan time to get warm beforeI cook in them.
Turns out the story for the trazodone goes like this: nurse visits, aid mentions he is not sleeping at night; nurse notes it; doctor sees notes thinking it is a request for sleep aide and prescribes trazodone; order is passed through to pharmacy then to Rosetta where their nurse assumes I requested it. That is their story. It was discontinued and both nurses know I was not happy about it and gave them the reasons I don't want him on trazodone. Also, made it clear the reason I placed him there is because they have no problem if he is up at night. I will go today to see how he is doing. Because he was on it for 3 weeks I am concerned about possible withdrawal symptoms but maybe being on the sertraline and tylenol he won't feel it.
Paul, you sound like an experinced cook. Charlotte, you probably know this, but in case you don't: "Trazodone may cause a discontinuation syndrome if abruptly stopped, symptoms include anxiety, agitation, and sleep disturbances. When the time comes to withdraw trazodone, the dosage should be tapered off slowly under a doctor's advice.Nov 6, 2019."
Yep and they have paid the price stopping it cold turkey. Both nurses said after only 3 weeks there would be no withdrawals but there was. Yesterday, (Thursday night was his last dose) he was combative, agitated and hasn't been sleeping so not only was he paying the price but the staff did too. I went about 4 today, was going to leave while he was eating which is 4:30 but stayed. They still had the melatonin so I gave him one. I had him lay down on the bed where he curled up with the dog. He fell asleep, after about an hour I left. He woke up some but hopefully he will go back to sleep. He looked horrible - I hope the melatonin will help him sleep.
Yes he is more alert, more cheerful. I even got him to take a shower yesterday. I just wish they would figure out how to get him to take one. I did speak with a person at hospice about it would be nice if the facility had a male aide since they seem to have better luck. He said they have a good male aide at their hospice house that he would check into seeing if he might be able to go out and try.