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    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeAug 1st 2019
     
    The contractors for my basement arrived today to evaluate the costs of repair. They said that the insurance company had an excellent estimate so everything is covered, they don't need to negotiate with the insurance company except for a bathroom mirror that needs to be removed and is glued to the wall and will probably break. They told me not to worry about it. I will pay them for some additional work, the "closet created for the washer and dryer was stupid and they will tear it down and just leave an opening. No more having to pull in my stomach when I try to get to the back of the washer/dryer stack. Should be completed in 2 weeks.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeAug 1st 2019
     
    It sounds as if you have good contractors. You'll be glad to have the problem solved. Pretty erratic weather you've been having back east this year.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Yes. DC weather is usually not great (often just 1 day of Spring and Fall) but it has been really, really hot in the mid-Atlantic and northeast parts of the US this year.

    This contractor was recommended by the person who cleaned up my basement (water and sewage).
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Hope it all turns out good Paul.

    We have the hot weather now but for us it is normal summer weather although we have only had a couple days up to 100 which is not normal. I heard the weatherman say in June we had 15 days over 90 when the normal is 19. We had 17 last month over 90, the rest were in the upper 80s. I have the a/c running to keep it around 82 in here but have the fan blowing on me most of the town to keep cooler.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019 edited
     
    Testing to see if I can post . . .

    OK, it worked. Is anyone else having trouble posting? (Well that's a dumb question! If you can't post, how are you going to post that you can't post?)
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Myrtle - thanks for the logical laugh today.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Am now able to post. Maybe I goofed somewhere along the line.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019 edited
     
    Mary75*, Or maybe there was a glitch on the website. It's happened before.

    Charlotte, Glad you enjoyed the laugh. I'm relieved to hear that Art is in a better place than the last one, but I wish this new place was a lot better. You shouldn't have to clean him on a regular basis.

    Lindylou, So sorry you have health problems. IMO, any new national health care system should require insurance companies to guarantee that Alz caregivers have a 5-year period of good health after a spouse's death.

    Speaking of health, I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke or a heart attack on Wed night. Had a bat in the house and the cat was chasing it around. As it was, the incident probably took a few years off my life. Ended up spending the night at the next door neighbor's house. An exterminator removed the bat in the morning. He thinks it may have followed me in from the attached garage, since I was out there repotting plants until after dark.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2019
     
    Received a call from the nurse for all Rosetta Memory Cares, the one who does evaluations. She wants to have a meeting with the social worker next week - scheduled for Tuesday. I asked if she was going to stay around this time - last time she arrived early and left before our meeting. At that time I was told we would have another meeting in a year, so wondering what it going on where she wants one now.

    It is hard to put 4-5 days between visits. Doesn't seem to matter if I visit daily or weekly, they said unless he is distracted he will stand at the window crying. I can't win. He has been in this facility for 2 1/2 months and he still wants to leave. He was in the previous one for almost 4 months, but he still wants to come home or wants me with him at the very least. Been doing a lot of crying myself - for him and feeling so bad that we are in this situation. I would not say guilty because I know this is best, but best can still hurt.

    They did find a bench they can bolt into the concrete for him to sit on. Law forbids them from preventing him from going outside even if going out is dangerous to his health, whether it is 120 degrees or 10 below. I toy with renting an apartment but I still would not be able to keep him inside - I couldn't here in the motorhome. I had so hoped this phase would pass but considering his dad would walk all day long up until close to death, little hope of that happening. The only plus to the place he was in is that they were bigger and had lots of hallways to walk.


    Myrtle - aside from the bat, must have been funny watching the cat chase it knowing it could not catch it. Glad it all turned out safe and it is gone.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 6th 2019
     
    Clouds moved in so it only made it to 102 today instead of 106.

    Had our meeting with the the social worker, nurse and facility manager. Going to work on making sure he is distracted when I leave to save him from getting so upset. He has lost 12 pounds since going there the first of June - most of it last month. Probably much of it was fluids from sweating so much. They are giving him a high fat, high calorie pudding which he loves. Eating is not the problem cause he eats well. They are asking the doctor for Rx multivitamin and if they get it I will order the liquid vitamins that he likes. He is sleeping well at night so going to ask the doctor about discontinuing the melatoin. They have no problem if he is up and about at night and sleeps during the day. He gives the night aid some entertainment!!

    I hung around a couple hours after the meeting then took him to DQ. He had lunch at 11:30 but fed him again at 2:30. Went to visit a friend then stopped by for our ice cream on the way back. When we got back I was at the counter talking to the girls as they prepared the salad for dinner. He said he was going into his room. Once I knew he wasn't coming back out I left. Hopefully he laid down for a nap. It was 104 outside so didn't want him out there. They have a bench they are going to bolt to the concrete so he will have a seat outside that can't be moved.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 7th 2019
     
    That sounds better than your previous post. It does seem to move around and I'm not surprised because your husband sounds to me far more aware than my wife was when she first entered the facility - which means his moods and feelings probably shift around. Earlier posts talked about a friend he hung around with for a while and at this point it's more about him reacting when you leave - which is clear cause and effect. I like the multivitamin idea. I should be taking those too. I think often especially when we're older our range of exposure to the long list of wanted vitamins/minerals drops way off. For example people not getting enough sun on their skin to get sufficient levels of vitamin D, which affects our moods. I don't think vitamins can trump depression, but they can either help it or compound it.

    It sounds like you had the kind of meeting I often had. I worried about what was wrong beforehand and instead a bunch of realistic issues were discussed that made sense. Looking back, it's clear that they were trying to manage my wife's changing issues, where my experience (using your comments last two posts) was that my concerns about her crying so much at times seemed to push the fact that "he is sleeping well at night" out of my mind. I wish there was a single good answer to help, but there wasn't one because what the concerns were kept moving around.
  1.  
    You are right about the vitamins, Wolf. Like most caregivers, I neglected taking care of myself and just recently got around to getting some rountine testing done. My Vitamin D level was extremely low (much to my surprise) and I've been on mega doses of it for several weeks with another blood test scheduled in a few. I definitely feel better now; some of the discomfort that I thought was just aging was actually from the Vit D deficiency.

    When my husband was in the ALF I would look around at all of the people who never went out in the sunlight, picked at the mediocre food and ate only the desserts, and wondered how many of them were vitamin deficient.

    Medicare does not pay for doing lab work for Vitamin D so most doctors don't routinely order it. A doctor friend said that Vit D deficiency is actually a fairly common, underdiagnosed and undertreated condition.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeAug 8th 2019
     
    Yesterday was a good reminder to me that it's often not the actual hands-on caregiving that causes all the emotional wear and tear on caregivers. DH is in a nursing home for respite, and this week they had his care plan meeting. Everyone was very nice and professional, except for the social worker. DH had called me in distress after her visit with him some days ago. After talking to her in the meeting, I completely understood why. The word that came to mind after our visit was "supercilious". I looked it up when I got home, and it meant exactly what I thought it meant--a whole symphony of arrogant and condescending behavior.

    She proudly told me that she was a "certified dementia specialist", yet it seemed that she had absolutely no concept of how to talk to someone with dementia. For one thing, she had a whole list of questions to ask him, and she asked them very loudly, at a rapid-fire speed. In the meeting, DH actually got tears in his eyes when he talked about her visit with him, because yes, he did still remember it, and yes, it still upset him that much. After my meeting with her, I wanted to smack her.

    Everything I tried to tell her, she dismissed as "he misunderstood", etc. After I finally got home, I realized what I had wanted to tell her: if DH perceived this as an ordeal, it WAS an ordeal. And if he felt that way after talking to her, she was doing it wrong! But of course, with her as the "dementia specialist" and me as just the caregiver, what would I know?
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 8th 2019
     
    I am sorry this happened. I hope it won't ruin you getting some rest. Thankfully the social worker is usually not there. In the future might consider having a rule that any interviewing of your husband is done in your presence.

    I would go to her supervisor to file a complaint asking for someone else. I know social workers are assigned to facilities but if need be the supervisor can take over. I agree - that person has no concept of the illness and needs to find another type of social worker job.

    How long is he in respite? Hopefully the staff there are much better than this woman.

    When I had my meeting the other day, I didn't even realize the young woman there was the social worker, that bailed on our first meeting using a busy mom as an excuse, until the end when the nurse said something and looked at her. She didn't look old enough to be a social worker - more like a teenager.
  2.  
    The "dementia specialist" was totally unacceptable. I would write it up so your talking points are clear in your mind, and then report her. And of course indicate that she is not to interact with your husband again.

    Social workers are such a mixed bag. A new, early or mid-20s person straight out of college with a new BSW...maybe in the process of working on the MSW...can be sweet, but clueless. Ideally you need someone with a lot of what we call "professional common sense"...which generally comes when the SW has a certain innate maturity or else has had enough life experience to generate it. And the person has to have in-depth knowledge of the services, programs, billing mechanisms, etc. that are available in your area. Again, it comes with doing the job for a while. Another invaluable skill is simply the ability to network with the available agencies, programs, other professionals, etc. Again, it comes with years of experience, of interacting a million times over the phone, of meeting these people at training courses and at the diner or whatnot--getting to know them personally--a newly-minted social worker is just not going to have the depth of knowledge and expertise or the ability to network and get things done. And of course, effective social workers have a certain X factor that is hard to define--qualities of real love and kindness, and a lack of that irritating quality that for want of a better term, I would call being an ass.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2019
     
    I now have my cold water back in the shower. It had been getting less and less until just a trickle. Made it hard to give the dog a bath. I found the right socket to fit the cartridge but could not find the socket wrench to fit it - Art has it hidden somewhere. Found 4 smaller, 1/4 inch, socket wrenches and the 1/2 inch socket wrench but not the 3/8" I needed. Borrowed from my friend, removed it to day, bought new part, put back together and now cold water. After taking 'P' socket wrench back to her I went and bought my own!! Now I will probably find his. This is my first of this type of plumbing. Now maybe I will have the confidence to replace the kitchen faucet - I want one that is higher to get my crock pot under easier plus it has been leaking for years thankfully into the pan underneath it.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    Charlotte, that is great. Many plumbing jobs aren't that difficult. I haven't replaced a faucet, I looked at doing it once but the angle involved were overwhelming. Fortunately I discovered that I just needed to replace the cartridges which was simple (and a plumber wanted $150 to do that job). The faucet maker even supplied the cartridges for free since the faucet had a lifetime warrantee. I hope in your trailer it was designed for easier access. And remember, plumber's tape is your friend.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    I think the kitchen faucet will not be hard. To change the shower one I would need to be a contortionist I think to change it. Otherwise, access to under it is not going to be easy which is why I just changed the cartridge. I have lots of plumbers tape. That was another thing we would buy then when we needed it could not find where he put it. We used it all the time when we were hooking propane tanks up to the MH to seal it. I use a big 120 gallon tank now. I just had the guy come put the quick release on it so when I get the courage to take this out, it will be easy to unhook/hook - at least that is the plan.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Jas woke me up at 7:30 this morning wanting to play - I wanted to sleep. Gave in to her, then got up and went to the Farmer's Market. Will be a good weekend of vine ripened tomatoes, watermelon, cantaloupe, fresh corn on the cob, pears and green peppers. I tried cooking an ear of corn in the microwave. It came out OK. I think if I had one with a turn table it would cook more evenly but it was delicious!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    On Long Island last weekend with my family, we had a beach party. My niece fills a bucket with sea water and soaks the corn in that all day, then throws it on the grill. The silk peels right off and the corn doesn’t need anything on it. Never tasted anything like it.
    Had grilled clams too.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Bonnie it was great to see the pictures on FB of you. Because you are always working outside my picture of you is someone with jeans and boots on. I am glad you had a good time with family and friends.