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    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeAug 1st 2019
     
    The contractors for my basement arrived today to evaluate the costs of repair. They said that the insurance company had an excellent estimate so everything is covered, they don't need to negotiate with the insurance company except for a bathroom mirror that needs to be removed and is glued to the wall and will probably break. They told me not to worry about it. I will pay them for some additional work, the "closet created for the washer and dryer was stupid and they will tear it down and just leave an opening. No more having to pull in my stomach when I try to get to the back of the washer/dryer stack. Should be completed in 2 weeks.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeAug 1st 2019
     
    It sounds as if you have good contractors. You'll be glad to have the problem solved. Pretty erratic weather you've been having back east this year.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Yes. DC weather is usually not great (often just 1 day of Spring and Fall) but it has been really, really hot in the mid-Atlantic and northeast parts of the US this year.

    This contractor was recommended by the person who cleaned up my basement (water and sewage).
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Hope it all turns out good Paul.

    We have the hot weather now but for us it is normal summer weather although we have only had a couple days up to 100 which is not normal. I heard the weatherman say in June we had 15 days over 90 when the normal is 19. We had 17 last month over 90, the rest were in the upper 80s. I have the a/c running to keep it around 82 in here but have the fan blowing on me most of the town to keep cooler.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019 edited
     
    Testing to see if I can post . . .

    OK, it worked. Is anyone else having trouble posting? (Well that's a dumb question! If you can't post, how are you going to post that you can't post?)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Myrtle - thanks for the logical laugh today.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019
     
    Am now able to post. Maybe I goofed somewhere along the line.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2019 edited
     
    Mary75*, Or maybe there was a glitch on the website. It's happened before.

    Charlotte, Glad you enjoyed the laugh. I'm relieved to hear that Art is in a better place than the last one, but I wish this new place was a lot better. You shouldn't have to clean him on a regular basis.

    Lindylou, So sorry you have health problems. IMO, any new national health care system should require insurance companies to guarantee that Alz caregivers have a 5-year period of good health after a spouse's death.

    Speaking of health, I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke or a heart attack on Wed night. Had a bat in the house and the cat was chasing it around. As it was, the incident probably took a few years off my life. Ended up spending the night at the next door neighbor's house. An exterminator removed the bat in the morning. He thinks it may have followed me in from the attached garage, since I was out there repotting plants until after dark.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2019
     
    Received a call from the nurse for all Rosetta Memory Cares, the one who does evaluations. She wants to have a meeting with the social worker next week - scheduled for Tuesday. I asked if she was going to stay around this time - last time she arrived early and left before our meeting. At that time I was told we would have another meeting in a year, so wondering what it going on where she wants one now.

    It is hard to put 4-5 days between visits. Doesn't seem to matter if I visit daily or weekly, they said unless he is distracted he will stand at the window crying. I can't win. He has been in this facility for 2 1/2 months and he still wants to leave. He was in the previous one for almost 4 months, but he still wants to come home or wants me with him at the very least. Been doing a lot of crying myself - for him and feeling so bad that we are in this situation. I would not say guilty because I know this is best, but best can still hurt.

    They did find a bench they can bolt into the concrete for him to sit on. Law forbids them from preventing him from going outside even if going out is dangerous to his health, whether it is 120 degrees or 10 below. I toy with renting an apartment but I still would not be able to keep him inside - I couldn't here in the motorhome. I had so hoped this phase would pass but considering his dad would walk all day long up until close to death, little hope of that happening. The only plus to the place he was in is that they were bigger and had lots of hallways to walk.


    Myrtle - aside from the bat, must have been funny watching the cat chase it knowing it could not catch it. Glad it all turned out safe and it is gone.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 6th 2019
     
    Clouds moved in so it only made it to 102 today instead of 106.

    Had our meeting with the the social worker, nurse and facility manager. Going to work on making sure he is distracted when I leave to save him from getting so upset. He has lost 12 pounds since going there the first of June - most of it last month. Probably much of it was fluids from sweating so much. They are giving him a high fat, high calorie pudding which he loves. Eating is not the problem cause he eats well. They are asking the doctor for Rx multivitamin and if they get it I will order the liquid vitamins that he likes. He is sleeping well at night so going to ask the doctor about discontinuing the melatoin. They have no problem if he is up and about at night and sleeps during the day. He gives the night aid some entertainment!!

    I hung around a couple hours after the meeting then took him to DQ. He had lunch at 11:30 but fed him again at 2:30. Went to visit a friend then stopped by for our ice cream on the way back. When we got back I was at the counter talking to the girls as they prepared the salad for dinner. He said he was going into his room. Once I knew he wasn't coming back out I left. Hopefully he laid down for a nap. It was 104 outside so didn't want him out there. They have a bench they are going to bolt to the concrete so he will have a seat outside that can't be moved.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 7th 2019
     
    That sounds better than your previous post. It does seem to move around and I'm not surprised because your husband sounds to me far more aware than my wife was when she first entered the facility - which means his moods and feelings probably shift around. Earlier posts talked about a friend he hung around with for a while and at this point it's more about him reacting when you leave - which is clear cause and effect. I like the multivitamin idea. I should be taking those too. I think often especially when we're older our range of exposure to the long list of wanted vitamins/minerals drops way off. For example people not getting enough sun on their skin to get sufficient levels of vitamin D, which affects our moods. I don't think vitamins can trump depression, but they can either help it or compound it.

    It sounds like you had the kind of meeting I often had. I worried about what was wrong beforehand and instead a bunch of realistic issues were discussed that made sense. Looking back, it's clear that they were trying to manage my wife's changing issues, where my experience (using your comments last two posts) was that my concerns about her crying so much at times seemed to push the fact that "he is sleeping well at night" out of my mind. I wish there was a single good answer to help, but there wasn't one because what the concerns were kept moving around.
  1.  
    You are right about the vitamins, Wolf. Like most caregivers, I neglected taking care of myself and just recently got around to getting some rountine testing done. My Vitamin D level was extremely low (much to my surprise) and I've been on mega doses of it for several weeks with another blood test scheduled in a few. I definitely feel better now; some of the discomfort that I thought was just aging was actually from the Vit D deficiency.

    When my husband was in the ALF I would look around at all of the people who never went out in the sunlight, picked at the mediocre food and ate only the desserts, and wondered how many of them were vitamin deficient.

    Medicare does not pay for doing lab work for Vitamin D so most doctors don't routinely order it. A doctor friend said that Vit D deficiency is actually a fairly common, underdiagnosed and undertreated condition.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeAug 8th 2019
     
    Yesterday was a good reminder to me that it's often not the actual hands-on caregiving that causes all the emotional wear and tear on caregivers. DH is in a nursing home for respite, and this week they had his care plan meeting. Everyone was very nice and professional, except for the social worker. DH had called me in distress after her visit with him some days ago. After talking to her in the meeting, I completely understood why. The word that came to mind after our visit was "supercilious". I looked it up when I got home, and it meant exactly what I thought it meant--a whole symphony of arrogant and condescending behavior.

    She proudly told me that she was a "certified dementia specialist", yet it seemed that she had absolutely no concept of how to talk to someone with dementia. For one thing, she had a whole list of questions to ask him, and she asked them very loudly, at a rapid-fire speed. In the meeting, DH actually got tears in his eyes when he talked about her visit with him, because yes, he did still remember it, and yes, it still upset him that much. After my meeting with her, I wanted to smack her.

    Everything I tried to tell her, she dismissed as "he misunderstood", etc. After I finally got home, I realized what I had wanted to tell her: if DH perceived this as an ordeal, it WAS an ordeal. And if he felt that way after talking to her, she was doing it wrong! But of course, with her as the "dementia specialist" and me as just the caregiver, what would I know?
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 8th 2019
     
    I am sorry this happened. I hope it won't ruin you getting some rest. Thankfully the social worker is usually not there. In the future might consider having a rule that any interviewing of your husband is done in your presence.

    I would go to her supervisor to file a complaint asking for someone else. I know social workers are assigned to facilities but if need be the supervisor can take over. I agree - that person has no concept of the illness and needs to find another type of social worker job.

    How long is he in respite? Hopefully the staff there are much better than this woman.

    When I had my meeting the other day, I didn't even realize the young woman there was the social worker, that bailed on our first meeting using a busy mom as an excuse, until the end when the nurse said something and looked at her. She didn't look old enough to be a social worker - more like a teenager.
  2.  
    The "dementia specialist" was totally unacceptable. I would write it up so your talking points are clear in your mind, and then report her. And of course indicate that she is not to interact with your husband again.

    Social workers are such a mixed bag. A new, early or mid-20s person straight out of college with a new BSW...maybe in the process of working on the MSW...can be sweet, but clueless. Ideally you need someone with a lot of what we call "professional common sense"...which generally comes when the SW has a certain innate maturity or else has had enough life experience to generate it. And the person has to have in-depth knowledge of the services, programs, billing mechanisms, etc. that are available in your area. Again, it comes with doing the job for a while. Another invaluable skill is simply the ability to network with the available agencies, programs, other professionals, etc. Again, it comes with years of experience, of interacting a million times over the phone, of meeting these people at training courses and at the diner or whatnot--getting to know them personally--a newly-minted social worker is just not going to have the depth of knowledge and expertise or the ability to network and get things done. And of course, effective social workers have a certain X factor that is hard to define--qualities of real love and kindness, and a lack of that irritating quality that for want of a better term, I would call being an ass.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2019
     
    I now have my cold water back in the shower. It had been getting less and less until just a trickle. Made it hard to give the dog a bath. I found the right socket to fit the cartridge but could not find the socket wrench to fit it - Art has it hidden somewhere. Found 4 smaller, 1/4 inch, socket wrenches and the 1/2 inch socket wrench but not the 3/8" I needed. Borrowed from my friend, removed it to day, bought new part, put back together and now cold water. After taking 'P' socket wrench back to her I went and bought my own!! Now I will probably find his. This is my first of this type of plumbing. Now maybe I will have the confidence to replace the kitchen faucet - I want one that is higher to get my crock pot under easier plus it has been leaking for years thankfully into the pan underneath it.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2019
     
    Charlotte, that is great. Many plumbing jobs aren't that difficult. I haven't replaced a faucet, I looked at doing it once but the angle involved were overwhelming. Fortunately I discovered that I just needed to replace the cartridges which was simple (and a plumber wanted $150 to do that job). The faucet maker even supplied the cartridges for free since the faucet had a lifetime warrantee. I hope in your trailer it was designed for easier access. And remember, plumber's tape is your friend.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2019
     
    I think the kitchen faucet will not be hard. To change the shower one I would need to be a contortionist I think to change it. Otherwise, access to under it is not going to be easy which is why I just changed the cartridge. I have lots of plumbers tape. That was another thing we would buy then when we needed it could not find where he put it. We used it all the time when we were hooking propane tanks up to the MH to seal it. I use a big 120 gallon tank now. I just had the guy come put the quick release on it so when I get the courage to take this out, it will be easy to unhook/hook - at least that is the plan.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2019
     
    Jas woke me up at 7:30 this morning wanting to play - I wanted to sleep. Gave in to her, then got up and went to the Farmer's Market. Will be a good weekend of vine ripened tomatoes, watermelon, cantaloupe, fresh corn on the cob, pears and green peppers. I tried cooking an ear of corn in the microwave. It came out OK. I think if I had one with a turn table it would cook more evenly but it was delicious!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2019
     
    On Long Island last weekend with my family, we had a beach party. My niece fills a bucket with sea water and soaks the corn in that all day, then throws it on the grill. The silk peels right off and the corn doesn’t need anything on it. Never tasted anything like it.
    Had grilled clams too.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2019
     
    Bonnie it was great to see the pictures on FB of you. Because you are always working outside my picture of you is someone with jeans and boots on. I am glad you had a good time with family and friends.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeAug 21st 2019
     
    Hey Charlotte, did you find Jasmine?? Sure hope so. My granddaughter belongs to a co-op, like a Farmers market but they deliver it to you. Last week it was full of all the good things you listed. Few things were almost past the ripe stage but were still good. Included fresh okra, which I haven't had in years! Our local FM is only 1 day a month. Other than a few sunburned tomatoes my garden is kaput for this year. This extreme heat and humidity was just too much for them. It rained last night and supposed to again tonight but too little too late. We're not used to a heat index of 107+.

    I had a first :) DH comes in yesterday and wants to know where his underwear is, not in his drawers, not in the laundry no where to be found. I did a quick search, no underwear. So did a thorough search today and found four pair, pushed out of sight and covered up but he has at least a dozen. No idea where they are or what he's done to them. So will have to make a side trip when I go to town Friday and pick up some more.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2019
     
    went to a new support group meeting last night. It is run by the Alzheimer's Association along with Guardian Angels Memory Care. They just started this group a few months ago. There was a woman there along with her 2 daughters. She was diagnosed by a primary 20 years ago with dementia and put on Aricept. They are attributing the drug for slowing down the disease. She still has few symptoms of AD except some memory problems. They are finally seeing a neurologist in December. I encouraged them to get a thorough physical because there are many diseases, many curable, that have dementia as a symptom. The facilitator backed me up on that.

    There was one woman who takes care of her mom, the other two women have a husband with AD. I can't believe the ignorance these people have. What really ticks me off is when people are told by doctors to take Aricept and/or Namenda because it will slow the disease down. These people buy into this lie. There is no proof any drugs will slow it down. Wish doctors would stop with the fake information.

    Tomorrow at Rosetta they are having an 'International Luai'! Will be interesting. Maybe I can meet others family members.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2019
     
    I noticed no effect from Aricept and took her off it. I hope you enjoy the Luau.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2019
     
    Although my husband has been taking it for a year or so I can see no difference, but I guess the only way to know would be to take him off it.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2019
     
    yes you would have to take him off it. A geriatric doctor that use to join us said he would take patients off. If he saw a change within a few days he would put them back on it where they would usually go back to about how they were before going off.

    Received a call about 3:30 from Rosetta telling me Art was having a bad day.. His belt broke this morning and he was really upset. They couldn't get him to take his sertraline until the nurse came for a meeting, put it in ice cream getting him to eat it. I don't know why they didn't call me earlier. I went to Walmart to buy a new belt. He was eating dinner when I arrived, saw me so finished his meal then came over to me holding his pants up. This guy is so obsessed with having a belt. They tried to get his sweats on him but he would change. Put his new belt on and he was happy. I laid on his bed like I normally do - he usually sits in his chair but instead sat down beside me. I was rubbing his arm and he laid his head down on me. He was falling a asleep so I suggested he lay on the bed and I would sit in his chair. So I moved his chair next to the bed rubbing his arm while he fell asleep. I watched him sleep a while trying not to cry- he still jerks some like he has for years. Around 6 I quietly left.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2019
     
    Outside people are right to run away from this because Alzheimer's will just keep ripping your heart out.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2019
     
    Yesterday when the case manager from the Council on Aging came for DH's quarterly review, one of the things she wanted to know was what I did to keep DH's mind engaged. Hmmm... I finally told her that when people get to a certain stage, sometimes all those things you've used to "engage their mind" just become too hard for them. Then it becomes aggravating and frustrating for them to try to do all these things they used to do. Most of the time, just getting through the day and doing a few odds and ends is about all the "engagement" DH can handle. More and more days he sleeps more than 12 hours. Even when he's up, he's not exactly a ball of fire, looking for something interesting to do. I wonder if she really did think that if I could just keep DH engaged, that the disease would not progress.

    Wolf - This is the disease that just keeps on giving--but not in a good way.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2019
     
    Jan, if you read all the 'new' thinking, these people want you to keep their AD loved one engaged in life. They speak of all these activities to enrich what life they have left. They build these RV villages in other countries, starting to here, but as you mentioned at a certain stage they no longer want or can engage in 'life'. And frankly I don't have the desire or energy to try and engage him just to make some 'expert' happy. When he went to day care for over 2 years about the only thing he did was talk to others even though they had craft activities he was capable of doing. Once I placed him they have activities but he rarely participates if at all. They say his attention span is too short to even color. If he interacts with others now it is mostly the staff - except at night. It will be interesting to see how into the Luau he will be today. I am going just in case he gets overwhelmed then I can take him outside or to his room. Have no idea how many will families will show up. Paula invited herself so that will be interesting. I hope Art is over his bad day yesterday.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2019
     
    Did you ever have a day where nothing really unusual happened but the never ending (insert your own description) made you want to pull your hair out and run screaming into the storm?

    I talked to the Dr today about the aricept, she said it's a pretty safe drug so lets try awhile longer. He progresses and regresses so much I'm not sure if I would know the difference. She asked him about driving and that seemed to remind him he's not - so ragged on me all the way home to let him drive. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him why not.....'nuff said, you've all been there.

    I'm so sorry Charlotte, it's heartbreaking to see one you love in this situation.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2019
     
    The Luau was OK - lots of good food. He was in a good mood today. Don't know about him but I came home and slept for 2 hours.

    I took my hb off galantamine against doctors wishes - she was not happy. It was my choice and since it evidently was not making any difference, I am glad I did.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2019
     
    This week I came across a YouTube video with a title which was something like how to help yourself when you have a meltdown day. (This was not a caregiver video, but would certainly seem to apply to our situations.) I haven't watched the video yet, because I usually read some comments first. The first person to comment gave as their recipe for self-care:

    "Drink water.
    Breathe.
    Stretch.
    Remind myself that this is the way my body is, and it's time to let it lay down."

    Words to live by, especially the fourth line. I think it's my new personal motto! I kept reading the comments, and thought this one was spot-on, also:

    "I always tell myself that it is absolutely ok to spend several days in my bathrobe and that I can be proud of myself for leaving my bed, eating, drinking and breathing. For everything on top of that like brushing my teeth or eating something that is actually nutritional I celebrate myself like a superhero! For everyone who reads this: I am proud of you because you are still here, living day after day and fighting through your meltdown like a warrior!"

    I definitely need to go back and watch the video and read more of the comments--and maybe write those comments down on cards to read the next time I have one of those meltdown days...or weeks.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2019 edited
     
    I am good at getting up and dressed, although I do go out in my PJs during the night and mornings - too old to care about what other think since many others do it too! I brush my teeth, get my morning Diet Mt Dew and eventually get something to eat which could take until noon. The other night I missed all the action in the park. I heard people behind me but decided I didn't feel like being nosy. Turns out it was the police - many - in their swap gear including assault rifles all because I guy was in the field behind me wanting to kill himself. I guess eventually they backed away then he did shoot himself. Some said he was depressed over just retiring. Bad when I decide to hibernate. I had spent the afternoon with Art so was down and tired.

    I bought him smaller pants - 36. He was wearing 40 in February. I bought him 38 in May that were loose but not that loose. Now they fall off him without a belt. The 36 were still too big. I will go to Goodwill, again, to look for 34. They have held his weight steady now at 170 but he is so thin and doesn't look like he weighs that much. Yesterday I had him laying on the bed with the dog - he said he was tired and looked it, had been having a bad day. He looked down at his chest, asked what the 'bumps' were. It was his rib cage which shocked him. He was telling me 'I am tired, I just want to go home'. I told him he couldn't because I can't keep him safe then told him why which he didn't remember his taking off but dropped the subject.

    I went back through his VA records back to 2010 doing a list of his weights. On 1/14/2019 he weighed 214. Now he weighs 170. I think he was 172 when I moved him in May. He lost all that weight while at Eagle Springs but they never were concerned because their scales said he still weighed him as 188.

    I felt sorry for the husband of the woman in the room next to Art. She is bed bound and he visits every day with their dog. Yesterday is the first time I have heard her arguing to want to go home. He tried to get her to accept it was home pointing out her TV, dresser, etc that make her room personal but she was not having any of it. The rest of the time he just let her rant.

    Got my replacement router. The old one had download speeds of 10mpbs but the modem has 90+. This one is not as high as I was led to believe but the woman today said it should be around 40. It does test out on wi-fi for download between 25-30 which is a lot better. At least when I plug the ethernet cable from the router to my computer it is now 90+ from the 10 it was. Now I have to decide if I want them to send out another one to see if it will get higher.

    Yesterday I took the rest of his clothes except for a couple sweatshirts to the men's shelter - 3 bags of them. They were all too big for him including the heavy wool socks, long johns and winter hats that I am sure they will be used by the men. But, I kept my sunglasses on so the guy could not see the tears in my eyes.
  3.  
    Charlotte, my DH lost weight like that, too. I think it is just part of the disease. In terms of going outside when you're not really "dressed"--I found when DH was going downhill, and also later on when I had a puppy--that it helps to sleep in something that almost looks like real clothes. i.e. a T-shirt and leggings, or a tank, or some soft workout shorts. Have shoes or boots that you can just slip your feet into and go. Maybe a hoodie sweatshirt handy to slip on if it is chilly. That way you don't look like you are outside in your nightclothes...even though you really are. Another idea is to just keep your "yesterday" clothes folded neatly and not tossed into the dirty clothes basket--while it's not ideal, you can just jump back into them to wear outside first thing in the morning until you can get a shower and get dressed.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2019 edited
     
    I do sleep in leggings and tank top so I look dressed except for my hair and no bra! In the winter it has to be pretty cold for me to bother putting a jacket on. If it is raining I will just so I am not wet to crawl back into bed.

    I heard back from his niece that her mom also lost a lot of weight. I know at the funeral his dad didn't look like he had lost much from when we had saw him 4 years earlier. I posted about the weight loss on Facebook where I am friends from many that I originally met on here. I was reminded that often when they start loosing so much weight, they may be heading into the last stages which would be great. I hate seeing him loosing so much of himself, not living just existing.

    Update: they just weighed Art. He is now down to 162. I sent an email to his primary to ask for suggestions like the super pudding daily or something like ensure. He is eating but his body just is not using it which I know most of you have been through with your spouse. I know weight loss is normal but he is loosing so fast. The first of the month he was 170.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2019
     
    Is anyone on this forum living in the path of hurricane Dorian? I hope not.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2019
     
    Nope, I only have to worry about earthquakes but not that much since I am on the east side of the Cascades. Just think, if the west side falls into the ocean then the desert could have an 'ocean view'!!
  4.  
    When I tried to keep DH's weight up by using Ensure and similar products, he would take the supplement but then not want any of the next meal. So it really didn't help anything.

    (Right Charlotte--no time to put on the underpinnings. I always hoped nobody noticed! :D )
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019
     
    Heard back from the doctor last night - was disappointed in his reply. In my email I told him Art was eating well but still loosing weight, any suggestions.

    He answers back 'normal to loose weight because food doesn't taste good so they don't eat. Ensure three times a day might help. If the place has a house doctor ask them for suggestions'.

    I was not expecting him to refer me to another doctor. I emailed back saying nicely that he is eating, that is not the problem, it is eating and still loosing. And then I commented they have a doctor that visits but Art is not one of her patients, I thought he was his doctor. So I guess I need to go with a non-VA doctor here.

    This weekend is the Tumbleweed Festival at the local park. I have always wanted to go but Art didn't want to so I am going to try to get my rear moving and go for a while to see what it is like.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019 edited
     
    Charlottte, towards the end, Eric started to lose weight. To me, it was the sign that we were nearing the end. I can't remember how long afterwards it was that he died. I think it was six months or less, more likely four. The doctor wrote on the death certificate, "Failure to thrive."
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019
     
    That is how I label it because he is eating but not thriving. I think it was you on Facebook that reminded me of the fact. I am facing we might be entering the end stage. Maybe he will still know me when the end comes. Right now he doesn't say my name but he knows I am his wife.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019
     
    Try to go to that Tumbleweeds festival for at least a little while.
    • CommentAuthorleona
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019
     
    When my husband was eating but still loosing weight, his doctor told me that the brain eventually forgets how to use his nutrients and calories which in turn would cause failure to thrive even tho he eats well. Mine also passed in about 4 months when that started.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2019
     
    I did go for a little while but it was to hot and humid. Our humidity was only 18 but being on the river and grass that is well watered it was humid. Temp was around 95, but with the humidity even in the shade it was miserable.

    Next week I will try not to procrastinate, find someone and pay for his cremation, then I will have that all done.
  5.  
    Charlotte, definitely get the cremation set up in advance. You will be so glad you did. Actually, anything you can set up in advance will be very helpful to you when the time comes.

    I might go down to the big once a year "Hooley on the Hudson" this afternoon. I don't really feel like it--feel like lying on the couch with a paperback--but I can do that anytime. They run free shuttle buses down to the Hooley--it's just five minutes away, but there's not enough parking down there. I know if I go, I'll enjoy it. I think I've relayed my brother Mike's smart aleck comment about Irish festivals to this group before...but here it is again. Mike: "I don't see any point in going to those things. If you want to see a bunch of drunk Irishmen, just look around our living room."

    Har--dee--har--har.

    P.S. My parents were tee-totalers. I can hardly say the same for my three brothers.
  6.  
    Elizabeth
    I like your brother's comment. Here's mine.

    I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my friend,
    "That'll be us in ten years."
    My friend looked across the bar and said, "That's a mirror, you dummy. "

    Another one ….

    One night in late October,
    When I was far from sober,
    Returning with my load and manly pride,
    My feet began to stutter
    So I lay down in the gutter
    And a pig came by and lay down by my side.
    Then a lady passing by was heard to say:
    "You can tell a man who boozes
    By the company he chooses,"
    The pig got up, and slowly walked away.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2019
     
    Hi George, That's really funny!

    Reading these comments, I realized that it didn't even occur to me to see if there were any local festivals, and I'm sure there were some. The weather has been great for doing that. Maybe I'll find something tomorrow. I've been down in the dumps lately, feeling that everything is in the past and there is no future for me. I've been spending a lot of time weeding in the garden - it was too hot to do it until the last week - and doing a little shopping (some new towels, etc.) I saw a cat toy on sale today (a scratching board with a built-in toy), so I bought it as a gift for Lucy. So far, she's ignored it and instead is playing with the laces on my sneakers.

    Charlotte, in his third year in LTC, my husband lost weight, too, even though he was eating. But he kept going on for quite a while. It was only when he started to actively refuse food that he started to fail.

    Now that I've retired, I was thinking of becoming a volunteer at the veterans' home where my husband spent his last years. I don't know if that's a good idea, though, since it might make m dwell on the past even more.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2019 edited
     
    Myrtle, you could always give it a try and if it were too painful, graciously withdraw.
    But I think it would a good idea. Besides making a contribution, it could help you tie up loose ends. Somtimes when I see an elderly man who reminds me of Eric, I long to go over and give him a hug. Eric used to smile when I did that , and I'd like that experience again.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2019
     
    Myrtle, tonight when I was visiting I thought about if I would want to return after he is gone. Both the other places he was at I was getting attached to some of the residents and often wonder how they are doing. Now since there are only 16 there I am getting to know them. Some of the women are so sweet - yes they can get nasty but are also sweet. I find it totally different with them than my husband. But then I may not want to go mingle with those with dementia again - or at least a while.

    I loved all the jokes.

    He had a bad morning but finally they got his sertraline down him via ice cream. They said about an hour later he stopped crying and turned into his happy self. I arrived about 6pm - they were just getting ready to eat dinner which is normally at 4:30 but I guess the roast took a long time to cook. I told them they need to check the oven temperature. After eating we sat down on the couch and he slept most of the time until I left at 7:50.
  7.  
    Very good, George! Haha.

    I did go to the Hooley. Saw a bunch of people I know, listened to some music, watched the dancers, bought a Tee shirt. I didn't get any of the stupid ones--I just got a nice, tasteful soft green one that says "Ireland" and has a Celtic cross on it.

    I have never got into any kind of volunteer work related to Alzheimers or to health care. I guess I am just too faint-hearted. But I sing in the church choir and still write reviews for Historical Novels Review. So those things are my volunteer work, I guess, although I enjoy them a lot and would hardly call them "work."