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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2019 edited
     
    We are finally going to get hot - in the 90s closing in on 100s. I know many parts of the country have been hot, had rain and flooding, etc. I hope all are safe.

    Have not seen hb since Thursday - will go today. I miss seeing him but it is hard on us both when I leave. Will be back to update after visit.

    update: Had a good visit. His new glasses have been missing and they have not found them but I did find the end of the bow that he broke off, so he either threw them away or they are hidden somewhere probably in someone else room. After about 3 hours told him it was time for Jas and I to leave. Was mad he couldn't go with me. That is why I don't like going.

    Put ribs with BBQ sauce mixture in the crock pot this morning. Walked in to that smell when I got home!
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2019
     
    Last night I had one of those rare times when I stayed up late and watched stupid youtube videos as an escape from caregiving. When I do something like that, for a little while I can forget the situation and just feel like a normal human being. I was looking forward to having some silly things to share with DH this morning.

    DH had other ideas. While we were eating breakfast, he told me that he had something very important that he needed to talk to me about. He was very serious about it. Then he proceeded to detail all the ways he thought I was failing in our relationship and in life.

    I am into my 17th year of caregiving, and have tried very hard to be patient and kind and loving and keep him at home as long as possible, and every sacrifice and lonely moment, every time I swallowed my words instead of screaming them at him, every time I needed to be resting but got up to do something for him or take him somewhere--every moment of that flashed before my eyes. I think the British have a word for how I felt at that moment: gutted. Absolutely gutted.

    I know that we are told that when our spouses do something mean or hurtful, it's the disease and not them. What makes this morning so incredibly more painful is that while DH was talking to me, I could see that he was pretty much firing on all cylinders. He was very articulate, and it was obvious that he had given all this a great deal of thought. (This from someone who lately has had trouble coming up with a complete sentence that makes sense.) It was soon afterward that the dementia man reappeared. While my eyes were still wet with tears, DH asked me if there was something wrong. Had something happened?

    I hate this disease.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2019
     
    Jan, those kind of days are so devastating. My hub would periodically rant and rave that “We got nothing!” And tell me he was going to get a bed and move into the other room. Other days when he’d be physically aggressive and I’d leave the house. When I came back he’d be all worried that he didn’t know where I was. I’m like you were threatening to kill me, why would I stay around? He’d say he didn’t do that, he’d never do that, that’s not right, he’d never do it again... I always wished I could get over it as quickly as he did.
    For a few months I’ve been remembering only the fairytale part of our marriage and still can’t figure out how he could be dead. Now, as his birthday approaches, I have images of both of him in my head - like side by side. Fairytale husband and Alzheimer’s husband. I couldn’t imagine ever saying this, but sometimes I even miss the one with Alz.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2019
     
    Deepest sympathy, Jan K. The brain is so weird.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2019
     
    Anyone remember the song of the 60s titles Sukiyaki? Never knew the lyrics but thought it was about sadness. Here is the translation

    I look up when I walk so the tears won't fall
    Remembering those happy spring days
    But tonight I'm all alone

    I look up when I walk, counting the stars with tearful eyes
    Remembering those happy summer days
    But tonight I'm all alone

    Happiness lies beyond the clouds
    Happiness lies above the sky

    I look up when I walk so the tears won't fall
    Though my heart is filled with sorrow
    For tonight I'm all alone

    whistling

    Remembering those happy autumn days
    But tonight I'm all alone

    Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars
    Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon

    I look up when I walk so the tears won't fall
    Though my heart is filled with sorrow
    For tonight I'm all alone
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2019 edited
     
    We have enjoyed this visit from our youngest son and his wife but neither of us have felt up to running around. But has been enjoyable just seeing them again and had a wonderful celebration yesterday.

    Our new trial is that dh has forgotten how to get gas. Can't remember which card is the gas card, nor how to insert it as well as not able to get the nozzle in enough to start the gas flowing. One more thing I have to take over. I can't remember the last time I had to pump my own gas, in fact I had dh show me what to do about a month ago, since he doesn't drive the car. He is progressing faster now.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2019
     
    Hang in there ladies. Here's a moment of respite spent with bruiser bear:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-yqvT8vKZc
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2019 edited
     
    oakridge - glad the visit went well. Sounds like June/July will hold some good memories.

    Cute video Wolf.

    Went to visit him on the 4th. Waited until around 6. Took him out to DQ then went walking along the river. When we arrived back at the facility he asked why we were there. I told him because this is where you live. He got a puzzled look on his face. Went inside, told him he had to stay there. Got mad and went to his room so I took off. It makes it easier to leave when he does this but also makes me sad. I usually go out back and watch fireworks. Can see the commercial ones in two of the cities plus all the individual ones but didn't this year. It was easier staying inside. I could still hear them going off in the housing across the road from us. Thankfully they are not allowed in the park.

    later: Just picked up my mail. Eagle Springs where Art use to be says I still owe them money. I think they are trying to get me to pay for February. I have the document from Medicaid saying I didn't owe anything for that month. I will call Monday to see what they are trying to get money from me for.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime7 days ago edited
     
    Visited him today. While there they asked if I could get him into the shower which I did even though he didn't want to. He has gotten so thin. He weight close to what he did most of his adult life but he hasn't the muscles he had so looks thinner. If she is the one usually doing showers I can see why he doesn't want to - she rushes through it. Joe will give him the stuff and let him wash himself. Took her about a minute to soap him up except around his privates - wanted him to do it. As fast as she asked him to do it he didn't have time to follow so I grabbed the wash cloth and did it. She rinsed him but he still had soap on him so took the shower from her making sure his armpits and privates were rinsed well. Wednesday Paula and I will take his chair in so he will have it to sit in while in his room. Today his roommate was sleeping on Art's bed - Jas kept running in and jumping on him. Teach him to sleep on the wrong bed!!!!

    Found out while I have not seen his roommates wife. She has only visited once since placing him there 3+ weeks ago. She calls but doesn't visit.

    Called Eagle Springs - was told to disregard the statement as their system was sending them out to people in error - even people who had died. Wow, that would be horrible to receive a bill when your loved one died month ago.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    I went out on the 3rd of July to patriotic concert at the cemetery. It was really beautiful. Met an Army VietNam vet and had nice conversation with him. Could have found a friend to ga with, but am feeling more comfortable trying some things by myself.
    Today, 10 July, is his birthday. I played a one person golf tournament with balls he had marked. I thought I’d be a basket case, but was happy and played relatively well. I’m going to make his favorite angel food cake. A friend wanted me to go to lunch but I don’t want to share this day with people. Interesting that I heard from both of his sons. They never sent a card when he was alive.... They seem to want to stay connected with me. I don’t know what to make of that, but am playing it by ear.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime5 days ago edited
     
    I appreciate everyone's posts and so am adding my two bits worth. although it is trivia.
    Life continues to improve since surgery.
    I get out to lunch 3-4 times a week at the Senior’s Centre at the local community centre: wonderful, friendly, interesting people, good food (yesterday we had lemon pie for dessert), library, swimming pool, exercise room, flowers.
    A daily walk, always a good book on the go (right now, it’s James Herriot’s Cat Stories, lent to me by a friend at the Community Centre).
    Deep thoughts? Not many at the moment. Just enjoying the summer.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    That's excellent Mary.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Great to hear Mary.
  1.  
    Thank goodness--good to hear from you and with good news!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Oh Mary that’s such good news!
    I’m doing line dancing at a local senior center with a friend. Just a beginner but this is a fun way to work out.