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    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2019
     
    I did clean his side of the bed today. Now much on my side but can't believe between the little drawer, the cubby by the bed and the boxes on the floor by the bed I took out 2 garbage bags of stuff. One of those on the floor was a filing box full of papers from when we had a business selling air purifiers - all went in the trash!

    I did pick up a metal tin and almost dropped it. There is $35 in rolled pennies in it. Must be left over from our days of selling at flea markets, Christmas shows and street markets! Most banks don't take rolled coins anymore but will see if my credit union does. Otherwise I will have to go to one of those change machines, rip them open and dump them in! I did find one of those film canisters with $7 in quarters and a Sacajawea 2000 dollar coin - unfortunately it is not one of the collectible ones.

    I am tired, stiff, and in pain but feels good to get something done. Tomorrow I will try to motivate myself to work on the living area. One of the drawers under the table seat is not all tools - at least the ones in the house. The cabinet above where I now have the desk is also full of took, nuts, bolts, screws, misc stuff he kept thinking he might need it someday! That might be my next job so I can move all my computer stuff into that one - like paper, cds, etc. I know the other seat drawer is also full of stuff, some tools but it is hard to get to since stuff is stacked in front of it, so not sure what all is in there. I need to get things cleaned up so I can move this. I would like to get the new tires on next month if possible - unless we get our normal 100+ temps.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2019
     
    Charlotte I agree 100% with jan k. It isn't a pity party it's grieving. For what was, what it is now, and what will never be again. On my bad days I feel selfish that I'd like to be out more doing things I used to enjoy. In a way, that is feeling sorry for myself. DH is back in his sex - whatever you call it. I try to joke and be nice but I don't feel that way. And because of the way he is, I can't tell him it's all his fault - I'd love a good roll in the hay. Yesterday he asked if they had men who provided sex for pay like there are women, told him I had no idea :)

    But, like you, I grieve knowing we'll never again get in the car for a great adventure. Those days are gone and a part of me has gone with them.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJul 12th 2019
     
    I am so tired of all this. Don't know which is worse, him bumbling around trying to do something or sitting like a lump and doing nothing. The grass is a foot high - he doesn't care. I finally found a repair shop for the small mower but have to take it into town so will be next week. We have two weed eaters but he won't even see if they'll start. I don't know anything about them and frankly don't want to. There is only so much I can handle. Doesn't think anything is wrong with him, yes he can do things - but only if I'm right there telling him what to do every step of the way. It feels like i have to stand behind him giving direction, like a puppet, for him to accomplish anything.

    I feel ashamed but I go crazy when he seems so normal, looks so normal, acts normal -- if you just talk to him for a few minutes. I want to scream that's it all an act - try living with him for a few days. We enjoyed all the kids being here but have to admit it's nice to have peace and quiet again. I am so caught with trying to help him keep as much of himself as he can - and just wishing it would all go away period. He simply won't leave me alone to do things, like a whiny toddler wanting attention. He doesn't even mind if Its anger as long as he has my attention.

    Guess I'd better end this pity party, I have to go into town - all those things he used to do, he can't anymore. Just little things but take time, and I only have so much time in a day. The last two days the kids were here I had to resort to narcotics again I was in so much pain. Just looking at me you don't realize I have a problem, and I don't like to keep saying I can't do that anymore -- but I wasn't able to get out and do things with the kids this year which disappointed them and me as I was looking forward to it. I'm leaving, better to go do something than sit here with him. He's had breakfast and there is plenty for lunch if he wants it. He forgets we have food in the refrigerator and will just eat cheese and crackers or cookies and ice cream. I don't even care right now, he's gained 20 lbs with the foot problems he had this year but it's useless to talk to him about getting out of the house and get some exercise. The dr is going to be mad at me next week because he isn't drinking water - just coffee - but there is only so much I can do. I don't have to live with her :)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 12th 2019
     
    If he is drinking coffee that is liquid - just keep pouring it into him.Liquid is liquid even if flavored with coffee. I drink very little actual water - doesn't agree with my stomach. Hb use to drink very little but he doesn't now. When he is outside walking around they take 16 ounces out to him every hour.

    I found I resented him so much when he would just sit leaving me to do everything around the MH. You have much more than I do to upkeep by yourself. It helped when I worked on changing my mindset that he would never do the stuff he did or help me. Frankly as for your husband, if it were mine, I would not want him running the lawnmower or weed eater - any stuff he could get hurt on. It really helped cutting that final resentment of him not helping when I placed him cause he wasn't here to get angry at.

    You have a lot to do - think of selling and moving to a place you would have less? Or placing him? Maybe have someone come in to entertain him so you can go out to work without him nagging you - this might help to start with. He won't like it but too bad.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 12th 2019
     
    Went to the doctor today about these hot flashes from hell. I go to the residency program so get a resident under supervision. I told her if I had known this would happen I would not have had the surgery. She then says I would have the cancer. Told her that would have been better than these life the last 5 years of 'hot flashes' from hell, always having to sit in front of the fan which dries my eyes out causing crusting on them all the time. Every time I do the slightest activities they come on. She was shocked I would choose cancer of these hot flashes. I don't exercise because of them - not about to go to a gym with my face turning beet red and sweat pouring down my face,etc.

    Refuse to prescribe low dose hormones due to dangers. I say big deal! So she leaves and talks to her supervisor, comes back with wanting to try gabapentin which she says has proven to help. She couldn't guarantee no weight gain from it. I checked online and can have some bad side effects. I know I have seen it mentioned here numerous times - what are peoples experience personally or your loved one on it as far as side effects?
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJul 12th 2019
     
    Coffee is actually a diuretic, as well as a stimulate, it doesn't count as water. Since his kidney function has started dropping faster he needs water. My neighbor just returned from a day in the hospital from not drinking enough, he got dehydrated working outside and his electrolytes got out of whack.

    I don't think either of us could handle another move, and to make a real difference it would have to be a condo like place, which neither of us would be happy with. I went to the library this afternoon to return some books and it was so quiet and peaceful I sat in a chair and skip read through a book on AZ caregivers. Nothing new but told the librarian I might just get in the habit of coming in a few times a week just to read in a quiet place :) He is not ready to be placed, and I've promised him I will keep him at home as long as I can. Sometimes my frustration gets out of hand and I have to let it out. The path of least resistance works best with him. At least here I can go upstairs or outside and get away from him. He is OK at home alone for a couple of hours, mostly he just goes to sleep.

    As for gabapetin, I won't take it anymore. It does help with nerve pain, never heard it prescribed for hot flashes though. I could never get over the side effects. The dr told me when you first take it you will feel like you are tipsy, slightly drunk. I could never get past that. I know my neighbor took a much lower dose for shingles and said she worked through it in about three weeks. I did gain weight that year but I was on so many drugs I couldn't say if it was that or the fact I was basically an invalid. Took me almost a year after surgery to lose it.

    I went through the change in my late 20's due to necessary surgery and the hot flashes would come minute after minute sometimes. Been so long ago I don't remember if I took anything. There are a number of herbal preparations that are said to help. Can't think of a particular one right now, but an internet search should give you lots of information. Black Cohash rings a bells in my head but not sure of that. Had a friend with cancer who couldn't take hormones and think that's what she used.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJul 12th 2019
     
    There is an old joke about comedians in a bar calling out a number and everyone laughing. Bartender asks why they say, since they all know the jokes, they gave them numbers and just called that out and the all knew what it meant. I feel that way sometimes. I look back through the posts and say - yes, that's exactly what I'm going through ---- so feel like if I just post a name and date, You'd know what is happening in my life now, LOL.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 13th 2019
     
    Guess I am a horrible pet owner. I went to the store tonight around 8:45. It is dusk, no sun - only thing shining is the moon, 80 degrees out. I took the dog with me leaving her in the car with windows down about an inch, water, and I ran the a/c all there way there so it was cool in there. When I arrived back after 20 minutes in the store, it was still cool inside the car. I found a nasty note on my windshield telling how horrible I am for leaving the dog in the car. I will not repeat the names the person called me. It was not hot, no sun warming the car up - no danger to dog. That is the last thing I would do is endanger her. I purposely waited until the sun went down before going.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2019
     
    When my father was last in the hospital and needed to drink the doctor said coffee was OK. My wife was ranting that he shouldn't have coffee since it is a diuretic.

    When I told my wife yesterday that the basement flooded in last week's intense rain (4.5" in an hour) she had little reaction, a surprise to me since the flood 12 years ago was so traumatic. There is no way she could stand being in the house post-flood. Everything from the basement is now on my first floor. She would be going on about he "Nobody can live this way." Her minor reaction is probably for the best, just unexpected.

    And don't worry. The basement has been cleaned (sewer backup was part of it), insurance is covering the damage, and the contractors are lined up.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2019
     
    Sorry Paul about the flooding. I have only lived in one house with a basement but only a few months. There has been so much widespread flooding from the north now down to the gulf starting this winter. I wish it was talked more about because most people are even unaware of the heavy snow damage then flooding that is ongoing.

    As for coffee I thought it was the caffeine that causes the diuretic problem? If so then drink de-caff.

    Saw hb yesterday. He was outside sweating away - it was 95. I am going to talk with the boss there tomorrow about putting the chair back out so at least he can sit in the shade instead of walking around since he has on his jeans and a flannel shirt. I know they take water out to him, but just not happy he is out there. I realize this is the drawback to a small facility vs large one where there are hallways to walk.

    First night on the gabapentin - only side effect was I slept good and finally got up at 10. Of course I didn't go to sleep until after 1. The local channel has Rizzoli & Isles on Saturday and Sunday night at midnight.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2019
     
    Yes, next home, no basement. It's been very dry for 12 years and I have taken a number of preventative measures over the years. The next to consider is putting in a backwater valve, but the insurance adjust wasn't sure if it would have worked given the intensity of the rain. The fence along the back of the property probably helped keep water in the yard and back to the house so I've made some adjustments there. We had a heavy rain on Thursday (2-3 inches hour) and everything was bone dry. Meanwhile there are people here who had 8 feet of water in their basements.

    I'm not sure what makes coffee a diuretic. I was upset that my wife was insisting to deny my father one of the few pleasures left in his life (in hospital, delirious, etc). Of course now that was fueled by her FTD.

    In temperatures like that my wife ALF will lock the doors to the outside, very dangerous. Getting a chair out back in the shade is a good idea. And they should be checking outside every 10 minutes. Is the outside area all fenced in?

    I'm glad you slept well. You will need to give the gabapentin some time to see if it is right for you. But a good night's sleep is a good side effect.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2019
     
    So far no effect on the hot flashes/sweats.

    This is a comment from the Mayo clinic on coffee:

    Drinking caffeine-containing beverages as part of a normal lifestyle doesn't cause fluid loss in excess of the volume ingested. While caffeinated drinks may have a mild diuretic effect — meaning that they may cause the need to urinate — they don't appear to increase the risk of dehydration.

    Another statement is that it would take a whole lot of caffeine to cause a problem. Coffee is also used as a laxative for many people. I know after my surgery a lot of women said having their cup of coffee in the morning kept their bowls moving. I don't drink coffee so don't know.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2019
     
    Like hot dogs & eggs, coffee is one of those things that is either bad for you, good for you, or ignored depending on who you talk to or the reason why it's being discussed. For my husband, he drinks too much coffee, too much caffeine with too much acid - without other things to dilute it. And no, he will not drink decaf.

    My nephrologist told me if it isn't transparent - you can see clear through it - it isn't water. It might be fluids but isn't water, he was very specific about this. When he limited my fluid intake, along with sooups I had to consider anything that would melt at room temperature a fluid, things like jello, ice cream etc.

    I do have one dil whose coffee could almost be considered transparent, LOL.