When I first met my husband 50 years ago I knew he was the one I was going to marry. He surprised me with an engagement ring on Valentine's Day. We have three perfect children who grew up to be fine adults. Somewhere along the way bad behavior became a big issue. Divorce was not a part of my culture and he always treated me like a queen. I reached the point where I drew up the list with the positives and negatives and it was a draw. I decided as long as he could change the high light bulbs the balance was still in the plus side. It became a marriage of convenience more than love. I really wanted out long before dementia reared its ugly head. I put up with too many years of misery trying to cope with FTD. Now that my husband is in a dementia facility and no longer knows me I have no feelings left. I visit and go through the motions-but I am empty.
bluedaze, I understand. I've wanted out many times - my pressure valve was the travelling. RIght now things are in many ways better than they've been in years because he's so obviously uncomfortable and confused; I pity him deeply. And he's mostly trying to not annoy me!
But fifty years - fifty two years for us on 9/11 - is a long time to still really love someone.
We share an anniversary! (I still resent terrorists "picking" our date) Ours will be 43 on 9/11. He was 19 and I was 20...so us being together has made up the majority of our adult lives. I have been advised by the memory center that he should be placed; fortunately, he has long-term insurance, but still I find I haven't quite been able to deal with the reality of having him somewhere else. In some ways, making the trek to a facility sounds almost as tiring as having him home (there is no place nearby that will take him). I'm already lonely,but I would also be alone. Sometimes that sounds far better than how things currently are, and then we have a better day or two and I think maybe not yet. This is really a tough decision!
Well bluedaze, you really are out now, just as you wished. I understand completely what you are saying. It is time to start building your own life. It is understandable that you have no feelings left, how could you? You are free to do what you wish with your life. What do you want to do? It is no longer about you and him, it is now about you. How can you fill the emptiness?
bluedaze - I hope you can go on with your life. I've thought how hard all of this is even if you are totally in love. You need to find what gives you joy and bliss now and do that rather than feeling an obligation to a man who no longer knows you. Love to you.
I could get more cats. Seriously though-this post has been a real catharses for me. I need help before I can move on. This is a strange time to start falling apart.
We were very much like bluedaze, childhood sweethearts married 53 yrs when he died. He only wanted to protect & take care of me, so what went wrong. There were so many times when I wanted to hug & love him but it would turn instantly into my rejection, I never understood quite why. Twice I dragged him to marriage counselors but they just told me to leave him after 2 or 3 sessions--and I did not want to do that. I loved him, I knew I loved him, but sometimes I felt we were just passing each other in the hall--and we did literally. I realized as I grew older that my mother was not as good w/my father as she could have been, even tho she loved him, and I thought I was maybe mimicking her attitude, there was some of that, but what was the underlying current. I could never break thru to him when I tried to talk about it--never.
But love him I did, to the very end and beyond. But the love was not the same love I felt when I only wanted to marry him and spend my life with him. It was quite different, but very profound and very protective==very. I did some unknowlingly dumb things that were not kind, but I never meant to hurt him, he was so vulnerable I was compelled to love and protect him. I loved all that we had between us, the cildren, the years when we'd rob Peter to pay Paul, the sadness we felt when we'd lose a parent or dear one, our home--all of it. We were just so well suited, but the sad truth is that it all blew up on us and we never knew why, not until the best years had passed--so blemished. Sometimes I've thought about how our life would have been if AD had never entered it, but I don't go there too often. What's the point.
I think just about everyone, at one time, or another, has had thoughts of ..leaving...getting out......We were married at ages 17 and 19 and have been together 24/7 most of that time. We had lots of disagreements, quarling, etc. like everyone else, I imagine. But like you, we hung in there..Then along came AD and with all the stages, taking care of, wipeing butts, feeding etc. envolved in the care of him/her, your life is turned upside down. Your dreams of traveling and the golden years just going down the drain. We are getting older and the thought of being by ourself in the 70's or 80's is becoming more real. Even though they are barely functioning they are a presence or we have their well-being on our minds, much as we did when our children were little.
Adjusting to the next phase of our life will be challenging...
I think we become addicted to the caregiving. Even though we go through hard times, it does make us feel needed and it fills the void of loneliness. Once they pass, we really have to feel the loneliness and the aloness. After their passing, we have to figure out how to fill the void of being needed by someone and the loneliness and the aloness, and how to handle the grief, the guilt and the "should I have done more or been more" feelings. It is a lot to handle all at once, and I am beginning to think it will take an awful long time to handle all those feelings and emotions.
In my family, the lesson to be learned by the women in the family is how to be a widow. My mother was a wife for about 18 years. She was a widow for 37 years. My sister has been a widow since 1988...
In time it looks like I'll be doing it too.
Joyce is right, we do get addicted to the caregiving. It is one of the reasons it is so hard for us to do things for ourselves. And it is one of the reasons we end up filling our lives with caregiving and nothing else until it ends and then there is nothing there.
Oh, wow. Sometimes I learn things because a truth comes out of my fingers. Something I need to learn. I am trying to make a life for myself in addition to caregiving, but I'm not at all sure that I'm doing as much of it as I should be doing. Truly except for tiny moments my life is on hold, just like everyone else.
My dear friends: I have had several conversations with my oldest daughter relating to my loss of her father as my lover, partner, friend, confidant etc. My daughter has been married and divorced 4 times. She never did have a good marriage and has sad memories of all her marriages. She has told me several times,"At least Mom, you had a wonderful marriage, with great love between you and Dad. You have marvelous memoriesof a man who loved you deeply and always honored you I have pondered on this much and still have not reached a conclusion.....and that is which is more painful, having had a wonderful marriage and to have lost it and to realize that I must be alone for the rest of my life or to have been in a strained marriage where the couple is no longer "in love" and/or one member of the marriage is physically or verbally abusive.
I have not had to have feelings of resentment in caring for a husband who had not treated me well when he was well. I can understand why it would be a very normal reaction if I were called upon to sacrifice my life to care for someone whom I did not have deep feelings for. It might be mor courageous than my efforts of care resulting from my utter devotion of mine toward my DH.
I was responding here and took too long..which is probably best as, like Starling, I was wondering if I'm avoiding getting help here because I feel like this is my job now..or that no one else can do it.. or that DH won't be 'supervised' well... or what. There is little anyone can really DO to prevent him from doing what he is determined to do anyway.. but I'm sure that anyone here could call 911 if he got hurt. Anyway, we've been married 49 years. The negatives would be longer I think but I try to avoid thinking on that because we are HERE. Just wanted to say Amen to this thread.
Bluedaze, I can totally empathize with you. My husband and I have been married for 44 years. Even before the last 17 years, when symptoms of AD started, our marriage was not what I had hoped for. At one point I suggested we go to a marriage counselor and he said "Why, there's nothing wrong with me." So knowing now that he thought I was the problem ,I decided to continue our marriage-2 sons involved and many years together. I became the best caregiver I could be so I would not have to live with regrets and self accusations as far as taking care of him. Now, after he's been in the NH for 6 years, I have nothing in me left to give. I just go to see that he is well cared for there. And come home to an empty life and house. Would I have been better to have divorced him-back then- I'll never know and try not to dwell on it. sandy
sandy, then was then. Now is now. What are you doing now to start living again?
I ask because I went into therapy even though I'm doing pretty well. My pattern is to do pretty well and then get sick. I don't want to get sick this time, so I'm talking to someone about what is going on. I'm coming here to do even more talking. Would therapy help?
Starling I must be missing something. I went to a therapist early on because everyone said I should. She asked me what my plans were and said they were good. I made her laugh when I told her I planned to trade in my normal Honda for an Element because the car just amused me. She looked at me strangely on that one. A month later I brought her to her office window and showed her my Element. I still chuckle every time I see it in the parking lot. It's easy to find and meets my needs as far as loading heavy stuff. As far as the therapist-friends think I should go. Why-nothing will change. I am busy every day. Come September when Florida comes back to life I plan to volunteer my services. I know nothing will change as far as my husband and I am on my own. I have mixed feelings about my lack of feelings for him. I can't refer to him as my DH or LO and I do feel bad about that.
Addicted to caregiving: that's an interesting idea and I think it's true. Not just for us, but broadly. The mothers who LOVE to have LOTS of kids and can't bear for a baby to be the last one. The people who have cared for a disabled relative who go into caregiving professionally when that relative dies..
I just left my husband eating a late breakfast, went to the library and didn't have my card, was supposed to show my driver's license, realized I didn't have that because I have a temporary one, but it was back at home, so I had to fish out my car registration, got to the grocery, they were out of "our" catfood, went to another grocery, so were THEY (It's Friskies and they're changing their labels so I guess their distribution's screwed up) and a THIRD one, got a few cans, and they're redeeming coupons for a special labor day promotion so it takes forever and meanwhile my husband's home eating breakfast...
I got home. He'd FINISHED! Just barely. And was fine. But my antsy-ness while away was tererible. I was gone for less than an hour!! Caregiver anxiety!!
Don't you think that is the last syptom Sandy D mentioned? The guilt feeling for being away and ALONE for a while. I feel this all the time..toss up whether the wee freedom is worth the guilt trip.
bluedaze, It was framed as a question because this is the first time I've ever done therapy, and I'm not sure if it would help anyone, including me. So the question is, would therapy help? And the answer is, I don't have a clue. People say it does. I didn't join a face to face support group because when I'm talking face to face I need to talk about ME. I am getting that out of it. At this point we have gone from once a week to once every 2 weeks to about once a month. And that is all within 5 visits.
As for feelings that are/aren't actually there. Me too. Notice I don't use the DH. I say "my husband" instead. My own emotions were never all that strong. I've got affection for him because basically although he has been mean-spirited and downright nasty at times, and there was the one violent episode (which I will NOT allow myself to forget), mostly we just bump along. Life, right now, is mostly OK.
Of course the last time I thought that, new symptoms showed up and things were NOT OK at all for a very long time. <grin>
kathy, oh yeah. I even feel somewhat guilty for taking a 9 minute walk by myself a few minutes ago. Can't manage much more than 9 minutes between the asthma (mostly calmed down right now), the arthritis (mostly not giving me all the time pain) and the numb leg (kicks in between 10 and 30 minutes depending on exactly what I'm doing).
Sometimes, when I am doing errands I just plain do not want to go home, but I do anyway.
I think whether therapy helps depends on the therapist. I tried it, for three sessions, decided the therapist didn't have a clue, and didn't go back. I do believe if I had had a referral to a different therapist, I might have gotten the help I was seeking -- on how to deal with stress. The therapist I got added to the stress. And by the time I decided that, I was starting to figure out how to deal with the issues that were causing the stress, and wasn't about to add to them by trying additional therapists.
A therapist would be SUCH a personal thing ... how do you find the one who's right for you?
In my case I went with the "out of network" therapist group my family doctor chose for me. That family practice has an amazing record in choosing the best specialists. And sure enough they did it again. The therapy group chose the therapist and although she isn't a dementia caregiver specialist, boy does she "get it." We dealt with a bunch of stuff including making sure I got it about what was going on with my husband. I even got homework to lower the stress levels. Basically making sure my daughter knew what end of life decisions I had made. It worked.
Starting on the last visit we are working on taking care of the caregiver. I know I need that. I think we all do.
And by the way, even though I am on an Advantage Plan, it is a PPO, so I don't need a script to see a specialist, and once I've paid a co-pay for the "out of network" provider, not only did the insurance company negotiate a lower charge per visit, but they are also going to be paying 80% of that charge. So my co-pay starting next visit will be $20 instead of $15. Not too bad.
Errrr. No. I don't think I would deal well with that either. The therapy group seems to do a bit of everything. They've got a couple of substance abuse therapists and a therapist that works with children (we used her room for one of the visits). The group didn't put me with either of those specialties.
I've moved from very urban Orange County, CA to almost rural Lehigh County, PA, and it is going to sound weird, but the quality of the health care has just gone through the roof with the move.
I say almost rural because when I got here 4 years ago a lot of the locals were still heading down to Philadelphia for serious illnesses. This used to be a rural area. But just today I talked to one of them who is seeing a doctor about back surgery, here and not down in Philly. She says there just isn't any reason to go down there anymore, and if something goes wrong during the recovery, the doctor is HERE and not a couple of hours away. We have two excellent hospital groups and a really amazing rehab hospital as well.
I too very much wanted to divorce my wife as it had become unbearable......but I knew she could not get on by herself. Once I finally got her in for help, we made no progress. You as the spouse have no voice (due to hippa laws?) The docs will listen to and believe the B.S. your spouse tells them and the docs will look at you like your a bad person for suggesting there is something terribly wrong and providing examples. I finally got my wife to Mayo where they made very short work of the diagnosis. When leaving, they handed me the med records from all our "other" doc visits and said "I can't appologize for the care you've received back home". Reading thru all those records was an absolute joke. From my experience, I suggest to anyone who is just now starting this journey to not pay their bill for Dr. visits without an understanding that you will get a copy of the record from each visit. If it clearly shows the Doc was NOT listening to you, go somewhere else. Preferrably to another community where the Docs know nothing about your family so can have no innaccurate, preformed conclusions.
thenneck, I absolutely agree with you on firing doctors who aren't taking care of you and your LO. And there really is no excuse for doctors that won't at least give the mini-mental test to someone when they are being brought in for memory issues. That test is so simple that a medical assistant could give it, with great accuracy, as a screening tool.
It won't give you a diagnosis, but it will indicate whether or not testing is appropriate.
I guess we have been lucky (and I don't think it is because I am a doctor). The first neurologist we went to confirmed the diagnosis on the first visit. (studies ruling out other conditions had already been done). We left him when he seemed to loose interest in her. Her regular family doctor had no problem accepting the diagnosis, but didn't feel comfortable dealing with it. She took care of the diabetes, hypertension, and high cholesterol. On one visit, when I insisted on talking about the AD, she referred us to another doctor who specializes in AD, so now she is going to 2 doctors. My only complaint is that the AD doctor switched her from simvastatin, which is generic and cheap, to Lipitor, which is very expensive (and we are in the do-nut hole with prescription insurance).
I agree w/Marsh and we too have been very blessed with being diagnosed on first visit, altho we didn't stay w/that neuro because of his lack of info following diag other than "take these meds"...found the Alz Assoc by ourselves and that led to support groups, research opportunities, and eventually, changing of neuro & PCP to UTSW in Dallas -- it's easier on me to have all the dr's under one roof because they can each "see" the records, notes, etc. for the other. Husb knew he had a prob & told PCP 'can't find the words'...that led to MRI and subsequent neuro appt & MMSE/diagnosis very early in our journey. Reading some of the entries here, I do know we are so so blessed to have received the diagnosis when we did.
We have been fortunate to find a PCP and Alz/memory disorder specialist/psychiatrist who are on the same page as to care and treatment of my husband. Getting here has been a challenge, as he has always had broad spectrum learning disabilties--not just dyslexia, or perceptual problems. He has never been able to read, do math beyond 'simple' add and subtract (no borrowing). He did learn to sign, in cursive, all variations of his name and to read a regular clock. He could never read a blueprint or diagram, but once he helped build something he could do it again, with changes. He's built me tables and storage bins with fitted lids. He had always been rather tempermental and then had a mental breakdown. Dx: Schizo-Affective Disorder. Now his brain not only has major processing problems, he can't pick up the input from his environment properly, nor respond appropriately to it. Medication for the illness helps quell the frustration, clears his thinking and controls the anger storms. This was 1988. In about 2002, he asked his Psychiatrist for help with his "forgetfulness". Dr. put him on Aricept for 3 months, saying if it works we'll know if it's Alz--if it doesn't it's not. All it did is add to his irritability and irritation so we stopped it. Then in 2005 he had a major electrolyte drop. The first time they just IV'd his levels up to a manageable but subnormal level and sent him home, with a Potasium Rx and a fluid intake limit and blood tests every 1-2 weeks to monitor. We had a small but serious confrontation/abuse issue in very early 2006, I am sure came out of the effects of these low levels. Then in 8/06 his levels dropped again and we were back in the ER. This time they confirmed the source of the electrolyte problem--extended exposure to one of his psych meds triggered a false signal to develop in his system, telling it to dump the 'extra' electrolytes.. Besides getting his electrolytes back up, he was admitted to the PsychMed Unit because they had to change his meds. In the process of doing that, they looked at his history and did testing, beyond the mini mental. I think they were as shocked at my response as I was at their Dx. I was asked to tell them about his STROKE HISTORY. I asked "What STROKE HISTORY?" There are 2 significant stroke scars in his brain, one of which is probably responmsiblle for the "familial tremor" we were told he had in about 1976 and which has been extremely increased by med. side effects. Since that hospitalization I've had him back in 3 time with suspected TIAs. I don't know if our diagnosis was timely or not. I still haven't been able to isolate much that would say there were signs of his VaD here or there back then. Between the processing problems, the problems with receiving and responding, we now have the losing of abilities and memories along with the confusion that causes. And he's married to a person whose focus for a career was greatly connected to language and communication.
We have had changes of Drs. twice, by our choice. Once as he came out of the PMU because I'd lost confidence in his first Dr. Once he was on maintenance level med doses, nothing was done to prevent extended exposure (18 plus years), and expressed disinterest in his case once he was in the PMU. Then, after about 1 1/2 years with the Dr. we were referred to after discharge from the PMU, when he started pushing for all kinds of tests, without events to warrant them and changed Rxs without telling me of changes or why, and disregarded my input on hubby's condition (take his word and ignore mine), I searched out a new Dr. and we've switched. Our new Dr. told me at our first appointment that his most valuable tools in caring for his patients are their caregivers, because they 'know' the patients--their 'normal', their new issues, things that work and things that don't. He said point blank he can't get that in the 20-30 min. office visit. And he can't get a complete picture just from patient input. Aren't we lucky?
We got the diagnosis through a strange set of circumstances. I'd noticed memory problems and word finding problems. Because my husband had had a major event complete with a head injury due to an accident, multiple episodes of dying and being brought back and first a temporary and then permanent pacemaker all in one day, I knew that could be the cause. I asked for an "evaluation" and maybe some memory therapy.
And that is what I got at the great rehab hospital where we live. They do miracles with stroke victims every day. But my husband didn't get a miracle. The therapist stuck with us (he was learning some stuff, although everything he learned is now lost) until she got us to a neurologist. We got a diagnosis on the second visit. The first was a bunch of testing and orders for blood tests and a CAT scan. Once he had everything in place, including 6 months of therapy reports and the reports from the Cardiologist's tests from the previous 2 years, he had enough information to know what was going on.
Since you're a doctor, why don't you tell him/her to put her back on simvastatin (generic Zocor). Is there any real benefit to switching to Lipitor - I thought that Crestor is now the "gold standard" for statins. FWIW my WW used to be on lipitor but her PCP had no problem switching her over to simvaststin (I think he gets "brownie points" from our BC/BS plan for following the formulary recommendations).
I think once a person becomes a "garden variety" dementia patient the specialists (neurologists) kind of lose interest - I saw that happen with my wife.
Iggy, it's hard for both the doctor and the family when a family member is also a doctor. I try very hard not to interfere, and particularly not to change medications without the PCP's agreement. Sometimes the patient falls between the crack, since the PCP thinks the family member is doing things, and the family member (me) is trying to avoid being in the way. Since I cannot be objective in my analysis of the situation, I try to avoid looking like I am making any medical decisions.
But having said that, I plan to discuss the Lipitor vs. simvastatin issue at her next visit. At stage 6 I don't see much benefit from the Lipitor.
Some of you may remember my precious posts. I don't have any family. I was completely "worn out". DHs daughter,who lives across the country, agreed to have him live with her. I took DH to her home a month ago. When I returned to our home alone, for the first two weeks I just rested. NOW I'm going into a serious breakdown. Guilt, sense of failure and many negative emotions.I had come through seven years of caregiving without meds. Now I know I will not survive wothout them.I see the doctor tomorrow. I can't think, I'm shaking, can't make decisionsand am in tears almost all the time.What happend?????? The daughter and DH hav now asked that all "his" investment, bank accounts etc be transferred to them.So its come down to money for them. For me its emotional. I didn't see this breakdown coming.
Anna, so sorry you're having a hard time. I think it took all your strength, mentally, emotionally & physically to last through the seven years. You were at a breaking point, but had to stay strong until you got your husband into his daughter's house. Sounds like you are having the "breakdown" you couldn't allow yourself to have while he was in your care. Hope you will get medication for anxiety and depression tomorrow. Lexapro is great, it takes care of both. It is situational anxiety/depression that you are experiencing and can be treated.
Don't think about the money issue with his daughter right now. That can wait, and you will need advice. If she pressures you, just say you are seeking advice about the situation & will get back to her. Right now, your number one concern is yourself. It took a lot of weighing the pros & cons in this decision, and doubtful you would have made it if you felt you could have handled more years of the same.
I remember your posts well. Sending you a big hug.
Anna, bless your heart. You're having a breakdown now because you can finally afford to have one. As Kitty said, you really couldn't "let go" while your husband was dependent upon you. You've kept everything bottled up inside ... now it's all coming out. I know you're miserable right now, but it's not necessarily a bad thing, especially since you've had the sense to arrange to see a doctor.
And I agree with Kitty, do NOT do anything about the money right now. You are in no shape to make sound judgments, you need time to begin to recover. And you do need solid legal advice on what is best for you AND your husband.
I find it a tad bit strange that DH's daughter didn't talk with you about financial arrangements while you and she were deciding where your husband should stay. Maybe I'm being unfair, but it does sound as if part of this was a calculated move on her part to get access to money. Do NOT let her use guilt trips and manipulation to get her way.
You need to know what your legal rights are, and from there, you can decide whether you want to insist on those rights or be more "generous" in what goes to your husband. I suspect that you'll be told it might be best to set up a trust which can be accessed for your husband's care, but controlled by someone other than the daughter.
Also, if you move everything there, and the daughter controls it, what is to stop her from dumping your husband back on you when she finds out how much work caring for him entails ... keeping the money herself and leaving you without the financial resources you'll need?
You take your time. Focus on your upcoming doctor's appointment, and follow through on the advice you receive. When you feel stronger, THEN you can start looking into finances etc.
Anna, what are you trying to tell us about previous posts? The one thing I am not clear on is whether or not your husband was diagnosed.
Sunshyne & I are on the same page. Can you make it until your appointment tomorrow? Otherwise,is there a Patient First, as they are called her, that would give you medication until tomorrow? Sounds like something immediate for anxiety would be good, as the antidepressants take a while to kick in.
HA, lapse of memory and play on words happens alot i think! esp when we are susceptible to emotions and suffering. 'precious postings' is probably right. each of our postings are precious and help another so i do think that word applies...divvi
DH was diagnosed seven years ago. During the last year or maybe two he became verbally and then physically abusive. Although there were many times when he was OK. But since I have no family and live in a remote area I just could not look after him .The doctor suggested that perhaps he should live someplace else. His daughter agreed to take him.That would avoid having him in a care facility for a while. We greed that I would pay her $1,500 a month. I know thats not a lot but she was OK with that. How long does it take for the medication to kick in. I am alone here but plan to visit with friends after I see the doctor.I find it difficult being alone.Are there immediate side effects from the meds . I guess it all depends upon the medication ad the person.Perhaps I should not go with friends until I've been on the meds for a while.
Anna, Medications like Ativan (generic lorazapam) or Xanax give immediate relief. You would be wise to get some of either of those. Things like Lexapro or Wellbutrin, they say take a couple of weeks, but after a few days on Lexapro I could feel a difference. (By the way, ask for samples to get you started.) The depression lifted. I have never been on any antidepressants before last year, but I realized I wasn't coping & needed medical help. The shaking & being unable to make decisions will change with medication. I don't know what you mean by side affects, do you mean relief?
If you agreed on $1,500 per month, then that was an agreement that will just have to stick until later. Take one thing at a time. Who knows what stories your husband is telling your daughter. Remember, they make up stuff.
You will feel like being with friends once you've calmed down.
Yep, if you had an agreement, you had an agreement. Stick with it until you're feeling up to hassles with lawyers. (That may be quite a while ... I'm rarely up to hassles with lawyers even when I'm feeling fine.) No excuses or justifications needed. If she starts in on you, dissolve into tears, say "I can't talk about it now" and hang up.
Talking with friends may be just what you need right now -- that can help more than meds. Talking with a good friend was THE thing that saved me when my first husband died. It didn't seem to bother her that I cried a lot.
Or try the Alz Assoc help line, Starling says they've really helped her when she needed them. 1.800.272.3900
Or try writing in a journal. That's almost like talking with a friend, except you can say things you'd never dream of saying to someone else, and it really helps you sort through what's going on inside you.
Also take long walks if the weather permits. A pretty park, a lovely lake, a little sunshine on your face can work wonders.
DH has been accusing me of stealing from him for some time now.The daughter says she trusts me but DH does not want me to have access to "his" money. Everything is in both our names but since it was a second marriage we had our money, his and mine....my financial poition has always been better than his.I always looked after all the finances but since we both have pensions he used to "give" me money to pay half of our living expenses and then he saved or did whatever with the rest. But both names ar on all acounts in case of illness or death. I have power of attorney which I have activated with ur financial institutions.So I have control. I will not do anything until I am thinking clearly.
With side effects I mean nausea, not able to sleep etc
Good to hear you will not do anything until you are able to think clearly. That stealing thing seems to common with the threads I have read.
No, no nausea, & I know at least 15 people on the above medications. And the Xanax or Lexapro help you to sleep. According to my doctor, Lexapro has the least side affects & is tolerated by most people above all else.
Does the daughter understand your financial situation, as in your financial position has always been better than his? The daughter may say she trusts you, but after listening to your husband go on & on, who knows? Anyhow, that is a problem for another day. First things first. You need to be able to think straight first.
I think you will feel much better after seeing your doctor. When I was shaking like that, I had to get into a bath tub to calm down. (Before the meds.)