Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

  1.  
    Congratulations, paulc. You and Ari have been through so much and you, as husband and father, have done an outstanding job of looking out for everyone. At times I wondered how you did it. With Ari graduated and potentially employed, perhaps your worryload will be lightened.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2019
     
    Congratulations to your son, and to you too, Paulc. It is good to reach and be able to enjoy positive milestones.Long drives withstanding. I am glad for you, and for your son.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2019
     
    Great job Ari. Good job dad. Hope you didn't embarrass him too much!! Now you both can relax for a day or two.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2019
     
    Paul, so glad to hear the good news of your sons graduation. The years go so fast, that's something for you and him to be proud of.

    Charlotte, I hope you are making progress with the new placement. We were to have lunch with friends who have moved into an Independent Living Facility. She made the "Independent Living" plain :) It's a gorgeous place but any way you look at it's, it's a placement facility and they are moved to different areas as they need more care. She is having trouble adjusting to having to give up her beautiful home and furnishings. Certainly understandable. I would guess it's about $10K a month as it's all inclusive. Big storms moving in today so we called and postponed it to another day.

    We've passed another milestone? First the tractor, then driving, now as soon as the riding mower is repaired - again - it will be sold. I know he feels like everything is being taken away from him. I'll do whatever it takes to stay in our home, as long as we can. Not sure either of us would adjust to one of those ALF, no matter how nice they are. Hopefully, at our age we won't have to, although they are 82 & 84. I'd say her husband is about the same way along with AZ as Hal is. It was their kids who insisted. But the kids don't live here and they are pretty much alone, they moved down here a few years ago to be close to their kids and then the kids moved, LOL.
    She says it's because of her husband but after talking to her a few times lately, I can tell she is going downhill too, maybe faster than her husband -- you just don't see it as much.

    We've been having beautiful weather and all my flowers are finally in full bloom -- not sure they will survive these new storms. I need to go pick more to bring in, the beautiful Dutch Iris just started blooming. Hope everyone is managing to get through the days. I told Hal we should get on our knees every day and thank the Lord we are able to be in our home and continue living a fairly normal life. As hard as it is, it could be much worse.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2019
     
    I hate it - always seems when the flowers bloom it rains to ruin them. Seems to always happen when the spring trees like flowering cherry, plum, lilac and others.

    All we are waiting on is the doctors orders. She faxed it in Friday. Said if she doesn't hear she will call. I have not figured out how to do it with least trauma. I still have to go back for the rest of his things and medicines. I am going to trust the doctor will get them in so it can happen tomorrow which means I need to phone today where he can't hear.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2019
     
    see we got hit by spam again!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2019
     
    Hoping tomorrow will be the day. They were not pleased and acted totally surprised when I called to say I was moving him out. I sent an email to his doctor letting him know what is happening and that I brought him home. His reply was very sympathetic to what I am going through with the hallucinations, etc. which caught me off guard. He says it sounds like a smaller place may be better fit for what he needs plus the fact I can visit more often. I will be honest - the last 5 days have been challenging. I am reading for someone else to take it over.

    Received a bill today from Omnicare- the pharmacy the facility uses. They are billing me for the same medications either I received from the VA or I supplied to them. The prescribing doctor is one he has never seen nor have I heard of him. I am assuming he may be the doctor that makes house calls to the facility. Either way he had no authorization to order any thing for my husband. It will be interesting to see how much sertraline he has when I pick it up. On 3/24 the VA sent 90 tablets; on 4/25 omnicare sent 90 tablets; on 5/10 the VA sent 90 tablets. That is 270 tablets. By the 24th there still should have been some left in the bottle he went in with. Even if not, when I get them there should be over 200 left. I also furnished the Vit D3 and 500 mg Acetaminophen which Omnicare also sent some. I should be well stocked up on those plus ibuprofen 600 mg. This is going to be one nightmare fighting with Omnicare. Plus there Robitssun which has been sent twice for which they say they never received nor did his VA doctor order it. It is on auto send every 30 days. Omincare told me I could not cancel it. They told the facility today they could not cancel it - the doctor has to. Again, it is this unknown doctor who is listed as prescribing.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2019
     
    I've mentioned before when I have some quiet time I randomly read through old threads and am always amazed at how they could be written today by any of us. The more it changes the more it stays the same. I get a good feeling reading old posts, gives me hope that no matter how hard it gets, at the end of the day we are survivors.

    My Dil, who is coming Fathers Day, texted last night that she wants the two of us to do something fun, like the old days when we all lived close. For the life of me I can't even think of anything or place to go for a fun day. Can't remember last time I had fun. I think my neighbor, who was always wanting me to go and do things with her has found a new friend. She would call on the spur of the moment with an idea - but I couldn't always go. Even our monthly lunch dates stopped because there was so much to do here. Even plans we had made sometimes had to be cancelled due to something happening here with DH. Eventually people get tired of asking. So best friends have died, good friends have moved to ALF or near their kids, and younger friends don't want to be bothered with accommodating our schedule.

    Tornados slipped past us again last night, was nice to lay in bed and watch the lightening and wait for the thunder. Our alert went off once but was for flash flooding, which isn't a problem for us. Two more storms coming in with potential for major damage. I guess it says something that I am more worried about my flowers than I am about us or the house :)
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2019
     
    As long as your son is willing to stay with your hubby - go. Just getting out will be a treat. She might surprise yourself and even laugh some. So go for it. Anything around the place that needs done can wait.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2019
     
    I am proud of myself. Despite the exhaustion of the last 5 days I kept my cool when I met with the people when I moved him out. I was calm, told them I just needed his medicines and assurance they would stop the medication from Omnicare. You should see the big bag of pills I brought home. I think there is about 8 bottles of melatonin; a bottle of 600 mg of Ibuprofen almost full 270 tablet size; 4 bottles of sertraline; that decongestant; 4 packages of 325 mg acetaminophen; the box of 500 mg, 500 count acetaminophen the doctor ordered - about 400 left. Ridiculous.

    Just waiting on the doctor to sign the paperwork. Stopped by the VA while in Walla Walla to make sure he finally got the faxed paperwork. He would try to get the doctor to do them before going home. I can't wait. I want my home back! I want my bed back to myself. 4 months and I was enjoying being alone. If I didn't have the dog it might not be as pleasant because she does keep me company and give me someone to take care of that doesn't make up a story to go along with everything I say. I just hope he doesn't flip out tomorrow. I have not said anything about it since last week.
  2.  
    Fingers crossed, Charlotte. I am so hoping for a successful placement for him, and that you can get your life back.
  3.  
    Charlotte, we are all hoping for the best for both you and Art. You are doing an incredibly hard job right now juggling all of these moving parts.

    It sounds like the pharmacy may be scamming the residents by delivering far more meds than they need or use. You have enough on your plate to deal with so I'm not suggesting you do it, but they ought to be investigated.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2019
     
    Got him there around noon. He had been crying all morning - knew something was up because his stuff was in the car. When I was signing the paperwork he would walk by making mad remarks. He was really mad at me. I don't know whether I will go back this afternoon/evening or wait until tomorrow morning. Think one would get use to this but I cried all the way home and praying he will be happy there. He was his happy self when we first arrived, then started moving his stuff in.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2019
     
    This is a tough period. Trying to get Art proper care means he's mad it's happening, they're mad that you're complaining, and you're busier than a piece of pork in a pork'n'beans factory.

    This is a new place again. I advise considering giving it several days at least. When you're there, the fact that he isn't with you becomes real. It's your call.

    I'm glad to hear that you sound like you can appreciate having Charlotte time and space and share it with the dog. Here's hoping this is a better place where, in all honesty, that other place sounded like it would be a tough choice between how out of control they were versus how much nobody really gave a flying about anything.

    My SIL came up from California one time many years ago now and opening up her mother's bathroom vanity found an unbelievable number of different pills. She scooped them all into a bag and went to see her doctor, barged in and screamed at him showing him the huge pile of different pills he had her mother taking. He seemed surprised.

    I haven't seen a doctor in over 15 years and still haven't had a bad cold to speak of (knock wood). I worked in the industry for almost a decade (Smith Kline) and I watched the doctor's get all sweaty because if they prescribed the latest drug with a list of side affects two pages long, they and their wives would be off to Monte Carlo or Jamaica to a 'conference' all expenses paid plus spending money. They liked that a lot.

    My friend's doctor seems to want to shove a tube up his bum every five minutes. The government sends me a kit to get my stool sampled free. Just mail it in. When you turn 65 they want to see you every six months or even sooner, because the big thing in medicine these days seems to be looking for things that might have gone wrong so that in the unlikely event that they did, they could tackle it sooner.

    That's insane. To constantly check that nothing's gone wrong yet is insane. That's how they bill though - so. But, as I keep saying, not a blessed soul gets up in the morning and celebrates the fact that they don't have cancer today. I resisted learning how serious what my wife had, was. Smartest thing I ever did because we had an extra year or so in semi-normal.

    Anyways, I hope Art will be happy there too. And that these people provide more decent care than that other bunch.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2019
     
    I just phoned them. She said 'he is happy, joking and flirting with the girls (the staff)'. Good to hear. I will wait until tomorrow to visit with the dog. He can go one night without his CPAP. I feel better now.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2019
     
    That's a good sign that they knew he was joking and flirting. How different that sounds from every response you shared with the other. Here's hoping this is a decent place.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2019 edited
     
    Sorry I haven’t been here for awhile Charlotte, but have been worrying about you and Art. So glad you found a spot nearby and hoping against all hope that this one works out for both of you.

    And Paul, congrats to you and Ari. How time flies. Ari graduated from college!

    I went to San Diego to be with my cousins, Aunt and Uncle for a couple days. My cousin has been caring for his folks and also for his sister in-law. The sister in-law had cancer and died May 10th. I knew and liked her and went there for the funeral. Very glad I went because “the old ones” are moving more slowly and my cousin would have had some difficulty managing alone. It was also my first Catholic Funeral Mass. it was a beautiful ceremony. Father Carlos knew our little Mary very well and gave the most lovely homily I have ever heard. Last time I was there Mary and I talked about the rosary and how I’ve been wearing my husband’s St Christopher medal that his mother gave him when he went to Vietnam Nam. Mary said we should get Father Carlos to bless the medal. Well Mary’s sisters gave me two of Mary’s rosaries that are just beautiful and they made sure I got Father Carlos to bless the medal. That was really nice. I’m not Catholic, but am very honored to have a rosary from our Mary. Father Carlos said she was constantly having him bless rosaries that she would give to people she met. One of them has beads made from rose petals and it smells divine when the box is opened. I talked with several women who had lost their husbands and that was comforting.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2019
     
    I remember when Paul had to make the difficult decision to place his wife for his son's sake cause it was so hard on Ari. Can't believe it has been that long where he is a college graduate now. Job well done both Paul and Ari.

    Bonnie, glad to hear you got out and had a good time - you deserve it.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2019
     
    As I've mentioned earlier, dh tries to use the riding mower like a tractor, consequently every time he gets on it he breaks the belt. Runs it till it starts smoking and just keeps going. He knows but he doesn't know. I heard him tell the neighbor the mower was down again -- then last night he talked to the son that is coming for Father's Day. Going through his mower woes, doesn't know whats wrong with the mower - something is wrong as the belt breaks whenever he tries to use it. It's amazing how he can carry on, talk about things with not a word of truth in it. If you just meet him he seems like a very normal person - but as I say - whatever he says may or not be fact.

    I'm getting a few things done in preparation for their visit but Charlotte, think I'll just take your advice. If they find it upsetting they can get busy and help -but don't think I'll have to worry about that. This sudden change to hot weather and high humidity makes it almost impossible to work outside for long and I get tired so much faster these days. Being all things to everyone is a lot harder than it used to be. Wish I had everything unpacked but don't want to kill myself trying to do it all.

    Read a post about bank accounts and really made me think. Being from CA, which is a community property state, I don't think about those things but here in MO, it's not that way. Primarily the husband is considered the owner. Found this out when I tried to do something with our "joint" bank account online, had to call and was told it was his money and if they gave me the password I could empty his bank account. My red hair was in flames and smoke was coming out of my ears when I told her it wasn't his money, it was our money. But cars etc are the same way.. Thought I had everything up to date now, but I'm not sure what to do. I think I'm considered the owner if something happens to him but don't know for sure. Does it never end? Always something to worry about. I worry that if I do all this, then I predecease him, it will have to be undone. I'm just not as sharp as I used to be - this daily life is draining.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2019
     
    Oakridge - if you have money going into the account I would change that. I opened an account at a different bank where my SS check goes to. Thankfully I have always managed the money so have access to it. Since if when he dies his last SS check will have to be returned (even if used to pay bills) I don't want my money mixed in for them to take. As for the password, usually they have an option where you can click to say you forgot it then they send you a link to set up a new one. If so, do that and make sure to keep it. I have all my passwords in an excel worksheet but I finally got a master password program that stores them all for me, then fills them in when I go to sites. I even printed them all out when I knew my computer was going to be reformatted.
  4.  
    Oakridge, for sure (as Charlotte said) have your own check or checks going into an account with only your name on it. And if you have a durable power of attorney, make sure the bank has a copy of it.

    I remember when we moved from New York to Ohio--and I was buying and selling houses and whatnot--that the Ohio bankers were very interested in seeing that New York DPOA--they took a copy of it to be reviewed by the higher-ups--and even made sure it was legally registered in the Ohio county where we lived. Since no one knew us personally yet, they were being very careful that nobody was trampling on Larry's interests. They were being careful that I wasn't some kind of gold digger wifey, trying to take advantage of my 25-years-older husband. I think I had not completely got his name off everything yet, although by the end of the line everything was in my name only.

    Painful, and kind of doesn't feel right, but it Is right, and ya gotta do it.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019 edited
     
    Oakridge,

    You weren't able to do anything with that bank account because it isn't joint. Even in California you have to set up a bank account as joint to have access to it while everyone is alive. Accounts like that are in both names and usually set up so either can use it. California's laws are set up to be activated by divorce or the death of one party. You wouldn't have been able to access his account there either unless it was specified as joint.

    You are only the owner if he passes when you are the beneficiary either named in the asset or by the will (or where state law applies).

    The best approach is to have a clear will and powers of attorney (both a medical one and a financial one) for both of you. It's reasonable to tell him you're both getting older and need to be able to take care of each other. You can explain to him your new awareness that this is not so, is why you are suddenly concerned about all this.

    It takes very little time to go to a lawyer and have them draw up POA's and straight forward wills that all property transfers to the spouse upon death. If you both already have such a will, then you only need the 4 POA's (one financial and one medical for each).

    Even then there is the question of competency. A POA is a legal instrument that lets a spouse for example decide applicable matters only when the other person is known to be incompetent. That usually requires a signed doctor's declaration. Some places will accept the POA without that, but banks likely won't. They will block the transaction and try and contact the actual owner of the account. POA's do not supercede a person's legal rights when there is no establishment of incompetency.

    You should first check that there is a will and it is clear all property transfers to the surviving spouse. Then you should get both of you to a lawyer and draw up straight forward POA's for both of you. Finally, you should talk to him about making the main account joint because if something happens to you, he can pay the bills, but if something happens to him, you can't.

    These are reasonable concerns all tied together in taking care of each other going forward. I presume he is writing the checks to pay bills and authorizing debits to the account. If he stops being able to do that, the money will be there but no one will be paying the bills.

    It's at that point where a financial POA is imperative but a joint account is better. To be very clear. The joint account is 'either/or' signatures not 'both'.

    edit - it may be possible to go to the bank with him once he agrees and have the existing account changed to joint with your signature card added. I would be inclined to leave the joint idea off the table until the POA's are done and the will is checked.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    Oakridge, what Wolf says is correct. I wanted to add. Having been from MO, we found if the account is already "joint" as you say it is, the problem could have simply been with the online password. We found those to be individual and private. It's ridiculous as they go to the same account but when dealing with this we found they would not release the joint owners password. We were however allowed to set up our own user name and password to the same accounts.

    We don't have CELAs here but I took advice from this sight and took Jim's name off everything except one joint bank account that his SS goes into and one car that we are having a dispute over. We also upgraded his POAs, both healthcare and financial and made it durable, effective on signing and listed me to become guardian if ever needed.

    Charlotte, so glad things are settling some with Art. You mention having to return the last SS check upon death. Having been through this multiple times I have never had a check returned to them. If they are notified in a timely manner they are quick to process..... remember the check for the month the person passed is issued the following month. ..this is part of the reason they deposit on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th Wednesday of the month. So if one was to pass on the 31st there is ample time to notify them before the next check is issued. Problem is they don't take into consideration that when dealing with a loved ones passing notifying SS is frequently not at the top of the list. Our funeral homes here now notify them if one is used.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    I just realized I don't know your age, if you've been getting SS for over 22years and getting it on the 3rd of the month the time frame is tight.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019 edited
     
    I am 66. Since my birthday is the 18th, my check is deposited the 3rd Wednesday. Art's use to be but when he went on Medicaid Long Term Care they changed it to the 3rd.

    I almost didn't go today to visit - just need a break from him but I went anyway. Didn't take him out - just hung out letting the residents love up on Jasmine. Yesterday and today the 32 year old perked up when he saw her, loved petting her. He still is not sleeping well at night - hope he adjust and does soon.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    Hi Wolf, I had been handling the accounts online, with this bank, for about 5 yrs. My husband wouldn't have been able to access something online even when he still had his mind. He's just of a different generation - not computerized. However, at this bank, we had to change the password every 90 days. We had 3 accounts, plus a CD that had to be accessed separately. Both our names were on every account - even my business account so he could sign if necessary, they were always joint accounts. Not so, I was specifically told his name was listed first and therefore he was considered the "owner" - of everything. I could write checks but that was it. Told them no problem, I'd just come down and close out all our accounts in about 15 minutes. Think every higher up person called me. They finally sent a letter, that we had to both sign to allow me to use "his" money. We had quite a bit of paperwork with them till I was satisfied, in writing, that the money in all the accounts was our money. Not his or mine. I will say once they got the idea, they went out of their way to make sure I was happy :) Still maintain 2 accounts there since it's convenient. When we moved to town and opened the accounts there we had a "personal banker" that was a joy to do business with. That all changed a few years ago.

    I cannot sell a car without his permission, even though both names are on the title. Whereas in CA we had and/or on everything, you cannot register a vehicle that way in MO. We have always had everything in both our names - for 60 yrs now - all joint accounts with both of us having the same rights. My husband has never handled the finances, never wrote checks nor made debits - not even sure he knew which bank we used. I have always done that. I've learned a whole lot about the difference between community property states and states back here. The further south you go here the more you see this still in action. There are still laws in some towns that forbids "blacks" to stay overnight. No idea if that was enforced but there are a lot of laws here that seem to be from another era - the man is still considered the head in a marriage. There are many men that proudly say they have never been in a supermarket, that's womans work.

    We have all the proper documents in place but still need some tweaking - it's a difficult process to work through. He still has enough awareness that things like that bother him. Even though he has never handled the finances he doesn't want to be completely excluded. He's very concerned that if something happens to me - he will be left hanging in the wind.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    Btw Oakridge, noticed you mentioned your hair being red. Tomorrow, May 26 is worldwide redhead day. As one redhead to another wouldn't want you to miss it. :-)
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    I'll add, I think the financial aspect of this journey is the hardest for me. There are just so many things to take into account. It seems like when I think I have everything under control a question arises that throws me off base. I've been looking into hiring help when the time comes. Talking with my son tonight who has been taking care of his FIL for 10? yrs now in their home. The money they spend is unbeliveable. Of course everything in CA costs more, but I'm seeing our costs of everything skyrocket the last year. My husband has lost weight and isn't as tall as he used to be but is still considerably stronger than I am. I'm thinking there may come a time when it would be easier for someone else to handle parts of our life - if we could afford it.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2019
     
    Never heard of it Sedgly, we should lift a glass to each other and celebrate. I think my red hair was one of the biggest reasons my husband married me, lol.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    First of all let me apologize for droning on about things you already know about. Secondly I want to congratulate MO for the work they're doing to stay in the stone age suppressing the rights of women to hold property or african americans to stay overnight. I don't imagine latinos do that well either. It sounds like a winning formula to secure the back waters of irrelevancy. Anyone who's spent time in Alberta knows that kind of thinking isn't relegated to the south.

    We have a new $10 bill in Canada. Most of the world doesn't know that and why should they? It features Viola Desmond, a black Canadian woman in Nova Scotia, who in 1946 in a movie theatre told a white Canadian fungus to FO because she wasn't giving up her seat. We're sending a message to our citizens not to take that kind of crap from anyone.

    I'm glad you don't need the level of advice I mistakenly thought you did. I'm also glad that white male supremacy is a shrivelling demographic. ;-D
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    Wolf - many people read here that never join in. I want to believe everything we post will help someone whether they are active here or lurking in the background.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    Ah Wolf, what would we do without you? There is certainly no apology due - since I don't know everything and the laws are changing so fast I can't always keep up. I'm trying to ensure we can live here in our own home till we go to the great beyond. Most likely we will eventually need some help of some type, even if for a few hours a day.We fall into that middle class of making too much to qualify for any help and not enough to pay for private care. I've tried to stay up on the new state bills, since senior care is one of the places they always cut. I guess you can only do so much and hope when the time comes it is enough. I know CA has changed some laws regarding the trusts people use to protect their assets but I think ours are the same as always.

    As for the other, this area is known as "white bread land". No explanation necessary. Also, while white male supremacy might be shriveling, it's certainly not gone. While I only know what I see on the news - White Supremacist groups seem to be popping up more. This is one of the areas the government deems to be one of the safest in the event of a nuclear attack, so many are stockpiling weapons, food etc, & building bunkers to protect themselves and their families from the droves of people they expect to invade us.

    When we moved here in 1996, there had not been a murder in 15 yrs. Then we began to see more on the news in the bigger towns around us. Today, it's the same as CA - gangs, murders, child abuse etc. The news is very depressing, and I have enough to be depressed right here at home :)

    I have only been as far into Canada as Niagara Falls so my knowledge is very limited. Have you always had a $10 bill - and this is a new look? Or, did you not use that denomination?

    I probably worded that first post incorrectly, so never hold back, I always enjoy your posts - sometimes it feels like you're reaching into my head, and other times I laugh wondering where your head is that day, LOL.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    I'm going to second Charlottes comment that there may be numerous people who lurk without posting. You have a very unique way of explaining things that I have always found helpful and enjoyable. The more knowledge any and all of us gain is to our benefit.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    The U.S. twenty dollar bill was supposed to change this year or next. Harriet Tubman's was supposed to replace slave owner Andrew Jackson's. That has now, given politics, been pushed into the identifiable future. It is an interesting topic to google, because someone has invented a stamp which covers Jackson's face with Tubman's. Understand it is supposed to be legal, but I am not sure. USA is behind the times, no woman's or African American's face has appeared on any of our coins or bills. Hispanic, for that matter.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2019
     
    Susan B Anthony was on the silver dollar. There are other women like Pocahontas who were on bills but not circulated ones. Frankly I could care less who is on the money as long as they are honorable, as long as it is spendable.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 27th 2019 edited
     
    I still think it was proper to acknowledge that. I have to say with that response I'm considering apologizing more often. Thank you for saying that I'm appreciated and why. I have no idea why I'm always so different but I always have been and live with that.

    Those are the two things our spouses would do, if they could. Apologize and appreciate. Who wouldn't? Losing parts of yourself makes what is left of you defensive and protective. Most must use forms of denial to continue - and forms of narrative. My wife once startled me asking suddenly if I was a musician. They appear the same but there's actually randomly less of them and now they have to cope again because reality isn't what it was three or twelve months ago.

    Even with couples who don't feel it's a loving relationship, if our spouse were able to be given everything back and could see what happened in between - they would apologize and appreciate what is suffered for them. I believe that's sound, and I believe that's a thought worth considering.

    Only in America that I know of is everything a greenback. The rest of the world likes colors and all the denominations are different colors with usually numerous colors on each bill. What we did was effectively replace Alexander Hamilton with Rosa Parks on our money. Rosa is of course the young lady that one day had had enough and refused to go to the back of the bus where the lesser beings were expected to go. There are lots of glass ceilings like that still as your post made clear oakridge.

    About white male supremacists, I meant the type that's been around for hundreds, make that thousands of years. This latest populist/supremacist movement is a reaction to not having decent paying labor jobs and constantly losing the ones that still exist. The Luddites were right that machines were taking their jobs, as the trucking industry is about to find out when driverless cars become driverless trucks. Don't invest in Uber. Those current day 'populists' are actually the spearhead of a fundamental truth that will emerge in society soon which is that citizens need labor jobs to keep the fabric of society going. We're a ways from that yet and automation is increasing so expect populism to remain strong. I interpret 'make America great again' as bring back the decent paying labor jobs. That is what eventually will need to be done and that probably means redefining private enterprise so it'll be a while.

    "Thank you so much! I'm sorry I got sick." That's what they'd say even if they had been miserly curmudgeons in their previous state. Happy Memorial Day to the entire USA.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2019
     
    From the news this morning:

    "(CNN) -- Is work stressing you out? You may have an actual medical condition, according to the World Health Organization.
    The agency now recognizes "burnout" in its guide as a legitimate medical diagnosis.
    The International Classification of Diseases Handbook places it in the section employment or unemployment related problems.
    According to ICD Eleven, doctors can diagnose someone with burnout if they have three symptoms.
    The patient must be exhausted, experiencing mental distance or cynicism about their work and have problems getting the job done successfully.
    Doctors can only diagnose burnout when it comes to work and does not apply to other life situations."


    Do you think the WHO would classify our caregiving as a job, or as "other life situations"? Goodness knows, no job I've ever had has come close to the stress of this. And the stress of employment certainly seems like it has an easier fix than the stress of caregiving. We can't just send out resumes and find another job. It seems strange that even after we read about how many caregivers die before the person they are caring for, doctors (for the most part) completely ignore the toll caregiving takes on the caregiver's health and well-being.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2019
     
    Yes, I agree Jan, I read so much about caregiver burnout, that they often die earlier and may develop dementia faster than they might normally. So much of what I read has to deal with children caring for their parents, which is so much different than caring for a spouse.

    How many jobs do you know that are completely different one day when you come to work? How would you be expected to jump in and be up to speed instantly. Which is one thing I face and am sure others do. A few days ago my husband began demanding a large breakfast waiting when he got up. Something changed in his brain overnight and his behavior is different. I can't find the right words to describe it but he seems to have lost his focus. Like he crossed into another dimension that is another world - different that what we had a week ago. He thinks he can handle tools but they are foreign to him. I don't know what he sees in his mind but he doesn't recognize the names of tools nor what they do. So asking him to find something in the barn is like talking to the dog. He'll go out but come in later and say he can't find it. Rubber mallet?? The thing you use to snap a chalk line, I can't remember the name but tell him what it is and how you use it. Nothing. I ask for a can of canned air, he comes back with AIR Freshener. It does say air and in a can. But only a couple of weeks ago he knew exactly what it was.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2019
     
    he is not adjusting well which is no surprise consider he went from one facility to home for 5 days then placement. They said he was fine Sunday when I was not there. Today I spent about 4 hours there. He was sleeping when I arrived - should of just left but I didn't. He would not stop crying saying he doesn't want to loose me. Tried going for a walk - nope. Took him to DQ - nope. Went back, had him lay next to me while I leaned against the head of the bed hoping he would go to sleep - no luck. Went out to watch TV - had the game show channel on. He fell asleep twice but had the dog cuddling with him. When she moved he woke up. Dinner time - he would not go eat, got up and walked away with the nurse following him. While he did that they signaled for me to leave.

    I asked if he was getting his sertraline daily cause the last time he cried this much was last fall when the first place was not giving it to him. Turns out he was refusing so he would one day and not the next. Told them he has to get it every day. So they will either call me to come get him to take it or mix it in food (if he will eat it).

    We have decided I will stay away a day or two to see how he does. May have to be longer to break that total dependence on me. So will take it a day at a time.

    Saw my GYN today for 5 year cancer check up. He doesn't think the hot flashes from hell are hormonal since they start around May 1 ending the end of Sept. He says sounds more like allergy. Suggested try Zyrtex (generic) seeing if that helps - so I will. So the coughing I am doing he thinks is more allergy related than a cold. We will see.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2019
     
    This moving around is probably very hard on him. You may have to spend some time away from him to allow him a chance to adjust to the new situation and staff. You should be checking up on him, especially since other places provided poor care. Calling about him every day and checking that he is getting his meds seems reasonable.
  5.  
    How is Art doing, Charlotte? I agree with Paul--think all the moving around is catching up with him. But what else could you do? Real world issues. Sigh.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2019
     
    I phoned and he seems to be doing well. He still refuses to eat his meals at the table so they let him eat in his room. So not seeing me seems to be better for him right now. Worked out good because what I thought was allergies blew up yesterday. I have never coughed so much and so deep in my life! Today has been mostly blowing my nose and feeling crappy! So it will be a couple more days before I go.

    This is the second day where it got hot enough to run the a/c. Got up to 90, suppose to be 95 tomorrow and the next couple days after that. I am already tired of hearing the a/c running!!!
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2019 edited
     
    Charlotte, It sounds like Art is starting to settle in a bit. I hope it continues and also that this cold or whatever it is clears up soon.

    paulc - You've had a long slog raising your son on your own. Congratulations to you both.

    I keep smelling a whiff of smoke and couldn't figure out where it was from. Then I saw on the news that the smoke from wildfires in Alberta, Canada, is drifting all the way to New England. Reminds me of what you folks in the West have described.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2019
     
    We have the smoke drifting down from Canada too. Guess there is a big fire burning outside Edmonton. Might be that adding to my problems.